quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Here is what you are missing, many of us have extensive real world bdsm experience in large and diverse bdsm communities and quite a few of us know each other in real life.  You aren't talking to some chatroom full of wankers who are easily impressed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Relationships fail because they fail. It has nothing to do with intensity. It has to do with crappy relationship skills.

Edited to add
And I have to agree with porcelaine also. A focus on roles rather than individuals is not going to be conducive to long-term happiness

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Just not sure what is meant by "ROLES". In lifestyle M/s relationships and especially 24/7, both Master/Mistress and slave/servant are not roles but a definition of each party within the relationship and nothing more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

I think sometimes people set themselves up for unrealistic expectations with regards to the ds aspects of the relationship, therefore they end up getting disappointed.

Another problem with the dominance or submission waning and ultimately causing the demise of the relationship, is that too many people hit it off on that level and expect to found an entire relationship on the ds charge and excitement. If that's the only basis, then I don't think there's a good chance of longterm, because when the ds gets shelved suddenly they have nothing in common.

quote:

ORIGINAL: warlock1935

My question is why do D/s & M/s relationships seem to last such a short time? I notice that most don't last more than three to five years.
I had the thought that because these types of relationships are so much more intense, that it's like living a week every day; so three years in a 24/7 D/s relationship is like 21 years in a Vanilla relationship. Or sort of like the fire that burns the hottest burns out more quickly, if that makes sense.
The other idea I had was that since Scene relationships have to be compatible on both the Vanilla level and on the Scene level as well, it's harder to get a good match than it is on the Vanilla level alone?
In BDSM relationships, the problem I see most often seems to be that the Dom goes through all his ideas in a year or two, and sort of "goes Vanilla". That is, he comes home tired one day and just wants to grab a beer and watch TV, not play. I don't seem to see the same syndrome in submissives; and I don't seem to hear about that happening much in D/s relationships.
Anybody know the answer to this?
~~Warlock

quote:

ORIGINAL: warlock1935

Ummm - Well, I'm happy for you that your relationship has lasted eight years, and that you and your partner love and respect each other. I assume from what you say that you have a BDSM relationship. It's been a few years since I've been in what I'd consider a BDSM relationship, DesFIP, but I remember that mine, and those of all my friends who were in them, were loving and respectful.

Now, I don't consider myself an expert on relationships, but I've been around the Scene awhile. I collared my first submissive nearly thirty years ago; these days I'm D/s, High Protocol, and Ritualistic. My longest relationship was what, personally, I'd consider a BDSM 24/7 relationship, and it lasted just under twenty years.

Again, unless the definitions have changed, both BDSM and D/s relationships are by definition loving and respectful. Personally, I see the difference as simply that in a D/s relationship, the focus is less on the Play aspect and more on the spiritual bonding and on the Dominance/submission mental interaction. If you'll reread my post, you'll find that I didn't say that BDSM relationships are just kinky sex - you did. Personally, I see the two types as equally valid, they simply appeal to different tastes. I also, by the way, see "occasional kinky sex in the bedroom" type relationships as also equally valid.