Exhibitionism versus Masochism

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Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/21/2010 5:33:15 PM

Nehemiah

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I'd like to discuss the differences between masochists who enjoy BDSM for it's own reward and exhibitionists who are able to take extreme play as long as there is an audience or video camera recording the event.

I'm an exhibitionist and have taken some heavy beating and edge play. If there wasn't a camera in the room I don't think I could have done any of this.

I'd just like to hear some thoughts on this.

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/22/2010 4:17:20 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

I'd like to discuss the differences between masochists who enjoy BDSM for it's own reward and exhibitionists who are able to take extreme play as long as there is an audience or video camera recording the event.

I'm an exhibitionist and have taken some heavy beating and edge play. If there wasn't a camera in the room I don't think I could have done any of this.

I'd just like to hear some thoughts on this.

Personally, I can understand where you are coming from. I dealt with a submissive partner whose main reason for taking pain was because she knew the dominant liked it. What made it more fun for her was the humiliation that I, and other dominants, added in during play. Without that, she was "just a submissive doing what she could to make her dominant's life easier/better/more sexual" and in so doing, making her feel more submissive. With the humiliation, she began to feel a sexual aspect to the pain that had nothing to do with the usual reasons...endorphins, love of pain, etc...for engaging in pain play.

For you, you find the same release via the exhibitionism of your ability to take pain. Given your enhanced ability with an audience, I would suspect that there is a good amount of pride and vanity that goes into your make-up, at least where this aspect of your character and sexuality is concerned. Nothing wrong with that...most people do have pride in themselves and that pride is often to be found in their sexual nature as well as any other aspect of their nature.

(in reply to Nehemiah)

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/22/2010 6:05:11 PM

OrpheusAgonistes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

I'd like to discuss the differences between masochists who enjoy BDSM for it's own reward and exhibitionists who are able to take extreme play as long as there is an audience or video camera recording the event.

I'm an exhibitionist and have taken some heavy beating and edge play. If there wasn't a camera in the room I don't think I could have done any of this.

I'd just like to hear some thoughts on this.

This is interesting, because I can appreciate your position, and even understand it analytically, but viscerally it has always remained completely incoherent to me. What I mean is that there are a fair number of people I know, like, and respect, who feel precisely the way you feel, but to me neither watching nor being watched has ever really hit me where it counts.

The crucial thing, from my perspective, is that for play to be hot there absolutely must be a vibrant and intense dynamic between my partner and me. This dynamic, in my case, can only exist in intimate settings. Exposure to public scrutiny desiccates the dynamic.

It isn't stage fright, or embarrassment. I'm actually an extraordinarily good (if immodest) public speaker and a passably good performer. The problem is that in public settings, in a crowd of strangers and half-acquaintances, I'm never ever going to be myself. Everything is always a pose and a gesture and a masque. That's how I seem to be wired. There's no real prospect for vulnerability, or self-consciousness, or any of the other gorgeous and scary mindsets that make the private dynamic unutterably erotic.

What gets to me is finding someone who understands me, who adores me, and who loves to hurt me and for whom I love to be hurt. The show, the spectacle, the agony and ecstasy, all have to be real and they're all only for the benefit of one person. I'm just not wired to get any real satisfaction from giving anybody else a show. In that sense, I'm selfish and rather greedy and usually find myself happiest with partners who are similarly selfish and greedy for intimacy and real, often quite raw, emotional and physical connection.

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/22/2010 6:12:51 PM

SirsJewel

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To each thier own, some to me need the adrenaline of being exposed, i prefer my pain be administered alone with just U/s present as i am likely to cry and be at my most volunerable. But i have yet to be lead to public play nor asked as it to me is a big step. Maybe it's a "not back down thing" to displease/disappoint in a group setting? i would struggle with that definately. Just enjoy what works between you and your partner~ jewels

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/22/2010 6:19:12 PM

sassypainslut

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I enjoy the pain. How the Dom or top brings it up and back down, slowly pushing my limits. I play in public and private and to me it doesnt matter if someone is watching or not. Frankly, my goal is to reach subspace and remain there as long as I can at which point I dont hear or notice that there is anyone else in the world but me and the person inflicting the pain.

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/22/2010 7:05:03 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

It isn't stage fright, or embarrassment. I'm actually an extraordinarily good (if immodest) public speaker and a passably good performer. The problem is that in public settings, in a crowd of strangers and half-acquaintances, I'm never ever going to be myself. Everything is always a pose and a gesture and a masque. That's how I seem to be wired. There's no real prospect for vulnerability, or self-consciousness, or any of the other gorgeous and scary mindsets that make the private dynamic unutterably erotic.

What gets to me is finding someone who understands me, who adores me, and who loves to hurt me and for whom I love to be hurt. The show, the spectacle, the agony and ecstasy, all have to be real and they're all only for the benefit of one person. I'm just not wired to get any real satisfaction from giving anybody else a show. In that sense, I'm selfish and rather greedy and usually find myself happiest with partners who are similarly selfish and greedy for intimacy and real, often quite raw, emotional and physical connection.

Of course, this is exactly describes my sentiments and feelings, from the Domme/Top/Sadist perspective. The idea of anyone other than my man and me will stunt my emotions and my energy, leaving me unable to fully express myself.

I do however adore a fabulous masochist man who will be a little exhibitionist just for me ;-)

- LA

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/23/2010 4:49:14 PM

Nehemiah

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For me, the more people involved in my play the higher the energy level. I enjoy playing with solitary partners in private. That is enjoyable to me. I enjoy the connection. But as more people are added to the play, I have this stronger feeling of intimacy and sharing. I guess it could be described as a group hug.

I've heard of some people who like groups because it makes their identity disappear. They just blend in with the crowd like a white dot on a white background. But that isn't me.

When I'm in a crowd of people, I mingle, I talk and I try to get to know as many people as I can. And when it comes to sexual activities in a group setting, the more people involved the more excited I become. I guess it's an overindulgence of relationships. A form of people-connecting gluttony.

To be isolated from the world would be a horrible idea for me. I need lots of people in my life. I hope I have explained this so people understand.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/23/2010 5:15:29 PM

PeonForHer

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You've just described an extravert's personality as opposed to an introvert's. I can see nothing wrong with that. Moreover, I have a feeling that they're something of a rare quantity amongst subs. Good luck to you!

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/23/2010 7:14:38 PM

LPslittleclip

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for me i dont get embarrased and am comfortable playing in public. now my Mistress when at a public dungon or event feeds on the energy and gets verry toppy so i enjoy the public aspect more as my Mistress enjoys it more. i enjoy meeting others and seeing diffrent things as well as discussing a wide varity of topics.

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RE: Exhibitionism versus Masochism - 6/23/2010 10:59:50 PM

myotherself

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I identify as a masochist, and I've done public and private play.

For me, I find that in private play (where there's just me and him) I can take a lot, and I can bounce in and out of subspace for hours, and then have mind-blowing sex.

In public I'm too self-concious and aware that others are watching. I couldn't give a toss if they find what we're doing 'hot', they're just so much of a distraction that I can't relax into the play and enjoy myself. My pain threshold drops through the floor and I just want it to be over.

And as the clubs I go to here don't allow sexual contact, I don't get the sex after the 'foreplay'