Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: How far I can go?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How far I can go? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 4:37:56 PM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		acctonthelook,

You are quite welcome.  You got the entire point to me typing up that list.  These are all things I HAVE heard of happening over the years, and a few I've actually seen being done.  Most people have no desire to ever go into any of those areas, and they don't even know they are some people out there who are truly interested in that type of play.  While most dominants are no where near that extreme and take a sub that says they have no limits or want to be pushed with a grain of salt and sanity......... you can't count on that always being the case.

I'm glad you are thinking about the possibilities and realizing it is perfectly ok to say that you do have limitations.  Don't be afraid to communicate them to a dominant.  If the dominant has an interest in something you don't, they need to know that.

Good luck and be safe.
MzKim

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 9:03:19 PM   
Clothespingirl


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks, that's an enlightening list.  I thought I'd like to "try everything", too, until I started doing web research and saw pictures of purple boobs <shudder>.  I realized there were some things I never want to try!

Because I can't possibly think of everything, I try to word my hard limits as broadly as possible:  "Nobody is to excrete anything on anybody.  Nothing sharp or pointy.  Nobody is to set fire to anything..."  Which I hope conveys the idea that I intend to remain reasonably sanitary and in one piece!

It had also occurred to me, after I first posted my profile, that talking about my inexperience might attract the kind of person who preys on clueless newbies.  So I redid it to emphasize my life experience and tough-mindedness, which feels much safer.  That's a point other newbies might like to consider.

_____________________________

"Cheeky bitch"

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 9:19:59 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		personally i see nothing wrong with the phrase "I want to see how far I can go" To me it means the person does not know where their limit is and wishes to find out....and if that does lead to some of the more extreme activities, such as those listed in a previous post...so be it, why do you assume that the person will not be a consenting participant.
Take the following example...a sub likes to be whipped. This sub has never been whipped to the point where the sub felt they could not have happily taken more. What is wrong with this sub wanting to "see how far I can go". And if over time the sub eventually ends up being whipped till their back is a bloody mess...well that is obviously not something that is beyond their limits, although it may be to most of the rest of us.
I would like to know "how far I can go" in some areas and have no desire to ever find out in others, because I fully realise the truth of IronBear's words. And it really doesn't matter how far a submissive wants to go with me, because I pretty much agree with what Tikiee's Chris told her...any sub of mine will go as far as I want her to go, and no further. If she is not willing to go that far, then we need to reexamine the relationship.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 9:32:39 PM   
Clothespingirl


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Well, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to say to a trusted partner.  But it's not a very sensible wish to broadcast to the entire internet, especially for someone who's new and doesn't know what the possibilities are.


_____________________________

"Cheeky bitch"

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 9:58:24 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I've said it before, and I think I still feel the sentiment in regards to a few things.

I'm one of the people that believes that limits are exactly that, limits and I have no fascination with pushing them. When I say "I want to see how far I can go" I'm not talking about my limits, I'm talking about my brain.

I -do- want to see how far I can go into...hrm...objectified "slave" space. Into a place where I am nothing more than a tool for someone's enjoyment. Dehumanization, if you will. I want to see if I can abase myself before someone and what it would do to my brain. I want to see how I'd react if I was in a situation where I am less than the dominant people. This isn't something that's really a part of my dynamic, so I don't have mych experience trying it.

So, yeah. That's what -I- mean when I say the phrase.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Clothespingirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How far I can go? - 4/13/2006 11:09:34 PM   
SweetPosession


Posts: 87
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		People are full of shit. When in doubt, this is usually the case. Even when we don't know that we're full of shit, we probably are. It's not because we're trying to decieve anyone, but we say a lot of things we only sort of mean. "I'll try anything once" is one of them. Me, I'm flexible. You want latex, ok fine. I like shiny things. Ass play? Hey man, it's your ass. But I will never, ever, under any circumstances, have sex with an animal. I don't care if it produced the biggest orgasms everyone I know has ever felt. I will never have sex with someone or something which cannot give me very clear and well-informed consent. "Baaa" just isn't a "yes" to me.

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 12:24:21 AM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		Yes Cerckl, it does make sense thank you.

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 5:25:11 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I dunno.  Seems to me to be kind of on the same plane as "How submissive are you?"

*shudders*

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 7:43:02 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

In reading a lot of profiles and posts here and on other sites, I come across the statement, "I want to see how far I can go."


To my mind they are simply looking for that One who can lead them along the bdsm path, take them places they've never been before, someone to push their limits.

I think this is a lot different than those who claim they have no limits. Everybody has limits, if they do not that is just plain scary.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 9:26:42 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

"I want to see how far I can go."

 
enthralled,
I think that is the perfect attitude for a relationship as well as life. Take it out of the lifestyle or sexual context. Replace those concepts with a less threatening item, for discussion purposes, travel. With unlimited resources and opportunity how exciting would it be to travel the world? Some places would be scary, some beautiful, some ugly, dangerous, and depressing. Maybe you'll stay in some places for years or months, others you can't stand being there for an hour. The open mindedness of "I want to see how far I can go."; provided the opportunity.

Put that attitude back into the lifestyle or sex and you provide yourself with the same opportunities. The opportunities come with the same good, bad and dangerous potential of travel. Would you rather read about Venice or go there? Would you rather read about someones lifestyle experiences on CM or have your own personal memories? You can never get the same experience of submission or domination using a keyboard that you do up close and personal.

Having an "experienced" tour guide can enhance the experience but it isn't required. A good guide will tailor the journey based upon communication. Within the lifestyle it can work the same way. Want to take a picture of an African lion on the open savanna? A guide can lead you to a place and method to do it safely. Frightened but fascinated about attending a lifestyle dungeon club party? Solicit someone who has been there to hold your hand. To make it through both experiences require the same "how far?" commitment.

A partner without the piratical experience can still work with a "how far" attitude. Now you are communicating each others apprehension. You can support each other through the fear. The "how far?" you go together will always be farther than the "how far?" you go alone. The key is still communication but just as important is the need for confidence. Confidence defined as the ability to say; "I think we need to check with someone who is experienced before we try this." Fill in the "this" with any activity both of you are not "comfortable". And that confidence indicating statement should be in the vocabulary of both the submissive and, more important, the dominant partner of the relationship.

When it gets right down to it, without some degree of a "how far?" attitude; life would be mundane.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 4/14/2006 9:42:34 AM >

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 9:34:08 AM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		I think it's fine to say "I want to see how far I can go" because that's many true submissive's desire.  To "give everything" and "not hold anything back".  If they're doing this with just anyone, just because they wanna feel hardcore, then it's dangerous, like you said.  But to express that desire?  That's honesty.  Hopefully they'll find somoene whose goal it is to take his submissive to the very depths of her submission.

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 1:26:30 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have these moments where I just say to myself: Well, after all, they're the Master or Dom...so -as "far as they want"- I suppose. Yes I have "standards" (really do) but - I suppose they can get inter-mingled with hope and  feeling passionate. Is that always "bad"?

I need to evaluate this further. For me (today anyway) it is dependent on the situation, and the other person... But I need to remind myself I don't have a death wish. They'd feel bad if they did "irrevocable harm" to me (hope so anyway - least it's one of my main criteria in a partner) - so am assuming they'd want to know  where that line starts and stops.

*I wonder how people evaluate a partner's willingness to "go further." This might be in another thread but today I haven't had time to peruse much (not that I don't want to do it. I love these boards).

I'm going to think about it more. Maybe not my day to have self-examined answers spew from my head. I guess I just need time to think. 

Off the top of my head: It really does have to do with just how attracted I might be to someone -but how do I evaluate whether it's "heat of the moment" passion and attributing qualities to them they may not in reality fully possess (even if they're "just human" like we all are) or whether it's something that might be more durable long-term as far as building closeness? Time? Willingness to have faith? What? 

- Susan          

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/14/2006 2:00:46 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 1:47:31 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

In reading a lot of profiles and posts here and on other sites, I come across the statement, "I want to see how far I can go."
Forgive me if this has been addressed to death, but it got me to thinking . . . does anyone actually know what they mean when they make this statement? Do you have something specific in mind when you say this?
Maybe I'm directing this question at new submissives. I possibly may be in mid-thought here (so please bear with me), but it worries me sometimes that people just beginning to explore the lifestyle have not given much thought to what this means to them. I see comments like 'I'll try anything once' on profiles and think to myself 'OMG! Do they really know what they're saying???' because believe me, there's plenty of things I wouldn't try. . . NO, not even once!
Just curious as to what these statements mean to YOU.
Also, that the 'experienced folk' out there reading this may have insight or advice for a newbie that may get them to thinking about what it really means to them as well!
Thanks in advance for anyone taking the time to post!

Respectfully,
enthralled


Hi, to answer your questions :  i would like to see how far i could go.  And i'm sure it'd be a crappy, difficult, painful, maybe even miserable experience with an awesome reward at the end.  Making it absolutely worth it.  Being pushed, or pushing yourself isnt easy.  i know in boot camp, they push you to do a 10 mile hike with full gear on and i remember being pushed to stay in the front of the line.  My little short legs and short person!  Yet i managed, pushing and the reward was awesome.  Running two miles non stop was a push.  Difficult but nice learning how to push myself, and awesome reward coming in second at the end. 

As for trying Everything once.  It was a statement i ment before i had any experience.  Never "Realised" just what was out there.  It can actually be a very scary place in the wrong hands and this i've come to realise.  Tied up, with out "good hands" can be a very scary thing as they're are TONS of ways to implement pain in the most odd places.  Things i just never imagined.

So while i'll keep an open mind as for now, there are some things i wont try = )  Like super glueing my vagina shut.. or even sewing it shut.. or having it permamently shut (tho what i listed isnt permament).  Could never before imagine a man having his sac nailed to a board either!  Openminded yes.. discussion great.. some things tho, i dont think i'd ever be able to handle.  And if i was a man.. that'd be nailing my sac to a board!

As i've heard before on these boards.. "if you can imagine it, ppl do it" and i've a sick and twisted brain.  hehe

EDITED TO ADD - there are lots of things other then pain that can be quite "unpleasant"


< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 4/14/2006 2:02:03 PM >

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How far I can go? - 4/14/2006 10:53:09 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Having an "experienced" tour guide can enhance the experience but it isn't required. A good guide will tailor the journey based upon communication.


Sometimes, even with the guide, having oneself opened, awakened is frightening...vulnurable. This can be seen as good or bad...or just is but eyes open is so much more intense than eyes closed...I appreciate the intensity. Embrace the awakening. Even leading the awakening can be difficult.
C

< Message edited by CERCKL -- 4/14/2006 10:54:11 PM >

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 34
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How far I can go? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125