RE: Am I Over-Reacting?

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LafayetteLady -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:21:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut Actually I do think there has been ALOT of wild speculation about not only the OP but the woman he is involved with. IMO alot of is due to personal bias that so many people have with the age differernce of the OP and the woman he is involved with. Those biases have been made very clear throughout with snide comments in this thread regarding her age. The fact of the matter age does NOT define maturity which is obvious nor does it define life experiences. You are certainly free to opine that we are wildly speculating and give the old "love knows no bounds such as age" reasoning, but really are the facts that we have been given really that ambiguous to you? 1. An 18 year old girl has a boyfriend. 2. For whatever reason, she begins to talking on line to a 54 year old man. 3. They converse back and forth for a short time, and then she tells him that she broke up with her boyfriend so they can meet in person. Do you think the conversations they were having were about the weather? Obviously their conversations were about having a "Daddy/daughter" kink relationship. Now, we know that YOU have that kind of relationship, although I bet the age difference is not quite so large. However, let's be real here, that does bias YOUR opinion of the situation. 4. They are discussing having a sexual relationship while she is involved with someone else. For most people, this is being at the least dishonest, at the most a form of cheating. 5. They meet and she moves out of state to start playing his "little girl." Although the OP has been asked several times, he has yet to answer how long they talked or how many face to face meets they had before he met her mother and told her that her daughter would be moving out of state with him. 6. Within a WEEK of her moving in with him, he catches her texting and phoning the ex that she cheated on while starting a relationship with him. She tells him she needs "closure" (a word not a lot of 18 year olds use by the way). Closure of what? She ended the relationship with him. That was HER choice, so she shouldn't have a whole bunch of unresolved business with him. Closure is usually needed when the other side ends it. 7. The OP considers it a compliment to be compared to Humbert Humbert, the narrator in the story of Lolita, a story about an adult man who wants to have a relationship with someone illegally too young. (happy sunshine?) None of that is wild speculation. That is all what he has given to us as FACT. Really you can try to paint it as the love story of all time, but the fact of the matter is this is a disaster waiting to happen. I would be really curious to know what his "little girl" does with her time all day. Is "daddy" encouraging his little girl to further her education? Did she even graduate high school? We've asked what her mother said to the OP when they met, which has remained unanswered. They started out with this young girl being dishonest to the person she was currently involved with. Within a WEEK of her moving in they are already having trouble and you honestly think this is going to work out and turn into something that will be good for either of them? If you really believe that, I'm sorry but I want whatever is you are smoking. And for the record not EVERYTHING in life is open to interpretation. But this IS being interpreted based on the facts we are given, not wild speculation. The only wild speculation that seems to be occuring with from you.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:24:26 PM)
Lafayette - cmail. stat!

LafayetteLady -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:29:10 PM)
Well, I edited, but classic literature is classic literature. Honestly, you can get that book from the local library.

WyldHrt -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:31:06 PM)
quote: You are absolutely right... age does not equate maturity. I have this 20 yr old son. He does not live with a woman that is old enough to be his grandma. He is not lying to some old broad while he keeps a younger girl on the sly, txting her, etc. He has not been lying to me about fucking some grandma that has told him he should lie to me about it. His sex life, to my knowledge, has not become public fodder for discussion on some kink forum... why? Because he is mature enough to avoid these problems.... On the other hand, this gal has had all of these problems Not to be totally picky, but you have a couple of assumptions/ mistakes there. First off, we have no idea how old the boyfriend is, because the OP never said. Secondly, and IMO more importantly, the OP specifically stated that he has met the girl's mother and she knows about their relationship. Thirdly, as you said, his sex life has not, to your knowledge, become public fodder. I see young folks (and not so young folks) posting about their sex lives/ relationships online all the time, not only on kink forums, but facebook and other places like that. And yes, I know that was kinda picky.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:34:05 PM)
It was a great post, and I didn't want to see it deleted for TOS violation. *smooch I would like to add this one part about the decision making ABILITY of a teenager is NOT like an adult, not even an 18 year old. Please note: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sci/tech/5327550.stm

Plasticine -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:40:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss I would like to add this one part about the decision making ABILITY of a teenager is NOT like an adult, not even an 18 year old. Please note: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sci/tech/5327550.stm Interesting article but a bit off, at least according to the lab I work in. We are doing EEG scans to study empathy, which is essentially what that article is about, and we cut off subjects at age 25. Why? Because that is the developmental peak, a younger brain isn't fully prepared (but is still ripe enough) and an older brain has already begun to deteriorate. I might be doubtful otherwise but our department is held in very high esteem and the good Dr. is a wise man. He wants his studies to be legitimate. :) Not to say that teenagers aren't more impulsive and irrational. Just that decision-making has a lot to do with experience and that is something that teens sorely lack.

juliaoceania -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:42:08 PM)
quote: Not to be totally picky, but you have a couple of assumptions/ mistakes there. First off, we have no idea how old the boyfriend is, because the OP never said. Secondly, and IMO more importantly, the OP specifically stated that he has met the girl's mother and she knows about their relationship. Thirdly, as you said, his sex life has not, to your knowledge, become public fodder. I see young folks (and not so young folks) posting about their sex lives/ relationships online all the time, not only on kink forums, but facebook and other places like that. And yes, I know that was kinda picky. You do mean to be picky... so why say you don't? That is being highly disingenuous... As for the rest.... he is still caught in her teenage love triangle, whether her mommy knows about it or not... And I will reiterate... My son to my knowledge has never banged someone old enough to be his grandmother, moved in with her, and then txted some other broad on the side (regardless of the age)... I think I would know if he had moved in with someone, seeing he is in the other room as I type this.. And I also doubt highly, really highly, as to if he would be posting his life on the internet... he is more mature than me in this regard, the kid won't even allow his images to be on the internet, won't open a facebook, and thinks forums are stupid...[;)] I am fairly confident if his partner were to come on to a site like this and post his dirty laundry, it would be their ass kicked to the curb, he is just like that. As I said, I do not think age is an automatic barometer of maturity. There are oodles of stable young adults working full time, going to school, supporting wee ones, etc out there... but this person doesn't sound to be one of them...

LafayetteLady -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:53:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss It was a great post, and I didn't want to see it deleted for TOS violation. *smooch I would like to add this one part about the decision making ABILITY of a teenager is NOT like an adult, not even an 18 year old. Please note: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sci/tech/5327550.stm Thanks sweetie!

WyldHrt -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:57:59 PM)
quote: You do mean to be picky... so why say you don't? That is being highly disingenuous... Sorry you feel that way. I pointed out the errors I saw because, as you should know from being a long time poster, things like that tend to be picked up by other posters and assumed to be facts. Had you not put in the part about about being instructed to lie to the parent, I would likely have left it alone. To my mind, that is a fairly major thing to be incorrect about. YMMV That said, I believe this is a totally f-ed up situation, regardless of the ages involved. Strip the ages from this situation, and you have a woman who leaves her man for another man, then sneaks around texting/ calling her former and lying about it. Trust issues out the ass here. She didn't think she could go to her Dom and tell him that she needed closure (trust issue), or she didn't think he would find out (trust issue when he did), or he wasn't open to discussion about it (trust issue), etc. Mix and match any way you like, and it's a mess.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 10:59:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine Interesting article but a bit off, at least according to the lab I work in. We are doing EEG scans to study empathy, which is essentially what that article is about, and we cut off subjects at age 25. Why? Because that is the developmental peak, a younger brain isn't fully prepared (but is still ripe enough) and an older brain has already begun to deteriorate. I might be doubtful otherwise but our department is held in very high esteem and the good Dr. is a wise man. He wants his studies to be legitimate. :) Not to say that teenagers aren't more impulsive and irrational. Just that decision-making has a lot to do with experience and that is something that teens sorely lack. Most teenagers are also naturally narcissistic. Listen to a bunch of them talk sometime. Saying that 25 is the developmental "peak" is indicative of saying that is when the brain STOPS developing. I do understand that you are using the study to make your point, but you would need to give the starting age as well for it to hold much merit. If the ages are 20-25, the results would make no difference compared to Sunshine's article. Even if the beginning age was 18, the margin for error and the statistical analysis of the study could very easily show that the younger subjects reacted differently. Not all teenagers lack empathy, and most teenagers have some empathy. But for the most part their lives are about instant gratification without consideration of the consequences.

jujubeeMB -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:02:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine Because that is the developmental peak, a younger brain isn't fully prepared (but is still ripe enough) and an older brain has already begun to deteriorate. Are you telling me my brain has just started to deteriorate? That is so depressing...

juliaoceania -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:03:01 PM)
As domi stated earlier, she is acting the way many 18 year olds do, and there is a lot of truth to that. He, being a yr away from being able to get the Senior's Discount at McDonalds should know better

juliaoceania -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:04:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine Because that is the developmental peak, a younger brain isn't fully prepared (but is still ripe enough) and an older brain has already begun to deteriorate. Are you telling me my brain has just started to deteriorate? That is so depressing... "You are the same decaying matter as everything else" Tyler Durdin - Fight Club

Plasticine -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:04:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Most teenagers are also naturally narcissistic. Listen to a bunch of them talk sometime. Saying that 25 is the developmental "peak" is indicative of saying that is when the brain STOPS developing. I do understand that you are using the study to make your point, but you would need to give the starting age as well for it to hold much merit. If the ages are 20-25, the results would make no difference compared to Sunshine's article. Even if the beginning age was 18, the margin for error and the statistical analysis of the study could very easily show that the younger subjects reacted differently. Not all teenagers lack empathy, and most teenagers have some empathy. But for the most part their lives are about instant gratification without consideration of the consequences. That IS when the brain stops developing. My problem with the article is that it is deliberately dropping a correlation to come to a conclusion. Yes teenagers may use the prefrontal cortex more than adults in decision making, but I suspect that is more because they lack experiences to reflect on rather than them just not caring about people. You have to learn to care about people through experiences, and when adults make decisions that is the part of the brain that they use. I just think the article is using media spin to suggest a conclusion that the scientists aren't really coming to. Or it is putting the effect before the cause. ED: Also "self-other awareness" is one of the three primary cognitive functions that comprise empathy, and that is certainly the subject of both that article and of your assertion of narcissism.

Plasticine -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:07:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine Because that is the developmental peak, a younger brain isn't fully prepared (but is still ripe enough) and an older brain has already begun to deteriorate. Are you telling me my brain has just started to deteriorate? That is so depressing... It was very ironic for our 50-something professor to be lecturing this fact to a room of college kids. He has the most deteriorated brain of all of us, but he still has the most experience. ;)

jujubeeMB -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:12:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania "You are the same decaying matter as everything else" Tyler Durdin - Fight Club Ok, you just brought Fight Club into the conversation. You're officially my hero.

jujubeeMB -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:13:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine That IS when the brain stops developing. My problem with the article is that it is deliberately dropping a correlation to come to a conclusion. Yes teenagers may use the prefrontal cortex more than adults in decision making, but I suspect that is more because they lack experiences to reflect on rather than them just not caring about people. You have to learn to care about people through experiences, and when adults make decisions that is the part of the brain that they use. I just think the article is using media spin to suggest a conclusion that the scientists aren't really coming to. Or it is putting the effect before the cause. ED: Also "self-other awareness" is one of the three primary cognitive functions that comprise empathy, and that is certainly the subject of both that article and of your assertion of narcissism. Where were you when we were having the two-day age debate?? [:)]

LafayetteLady -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:14:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine That IS when the brain stops developing. My problem with the article is that it is deliberately dropping a correlation to come to a conclusion. Yes teenagers may use the prefrontal cortex more than adults in decision making, but I suspect that is more because they lack experiences to reflect on rather than them just not caring about people. You have to learn to care about people through experiences, and when adults make decisions that is the part of the brain that they use. I just think the article is using media spin to suggest a conclusion that the scientists aren't really coming to. Or it is putting the effect before the cause. It would have been very interesting had you given the "starting" age of the study. I'm actually really curious why you didn't. As a parent and someone who has done a lot of work with teenagers, I would say your suspicions that their lack of caring about people is based on a lack of experience is way off base. Children, through their parents learn from practically day one to care about people. When they make the decisions that they make it isn't because they don't care about other people. Part of it is the impulsiveness of youth, and part of it is the instant gratification issue. A big part of it, whether we want to admit it or not is raging hormones. During the teenage years, those bodies are going through tons of changes and it does have an effect on everything else. If you think hormones don't have those kinds of effects, you have never been around a pregnant or menopausal woman, because you can often see a lot of the same types of behaviors then as well. In any case, we are in complete agreement about the situation the OP is in, so there really isn't any point to derailing this thread any further talking about brain development.

Plasticine -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/3/2010 11:31:23 PM)
Our studies on 'normals' are done on college students so 17-25. The research however is geared toward finding ways to enhance empathy in autistic children before their brains stop maturing. I wasn't hiding that, its just tangential to my point. Although we are in fact using the college kids as a model for working on much younger ones. And you're right: derailment aborted. [:D]

AlchemicalMaster -> RE: Am I Over-Reacting? (7/4/2010 12:40:17 AM)
I see no problem with her having feelings for a past boyfriend. It actually shows she is not coldhearted, in my opinion. You can't control the human heart. She can, however, control her intentions and her behavior. LYING is unacceptable. I would take away the phone after explaining that trust is earned, and right now she needs to earn yours. I would ask if she has a track record of dishonesty or of white lies. I would explain to her that talking things out with you openly and honestly will lead to more intimacy and having her daddy as an ally, and lying, no matter how small the lie, destroys intimacy.

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