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ElanSubdued -> RE: Newbie submissive - seeks advice! (6/27/2010 3:28:21 PM)
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subrich1984,
quote:
A lot of the "dating sites" are filled with fakes, and also pro-dommes, who I have no problem with, but can't see myself entering into a more long term meaningful Femdom relationship with (am I wrong about this?)
No you're not wrong about this. However, I wouldn't bring this up in your posts because it looks negative and doesn't reflect well on you or anyone. It can be frustrating having to filter through lots of ads that aren't what you're looking for. Still, the best way to deal with ads not to your liking is to ignore and move on. Don't waste energy thinking about those who are looking for something different than what you want. Avoid sending "are you for real" notes and things of this ilk. Everybody is free to search for what they want so provide others the same grace you expect in return. It's tempting, when you see something that seems offensive, to reply, but don't. Ignore and move on. Someone looking for different things than you hasn't wronged you and, in fact, has actually done you a favour because they've allowed you to see where your incompatibilities are.
quote:
My job is quite high exposure, i.e. it's client facing in the financial services industry so I meet new people constantly, which makes me really anxious about going to events (Club Pedestal, munchs etc), and also am not too keen on getting into the "scene" without having that partner.
Getting involved in your local, kink community is an excellent way to meet people. The general rule at kinky events is whatever happens there remains there and is kept in private. If your clients happen to attend, they want their privacy as much as you do. The fact you're single is fine. There are lots of single people at events. Munches, private parties, public play parties, instructional seminars... these are just a few types of events you can go to. You don't have to jump in, full-on, simply because you go. You can go simply to say hello to people and to observe.
Suggestion: use FetLife to find private parties and private instructional seminars (both types of events are usually hosted in people's homes) in your area. Going to one or more of these is a low-key way to meet people. Note, you'll have to find which groups on FetLife list events for your area. This can be a bit of a challenge at first because FetLife has so many groups, but you'll eventually find the right groups.
quote:
So my question to the group is, what is the best way for me to go about finding a dominant woman? - I'd really appreciate feedback, and of course anyone who is interested in knowing more about me, please feel free to contact me personally.
At the private events I go to, the host goes around the room asking people to introduce themselves. When it's your turn, you can say a bit about who you are and what you're looking for. When others are speaking, you can note the dominant women. Treat this kind of event (and your profile on here, for that matter) no differently than you would meeting anywhere else. Be courteous. Participate in conversation. Get to know people, as people, before diving into kink.
Second suggestion: on here, dial your profile back and re-word it. Remove CFNM, female supremacy, and other, kinky stuff. This is the stuff do-me's (men looking only to fulfill their fetishes) often write about. Dominant women, like human beings in general, don't like being cast as fetish providers. Also, remove the details of your job as this is an area you're concerned about privacy. What should you add? Put in some details that describe you as a human being. Unique hobbies. Things that interest you (mostly vanilla, though you can hint at some kink). Show your sense of humour and your intelligence. Generally, if I can be so bold as to make a sweeping statement, dominant women who are looking for relationship partners seek well rounded men. This is no different than vanilla dating. You wouldn't walk up to a vanilla woman you'd never met and start talking about your sex life. Ditto for dominant women. A dominant woman isn't interested in your BDSM interests until she is interested in you as a person. So... use your profile (and meeting people in real life) to build rapport and the BDSM stuff will come out as flirting and other dynamics happen naturally. Even if a dominant woman's biggest turn-on is CFNM, I've met no woman who wants this handed to her by a stranger, right out of the gate. Doing so is a huge turn-off.
I think the gist of my comments is clear so I'll end at this point. Welcome aboard, subrich1984. :-) Oh! Last thought. Participate in the forums! This is an excellent way to get to know people and to show your personage.
Elan.
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