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Needing advice - 4/14/2006 7:35:01 PM

blackangel4180

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/27/2005
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This may or may not have much or anything to do with BDSM, but I am in need of some advice or guidance if you will. I am having a problem with my stamina involving intercourse. I don't know if this is a medical problem, though I am planning on getting a "complete" physical. (You know, the one where you get "the finger". Not looking forward to that). I have tried the standbys; double bagging, cream, everything. Nothing is seeming to work. If there is anyone that could give me some sort of advice (and please, this is really beginning to bother me. Don't F*$% with this) It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Drayk

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Drayk

Post #: 1

RE: Needing advice - 4/14/2006 7:47:14 PM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
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You say you've tried "everything", so I could list of some things that I know of, but I'm pretty sure they're coverered within "everything".

Also, I don't think this thread belongs in General BDSM. It may get moved, just so you know.

(in reply to blackangel4180)

Post #: 2

RE: Needing advice - 4/14/2006 8:39:42 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
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Ok, but only cos it really bothers you.. but otherwise your language makes me want to. i'm slightly dyslexic ya know and when i see "dont F*%96 with this" it looks to me like "DO" Course that could just be selective reading on my part = )

You're concern. i'm not excatly sure what you mean by stamina? Do you get tired too fast? I'd say take up running, build up your stamina. Do you mean, you cum to quickly? i'd say cum a few times before intercourse. Or do you mean you dont stay up during intercourse? (he gets tired but you dont?) Have you tried that pill viagra? i heard it works well. Ya know i know some one that has the last mentioned problem. But he went out and cheated on his girl and found out its just a problem with her. And you know i sort of used to have the same problem. Moderately and slightly aroused to not aroused (usually only ever during hard sex) All of a sudden it'd just STOP. Red lght! It went away. Have you consiered the material that your using to stay aroused? Tried with porno, or self masterbation? Tried with masterbation through other things? Is it JUST a problem with intercourse? As you made it sound.. cos if it was.. then i'd think there wasnt something you like with intercourse, just dont realise it? If it was just intercourse.. well i'd say it wasnt a physical problem either.. or rather a physical problem with not enough happy stimulation, ya know?

Hope it helps.

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

Post #: 3

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 3:44:27 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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You can't go wrong with physical fitness, weight loss and exercise.

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(in reply to blackangel4180)

Post #: 4

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 4:38:29 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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It sounds like you're doing all the right things, getting a physical is a good idea. I have to add that you could also be suffering from performance anxiety. If, at some point, during your love making your "little friend" abandoned you at a very bad time then the possibility exists that the idea that it could happen again at an equally bad time still sits in the back of your mind. That "Oh shit, it's broken" anxiety only fuels the situation and the problem becomes more and more pronounced. Just something to think about besides the fact that it's laying down on the job. Nerves do amazing things when we aren't paying attention. Try not freaking out over it and use your girl to help "fix" the problem. Personally, I would try damn near anything before I tried chemicals. Try new positions, new adventures, new sexy clothing, new fantasy scenes, different pornos... Granted the little one-eyed monster has a one track mind, but it's still possible for it to get bored too.

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RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 6:11:23 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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*pictures Scarface talking to his "little friend" lol.*

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Post #: 6

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 7:17:31 AM

blackangel4180

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for all of the advice so far. It is helping quite a bit. I should probably point out that it is not a problem with staying hard, it is a problem with cumming to soon. I can usually get her to achieve orgasm, but I am not able to bring her to multiple. That is where the chemicals and what not have come into play. Maybe something along the lines of trainging myself to extend the orgasm I am having?

_____________________________

Why is there enough religion to incite war, but not enough to instill tolerance?

Drayk

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 7

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 7:20:35 AM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
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quote:

is a problem with cumming to soon. I can usually get her to achieve orgasm, but I am not able to bring her to multiple. That is where the chemicals and what not have come into play. Maybe something along the lines of trainging myself to extend the orgasm I am having?

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackangel4180

Thanks for all of the advice so far. It is helping quite a bit. I should probably point out that it is not a problem with staying hard, it is a problem with cumming to soon. I can usually get her to achieve orgasm, but I am not able to bring her to multiple. That is where the chemicals and what not have come into play. Maybe something along the lines of trainging myself to extend the orgasm I am having?

Keep a picture of Janet Reno near the bed maybe? That aughta kill any orgasm, wait that will probably kill the rection too.

(in reply to blackangel4180)

Post #: 8

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 7:57:53 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

You can't go wrong with physical fitness, weight loss and exercise.

I second that. Some people accuse me of touting fitness (especially the cardiovascular kind) as a cure-all. I know it's not that, but: a) it's pretty damn close; and b) it doesn't do any harm and does alot of good, no matter what.

As for coming too soon, I have found the best thing for me was to put it out of my mind. Not always easy, but with my last girl it was very easy to be right there 'in the moment'. Also...and this might tie into the overall health and fitness thing...I have found over the years that after I come the first time, I can stay in even though I'm a bit softer and still generate some pleasure. After a few minutes of that, along with exchanges of hot looks, words, and wiggles, I find myself...er...good to go again. Maybe even again after that, if I've been a good boy and said my prayers. And maybe even....yep

Bob

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 4/15/2006 8:07:35 AM >

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(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 9

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 7:59:47 AM

windchymes

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Joined: 4/18/2005
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Okay, if you're bringing her to AN orgasm, then you're not doing so badly! If you're cumming before she has MULTIPLE orgasms doesn't mean there is something wrong with you! I know in the ads and pornos and spam emails that you're supposed to be able to "keep it up all night!". Well, that's just a myth.

All women are different. Some women are easily orgasmic and have a series of "small" orgasms. Others take longer but have just one big orgasm (that's me). Some women have a hard time reaching orgasm at all, but that's probably not the fault of the guy not being to keep it up for hours. She probably has other physical or mental issues, or just a lack of knowledge about her own body.

Personally, and I'll bet a lot of women here will agree with me, we don't WANT men to keep it up "all night" or for hours or to go and go and go and go, trying to get us to have multiple orgasms by intercourse alone. Once I've had that big orgasm, I"m satisfied, I don't necessarly want more, I'm happy to stop there. When you go TOO long, we get sore! And, possibly even bored and a little exasperated......

How about giving her orgasms with your fingers, toys, and or orally before intercourse? I can assure you, she won't care HOW she gets the orgasms, and you both can finish off together through intercourse.

Based on what you've said, I strongly suspect that there's nothing wrong with you, and you're not cumming too soon, you've just picked up some inaccurate information or exaggerated expectations somewhere along the line. And guys bragging in locker rooms are usually lying. Like I said, if you can last long enough to bring her to one orgasm through intercourse alone, you're doing just fine. "Premature" ejaculation is ejaculating after just a few strokes, or even from the excitement of just thinking about it.

If you are bringing her to an orgasm through intercourse, then trying to keep going through the excitement of her climaxing without cumming yourself, and then keep it going even longer till she has more orgasms....dude, you're not Superman

You're normal! You don't mention your age, and I haven't checked your profile yet, but I suspect you're young. As you get older, your "stamina" will increase. Is your girlfriend disappointed in your performance? If not, I wouldn't worry about it.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 4/15/2006 8:12:20 AM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 9:38:41 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I can usually get her to achieve orgasm, but I am not able to bring her to multiple.

That's when a vibrator comes in handy.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to blackangel4180)

Post #: 11

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 10:45:50 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Oh geez! This is all abit funny = )

"Say hello to my little friend"

and of course the smart ass response is ... "ayep he sure is little!"

LOL ES, way to throw in the two cents about taking care of yourself = ) You are indeed so right its impossible to see it as wrong = )

Shifted, ya know the whole broken thing. i think you've got something with that = )

Wind and the OP.. i think Wind has the right of it. i really dont think its something you should stress about! You could of course try cumming several times before meeting and greeting. i've heard that once the first one is out.. the others after get harder to achieve. So if you've came like 3 time that day, 2twice right before getting it on with her - i'd say you'd A) be worn out LOL and B) would have a majorly hard time cumming.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 12

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 11:08:08 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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My advice is similar to that your broker gives you....diversify
With my pet and I, intercourse is a very small part of the sex. As a rule she has several multiple orgasms long before I even get around to introducing my little friend to her. Vibrators, dildos, fingers, tongue, and an amazing assortment of household objects all contribute to our fun, and to her being utterly cummed out by the time we wind up a session.

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Post #: 13

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 1:50:35 PM

JoeBlack

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline

The above,is all very sound advice......I would add the caveat that all women are not multiply orgasmic.
I have found that slow gentle "g" spot massage can produce plenty of orgasms,pick a good one,and join in.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 14

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 2:14:59 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackangel4180

Thanks for all of the advice so far. It is helping quite a bit. I should probably point out that it is not a problem with staying hard, it is a problem with cumming to soon. I can usually get her to achieve orgasm, but I am not able to bring her to multiple. That is where the chemicals and what not have come into play. Maybe something along the lines of trainging myself to extend the orgasm I am having?

Oh thats easy....i can fuck for days and not squirt if i do not feel like it LOL

Several things you can do.

1) if she cooperates with you perfect.
2) if she does not, then you gotta masterbate.

Just stop before you get to close and ride the edge but never take yourself over that edge. ideally if you can do it in her, if not masterbate and practice taking it to the edge. actually doing it in her should be very pleasureable for her too. iff all else fails masterbate before having sex. it will take a while before you really get it so dont expect prefect results in a day but when you get it down you will slam her all night if ya want.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

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Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

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(in reply to blackangel4180)

Post #: 15

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 2:17:52 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeBlack

The above,is all very sound advice......I would add the caveat that all women are not multiply orgasmic.
I have found that slow gentle "g" spot massage can produce plenty of orgasms,pick a good one,and join in.

you are right not all but easily over 99% are if ya know what you are doing.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to JoeBlack)

Post #: 16

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 2:28:50 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I have heard that as well, but I have yet to come across one who isn't.
So I am either good, or lucky...don't know which, and don't really care either

< Message edited by Arpig -- 4/15/2006 2:29:45 PM >

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to JoeBlack)

Post #: 17

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 7:05:16 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

Well once you ascertain if it is a medical problem or not you can finally put that part to rest. If it is a medical problem like a drop in hormone level etc. your doctor can possibly prescribe something. If it is NOT medical, then perhaps seeing a sex therapist might be in order to see if there is a reason WHY this is happening to you. If it IS psychological first stop putting pressure on yourself to perform and just enjoy the moments you do have not the finish line. Second, when/if you seek a sex therapist make sure to review them thoroughly. Sex therapists do not engage in sex with their clients. They usually deal with parnters and if an outside sex partner needs to attend a session make sure that it is withi a third party NOT the therapist.call around and find out various office policies and procedures. Good Luck with you be safe and smile

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Post #: 18

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 9:35:58 PM

blackangel4180

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Moloch, the only problem with keeping a pic of Janet Reno near the bed is that my sub is bi. It would kill everything that I am trying to accomplish here. We want to go longer, not longer between LOL

_____________________________

Why is there enough religion to incite war, but not enough to instill tolerance?

Drayk

(in reply to Moloch)

Post #: 19

RE: Needing advice - 4/15/2006 11:56:25 PM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

I second your entire post windchymes! God, this superman complex is ridiculus!

If it's that he doesn't try to cum and it just happens, then maybe practicing orgasm control (an experienced Domme could offer suggestions for that) would be beneficial. Have his totesterone levels checked too, not just prostate.

I'm bisexual and I know a woman's body very well + my own. One sure way to get a woman to have multiple orgasms is not via intercourse! That's great for an orgasm yes, but she has to continually practice kegel exercises and practice tightening those muscles, using her hips in relation to those muscles and letting go of the muscle contraction upon each re-entry. Many (not all) woman do not take the time to really "know" their bodies. They don't practice with a vibrator or with their partner. They think it's suppose to just be there.

If you really want to get a woman to have multiples, I suggest learning tantric prostate & vaginal massage techniques. It works well on both men and women.
http://www.whitelotuseast.com/Tantra.htm

Karma sutra and tantric can help in these areas to help you both really learn about how your bodies work. It helps in learning control. Then when you are in bdsm play and you are incorporating sex you will better understand how everything is working for both of you.

Hope it helps.

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Okay, if you're bringing her to AN orgasm, then you're not doing so badly! If you're cumming before she has MULTIPLE orgasms doesn't mean there is something wrong with you! I know in the ads and pornos and spam emails that you're supposed to be able to "keep it up all night!". Well, that's just a myth.

Personally, and I'll bet a lot of women here will agree with me, we don't WANT men to keep it up "all night" or for hours or to go and go and go and go, trying to get us to have multiple orgasms by intercourse alone. Once I've had that big orgasm, I"m satisfied, I don't necessarly want more, I'm happy to stop there. When you go TOO long, we get sore! And, possibly even bored and a little exasperated......

How about giving her orgasms with your fingers, toys, and or orally before intercourse?

Like I said, if you can last long enough to bring her to one orgasm through intercourse alone, you're doing just fine. "Premature" ejaculation is ejaculating after just a few strokes, or even from the excitement of just thinking about it.

If you are bringing her to an orgasm through intercourse, then trying to keep going through the excitement of her climaxing without cumming yourself, and then keep it going even longer till she has more orgasms....dude, you're not Superman You're normal!

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 20

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