Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions?

Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (Full Version)

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joey46 -> Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 7:25:21 PM)
Recently I was talking with a therapist friend about feelings: good ones, bad ones, and ones you'd better not talk about. She laughed and promised not to ask me about mine in the last category unless I wanted her to and then told me her own story about that. At a meeting of sexual abuse specialists (of which she is an experienced and senior one) she asked if anyone else ever got turned on while reading police reports. (A particularly gutsy question I thought.) She said you could have heard a pin drop in that room and there was no eye contact to be found. But . . . they had heard her "else" and a timid voice answered "yes", then another and another. Then she said she asked them if it makes them ashamed and if it does, what do they do with it? The answers were all "yes" and "nothing". Not one of those therapists (and she said they were well trained and experienced) knew what to do with feelings that did not make sense and that they did not want to have. Does this happen to others here? It does to me and I cannot speak positively about responses I have received on those occasions when I have screwed up my courage and fessed up here or on other venues.

DomImus -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 7:35:25 PM)
Everything that turns me on involves consent and does not include any gray areas so I have never felt any shame over any of my desires. The fact that I don't share my desires with everyone around me is only peripheral in nature. If it's something they likely could not grasp or might be disturbed by I am doing them a disservice by unloading it on them. Do they see the true me? What they do see of me is authentic albeit incomplete. Most people have sides of themselves that nobody else sees... some people even have sides that they themselves do not see. Edited to add: Yes, some feelings are taboo. If the thought of underage sex turns someone on it matters not to me that they have never acted upon it in any way, shape or form.

BKSir -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 7:37:52 PM)
Joey, great question! This should bring a lot of interesting answers. I believe that feelings are fine, about anything, as long as they're left that way, as just feelings, and not acted upon. If they become actions however, that's when they can become a problem. And then there are grey areas I think, such as age play or rape fantasies. Of course between two consenting adults but the idea of the possible underage or real rape are still there. So that is kind of... as I said, a grey area. I personally see no problem with age play or even rape fantasies, even if they may or may not be for me. As long as they're just that, 'play' or 'fantasy' between consenting adults. It's when they cross the line into truly being illegal and/or truly harmful to others that I have a problem. Now, as far as the whole 'harmful' thing, I wonder about the response that the room had of "nothing", when asked what they did about these feelings. These people know better than to do nothing. I'm not saying that they should seek help for it, but they should at least analyze their reactions and feelings about it and come to terms with it. Own their feelings, especially if they are indeed feeling 'ashamed'. Hell, I'll even admit that I probably have some rather 'disturbing' feelings and fantasies sometimes. But, I realize that they are thus, and know that they'd never be acted upon. I accept that they're there, and they accept that they'll stay inside of me, and that's that. In fact, to me the fantasy is the best part of it. I know that even if I were to act upon them, it would probably be disappointing, anti-climactic, extremely stressful, and all in all, not worth it.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 8:10:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus Everything that turns me on involves consent and does not include any gray areas so I have never felt any shame over any of my desires. The fact that I don't share my desires with everyone around me is only peripheral in nature. If it's something they likely could not grasp or might be disturbed by I am doing them a disservice by unloading it on them. Do they see the true me? What they do see of me is authentic albeit incomplete. Most people have sides of themselves that nobody else sees... some people even have sides that they themselves do not see. This very much echoes my sentiment on the subject, with an exception. While I might have had, in the past, fleeting little daydream fantasies of not-so-consensual scenarios where I captured a man against his will and broke him down to the point that he would eventually succumb and submit to me, I have no desire to act those out in real life. I know that the reality of such scenarios would definitely not be as hot. Now a very convincing role-play on the other hand... As far as consent goes, I have a somewhat unconventional approach. I desire a relationship dynamic where the man that I'm with knows enough about my approach and my desires that he doesn't set any limits with me. He trusts me to not do him any harm and to put him through his paces at a rate he can deal with. - LA

KariCloud -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 8:20:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus Edited to add: Yes, some feelings are taboo. If the thought of underage sex turns someone on it matters not to me that they have never acted upon it in any way, shape or form. I am likely not going to express this very well.. Sorry in advance. To be clear, I ABSOLUTELY do not condone, or accept adults having sex, or intimate relations, with underage kids in ANY way. I had a friend who had pedophile-type fantasies. Not ageplay, but fantasies involving actual little girls. He never acted on it (that I know of, of course, but I did know him very well). He was tormented by it, though he said talking to me about it and not keeping it to himself as much helped a lot. He refused to see a therapist. Being in the military at the time, it just wasn't safe for him. So, he only talked to me and one other person about it. He was never abused, never experienced unusual trauma (unless one considers the army to be traumatic), as far as I could tell he was just naturally like this. He felt he was evil just for the thoughts. I'm not sure I ever changed his mind, but to me what is in a person's head cannot be called "wrong" if it stays in their head. Even if the thoughts are pedophilic in nature, which for me personally is about as abhorrent a thing as one can get (In my hell pedophiles are the worst criminals). My experience with being his friend showed me how clearly important it is to have people to talk to, who you can talk to about ANYTHING. And, how important it is for a person's balance and sanity to be able to talk about anything to at least one person. To me, that people would judge him for just the thoughts in his head and nothing more is wrong. Akari

Nineveh -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 8:22:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus Everything that turns me on involves consent and does not include any gray areas so I have never felt any shame over any of my desires. The fact that I don't share my desires with everyone around me is only peripheral in nature. If it's something they likely could not grasp or might be disturbed by I am doing them a disservice by unloading it on them. Do they see the true me? What they do see of me is authentic albeit incomplete. Most people have sides of themselves that nobody else sees... some people even have sides that they themselves do not see. Edited to add: Yes, some feelings are taboo. If the thought of underage sex turns someone on it matters not to me that they have never acted upon it in any way, shape or form. Really. So you've never looked at an extremely well formed teenager and had thoughts you would never act on? On the original topic I have a fair amount of feelings that I have issues with. There are things I fantasize about doing that simply should not be done (and no, I'm not talking about sex with children, since that appears to be most people's bugbear I figured I'd be clear) I know well enough that there is a difference between fantasizing about doing something and actually doing it however and as long as that line is kept clear I don't get more than a little bit guilty for my more disturbing desires.

sexyred1 -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 8:25:36 PM)
No one can control what they think; they just do it. So I don't see any thoughts as taboo. How many people fantasize about killing someone or doing some outrageous things? All of us. Unless you are lying. The taboo part comes when the person either acts out the thought or the thought does not stay in the recesses of the mind, but threatens to consume the person, even if they never act upon it.

aldompdx -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 8:44:29 PM)
A feeling itself is not bad. The problem arises with the external association to what presumptively "causes" the feeling. Ultimately, every person seeks to feel fulfillment. The reality is that fulfillment arises in the only place it is ever felt: one's own heart. It cannot be received or taken from another. Fulfillment is not given or taken or imposed in a bargain. Fulfilment is not a commodity which can be traded.

Kana -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 9:32:29 PM)
Shame is how people feel about themselves as beings. I kinda like me...lots...so I am pretty much shameless. And yes, I get turned on by the weirdest shit. It used to freak me out, now I just accept that I am a pretty twisted bitch. Now that wasn't always the case but taking some of the real knocks in life, loss of loved ones, health issues, broken relationships etc...that kinda helped me put things in perspective. Now guilt is how I feel when my actions suck. I wrestled with that feeling the one time I was wrong...you know...just so I would know how it feels. ~Winks~

laurell3 -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 10:16:46 PM)
No feelings and thoughts aren't taboo. I have to tell you though the majority of things I think, I actually do as far as fantasies go. I also really honestly have to tell you I have never fantasized about killing someone...y'all are making me a bit nervous! [8D]

Nineveh -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 10:19:32 PM)
I don't assume anyone else thinks the sort of things I think. I know I am more prone to share them than most, but that doesn't mean I think anyone else thinks it until they do choose to share.

submissivemale22 -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 10:23:22 PM)
wait- why would anyone get turned on by police reports?

BKSir -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 10:27:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nineveh I don't assume anyone else thinks the sort of things I think. I know I am more prone to share them than most, but that doesn't mean I think anyone else thinks it until they do choose to share. I don't tend to assume anyone else thinks at all, until they prove me wrong. [:D] As far as sharing though, I think that might be part of the whole 'ashamed' thing. Normally I don't tend to be ashamed of anything, thus willing to share it. And if not share it, at least be able to accept that it's something which is part of who I am. I may not like some of those things, and some of them may be even 'morally wrong', or 'legally wrong'. But they're only fantasies, like being able to fly, or being able to snowboard like Shaun White. I know I'll never do that, but, it can be nice to think about at times.

Nineveh -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 10:31:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 wait- why would anyone get turned on by police reports? Because they are police reports of sex crimes. Detailed descriptions of sex crimes.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 10:56:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nineveh quote: ORIGINAL: submissivemale22 wait- why would anyone get turned on by police reports? Because they are police reports of sex crimes. Detailed descriptions of sex crimes. Not necessarily. I saw part of a reality police show that involved footage of an attractive young man (he may or may not have been over 18) who was crying after a savage gang beating that left him marked, welted and bruised. I was instantly turned on. It took me awhile to come to terms with the monster that this made me. What finally did it for me was the sure knowledge that had I been on the scene, I would have acted ethically and appropriately at all times and rendered courteous assistance rather than taking advantage of the situation in any way. There is a monster in my head, savage and brutal and feral. There is no question about that. But the beast doesn't come out to play unless I let it. And I don't let it unless it's safe and consensual.

SirsJewel -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 11:16:38 PM)
Yes i have had taboo thoughts,fantasies and feelings of arousal from naughty things. But doing and thinking are two different things. If it becomes an obsession and i'm not skilled to know how many thoughts make an obsession, it definately helps to have a close person to talk to then maybe get a bit of therapy if it haunts you. We have all stopped to look at a car accident,stared at some gory picture like wtf?,but keep looking at the unbelivable horror which seems less real after seeing so much media over the years. So long as W/we disconcern the fact it's wrong i think most are fine~ jewels

IronBear -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/23/2010 11:16:49 PM)
Generally some things, pictures etc turn me off, others turn me on, again others make me angry and the rest create no feeling at all. I do have some feelings which to some would be taboo but they are my feelings to be shared only if I choose and to whom I choose.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/24/2010 12:48:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer ...the beast doesn't come out to play unless I let it. And I don't let it unless it's safe and consensual. I think the Bigger issue people struggle with, is the FEAR of Loosing this control.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/24/2010 1:09:55 AM)
If I am to be judged by my thoughts then you might as well lock me up right now. I have fantasized and gone so far as to reviewed images and read erotica on things that at times can go beyond lewd, crass, and taboo. I know that I can get excited by a great myriad of things. I also know that some of the things that I am excited by are things that I would NEVER do in real life. To fantasize, feel aroused by the fantastic, feel erotically about an IDEA, is completely natural. It is the action upon those IDEAS that turn one thing from an innocent pastime to a sociopathic behavior. In my youth I had issues with Anger, I was THEN Diagnosed with IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder) since then I have spent much of my life putting this in control. Today this only presents itself in what is referred to at “Rage Flashes” now where these present themselves in many different ways, for me they present in what one might call a Fantasy. I see myself taking an action, a violent one, one in which I HARM someone, one in which truly goes beyond what I am actually capable of. One would think that if I think of these things I must actually be capable of doing them. I’m actually not. The result of these rage flashes is usually a repulsion I get sick and then usually feel ashamed and well for lack of a better term I punish myself into a depression. It is actually this deep emotional reaction to the fantasy that is what defines me as NOT being a sociopath. The fact that the emotion I feel is real is what sets me apart from a serial killer. Since then I have had my diagnosis of IED reassessed and with the tools I have at my disposal my doctors no longer felt the need to maintain the diagnosis as active. My point being here feelings are feelings and do not reflect what a person will do but rather what their mind can do with stimulus that is presented to it. I have Kinks that are EXTREMELY Taboo, None of which Violate TOS guidelines….. However I cannot say the same about things that pass through my mind. QSM

areallivehuman -> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? (6/24/2010 2:10:27 AM)
" If my thought-dreams Could be seen They'd probably put my head In a guillotine "

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