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ORIGINAL: Born2BMasochist

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You don't get it, I'm not throwing rocks at her, I am throwing rocks at him

Ok quick note to you on this one, you are throwing rocks at HIM but HE is her DOM. So you are in essence talking bad about her DOM. i would not let you disrespect my DOM in that way.

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and she has not even reached psychological adulthood. The problem is that this is a grown man messing with the emotions of a child. It's wrong.

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ORIGINAL: laurell3
Jeff, her venom has NOTHING to do with role nor does ranjas.

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ORIGINAL: PeanutTigerinBox

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ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

That's your right but stop spewing your opinion onto every one else.

Age gaps in relationships are not repulsive to every one, and obviously not repulsive to the lady in question, so don't spew your venom about it her way. Save it for someone who agree's and want it spewed their way.

By the way my partner is 11 years older than me. That's not as big a gap as the OP's but it's pretty big.

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ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

Color me judgmental, but I really look down on such a huge age gap.  I find it repulsive.

quite frankly the guy who introduced me to bdsm in general some years ago is about 22 years older than myself he is in the middle of his 50s...when I met him the very first time I was 27...and even if I would be 19...I could not ask for a better person to teach me with confidence AND the necessary responsibility into this lifestyle. With him I knew he was trustworthy and has the situation under control at any time. After my very first experience with subspace with him I was grateful that I was with him...as I knew I was completely safe with him even when I lack of actual knowledge what happened during my time of surfing in there down here in reality with him...however I knew he took care of me during that time without any lack of a doubt.

I would prefer someone with a huge age gap who actually knows properly what he is doing at any time to someone closer to myself age wise who might not have a clue what he is doing and puts me at risk with his potential lack of knowledge. Therefore there is nothing wrong with that. After all she is 19 and not underage

And with your opinion to look down on such an age gap, thats your personal value and belief...doesn't mean that others have to share the same

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ORIGINAL: Born2BMasochist

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You don't get it, I'm not throwing rocks at her, I am throwing rocks at him

Ok quick note to you on this one, you are throwing rocks at HIM but HE is her DOM. So you are in essence talking bad about her DOM. i would not let you disrespect my DOM in that way.

Ok, OP, Honey, i actually feel exactly how you are feeling. my Dom is actually married and has another life besides me. i used to be married and live the double life, now i am only with him. There are a few things that came to mind when i was reading your post? First off how dependant does he want you to be on Him? Because being submissive does not mean you have no independance at all. And you seem to have it because you do still have an outside life and friends. i have personally had Doms tell me that my Dom is not doing something right, but its the dynamics i accept as his submissive that makes me stay with Him. Ok, i am not jealous of my Doms wife at all, i take the play when i get it, i submit when i can, and we have a good relationship. But one thing i do do when thoughts like what you are thinking come up, i journal my thoughts. i am not afraid to journal the wildest things. Sometimes his wife does nto even treat him right, but that is not my business to get into. But one thing that you Dom should always have interest in is your feelings and you should never feel the need to hide anything from him. Every once in awhile i have gotten jealous of his wife and i tell my Dom i need to talk, and i have been opened with it. One concern is that you feel you can not discuss these things with him, this only makes your relationship stronger. i have told my Dom from the beginning, i will never ask you to give up your wife for me. That has not changed and if that feeling did come about , i would tell him, then we would decide what would be best for the two of us. and it may be the ultimate choice of us breaking up. This is my opinion, if you want to talk further pm me. i see a lot of similarities in our relationships?

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91
Exactly, i couldn't of said it better. i'll admit i have no idea wtf i am doing or feeling.

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

He's an ass because he is older?

How in the fuck does that work?

So according to the Tao of Savage how old do I have to be to ride this particular ride?

Judgemental as hell.

QSM

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91
Exactly, i couldn't of said it better. i'll admit i have no idea wtf i am doing or feeling.

I disagree. You know EXACTLY what you're doing and feeling. It's not that complicated. But you're getting a bit mixed up... exactly as peanut said... in your goals. You're not looking for a permanent life mate. Take a deep breath, step back, and enjoy what this man has to offer you. What's the rub? You and he can both be a benefit to each other without needing to make it some sort of sacred commitment.

Read Peanut's words of wisdom again:

you have all your life to find your special one one day...you say yourself you dont want to find that one person just yet...you just want to learn and gain experiences only...

then take a step back and take it just as that...as a chance to learn and to experience with no force of lifetime committment...relax

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

The difference is that I never treated her like a braindead vegtable for a choice that is ULTIMATLY HERS to make Not His. She is with him because she WANTS to be.

My Problem was that she wanted to be a good submissive and yet she chose to do it in a way that was deceitful.

The Jugement I made was on how she handled the situation not how she handled herself.

This is not a Pot and Kettle situation. I'm somewhere near the frying pan section.

QSM

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91
He knows what He is doing and i can say there is no better way for me to get into this lifestyle than with someone who is mature and is stable and knows what the hell is doing. i am 19, i am vulnerable and know it ...if i didn't get involved with the right kind of person at first that could of been fairly detrimental.

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91

i didn't mean to be deceitful :/

but, i am pretty sure You and i went over that already.

i am very glad i made this thread and didn't just go to Him right away.

Sometimes it's best to try to figure things out by yourself and then go to your Master.

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91


See i am kind of scared to talk to Him about this matter because i think He might think i am being selfish. That is one of the biggest things He says a submissive should never posses. So i'd be scared He'd be highly upset or disappointed, i don't know how to go about talking to Him  about this...how to start the convo? What to say?

And sure PM with that answer and we can for sure talk! Thank You dear for your input!

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ORIGINAL: PeanutTigerinBox

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91
He knows what He is doing and i can say there is no better way for me to get into this lifestyle than with someone who is mature and is stable and knows what the hell is doing. i am 19, i am vulnerable and know it ...if i didn't get involved with the right kind of person at first that could of been fairly detrimental.

Thats exactly my view...the very first time when I realised what my C-Dom was up to I was gobsmacked how unexpected and how fast I was tied up...it just wasn't in any way expecting that to happen...however, he accepted on that day that I am not into pain (or at least I thought so in those days) and didnt apply any pain....just let me experience him in that situation where he was in control. Before the next meeting he made clear I am going to be caned...so kind of either I will accept it or we won't meet....now...whilst he didnt take one step at a time and more kind of 5 steps at a time I enjoyed the fact that he never came up with any form of nasty surprise...I knew roughly what to expect and could rely on him. He watched my body language and reacted straight away to give me a drink when I felt dizzy...the reason why I was happy to continue the experiences with him was as I knew he took care of me. Of course he enjoyed himself on me but heck, I had a marvellous teacher with him at the same time and therefore there is nothing wrong with that.

And when you know that the person sticks to his word and that you are in safe hands....then the age gap is certainly the last worry in my mind.

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ORIGINAL: laurell3

Only YOU know if you can actually do this. There are a number of issues that would not be easy for me personally, but I am not you.

YOU need to figure out what's bothering you. Maybe you're not as ok with the casual thing as you think, personally I have found that being in a situation that is that vulnerable for me is not conducive to a casual relationship. Maybe you're just taking in too much information and overloaded. There's a million maybes that we could keep naming, YOU have to decide what works for you. We can't do that for you, we don't know you or him.

You really should be able to talk to him. I'm going to suggest that if you having a hard time with this and approaching him on it is "selfish" then maybe he isn't everything that you thought. Many people when they are new see things in a way that may not be realistic, we learn as we go what works for us and what doesn't. Take an honest look at whether this is right for you, if it is, go for it, if not, there are plenty of other dominants out there that are knowlegable.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

The difference is that I never treated her like a braindead vegtable for a choice that is ULTIMATLY HERS to make Not His. She is with him because she WANTS to be.
...............
This is not a Pot and Kettle situation. I'm somewhere near the frying pan section.

QSM

................
Could it be any of these things?

Pretty harsh toward a teenager that is still learning how this whole thing works....

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ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91

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ORIGINAL: laurell3

Only YOU know if you can actually do this. There are a number of issues that would not be easy for me personally, but I am not you.

YOU need to figure out what's bothering you. Maybe you're not as ok with the casual thing as you think, personally I have found that being in a situation that is that vulnerable for me is not conducive to a casual relationship. Maybe you're just taking in too much information and overloaded. There's a million maybes that we could keep naming, YOU have to decide what works for you. We can't do that for you, we don't know you or him.

You really should be able to talk to him. I'm going to suggest that if you having a hard time with this and approaching him on it is "selfish" then maybe he isn't everything that you thought. Many people when they are new see things in a way that may not be realistic, we learn as we go what works for us and what doesn't. Take an honest look at whether this is right for you, if it is, go for it, if not, there are plenty of other dominants out there that are knowlegable.

Yeah, well really i doubt He'd get mad if i went to Him i'd just be afraid of disappointment.

He's on a trip so i have a while to think about things before july 6 O/our next training session.
He will ask what is new and i will probably say something adn know how to say it and i am sure talking to Him will clear my mind.

i give Him a lot of credit i am 19 and i am overly sensitive yet...whatever issue i come to Him with...He takes care of and makes sense of it and makes me feel 100 percent better.