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cassandria -> RE: Beginning Rules? Punishments? [Distance Involved] (6/25/2010 1:32:27 PM)
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Long distance..hmm...
Is my idea of "evil", having known the reality of a face-to face, body-to-body, Master/slave commitment.
Because of the limitations it places upon you (both of you), I cringe. You're limited - each of you - in how you express yourselves. It's just hard, in my opinion. Sometimes necessary, but hard.
~~~
Having said that...I went back into my memory banks, thinking of what that year was like, before we were together in r/l. Here is what I remember:
I used to:
-play games with him online. Billiards, things like that. Loser rents the movie. We'd watch them online, together. Online date-night. LOL. Popcorn and all.
Even if you're not entering into a full-blown commitment to each other, getting to know each other at a 'vanilla' level to me is really important. Laughter, caring, sharing, things like that. Natural, normal things. They're important, at least to me. Those movie nights, they let me know a lot about him. Every person has many facets...exploring them is insightful. This is just one simple way..
-My camera was up all night/day. (so was his, usually) There was never a time he couldn't check in on me, if I was in my room. If not, well, he seemed to be able to tell me to go to my room..I spent a lot of time in there that year.
Obviously r/l enters in here, but I wasn't allowed privacy. Looking back, that was key. It bridged the gap of distance, knowing he could see me as he wished. I went to bed with him talking to me, I woke up with him talking to me. And seeing me. And me, him. I remember those nights...they were incredibly intimate, even though he was a long ways away.
-There was the awareness that he'd be seeing me, shortly. It was never an intention to stay online, only. That acted as a motivation for me. I had dates circled on my calendar. The anticipation was astonishing. You know how you get before a special date? I had months to get nervous. Ack! lol
-He sent me things in the mail. A shirt that smelled like him. A letter, written in his handwriting. On our first visit, his collar. He replaced my cell phone with one identical to his - he pre-programmed his numbers into it. Things that I would associate with him were encouraged as much as possible. LOL he put his voice on my computer, so that when windows booted up, I heard him every time. There were times I'd deliberately crash my system, just to hear him [:)]
-we spent a *lot* of time on the phone. If I was out shopping, he'd be calling and checking on what I was doing. I didn't buy clothing, for example, without him seeing a quick picture of it and giving his approval. Gradually, my wardrober became "Master-chosen". Guaranteed, whatever I wore he approved of. Makes life easier to please you guys [;)]
-I was given assignments to research, topics to learn about. He knew some of the things I was interested in, and encouraged me to learn more, to stimulate my mind. Even today, I appreciate that aspect of a relationship.
Many times in the chaos that life can bring, having a topic that I needed to take some time aside for, to learn about, the expectation that it was due by a specific time...it would centre me, calm me, focus me. I was always allowed to substitute a topic, if I suddenly came across something that was just inspiring and got me writing, and then the other topic that was assigned would go back on the list.
I felt like he valued my mind. And coming from someone who's self esteem is completely connected to her cunt, that was vital. I learned more of what makes a slave "whole", I guess you could say.
-I was given toys, and tons of them. Instead of orgasm denial, I was made to explore as much of my body, as often, as he could come up with. All within his view.
For some women, maybe it's about denial and the control from that denial. For me, it was the control from the opposite side, which is perhaps less common. He had a lot of imagination, and I responded [:)]
-He didn't punish. I dont think he ever had to. The distance factor was a big enough punishment, or it felt like it. I just wanted to make him really, really happy and proud, as often and in as many ways as I could. I think if he ever got irritated at me or upset, it didn't last long, and he would simply remove himself from me for a while. That, to me, is awful enough.
~~~
These were a few things that I remembered from my experience...since you're just exploring and not committing to an ownership situation, some of these may not apply.
Dominance for me was expressed over distance by simply his mannerisms with me - everything beyond that was just his choices of how to do things. It was constantly reinforced, in every and any capacity. If it wasn't, I couldn't have responded as I did. I learned that for me that was key - that if I wasn't responding, then it may be that the person I was trying to respond to, was the wrong person.
To me, it's his job to learn you, and your job to submit to his knowledge. If he asks for suggestions, trying to gauge how well you know yourself, or just to tweak your mind and play in it a little, sure, but for me a strong part of the dynamic is his leadership. While initially he cannot read a mind, if he cannot reach into his own creativity and come up with what he wants..for me, I will frown and wonder, and not in a good way.
Wishing you the best, and welcome :)
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