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Ligeia72 -> RE: Question for Sadomasochists (6/30/2010 6:30:41 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laurell3
Yes, you are in fact a card carrying sadist Jeff. Thank god.
I am a masochist. I do not desire fluffy erotic pain (although it's good as a warm up). I desire real pain that is painful. The misnomer that all masochists can convert all pain to erotic pain and are writhing with desire is just that, a misnomer and myth. It hurts. It will eventually stimulate me to the point of orgasm, but that state is not continual by any means. Nonetheless it is what I desire. It is what he desires as well. We are not talking about heightened sensation, we are talking about pain. Mentally, I do enjoy it, physically, not as much. However, the idea that to be a masochist or sadist there is a requirement of fear or enduring, is silly. I don't feel fear. To an extent I may physically endure the pain, mentally I am embracing it. That's not to say it doesn't hurt, it does. I don't have the mental responses to it of fight or flight others would have though.
My perfect companion is a sadist. Not because the myth of conversion is true, but because nonsadists would have a difficult time with the actual pain being inflicted. I am also service oriented and submissive. To the extent the pain becomes really challenging, my focus is HIM and his pleasure. I do NOT want someone to do this ONLY for me, quite the contrary, I am their instrument to express their sadistic desires, I would not play with someone that was merely being a service top (no I am not judging them, merely stating my preference..I am very much a service top with a twist when I switch), nothing is more unattractive or undesirable to me. I enjoy being challenged, I enjoy being pushed, even if in the moment I am not liking it. Sexual arousal is a good companion for him to allow me to take more pain. That doesn't come close to meaning I'm orgasmic all the time from the pain.
KoM once explained this really well maybe he will come along and do that again, he can actually do it better than I can. Rest assured the presumption that S&M is only fluffy play and there aren't real sadists and masochists out there is false. People sometimes hold firm to that belief because it is safe. I think that's why the myth of conversion is repeated so often. I don't feel anything close to terror or abuse though, so rest assured, the myth isn't necessary for me.
Thanks for responding. This is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for, wanting to see how different people viewed/responded to the discussion. Just in case it wasn't clear, I certainly wasn't meaning to imply any sort of 'myth' status to the idea of S&M, or trying to say that it has to be either/or, this way or no way, the label says this, ergo you must do/be/say/think/feel a certain way, and so on. [:)]
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