|
CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Serving (6/29/2010 5:17:11 PM)
|
I think the thing that distinguishes 'service' from what you were describing, Whip, is focus. You see, to me, someone who chooses to be "in service" or to "serve" will be more interested in what -I- consider "service" than any pre-conceived ideas that xhe had about how xhe would "serve". To you, it doesn't seem like 'service', but I know a couple of people for whom much of what you described would be on the list of "this is what it means to be 'in service' to me."
That being said, service is a challenging mindset, and it really requires getting to know the person one is serving. While the focus around here tends to deal more with the kinky side of life, service doesn't necessarily have -anything- to do with kink. Frankly, it's the biggest difficulty I have when vetting new potential servants -- our household here in TX has a pretty low "kink" factor, even though House Bladewing, as a whole, can get into some pretty outre stuff. Because of the idea that many potential servants have that everything is going to be "high kink" all the time, there is a bit of frustration for many of them during their early training, when their 'service' tends to focus on things like meal service, or personal care, or even scullery service.
I have to really work to explain how I see service to those who are canalized to the "high kink" fantasies. In the end, it caused me to start seeking out servants to meet much of my day-to-day service needs outside of the BDSM realm. To that end, I have an -awesome- admin person, with whom I have a satisfactory arrangement for both of us. Xhe serves me -impeccably- in the things I need hir to do... but xhe's not involved in the House at all. Xhe's my assistant for my editorial freelancing. That being said, xhe gives GREAT "service". I don't need to worry about where the hard-copies of my current projects are, or whether all their pieces are together. I don't need to worry about whether or not my regulatory paperwork has been filled out and filed... xhe makes sure what I need is where I need it, when I need it to be there -- and makes sure that I am politely reminded of where -I- need to be, when I need to be there so that the work I've done takes the limelight, rather than my late behind... and xhe does it all seamlessly and nearly invisibly. For me, most days, THAT is service.
An individual who wants to "serve" me by getting f*cked or licking my feet or expecting me to expel gas on hir face, when that is the ONLY perspective from which they want to offer to 'serve' me -- that's not service -to me-... it's only service if the recipient finds it to be service. In my mind, half of that stuff (which is what 90% of the emails I get offer to serve me doing) I have little or no interest in... I don't consider them service. On a good day, I consider getting laid to be play, getting to play with my feet to be a REWARD for good service done, and the last one I won't even distinguish with discussion, as I find it... well... inappropriate behavior for the person I prefer to be. It's great if everyone has the time and inclination for it, but for the sake of quiet Havens, don't advertise oneself as a "service slave" if one's idea of 'service' isn't focused, first, on how the -recipient- sees "service".
I'd also like to say that I really don't have an issue with the folks who will serve me, doing what I need or want to have done, in exchange for having their "fetish" addressed... as long as it is a fetish that I don't mind participating in. To me, it is 'fair trade' for me to provide reward and recompense for service well rendered. All of this becomes part of the negotiation and the discussion, and becomes part of the aspect of nurturing the budding service relationship.
Calla
|
|
|
|
