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Attitudes - 6/20/2010 3:21:53 PM

angelicslaveMDF

Posts: 43
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

i am just curious...how do bad attitudes affect your relationship? my particular relationship i am not only submissive, but i am wife as well...we all know that life gets in the way of a 24/7 relationship...it wont always be a rose garden...sometimes you will get the thorns, bugs, bad weather and all that....so how do you seperate that....the crap that goes on in real life with that BDSM relationship...what if you get an attitude....it is bound to happen...how does that affect your relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: Attitudes - 6/20/2010 3:28:10 PM

DaddysInkedSlut

Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

For me, for us there is no seperation. We are always Daddy and his girl. We both have busy, chaotic, lives. We both have responsibilties that are outside of our relationship (including jobs, kids, ect);however, those things don't stop us from having our dynamics or roles with one another. They may limit how we interact on any given day with one another but by no means do they change our dynamics.

_____________________________

Inkie Goodness!

http://www.freakmommas3.com/daddysinkedslut/main.htm

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 2

RE: Attitudes - 6/20/2010 3:50:37 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

We don't separate anything. We just deal with the realities of life as they unfold. Bad attitudes affect our relationship in negative ways. Accordingly, we both try hard to be adults and eliminate such attitudes where possible and contain them where elimination isn't feasible.

Carol is allowed to be crabby. So am I. We both love each other and so we try very hard to be considerate and understanding about the other person's mental state. The only thing she is never allowed to do is to disobey.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 3

RE: Attitudes - 6/20/2010 4:43:07 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

We both have our bad days with bad attitudes. We both are realistic and realize that life happens and we both deal with it as it comes along. If I start to get inadvertantly bitchy with him he just reminds me of my place and I tone it down towards him.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 4

RE: Attitudes - 6/20/2010 4:53:56 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Bad attitudes create negative vibes... Good attitudes create positive vibes... this is true of all interactions we have with everyone at all times... it never changes...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 5

RE: Attitudes - 6/20/2010 4:57:29 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My Sir and i both had the occasional bad mood. I knew to leave him alone when he was "distant", and he left me alone when i was crabby. It worked perfectly for us.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Attitudes - 6/20/2010 6:22:17 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

You don't. You get to be an entire person, not a role. Like any relationship, communication is the key. There's nothing special about D/s that makes us infaliable.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 7

RE: Attitudes - 6/21/2010 8:40:43 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Both my Sir and i have our bad days, and we are learning to be more tolerant of each other, not take things too personally etc, if I snap or snipe at Him He is quick to tell me, if He snaps or snipes at me due to a bad mood i do my best to bite my lip and let it wash on over. It works reasonably well.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 8

RE: Attitudes - 6/21/2010 3:50:00 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
Why separate? i'm not two separate people and neither is He. We are whole people in a whole relationship.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 9

RE: Attitudes - 6/21/2010 5:30:46 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

We both have our bad days with bad attitudes. We both are realistic and realize that life happens and we both deal with it as it comes along. If I start to get inadvertantly bitchy with him he just reminds me of my place and I tone it down towards him.

Exactly. I have been told to "tone it down" on occasion. I've also had a look that quieted me instantly. I've never had to "separate" who I am.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Attitudes - 6/21/2010 6:07:17 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

We don't separate anything. We just deal with the realities of life as they unfold. Bad attitudes affect our relationship in negative ways. Accordingly, we both try hard to be adults and eliminate such attitudes where possible and contain them where elimination isn't feasible.

Carol is allowed to be crabby. So am I. We both love each other and so we try very hard to be considerate and understanding about the other person's mental state. The only thing she is never allowed to do is to disobey.

I agree strongly that obidience is the key factor,the attitude i am allowed is within reason as i have my days i need to vent. So long as it's never disrespectful towards Master. i immediately stop when told Stopit for babbling or ranting or getting unduly upset. W/we are human,and He's extremely patient as a rule,when He's not i tread very lightly and not push it,common sense stuff ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 11

RE: Attitudes - 6/21/2010 8:26:21 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelicslaveMDF

i am just curious...how do bad attitudes affect your relationship? my particular relationship i am not only submissive, but i am wife as well...we all know that life gets in the way of a 24/7 relationship...it wont always be a rose garden...sometimes you will get the thorns, bugs, bad weather and all that....so how do you seperate that....the crap that goes on in real life with that BDSM relationship...what if you get an attitude....it is bound to happen...how does that affect your relationship?

We don't live together but spend several days a week together. There is nothing to separate - life is life. He gets crabby, and I get crabby. When I get crabby, I tell him "I'm crabby today." If it's about work, family, or something outside our relationship, he lets me vent my heart out. If it's about us, we sit down and talk about it. It is very rare that we snap at each other because we've had a bad day. He's done it, and I've asked him what's going on, and we've talked about it.

Mostly we just try to be aware of what we're feeling and why, and deal with that issue, as opposed to launching it at each other needlessly. Not to say there hasn't been launches, but it's pretty rare.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 12

RE: Attitudes - 6/21/2010 8:49:09 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

Short and to the point but very well said!

The key is to focus on the good. So many people can only see the bad or negative things in life. The negativity carries through into everything you do. So much easier to look on the bright side of things and enjoy life and let the bad stuff pass on by.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: Attitudes - 6/27/2010 12:29:21 PM

OCDom1

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/14/2010
Status: offline

Hello,

First and foremost, whether in a "lifestyle" relationship or a vanilla relationship, we are people. And as people we will experience ups and downs and at times have what is called an "attitude." Attitudes vary. People seem to want to associate having an attitude with negativity. However, all states we are in are attitudes. When someone is happy, that is an attitude, or grateful, or sad, or. . . yes. . . complaint and being bitchy are attitudes.

How does one deal with these and how does it affect a relationship is a great question and one with as many answers as there are people to answer it. The bottom line is that it comes down to the people involved in the relationship. Not everyone handles it the same, as is reflected in the many responses you have already received and those still to come.

Personally, I'm big. . . no wait, let me re-phrase that. . . I'm HUGE on communication. . . especially listening. Something happened to cause the attitude to manifest itself, no matter what it may be. . . happy, sad, anger, etc. Communication, given the opportunity to talk about it, will in many cases help both people (or more in a poly household). To be able to express the joy, sorrow, anger, ect, will release the feelings that are the source of the attitude. No matter what the attitude is, this can and will promote understanding of the situation and the emotions involved. And with this understanding, the relationship can grow stronger and prosper.

This is just one persons discernment. Personally, I have found that communication, and having good listening skills in particular, has helped me to better understand what makes my partner/sub/slave "tick" and thus be a better person, as a partner and Dom, in the process.

My best, OCDom1

< Message edited by OCDom1 -- 6/27/2010 12:31:00 PM >

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 14

RE: Attitudes - 6/27/2010 1:06:53 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Most people who do not possess good communication skills, listening and sharing their emotions, are the ones who are unable to have good relationships.

You have to be able to express yourself, positively or negatively and feel safe doing so in any sort of relationship.

If I get a whiff that someone is unable to express himself or he is negative all the time, I am out of there. Been there, done that and it does not change.

(in reply to OCDom1)

Post #: 15

RE: Attitudes - 6/27/2010 1:20:01 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

i have to agree, most people have become in a habit so strongly engrained unless they actively work at wanting to be diferent and are sincere,they resort back to who they are farily quickly when upset or stressed. ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 16

RE: Attitudes - 6/27/2010 1:57:33 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I would like to add that when the bad moment hits, you might think about if you need some water, or some food, a nap or a hug. Usually one of those four will fix it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 17

RE: Attitudes - 6/28/2010 2:40:09 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

bad attitude can eventually destroy your relationship, so it is always best to do something about it... unless you can't be bothered of course.
... if it is your own bad attitude it is most easily to fix; put a smile on your face and go and do something uplifting... like picking flowers or dancing or any of the things suggested by Des
... but if it is your partners bad attitude it becomes somewhat more tricky and some crafty manipulation might be in order... or tickle him maybe?

its all part of life, everybody struggles with bad attitude at times.

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 18

RE: Attitudes - 6/28/2010 4:35:38 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I am not little miss sunshine for no reason!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 19

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