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RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 5:13:47 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


quote:

ORIGINAL: CompletelyHis

How does having your Master play with you in public make you feel?  Would you be upset if He never did?





Uh, he is using you. With you in tow he can play "serious dom" and play with hotter women but who wouldn't fuck him and so he can take his moped home and fuck you in more ways than one.

Harsh, ugly but true.

Not because of WHAT he does but HOW he has let you feel about it.


I was going to post something very similar to this last night. Michael said it nicer than I was which was why I deleted it.

OP...your master doesn't have the balls to outright dump you so he's transferring all of the guilt onto your shoulders with the jealous comment so he doesn't feel like such an ass.



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RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 5:16:28 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		OP your man sounds like a dickwad.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 5:38:11 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetMeKnots

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Just because you're submissive, that doesn't mean your brain fell out your ear. Use it.



I love this.  May I steal it? 

LOL



I was just about to say the same thing....



Sure, ladies- enjoy! 

Myself, I'm just about to put a VaguelyCurious quote in my sig line. She's the total shiznit. 

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 7:40:33 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: CompletelyHis

I mean like at a public party.  We are poly and he plays with others but he has never taken the time to play with me.  I'm a bit upset by this but every time I bring it up I get told I'm being jealous. 


So basically he's not validating your feelings, and not addressing your needs and desires properly when it comes to public play. Explain to him exactly what you've said here, about how it makes you feel. If he already knows, then maybe a part of why he does it is that he's getting off on depriving you.

If you're not okay with how things are going during these events, you need to take more of an active role in standing up for yourself and your wants and needs. Everyone deserves the chance to have mutual pleasure and fulfillment, in their relationship.

If he's blowing it for you, and then discounting your feelings when you explain to him, you don't have to put up with it. Just because you're submissive, that doesn't mean your brain fell out your ear. Use it.

Insist that your feelings, desires and needs be properly addressed.
  This is well said. And I also agree with Michael ... and how he said it. Sometimes being blunt and giving someone that verbal smack upside the head is what they need to see to the situation.

He's pooh-poohing your feelings and giving his efforts to other women when he makes no effort for you.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 8:16:49 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to agree that open communication is the key and you are not a doormat as many should know top and bottom. Playing in public for some might be a big move. For myself I have never seen play in public and I am sure I could learn a lot from it. But if I was to play in public I would hope my Domme and myself would talk about it and not just command me to do so.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 8:39:40 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd be royally pissed if I went to a party with him and he ignored me the whole time. This would make me feel jealous and rightfully so.

I also think that he isn't going to change. For 18 months he's been promising to fulfill your needs and he still hasn't made that happen.

That says to me it never will. When words and actions disagree, believe actions.


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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 9:18:56 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		yes op, i would be upset if my master played with others in public and not with me. i would feel as though he were ashamed of me, as though he didn't want to be connected with me, or maybe that while i am good enough to be his in private, that i dont quite make the cut for being the object of attention with him in the public eye. as michael said, he is ignoring your feelings on this while also trying to make you feel badly for your ability to see there is something wrong here. i'm not sure i could call a man like that master- he doesn't seem to honor your place in the relationship the way you honor his.

(in reply to CompletelyHis)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 10:36:31 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CompletelyHis

just once I would like him to willing and with a good heart play with me in public.  for me it would be like announcing..this is my slave and I cherish her to everyone. somehow the fact that he never has made me feel like he's ashamed of me.  ( ok lots of therapy needed there,lol)



Have you told him that you want him to play with you in public or have you just wined about it??

And it might mean that to you, but I would be inclined to check how he feels about it before you go making assumptions that are likely to be incorrect.

The way you phrase your posts suggests he is right, you are jealous.  The other women  are getting something you want, that is jealousy.  And what are you doing about it?

Your posts also come across as blaming him for this situation, taking none of the responsibility for yourself.  You might be better trying to talk to him, express what you want, rather than telling him what he isn't doing or what he is doing wrong.

(in reply to CompletelyHis)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 10:43:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't usually speak up in this section too much.  I'm not a submissive.  My boy is already on this thread, but I wanted to expand on that a bit.

Yes, I do play with other people.  No, he doesn't have an issue with that.  At the same time, I make sure that he gets play, too.  It may not be a case of I play with him first, last, or whatever.  I do make sure that he gets time with Me if I'm willing to spend it with others.  It isn't a case where he has to feel lost, forgotten, or unimportant. 

As a woman, I'm going to tell you that I would feel like shit in your situation.  I would feel very unwanted if My partner had what it takes to play with others, but came up short when it came to Me.  I would see something very wrong in the relationship and it's not that unusual for the person not getting the attention to feel bad about it.  I wanted you to know that.


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(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 11:32:34 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
quote:

ORIGINAL: CompletelyHis
How does having your Master play with you in public make you feel?  Would you be upset if He never did?

Uh, he is using you. With you in tow he can play "serious dom" and play with hotter women but who wouldn't fuck him and so he can take his moped home and fuck you in more ways than one.

Harsh, ugly but true.

Not because of WHAT he does but HOW he has let you feel about it.

Michael - EXACTLY!

Before reading your response I was going to answer with something similar. He is using her as his 'admission ticket'. Having been to one or two 'clubs over the years, I've seen it often at both S&M as well as 'Swingers', or Sex Clubs like Dante's, as they were called in the old days in NYC. Its most innocent usage is in paying the entry fee.

One of the clubs we've been to in Vegas, The Green Door, charges a single male $225. for a 'weekly pass' or $110 for one night. The fee for a couple - $70 for the 'week', $60 for a Saturday. That cost is for the couple - not per person. Feel free to click on link to validate.

Often the 'entry ticket' for going to a party, any party, is to come as a couple. Once in, you can park the person you've brought into a corner and never see them again until it's time to leave. As described by the OP, no play at home, yet playing with other people at parties - what possible other conclusion is there?

I've never considered truth or reality "ugly" or even "harsh" no matter the source or method it was delivered. There is a whole lot more truth needed in the world and between people no matter what adjective modifier is used before the word. When you boil away the BS of disclosing 'harsh reality' you left with a pot of 'reality'. I've found it's better and less time consuming to not water it down in the first place.

Edited to add: Granted this is an assumption but based upon the facts presented as evidence, I'm going to assume that at some point, this 'master' took, or takes, the 'Master's Privilege' position regarding what he is doing. As others have said, at worst that's abusive, at best it's bullshit. However for each and every consensual D/s relationship, especially in this case where the principles are not living together; for every instance of abuse or bullshit there must be a corresponding enabler.

Once again - I see this as yet another example of all individuals involved in any relationship, 24/7 or 1 hour of 365 days, needing to come into the relationship with self confidence and personal integrity. You can't think this will be your last 'Dom'/'Master', or your last 'submissive'/'slave'. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Not referring to the specific treatment of ignoring a submissive or slave at a party event; but the bigger picture of being strung along and representing there is at the foundation of this situation a 'relationship' being served by all involved, fulfilling all involved as agreed to when it was formed.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 6/30/2010 12:08:09 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 11:49:20 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Merc's spot on, and in fact, what this "master" is doing is a classic form and is one of the many ways of scoring with inexperienced submissives covered in my classic class "Preying on Newbies"
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3094157/mpage_1/key_preying/tm.htm#3094157

(note, for those who are unable to detect sarcasm...that entire thread is sarcasm")

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 2:24:43 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		so your Master has health problems which has bent a dent into your intimacy at home, but somehow, he can play with others in public, but not you, all the while, he tells you that you are just being jealous. hmm....something in the milk isn't clean. i suggest re-evaluating thing between each other. i agree with everybody who says there is a posibility that he is just using you as a pass. just because you are a submissive does NOT mean in any way, shape, or form that you do not deserve the same treatment as everybody else. scratch that, you deserve BETTER than everybody else because you belong to him. don't settle for such subpar treatment.

< Message edited by MissAsylum -- 6/30/2010 2:35:18 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 3:18:29 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
Never treat someone as a priority who thinks of you as an option

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 3:31:49 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Never treat someone as a priority who thinks of you as an option


Quite a quotable quote! I'll have to remember that one; there's a lot of truth to it...

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 3:52:03 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		First of all and yeah I am just splitting hairs, but not all subs or slaves have Masters. Some just have tops, or doms, or mentors, Daddies, ect ect.

And secondly I love when Daddy plays with me in public, and if he never did, I'd be very sad. Which is why I only pick people who enjoy public play , and are compatible w/ith me on that level, since I do know it's important to me.

Same as with picking any other thing that's important to me in a partner.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CompletelyHis

How does having your Master play with you in public make you feel?  Would you be upset if He never did?




(in reply to CompletelyHis)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Playing in Public - 6/30/2010 6:11:04 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yes, I do play with other people.  No, he doesn't have an issue with that.  At the same time, I make sure that he gets play, too.  It may not be a case of I play with him first, last, or whatever.  I do make sure that he gets time with Me if I'm willing to spend it with others.  It isn't a case where he has to feel lost, forgotten, or unimportant. 
This is the way we are too. Master may play with others at a party, but he has never done so at my expense.

Matter of fact, there have been times when has cancelled out playing with someone else because our scene was so intense that he felt he needed to stay with me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
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