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Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 6:25:14 PM

LindaLashes

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I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around? If so, does he have to ask permission every time?

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 6:30:32 PM

MsMacComb

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I do. Both male sub and female subs. I seem to be a bit more relaxed than others but to me this is supposed to be about having fun and enjoying yourself and others. Since I only engage in mostly safe sex activies with others thats not a concern and other than my one true love the emotional component is not an issue either.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 6:37:52 PM

Proprietrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes
I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around? If so, does he have to ask permission every time?

My subs aren't allowed to play with others if I'm not there. Part of the reason is that one of the responsibilities I have as a Dominant is to protect my subs from harm and unwanted advances.

Keeping in mind though, I have no problem with taking newbies under my wing. When one owns a newbie sub, it's (in my experience) better to keep them on a very short leash for a very long time, lengthening it as they learn and grow.

Now if the situation arose that I had a sub for a long time, and I had watched him/her play with another particular Dom/me I trusted well, I would probably consider letting them play without my presence.
I also am not opposed to loaning out my slaves for demos.

It would depend on the type of play also.

< Message edited by Proprietrix -- 4/14/2006 6:38:38 PM >

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 6:48:58 PM

Arpig

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As a rule...of course they need my permission every single time? I agree with Proprietrix (cool name btw

) in this regard.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 7:03:41 PM

MistressSassy66

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes

I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around? If so, does he have to ask permission every time?

Yes I allow them to play without asking My permission,with the exception of bishop,she
must ask.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 7:30:53 PM

talmar

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When I was collared I always asked my Domme for permission to play with others. Or she ordered me to submit to others.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 7:39:33 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes

I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around? If so, does he have to ask permission every time?

Yes, I am very happy to have submissives or slaves who play with others -- be in BDSM or board games or RPGs or music or anything else.

Anything that is not his job or his family of origin he seeks permission to do first. This permission can be a one time thing (meet some friends for coffee) or ongoing (joining a gaming group every other Friday evening).

With people he's going to scene with I also require that I meet them once. There have only been a handful of people who I've made off-limits to him and I've explained why each time (usually having to do with my seeing them drunk or stoned and scening).

I actually always introduce potentials myself to both my husband and my slave -- some times they can see through a facade that I can't if I find someone attractive plus I think it shows them how much I value our relationships.

Why am I so open? Because I don't that I don't have the exact some interest and I would feel like a hypocrit to deny my slave or my husband the right to explore and enjoy if I'm going to do that myself. My slave is actually a switch but I don't switch so he needs outlets for his very excellent bondage top interests; he's also bisexual and the last time I checked I wasn't male.

But I'm the owner so I require information and respect for my authority. Then I'm generally a very easy going person about him seeing others.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/14/2006 7:48:46 PM

MistressLorelei

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In a more casual/open relationship, I had no problem with a submissive playing with another, as long as I knew what was going on.

In a long-term (forever) relationship, once I make a submissive Mine... His playing with others days will be over, unless I direct him otherwise. I am not seeking scene by scene play, but a long-term committed relationship.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 5:19:17 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes

I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around? If so, does he have to ask permission every time?

Though it has not happened as of yet, this has been discussed. We have an open relationship. We have set up clearly defined limits that cover our interactions with others. We are each open to being with partners without each other being present so long as the limits we set up are followed. The first & most important rule is that the other must know/be informed before any form of "date". We have fully discussed many guidelines, but that is rule #1... if we are not present at the time of a personal meeting the other must know where you are, who you are with & what do you intend to take place before interaction of any kind... & that includes just meeting for coffee.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/15/2006 5:22:46 AM >

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 5:26:23 AM

kittensmailbox

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What sub would want to play with another Dom? i never understood that whole sharing thing... Many asked my former Master if they could play with me and he always left it up to me... i said i rather be released then ever allow another Dom to touch me... i just do not think it is right... i mean could a Master TRULY trust the other Dom not to hurt the sub or even try to take the sub????

i repect that others do not feel the same way i do, and that is ok...

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 6:05:20 AM

MstrssPassion

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I guess I should have added this...

My girl will not submit to anyone else... if she were to met with another she would be in top-mode.

We do not plan on meeting others as individuals but this was discussed "just in case" there was ever something to come up. We are poly minded though we are not actively/aggressively seeking at this time. Since we are open to meeting others & we both have extremely busy schedules there may come a time that we will have to meet as individuals if the interest is there to do so. Aside from rule #1 I posted earlier... we also agree that we will not engage in any form of BDSM activity on a first meeting & that we would have to both have a strong level of comfort & familiarity with an individual before we would engage in any form of BDSM activity whether we are together or solo.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 8:25:02 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

What sub would want to play with another Dom? i never understood that whole sharing thing... Many asked my former Master if they could play with me and he always left it up to me... i said i rather be released then ever allow another Dom to touch me... i just do not think it is right... i mean could a Master TRULY trust the other Dom not to hurt the sub or even try to take the sub????

i repect that others do not feel the same way i do, and that is ok...

You can play with others as a bottom or even a switch -- there need not be sexual contact or even submission involved.

Fox does not sub to anyone else nor is he anyone else's slave -- but he loves bondage from either side and enjoys playing both roles for bondage scenes, especially with men.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 10:26:32 AM

Cloudz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes

I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around?

NO

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 11:18:04 AM

MisPandora

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes

I´m curious. Do you allow your sub to play with others when you´re not around? If so, does he have to ask permission every time?

Funny, I was just discussing this last night with a fem dom friend of mine. She was stunned that I allow my boy to play with others while he is on a contract assignment in Europe. I suppose that I am secure enough with who we both are, and what commitment he's made to me that I am ok with him playing with others. As someone who is very goals and development focused with my subject(s), I want for him to continue to learn and grow as a man, as a submissive and as a person, and I guess I'm just not threatened with him experiencing bondage or SM play with others (either as a bottom or a top.) We've both recognized that after three years of communication, if someone comes along that truly captures either one of us and proves to really meet our core needs, neither one of us would want to stand in the way of the other finding a truly fulfilling long term relationship and ultimate happiness. He's been involved for 15 years, and has gotten to the point where he approached me because he wanted to go further in his existence than "just a play partner". I have to put some faith in that commitment, and exercise judgement where I feel he can be trusted with it.

He does have one condition -- that he communicate with me about his experience (part of keeping him on his goals.) He enjoys the fetish parties, including the Rubber Ball and other european events that he'd not have the chance to experience here in the states.

Being as involved in the community as I am, I do play with others from time to time. I have set my own voluntary personal limits based upon the boy's personal sensitivities and insecurities. I am of the belief that if we desire to be sensitively and compassionately treated as a partner in a relationship (regardless of the power exchange that will go on within it), we need to treat one another respectfully and tread lightly on the sensitive issues.

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 4/15/2006 11:25:55 AM >

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 11:36:55 AM

Oumae

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It is something I would discuss and come to an agreement on with the sub and would depend on the individual but its not something I'm against once I feel the sub would be safe.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 5:11:58 PM

Misstoyou

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No, but he can date vanilla, if he's so inclined.

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 8:04:50 PM

kittensmailbox

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call me old fashion, however i believe and strongly i might add... When an owned sub plays with another Dom, they are still submitting... They are saying to the Dom "here, here is my body for you to enjoy, to abuse, to with as you please..." Sex has nothing to do with it... The sub is giving over the power to someone other then the one who owns them....
As always i will respect how others feel...

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 9:26:01 PM

PlayfulOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

call me old fashion, however i believe and strongly i might add... When an owned sub plays with another Dom, they are still submitting... They are saying to the Dom "here, here is my body for you to enjoy, to abuse, to with as you please..." Sex has nothing to do with it... The sub is giving over the power to someone other then the one who owns them....
As always i will respect how others feel...

kitten,

there is a huge difference in submitting and playing a bottom

K

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 9:42:31 PM

kittensmailbox

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not to me there isnt.... my feelings, my beliefs... doesnt make them right, just how i feel....

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RE: Can subs play with others? - 4/15/2006 9:44:06 PM

kittensmailbox

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GRANTED there is a HUGE difference between a bottom and a sub.... HOWEVER, i still do not feel it is proper for a sub to play with another Dom while collared...

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