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help - 6/19/2010 3:28:20 PM

dragonknigth2700

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Joined: 6/5/2010
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i am new to this life style and im looking for some help in to what being a master is .i know i like to dom the person im with but as far as what all my role is im clueless as to what to do so any help in this area would be greatly helpfull

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RE: help - 6/19/2010 3:42:49 PM

leadership527

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When you say "dom the person you're with"... could you be a little more explicit? What sorts of domming exactly tickle your fancy? Sex stuff? outside the bedroom stuff? What?

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RE: help - 6/19/2010 3:46:08 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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Feel your way.

What feels right, for the two of you? You don't hafta "scene", or have a punishment/reward dynamic, or do public play, bondage, impact play, edgeplay, mindfucks, humiliation, etc.... if it doesn't float your boats.

All that's necessary is for you to be able to address each others' needs and desires properly. Are your needs and desires compatible with hers?

Explore, and have FUN!

Edited to add: And ya might wanna take your yahoo address and the pic of your ex, off your profile.

Just sayin.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 6/19/2010 3:50:26 PM >

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RE: help - 6/19/2010 4:34:04 PM

DarkSteven

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Backwards.

You want to be a Master, and ask what a Master is.

Be yourself and find out what that is, and the hack with what anyone calls it.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 3:10:23 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Your "role" is to be *YOU*! If you don't know what to do, then you're adopting a persona that doesn't come naturally to you.

Think of being 'dominant' along the same lines as being 'heterosexual'.... Who did you ask for help with that - or did you just follow your innate instincts?

Focus.

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 5:37:46 AM

lally2

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ive been me as a sub for absolutely ages, didnt help me get to grips with anything much at all really - instinct was all i had to go on.

writing a cmail to a friend yesterday i realised that whilst i knew perfectly well what i wanted and had pretty much got myself sussed - i hadnt sussed out Dominants at all.

so, now im more inclined to suggest that you go about this by understanding youre sub (im assuming thats her in the pic) - understanding where she's coming from and what she feels she needs from you. by understanding her needs youll get a better idea of where to go from there.

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 5:44:08 AM

masmiss

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From: New Jersey
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Get rid of the pic of your ex ASAP.

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 11:02:29 AM

LadyPact

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Agreed. The OP might be interested in this thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3267198/tm.htm

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 11:57:54 AM

Musicmystery

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Backwards.

You want to be a Master, and ask what a Master is.

Be yourself and find out what that is, and the hack with what anyone calls it.

Yup. Exactly.

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 12:28:51 PM

Aileen1968

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Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonknigth2700

i am new to this life style and im looking for some help in to what being a master is .i know i like to dom the person im with but as far as what all my role is im clueless as to what to do so any help in this area would be greatly helpfull

If you have to ask, then you're not.

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RE: help - 6/20/2010 1:35:19 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

ive been me as a sub for absolutely ages, didnt help me get to grips with anything much at all really - instinct was all i had to go on.

Correct; when it's just you, there is no dynamic to feed off; no outside input or stimulus to inspire a response or reaction etc.

quote:

writing a cmail to a friend yesterday i realised that whilst i knew perfectly well what i wanted and had pretty much got myself sussed - i hadnt sussed out Dominants at all.

Agreed again; only you can know what to seek out for self-fulfillment, even if you don't know why you're wired to need it....

quote:

so, now im more inclined to suggest that you go about this by understanding youre sub (im assuming thats her in the pic) - understanding where she's coming from and what she feels she needs from you. by understanding her needs youll get a better idea of where to go from there.

Here's where I don't agree so much - the "understanding your sub".... Several decades as a self-aware Dominant and I still can't fathom what drives a submissive to bow to the will and whim of another; to accept the consequences of displeasing them etc.

Yet I understand a Dominant's mind utterly; it's so natural to want and need the things I expect of my submissive partner. So I don't beat myself up anymore wondering what tha hell drives their (submissive) needs, only that our opposing individual needs complement and fulfill each other. While I can't and don't "understand" a sub's perspective, I absolutely appreciate them for who they are. To that end, I find even a naive "first day" newbie submissive a source of fascination to communicate and discuss with - that so-called "experience" has *nothing* to do with what comes innately from her.

By all means, talk with a submissive as you never stop learning and being fascinated from even a novice - but don't think you'll actually understand what motivates them or their needs....

Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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