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RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 1:21:53 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
First of all, since when is online without realtime interaction considered realtime? That idea just makes my head hurt. i don't get the logic. Real life is so different than online. Way different.

Secondly, online there is no way you can really tell if the punishment has taken place, not ever being together in realtime to check up on it.....unless of course the punishment is withdrawing Your attentions from her. Then You would know for sure.

Also, whether you are realitme or online, she will only behave if she wants to. You can't make her. And if she habitually misbehaves, why would You want her for a sub/slave anyway? Of course, as always, everything i say is just my opinion.

~sweetsub~

edited to add the last sentence.

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 6/29/2010 1:24:55 PM >

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New to RL Dominance - 6/29/2010 3:55:32 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lockage82

Here is my little story, I play the game Second Life in the Gorean theme sims. I met this woman and I made submit through roleplay. Long story short, she ended up submitting to me in RL, well sort of. You see she lives in Nevada and I live in Quebec, Canada. Not that big a deal, but here's my real question, how should I punish her should she disbehave ? She knows shes a submissive in RL but shes also a strong woman and she fights me... alot though im not going to let this go on for too long which is why I am seeking help.

Please help a newcomer become more comfortable to these new situations. Thank you in advance !


I define a working D/s dynamic as a submissive submitting to a Dominant's domination.

And since Dom's set the required standard for the sub, ie *lead*, then if you're not displaying dominance, don't expect to see too much unchallenged submission.

Soooo, you're "not going to let this go on for too long"? You do have a plan then, right? 'Cause right now you sound like the petulent parent who never stops saying to his unruly brat that "I'm warning you...!" etc, without ever backing it up.

I'd suggest this strong submissive woman who fights you is just aching for you to man-up and *lead*. Till then, she can't respect what she can't see and feel. Now, you can be a mindless thug about it or start acting like a thoughtful Dominant - the latter would allow her to be her submissive self without having to keep checking if there really is a Dom within you....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to lockage82)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/2/2010 12:06:13 PM   
LoveAndDS


Posts: 39
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lockage82
here's my real question, how should I punish her should she disbehave ? She knows shes a submissive in RL but shes also a strong woman and she fights me... alot though im not going to let this go on for too long which is why I am seeking help.



I'll probably get flamed for this, but it's the truth.  A real sub doesn't fight you.  Neither does a strong woman.  I know many slaves and sub who consider themselves strong-willed, and I would agree with them, but when it comes to their Master's word, the answer is always "Yes Sir". 

If someone is fighting you, than they are also fighting themselves.  Part of this lifestyle is realizing that these feelings are OK and to go along with them is natural.  When someone is ready to embrace that fact, than they are ready to move deeper into D/s.

It sounds to me like this girl you met on the internet is someone who gets off on the idea of submitting, instead of actually feeling it and wanting to live it. 

(in reply to lockage82)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/2/2010 12:42:41 PM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		True submission and obedience are born out of respect, not fear.  Submission comes when you respect the person in charge, when you recognize their authority, when you trust that they will make good choices and that life will be better if you obey.  Yes, you can rule through fear, Machiavelli will tell you that, as will the history of various totalitarian regimes throughout history.  But there is a difference between obeying because it feels right and obeying because you are afraid of what will happen if you don't.

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/2/2010 1:40:38 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't see that you are really interested in anything real time or long term or you would realize that role playing isn't a great first step into anything more.

So with that and punishment thrilling her or motivating her and therefore you... I recommend sand paper rubs on the tush, alcohol sprayed on recently sanded butt and self induced spanking on cam so you can see how well she dances.

Other than that... you both have it all upside down or inside out or... just damn confusing to those that see this as more than a fantasy game.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to blushingflower)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/3/2010 8:17:02 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I recommend sand paper rubs on the tush, alcohol sprayed on recently sanded butt and self induced spanking on cam so you can see how well she dances.

Too too funny!!!

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/7/2010 10:05:51 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lockage82
Here is my little story, I play the game Second Life in the Gorean theme sims. I met this woman and I made submit through roleplay. Long story short, she ended up submitting to me in RL, well sort of. You see she lives in Nevada and I live in Quebec, Canada. Not that big a deal, but here's my real question, how should I punish her should she disbehave ? She knows shes a submissive in RL but shes also a strong woman and she fights me... alot though im not going to let this go on for too long which is why I am seeking help.

My D/s roots come from Secondlife so I can, to an extent, sympathize. To be fair though, I never saw much use in SLGor. If you want my thoughts...

a) You are totally screwed from the beginning, as is she, so long as you assume "strength" has anything to do with submission. She is not "strong" so she fights you. She is dominant so she fights you. You need to see this for what it is... a dominance battle. Where it me, I'd simply ask her, "So do you want to submit or not? Pick an answer then honor it." I expect people in my life to behave with some semblance of honor and integrity.

b) You are totally screwed so long as you confuse online with reality. In the end, online IS reality. It is just as real as two people making a telephone call. When you think about it, SL is a technological medium which allows two people to communicate over distance. That medium has strengths and weaknesses to it. Is it "unreal" when an educator from MIT teaches a course in physics via a SL classroom? How about when a musician plays live for a SL audience? For this reason, I prefer the term "mixed reality" to "virtual reality".

c) I'm pretty much not in favor of extending SL dominance to real life. I say this because it is hard to do so responsibly. I KNOW my wife and what's going on in her life. I can exert dominance over her in a responsible fashion because I can see a complete picture. I cannot see that complete picture with my online slave so I am exceedingly careful about exerting RL dominance with her. In short, I treat the exercise of dominance is not a game to me and so I am cautious about being able to do the job right.

If you think it'd help, I'd be happy to have a discussion with you and your girl in world. PM me on the side here and I'll set something up. I can have both my online and offline slaves present.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lockage82)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/7/2010 7:30:22 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If was going to punish a woman, I would MAKE her play 2nd life...



Uh, I suggest you do not try that with a geek.

"Oh B'rer Fox! Please do not throw me into that Second Life! ANYTHING but that!"
...
Gets thrown.

(Oh excellent! I needed some time to sort my inventory, to shop, to dance with cute guy avatars online, to play in the gaming sims...)

Of course, you could always throw her into Borderlands and make her play "Brick."
...

(frowns) Or maybe not. Brick is rather fun.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/8/2010 12:14:38 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Punishment is not something I respect. I find it archaic and stupid.

There has got to be a better way I am thinking there really does.

Punishment is not it imo.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/8/2010 9:34:06 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream
Punishment is not something I respect. I find it archaic and stupid. There has got to be a better way I am thinking there really does. Punishment is not it imo.
How about replacing it with another archaic concept... "honor". I expect Carol to act with honor and to honor the decisions she's made. In my mind, it shouldn't be too much to ask a person who's sworn to obey me to... well... obey me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to heartcream)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/8/2010 10:51:23 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream
Punishment is not something I respect. I find it archaic and stupid. There has got to be a better way I am thinking there really does. Punishment is not it imo.
How about replacing it with another archaic concept... "honor". I expect Carol to act with honor and to honor the decisions she's made. In my mind, it shouldn't be too much to ask a person who's sworn to obey me to... well... obey me.


Yeah honor whatever. I dont love that word either. I think people should be themselves and be real about how they feel. If someone wants to do what you say, cool, lucky you. If not there is likely a reason and it is worthy of looking at. Throwing the word honor out there to make someone do something because you want them too, or to shame them into it, or to guilt them into it wont go the distance in my opinion.

I think most regular people act with so-called honor because we are wired to do our best as best we can. Most people dont need someone else to 'expect' it of them, it comes rather naturally.

In my mind anyone who's 'sworn' to obey another it can be too much to ask them to well, obey, if the thing they are asking to obey is not cool, for one thing. imo.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/8/2010 11:08:29 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Heartcream:

You've misinterpreted what I was trying to say.... dramatically.

Specifically, I talked about expecting Carol to act with honor. What I did not talk about is her expectation that I also act with honor. The whole idea that I would either shame or guilt Carol into doing anything is ludicrous. I totally agree with you that such a tactic "won't go the distance"... in fact by my lights, it wouldn't go any distance at all. Such a thing is pretend dominance and submission and not worth my time.

Insofar as your last part, for Carol and I, the "not cool" part is not applicable. We participate in a TPE relationship. For us, what that means is that by definition "it is cool".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to heartcream)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/8/2010 12:40:23 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

True submission and obedience are born out of respect, not fear.  Submission comes when you respect the person in charge, when you recognize their authority, when you trust that they will make good choices and that life will be better if you obey.  Yes, you can rule through fear, Machiavelli will tell you that, as will the history of various totalitarian regimes throughout history.  But there is a difference between obeying because it feels right and obeying because you are afraid of what will happen if you don't.


blushingflower,

You've summed up my opinions on the utilization of force in relationships to elicit compliance in that sentence. To that I will add that there are submissives that are internally wired for obedience. It serves as a large motivator for the kneel. However, some have willful personalities and they prefer being with a gentleman that will provide a taken in hand experience and exert force to bring them into line. While I don't fall within the second group and sincerely believe that takes more effort than I'd willingly invest, there are some that enjoy it. What is often overlooked is that the individual wielding the hammer often prefers a girl that wants the blows. They complement one another. Problems arise when either partner with an individual with a noted ambivalence towards tug-o-war.

~porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 7/8/2010 12:41:09 PM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to blushingflower)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/9/2010 2:26:40 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i met my master who i am now living with in second life, was collared on sl and then i submitted to him rl too and we were long distance for a while. he knew i woudl do as he asked and we used text skype etc i also knew he was there for me. as far as punishments he used to withdraw attention or not allow me to touch myself this didnt happen often as his contol was wonderful over me but beign at a distance somtimes i tended to get insecure and do or say daft things. we trust eachother totally and did from very early on . as i said now a year later we are living together extremly ahppily

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New to RL Dominance - 7/9/2010 8:53:39 AM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		Yup ya got the daft thang down pat alrighty,lol ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 35
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