RE: openness

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: openness

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: openness

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 8:35:04 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
Bear makes me feel safe, cherished, loved - its all there, but its still down to me in the end.

No. It comes down to both of you lally. Let's assume that you and bear manage to make it a decade. I'm going to go out on a wild limb here and speculate that somewhere in that decade (more than likely lots of somewheres) he's going to feel insecure, unsafe, and a whole range of human emotions too. The relationship as a whole is going to work both in a "more than the sum of it's parts" way and in a "weakest link" way.

The bottom line, is that there's no free lunch for anyone. If you want to be an excellent team, then both parties need to be pulling their weight.... and sometimes the weight of their partner.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 2:35:57 PM

TopChuck

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i think perhaps its this that when youre starting out on youre submissive journey that frightens the hell out of some people. its that whole 'am i going to lose myself and my identity'

Preserving the sub's autonomy is the essence of the Dom's commitment to protect, in exchange for the sub's submission.

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 3:01:57 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TopChuck

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i think perhaps its this that when youre starting out on youre submissive journey that frightens the hell out of some people. its that whole 'am i going to lose myself and my identity'

Preserving the sub's autonomy is the essence of the Dom's commitment to protect, in exchange for the sub's submission.

is this along the lines of the Dom protecting the sub from himself. by that i mean, he needs to strike a balance between her adopting his ways whilst still ensuring she keeps her own integrity.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to TopChuck)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 3:18:32 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
Bear makes me feel safe, cherished, loved - its all there, but its still down to me in the end.
No. It comes down to both of you lally. Let's assume that you and bear manage to make it a decade. I'm going to go out on a wild limb here and speculate that somewhere in that decade (more than likely lots of somewheres) he's going to feel insecure, unsafe, and a whole range of human emotions too. The relationship as a whole is going to work both in a "more than the sum of it's parts" way and in a "weakest link" way.

The bottom line, is that there's no free lunch for anyone. If you want to be an excellent team, then both parties need to be pulling their weight.... and sometimes the weight of their partner.

yes. thank you -

hmmm! - im doing one of youre - 'this is the zillionth time of trying to get this written down!'

its a simple enough thought, im getting caught up with how to put it.

ok - certainly in the past my main criteria was that i was sub. that i was there to serve, please, trust, in there was all of the looking after bit, caring bit, pulling my weight bit - and yet oddly, now i come to think of it, the relationship bit i assumed was taken care of simply by being there, being submissive and doing as i was required. leading the relationship bit and holding it together was the Doms responsibility - i was doing my part by being sub. quite arrogant really when i think about it.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to leadership527)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 6:07:02 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
...i was doing my part by being sub. quite arrogant really when i think about it.

OK, in my totally unsolicited opinion, that learning right there was worth it's weight in gold. Perhaps other doms stride the earth parting the seas in front of them and shooting lightning bolts from their eyes, but this dom struggles sometimes. When I'm not doing my job, then Carol does it for me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 7:09:19 PM

LordShadow

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline

Openness is something that I require in my slaves...but its not quite as simple as being a requirement...it is inspired I believe by trust and security. How I accomplish that is beyond me...I suppose it a whole laundry list of factors.

Her openness shows in her face and her movements, as someone else mentioned....if I see something that is being held back I ask about it...if she still hasn't opened up then I bring out the old emotional excavator and begin digging until I get what I am after...

_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: openness - 6/23/2010 8:28:08 PM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Additionally, consider that opening the space to grow or expand one's awareness is "downhill," towards which the expansiveness of surrender naturally gravitates. The distinction is that the choice always remains and is made by the surrenderer. While the controller provides the space and says, " I invite you to come here and share this space with me," the surrendered chooses to release the self imposed obstacle to going there.

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: openness - 6/24/2010 8:25:08 PM

Alphakenny1

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/19/2010
Status: offline

Everything I do is taken in stages. Everything is always planned...

Openess in any relationship is important, but even more so in this type of relationship, as stubborness and excessive torture can be harmful to the subs mental and physical well being. It can also ruin the Masters/Mistress reputation and authority.

Dominants can easily sense if their sub is hiding something from them... transparency is essential. I employ several methods to extract the subs thoughts and beliefs from them... if necessary I will do so by psychologically challenging them or physically torturing them.

Physical torture is always last resort.

After extraction I provide advice, aftercare and help. :)

< Message edited by Alphakenny1 -- 6/24/2010 8:27:58 PM >

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 28