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Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 2:33:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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This is actually a continuation from some of the content that came up in this thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3261931/tm.htm Very specifically, I am curious about how female Dominants feel on the subject.

The question is a very simple one. Does a male being a client of a pro domme factor in to your determination if he would make a good submissive for you? Do you see this as a criteria that you would consider when choosing a submissive much the same as you might have if you consider things like age, weight, marital status, etc? Can it potentially disqualify someone for you?

Shoot - Had to edit. I'd also appreciate anyone who would like to answer to include if they are a lifestyle Domme, pro, or both.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 6/17/2010 2:34:02 PM >

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Post #: 1

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 2:53:33 PM

Lockit

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I have a rule. No other dominant figure in their life that can influence them or will be in a position to challenge whatever it is I am doing with him. He can have dominant friends and all that, but not someone he submits to, wants to submit to or even a pro session. I want someone free of all entanglements and/or healing time from their last, that could create some drama.

So, yes it could prevent me from considering someone, but it would also depend on the relationship/situation too. If it was just play needs being met and all else was okay, then no it wouldn't bother me. But he would have to stop the play sessions so that we could establish what we need to establish.

Emotional attachments outside of me always seems to bring on the drama. I don't need it.

If they need more than me, they are not a good fit anyway. So it is me and only me or someone else.

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Post #: 2

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 2:59:06 PM

LadyCimarron

Posts: 625
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I am a lifestyle Domme. Seeing a Pro in and of itself is not a factor. It would all depend on his attitude. Especially if he has dealt ONLY with Pro-Dommes. Some subs are accustomed to having everything they want because they pay for it. If they bring that attitude to me; they will have to be shown the door.

< Message edited by LadyCimarron -- 6/17/2010 3:01:59 PM >

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Post #: 3

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 3:07:07 PM

LadyCimarron

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I have a rule. No other dominant figure in their life that can influence them or will be in a position to challenge whatever it is I am doing with him. He can have dominant friends and all that, but not someone he submits to, wants to submit to or even a pro session. I want someone free of all entanglements and/or healing time from their last, that could create some drama.

hmmmm.....I took it for granted that she meant that the sub would be dropping the pro if I decided to take him on. But of course that was not said, so I could be wrong.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 4

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 3:08:36 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Based on my own experience as a pro dominant, I would say that half of the single ones would be decent submissive partners, providing that the woman was a good KINK match for them. Truly, I saw MANY men who had the crossdressing fetish, some kind of non-AB age play thing, or something not terribly mainstream that they had a hard time finding. Or so they SAID!

But hell, I wouldn't have a CD for a mate, though they're great for pals.

The hard jump would be the idea that being with a lifestyle dominant is not 100% scene all day all the time.

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Post #: 5

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 4:38:07 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Lockit saved me the typing.

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Post #: 6

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 7:39:14 PM

Andalusite

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In general, I would turn them down over it, but I may make an exception on a case-by-case basis if one seemed to have a good attitude. It wouldn't be a big deal if it was a couple of times, years ago, and he'd since had a successful LTR with a lifestyle Domme.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 7

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 9:30:30 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
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LadyH got close to the issue.

Clients of Pro-Dommes who get to the personal aspect of the Pro's life often suddenly get really disappointed, pissed off, and decidedly un-s-type like when the fantasy is no longer there 100% of the time. At least, that's been my experience when talking to Pro's about it. The complaints start "we're too vanilla." "We never play anymore" (despite that reason being because said "s-type" doesn't want to when the opportunity is there). Etc Etc Etc.

So, if the Pros who took the risk in getting involved personally with a client and get burned, then it's likely other people would too. Let me amend this to, if they have other experience and are conscious enough to communicate why they saw a Pro in the not personally involved times of their lives, then they might be the exception.

boi

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Post #: 8

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/17/2010 9:43:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Exactly, Boi. We're not in full on goddess mode all day every day. Sometimes, we just want to watch the damn golf and have an iced tea! SOMETIMES we want to beat your ass while wearing a sundress and flip flops!

Because we CAN.

So, I guess I have to amend my answer to NO, most pro dom clients are lousy sub material!

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Post #: 9

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 12:16:23 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The question is a very simple one. Does a male being a client of a pro domme factor in to your determination if he would make a good submissive for you?

It can, but it's not something We ask specifically.

quote:

Do you see this as a criteria that you would consider when choosing a submissive much the same as you might have if you consider things like age, weight, marital status, etc?

Yes, although given the nature of how We come to have Ms relationships these days, these things could be immaterial.

quote:

Can it potentially disqualify someone for you?

Maybe. Again, it depends on how the slave is chosen. For Us, whether or not We are to be someone's Master is a spiritual thing and there are spiritual directives that may be found within the decision. If We are directed to be their Master, the above things don't apply. Spirit doesn't often care what someone looks like, etc. etc. We would do Our best to follow the directive.

However, there is often no directive to be discerned and We are left to make the choice based on Our own decision making techniques. So, it would depend on what We are expecting to happen inside the Ms dynamic as to whether or not the above applies. If the relationship isn't sexual, most of the things We use to deem someone attractive don't come into play and so forth.

We probably wouldn't think to ask someone if they had been to, or are currently seeing, a Pro. But, if it came up in conversation, We'd probably ask questions about it. Their motivation and intent behind doing it is important. If they are "chasing a fetish" in such a way that it is obvious they are objectifying women as mere deliverers of said fetish, We won't go down that road, 1) because We're tired of being objectified and 2) We look for service oriented people and pure fetishist often aren't. If they are trying to be "discrete", We won't go down that road, either, since We are out on a national level. But, if they went because they didn't know about other resources or something similar, it might not be an issue.

Again, We might not think to ask about Pro visits. Usually, the reasons behind them would come out through conversation anyway and its the reasons, not the actual visits, that are important to Us.

Master Fire

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Post #: 10

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 12:21:34 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I didn't especially want to give too much at the beginning of the thread because I am obviously of one opinion, rather than the other.

Not long ago through one of the discussions, there was a very good, interesting exchange regarding what helps in selection criteria. Namely, submissives 'new to the lifestyle' who gathered all of their preconceived ideas about it by researching porn. Of course, this is fantasy based stuff and you end up with an individual that you have to....... re-educate, for lack of a better word.

I think the same concept translates, as very well stated by boijen and Hib in the last couple of posts.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 2:22:23 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The question is a very simple one. Does a male being a client of a pro domme factor in to your determination if he would make a good submissive for you? Do you see this as a criteria that you would consider when choosing a submissive much the same as you might have if you consider things like age, weight, marital status, etc? Can it potentially disqualify someone for you?

There is a "client mentality" of entitlement, total self-focus and fundamental disrespect for a woman who would work as a pro dom that I don't even accept in actual clients. There are also some very decent guys who have respect for themselves, respect for women and respect for sex workers whom I would see either as clients or casual play partners if they were at the right play party and it was fun and convenient.

My personal criteria for a relationship are a lot tighter; a guy has to be incredibly smart, geeky, nerdy, into the same hobbies and lifestyles I'm into, and the chemistry has to click. If he made an intelligent and ethical choice to see a pro dom, looked out for his own safety, treated her decently and with respect, I'm totally fine with that as long as he meets my other criteria. If he has ever treated a sex worker disrespectfully, or thought of any woman as an object or a thing to use for his pleasure, we're not going to be compatible.

Some of my clients are extremely busy professionals who do have the desire to submit and don't have time for a conventional relationship. They're good folks, and smart, and if they (and I) were more available, I would be willing to date them. I think they're making a smart and ethical choice in seeing a pro, and they are polite, respectful and considerate in doing so.

quote:

Shoot - Had to edit. I'd also appreciate anyone who would like to answer to include if they are a lifestyle Domme, pro, or both.

Both. Hanging out the pro shingle hasn't changed my opinion any.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 6/18/2010 2:23:08 PM >

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Post #: 12

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 2:54:07 PM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
. . . a guy has to be incredibly smart, geeky, nerdy, into the same hobbies and lifestyles I'm into . . .

He has to be a geek and a nerd, but also be a gym-fan? Bit of a tall order isn't it, Lady N?

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Post #: 13

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 3:36:43 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
. . . a guy has to be incredibly smart, geeky, nerdy, into the same hobbies and lifestyles I'm into . . .

He has to be a geek and a nerd, but also be a gym-fan? Bit of a tall order isn't it, Lady N?

Not really, no. He just has to be willing to spend some time training with me, even if he's not a total gym bunny when we start the relationship. I'm a lot more interested in brains than in looks, but I do make it clear up front that I live an active life and my partners are going to need to get fit and stay fit to keep up with me.

My primary partner is pretty motivated and interested in lifting/working out with me, and he had an interest in it before we actually met. My secondary gets called into the lab at all hours and has much less energy and motivation as a result, but we work out together when we can, and he walks/runs in the mornings and on lunch break. We all eat healthy together, with occasional indulgences. So it works, and it wasn't a tall order.

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Post #: 14

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 3:47:23 PM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer We all eat healthy together, with occasional indulgences.

Dare I ask, what would those indulgences involve? Now, be careful not to say anything that'll shock me with your decadence, Lady N!

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Post #: 15

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 4:29:27 PM

BentUnit

Posts: 897
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I would be pleased he found a way to get his needs met.

That being said I would worry about his ability to shake off the whole client mentality and take on a purely submissive one.

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Post #: 16

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/18/2010 5:03:23 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Lockit saved me the typing.

She did for me as well.

- LA

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Post #: 17

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/20/2010 10:28:59 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

LadyPact,

quote:

Does a male being a client of a pro domme factor in to your determination if he would make a good submissive for you? Do you see this as a criteria that you would consider when choosing a submissive much the same as you might have if you consider things like age, weight, marital status, etc? Can it potentially disqualify someone for you?

I'm going to flip this around. I generally consider that if someone is an active, professional dominant, they are not compatible with me. Why? I like this aspect of a person's psyche and sexuality to be focussed on me and not on others or related "business opportunities" BDSM can bring. Call me a selfish, little bitch, but that's my feeling on the matter. I approach this the same reciprocally in the sense I wouldn't approach someone if I were presently conducting sessions with a professional dominant. I want my focus and energy to be solely on the person I'm courting and I can't do that when my mind is partially elsewhere.

E.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/21/2010 12:09:42 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
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Lady Pact,

Clearly Your post is addressed to Lifestyle Dommes ... and i am very interested in Their thoughts ... too.

Yet, it is appropriate to add a single submissive male experience ... so You know.

First, i agree entirely with Lockit.

If i were in a relationship ... i would expect to be totally committed, monogamous and exclusive. Focused totally on the one Lady. Because a Lady should expect this ... and it is my nature.

Yet do allow me to add ...

As a single man (profile clearly says this) ... i have been approached by Pro Domme's ... suggesting a start with tribute (VERY REASONABLE PRICES) ... legitimate, reputable Pro's ... too.

Then, if things work ... moving into a more personal relationship ... as opposed to the usual dating routine.

So sometimes ... the Pro Domme thing ... might just be an entry ... into a relationship ... one does not expect.

Just a different viewpoint ... i thought You and others might enjoy knowing ...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Clients - Good Sub Material Or No - 6/21/2010 7:32:28 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Seekingowner, "reputable" or no, I cannot imagine ANY LIFESTYLE dominant telling someone that she had to be tributed and MAYBE there would be a relationship later.

The ultimate bait and switch. And WTF is it with pros soliciting clients? Why don't they just hang around in parking lots outside bdsm clubs if they're going to behave like streetwalkers?

FORMER pro dom Hib

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Post #: 20

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