RE: The Image that is Given (Full Version)

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laurell3 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:23:49 PM)

I don't know about the honesty thing. The number of people I've met in real life is limited to partners and close friends. If I thought someone was suspect, I wouldn't meet them. Everyone I have met has been true to their representations.

I do know that I can understand what you are saying. I often read these threads and think, do these people even talk to each other before hooking up and doing the nasty? Or is it that they want that myth and have totally unrealistic expectations of the reality? and what the hell are these other people going on about?

Who knows. So many situations could be avoided if they realized up front this is no different than any other dating and actually exercised the power of their minds instead of their imaginations. But I think LA is right, they want that myth and they want it now, on both sides and then too late they say...wow this isn't working.

It isn't that special. We are still what we are regardless of what title we take.




Jeffff -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:26:16 PM)

So.. you are saying...SuperMasterOwnerDom...doesn't make your knees weak?



meat flavored condoms do it for ya?



laurell3 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:30:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

So.. you are saying...SuperMasterOwnerDom...doesn't make your knees weak?



meat flavored condoms do it for ya?



Nope, he does, but it isn't because I think he's perfect, unapproachable or going to save me. It is because I know the man, not the myth and love him, as he is...meat flavored condoms and all.



Jeffff -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:36:36 PM)

The myth is good.... the legend is spectacular!!!!!!!



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:42:31 PM)

See what I find sad is that there really is such a difference. I guess it comes from living life in a written format.

See even I fall victim to looking better in words than I do in real life. If you ask me a question I will answer with my experience or my opinion which is based on experience, but you will get in a few paragraphs the entirety of my experience. A decade or more of experience in a few paragraphs. Then the next time I am asked something it happens again.

Some people who read my musings might think it's 24/7 spanking and chains. That I spend my free time in the toilet practicing on how to tie a Monkeys Fist Knot... Truth is I have recently started doing that. The point is if you come over at any given time you are 95% most likely to find us hanging out watching TV and enjoying each others company than you are to find my wife tied up and taking a spanking or a flogging.

But you know when the Philosophy questions come up it is easy to say things that often come across as "Always" "Never" "One way" even when those words aren't said it is easy to give that impression.

When I see questions asked that basically say "I want something, and I want to know if I should tell my Master that, or is that Topping from the Bottom......" Then you have the question of what exactly is Topping from the bottom (Yeah I know what it is, I just happen to disagree with most people on what exactly IS topping from the bottom) When the impression is given that someone shoud be afraid to ask anyone anything to better educate themselves I kind of wonder what kind of impressions we give, what image do we give to the new and uneducated?

Sure it isn't my idea to raise the world in the ways of BDSM, but it stands to reason there may be times when we may want to be aware of the way we present the realities of it.

QSM




laurell3 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:48:33 PM)

I agree on the topping from the bottom thing...another myth....but let's not go there.

I'm not sure it's us. So many people come to this looking for it to be a fairy tale and believing it is. So many people are disappointed when they realize they cannot sustain that fairy tale.



Jeffff -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:51:00 PM)

Are we that different form other groups though?

Anyone should take some time and learn and see how folks interact. I was once kicked off a musicians forum for claiming all drummers are flawed human beings. They lacked humor there.

I am not entirely as I portray myself here. Anyone who thinks that any of us are this one dimensional should really think again.

I am not sure of the number but I would guess there are a few hundred regular pouters here. You don't have to be special or real to join in.

You just have to be aware.

Not being a dumbass helps too.
Not being a dumbs helps tpp



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:52:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I agree on the topping from the bottom thing...another myth....but let's not go there.

I'm not sure it's us. So many people come to this looking for it to be a fairy tale and believing it is. So many people are disappointed when they realize they cannot sustain that fairy tale.


Now this I agree with, but I think it again comes from the way this lifestyle is presented.

Read the Story of O, the Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, hell even Screw the Roses presentes things in a Non-Stop balls and tits crazy kinda way.

When Fantastic things are presented people come looking to find that fantasy.

QSM



Jeffff -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/28/2010 6:55:56 PM)

Castle realm






lally2 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 1:26:56 AM)

i havent been to Castle Realm for ages.  as a newbie i found it informative and hopeful, im going to go and read it again and see how it reads to me now.

its not there anymore!!



IronBear -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 1:36:18 AM)

Even whilst being honest with some one:
There be a time to be brutally honest,
There be a time to use a sledge hammer to drive a tooth pick into sand,
There be a time to sit and chat informally,
There be a time to weep and sob the truth out,
There be a time to snuggle and whisper truths,
There be a timmmmmme.. Oh well there just will be.....

As the hooker said to the Clergyman as he dressed himself, "Woe betide him or her who chooses the wrong moment to impart some gem of truth or chooses the wrong method like ripping a new a/hole in the midst of his or her orgasm..... "




ranja -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 1:46:09 AM)

yes, sometimes honesty simply is not the best policy



MsMillgrove -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 2:54:30 AM)

I can understand why people don't chose to post an unpopular opinion, prefer to write their thoughts privately to an OP. Two reasons and neither one is related to intimidation.

One--who appreciates thinking about something, writing with care and honesty and having DomiGuy post beneath you. "That is utter Bullshit" It doesn't intimidate me, i find it tiresome. (even tho I am kind of a domi fan and laugh myself silly once in awhile with his outrageousness, he is very funny on occasion) It's also frustrating sometimes to cram your opinion in on a page full of people flirting and showing off their "in crowdness" to each other. I find some threads are worse than jr. high for that element.

The second reason is that maybe you (meaning me) doesn't want to put parts of their life experience out in public or maybe what you say will be better received privately without the noise in the public forums.

I will give an example. On another site a very prominent domme in her local community wrote about her battle with cancer. It was clear to me what she was asking for.. a kind of permissive understanding from those around her that she wanted to do it her own way, that she wanted to be angry and nasty, to be weak and vent when she felt like it. But not a single one of the many people who love her--read that. Maybe because they never had cancer, maybe because they want her to be strong and fight and be her everyday wonderful good-natured self. At outpouring of love occured, more than 20 of those close to her replied, but not a single person acknowledged what she asked for.

If I had added my own completely different, dissenting post, it would have been unkind to all those people, to indicate--hey you're not listening, you're forcing her into doing it "your way". And please don't say--oh they would have learned something. No, this is something they should already know if they've done the research, and attempting to address her issue in front of them, in the midst of their fears and eagerness to show their devotion would have simply been rude.

So I wrote privately and her response--her relief at being understood.. at being given what she asked for.. was palpable. I know that I gave her something precious by Not posting publicly, but by writing privately instead.

Honesty here? I have no idea sometimes who is who, what's real and what isn't. One sub who writes very decent, sensible posts, who sounds knowledgeable and well.. just a great uncollared sub. I happen to know, by accident, that he has never ventured out of his home to anything and never met another sub or dom in person. You'd never know by reading his posts. I also know another terrific educator in a virtual world who is on such solid ground.. it's amazing, cause I also know privately that she too, never met a soul who is engaged in bdsm or d/s. zero experience--you would Never guess.

Since these two never do any harm, I suppose there are others who slide by without being caught out in their dishonesty. Yet, I find it ironic that most assume it's the wild-ass ones who are lying and it might be the ones who seem the most credible and sincere who are faking us out.



LadyPact -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 3:39:26 AM)

We will have to disagree here.

I mean this in no offense to you, but I get a little tired of the worn out record about the in crowd, the cool kids, or the clique.  I think that in people taking the stance against the supposed establishment or bravado, they skip that little part about why some people tend to gravitate with others away from the screen.  We might just <gasp> be genuine.  We might have philosophies in common that we're not just typing up because they sound good.  If anything, that supposed frivolous, junior high clique are the first persons who can call Me on My shit.  They know when I can do better.  They know when I'm not bringing everything that I have to the table and I'm taking the softer, easier path.  They don't let Me get over or hide behind the image.  Nope.  They expect nothing less than Me being My real self all of the time.



Jeffff -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 6:31:07 AM)

I get tired of hearing how people are afraid to post.

I get tired of hearing how we don't welcome new people.

Let's take Plasticine for example. His first thread was poorly worded at best, stupid at worst..:)

Yet he found a way to get over the responses and continues to post. All of us have been slapped around for posting stupid shit.

If you think you can come here and post crap and not be called on it, you are wrong.

I also wonder why some folks think that just because we are kinky, everyone will feel at home here.



heartcream -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 6:33:25 AM)

It helps to have the same outlook as others here to get to feel like the cool kids on the block or whatever. It is the same in the world. Have that same sort of presentation and the world is more of a supposed go. Be a little different, have a slightly different pov and watch the gnarly sarcasm unveil itself.

I remember this one thread where some guy exposed his emails from mods, and it was all about running the person off the boards. I admit I was shocked at this approach and disheartened at the mob mentality that can go on here.

I used to be scared when I first got here of being flamed. I thought that would be sincerely awful but now I see I was simply intimidated by many of you. After several years I dont feel intimidated in nearly the same way but I do think there is a clique energy that is pretty much boring and at times makes it difficult for someone to voice something that is not more mainstream which is an entire hoot given the umbrella we congregate under.

Sometimes people profess common sense but it is not what I would call it. Sometimes someone gets called crazy but I dont think they are. Sometimes someone is backed by lots of people when they are behaving every bit as poorly as they are stomping around righteously claiming someone else is.

I love when one of the more regular posters will get on their high horse about how rude some other newer poster is and honestly both the so-called rude poster and the been around poster both seem at least equally rude.

I dont care personally about people being 'rude'-- fake politeness is irritating to me.

Like those posters who pretty up everything they say with little flowery words all around it but what they are actually saying is whack.



laurell3 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 6:33:27 AM)

This post is not directed at any paticular person: (the fact that I have to say that pretty much makes my point already). Are we really going to make this about honesty and popularity on the boards? You're kidding right?

I think you'll find that what you perceive as a "clique" is just people that can have fun, disagree and still carry on without getting all whiney, overreacting to everything and creating drama like the internet is their only source of self-esteem.

I don't gravitate towards people that have like opinions or experiences, quite the contrary, I learn more from people that don't. I gravitate towards people that I see enjoying life without creating unnecessary drama and being grossly unbalanced. I gravitate towards people that are intelligent, not attention seeking. I gravitate towards people that want to change their lives, not wallow.

Domi is a good example. The amount of massive overeaction to his posts makes me laugh all the time. It also gives me a good indicator of just how balanced people are or are not. If you find yourself reacting like he just kidnapped your child in real life, you might want to consider.....this is the internet!

How can you be intimidated by someone you cannot even see? That intimidation is coming not from the poster, but from you.

There's a "everyone's so mean" "people don't post right" "I'm more submissive" or fat thread going on at all times here. This thread is apparently turning into one. You don't see "the cool kids" making threads saying why is everyone here so damn whiney? You know why? It ain't that important or personal.

The simple fact is many people here don't want honesty and if they are afraid of anonymous people on the net, they certainly don't honestly look at themselves.

Let me ask this...if people are lying (and I think it's safe to assume some are just because it's so prevalant on the net), WHO CARES? When we build our ego around something this intangible, we're always going to be let down and disappointed.


How's that for honesty? [;)]





VaguelyCurious -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 6:36:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I also wonder why some folks think that just because we are kinky, everyone will feel at home here.
This. Any group of people develops group dynamics.

The dynamics of these forums swing from flirty and jokey to deadly serious insult-laden debates to wild histrionics, because that's what you get when you average out the personalities of the core posters. You don't enjoy at least one flavour out of those three? You won't like it here.



submissivemale22 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 6:41:01 AM)

Thanks for that refreshing post heartcream. I agree with your appraisal, yet being fairly new wasn't sure if my opinion was isolated.



KnightofMists -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 7:00:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

A Quiet Simple Man asked this on a different thread, and it is a good question.

quote:

Okay so lets direct this thread into a different question.

What kind of lifestyle is this when someone asks a genuine question about if it's okay to be honest with a Dom?

This implies that they got the idea that the majority of Dom's DO NOT want this, or would be upset knowing this.

What is the image we give, by our words, by the threads we comment on that give people questionable views of this lifestyle?

I look at things in an interesting way, very few people I interact with on a personal level who are involved in this lifestyle are very down to earth, most of the time you would have no idea they were involved in this lifestyle, however the people I interact with on the internet present a lifestyle image that most of the time I find over the top.

Sometimes I have to admit that I think the majority of people discussing this lifestyle online are prone to over exageration and out right lying, I just wonder where this image comes from.

Now before the flame thrower comes, it should not be said that people don't live up to the suggestions made on these forums but It just seems that the consistency of day to day interaction is not consistent with that of those I meet in person.

QSM




I agree that QSM asks a very good question. Unfortanuately, I don't think there is a very good answer to go with it but there are going to be alot of different answers.


"What kind of lifestyle is this when someone asks a genuine question about if it's okay to be honest with a Dom? "

The question seem genuine enough. I find it distrubing that one would question if it's okay to be honest. What in this lifestyle.. and even the character of the person asking the question would cause consideration to be honest or not honest. I was raised to be honest and it was never a question. I suppose it a one true way approach in my life, but unfortunately, I have learn the hard way that honesty is not a one true way. The fact that a person asks once again reaffirms that honesty is choice that many do not make.

I am not sure what this lifestyle communicates to people. I have never been one to try to fit in or be apart of the group. Never being one to feel comfortable in groups is likely a significant reason that I have never been motivated to be part of one. I am a loner of sorts and the group norms have never been a concern to me. Secondly, I am much more focused on the individual and who they are. I have found that group dynamics seem to supress some of the individuality of a person and sometimes to their detremint. They behave when they are in the group in a manner that is acceptable to the group. Go to a church and for the most part you will find all sorts of polite god fearing people. But yet, when you get to know them outside of that environment there is another aspect that is not seen. I find that online here and the various lifestyle events present an image that is questionable at best. For example, look through profiles and you will see tons of pics with regards to kinky or fet wear etc and very little main stream attire. Read profiles and the greatest majority of content is very geared to the lifestyle with only passing references to ones life outside of this kinky lifestyle. But yet, when I meet individuals outside of the lifestyle, you often seen many things that you would never see in the confines of this group.

I am beginning to wonder if so many of us start to focus on this lfestyle, but yet this lifestyle is really only a part of ones' individual lfiestyle. This little part, this little image of this lifestyle is for many not a full reflection of the individual or individuals within it. We just might be making way to much of this image of a lifestyle and this community. Like it some special entity. But in truth, it is made of individuals with an array of personalities and character. I suppose for individuals that are struggling with their own identiies and individuality it must be comforting when they gain some sort of acceptance or belonging within this community. Unfortunately, I believe such individuals will find such comfort to be fleeting until they find comfort within their own skin. I am not to concerned about this image of lifestyle and I do not invest my energies in worrying about. I know that some come to church because out of church they are lost. But, they will remain lost until they know where they are outside of church. It's the same as those in this lifestyle. When a person knows who they are in our out of the lifestyle. It really doesn't matter what the image of the lifestyle is. I am not the lifestyle. I am me. Sad are those that judge me for what they see within the lifestyle. If one observes carefully, you might catch glimpses of me through the fog of the group image. But I assure you, that I try to look through the fog for the individuals that impress me.



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