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When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:15:28 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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Ok, crappy title, but I couldn't think of anything else. Anyway....

So when I opened my account on the other side, we all know how it lists a bunch of random people based on whatever you had your last search preference set to. Well, up pops this guy that I had met on another site, in like 2004. We went out once, had dinner at a local place and then he brought me home. The entire evening all he talked about was his ex wife. Not in a good way either. Granted, at the time I was working in Family Law, but really who wants to talk shop on a first date, right? We parted ways with that "let's do this again soon" that we both knew was just being polite.

The reason I knew it was him was because he is still using the same picture. I think it was fairly recent back then, but now? I opened his profile just to see what he had to say and give myself a giggle. I mean, he looks really good in the photo, but when he pulled up to pick me up for our date, I really learned to appreciate the art of photography! It wasn't that he was butt fucking ugly in real life, you could definately tell it was the same guy, but the "in person" guy looked no where near as good as the picture, so like I said, with the right lighting, angles....

Well, I went to check my email this morning and there is an email from him! I don't have my picture on my profile, so he has no way of realizing it was me. That's kind of a nice thing because otherwise I mean really, what kind of impression had I left that he didn't even remember? He writes that he liked my profile, blah blah.

I politely wrote back saying that we had met around 2004, mentioning where we had dinner (the new name of the place, because it's changed hands since) and ask if that rang any bells. He hasn't read the email yet.

Now there wasn't really anything terribly wrong with this guy other than the hang up with the ex wife being so obviously fresh, and I certainly wouldn't mind being friends with him. After all he is local and we can never have too many friends to hang out with.

But the question is have any of you ever had this happen before? Someone you actually met, it didn't go bad, but it didn't go great, writes to you years later, not knowing its you? What did you do?

Post #: 1

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:19:08 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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LL, when he does read it, I hope he doesn't come on this side, and read the OP

And no, it's never happened to me, btw.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 2

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:26:25 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

When I opened my profile one guy contacted me who mugged me in 2005...so we both remembered each other...

apart from that I only know it the other way around with people I know but not on here. I often meet people and have no idea who they are or where I do know them from...sounds weird but the fact is when I started uni 3 years ago I worked for 6 different employers which meant a heck of a lot of different clients and different colleagues...on top of that another 108 people from my course plus another huge bunch of new people and new faces on both of my placements...at some point you are (or at least I am) overloaded and only remember the ones which are really important for me to remember...so normally I am not bad but in the last years I just met faaaaaaaaaaaaar too many to remember them every time when I meet them again in a different situation...

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RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:29:40 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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What did the mugger say?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

Post #: 4

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:33:07 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
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Yes it happens to me from time to time.

People I met at Munches, or Conventions, or while in other states who find me on FetLife or used to find me here before I went Smilie liscious.

I personally treat them like people, If there is a possibility of being friends then sure why not, if they do not feel they can be just friends then I move on, if I am interested in them and they are not in me, I move on. If they are interested in me and I am not in them I tell them so and try to be as platonic as possible.

History is History, The Future is unknown, Right here and now is all we got.

Unless I plan on being romantic with them how I feel about them on an attraction level is unimportant. Perhaps now he is over his ex-wife and you can have actual conversations and who knows maybe without the overshadowing of a broken relationship you might find you have a lot in common.

I echo that I hope he doesn't read this, he might take it rather negatively, you don't paint him in a kind light in your Op.

QSM

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RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:33:55 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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Years ago, I seemed to run into people I knew everywhere I went. I took my son to DisneyWorld and ran into a friend in the park. At the airport, another person I knew from somewhere I worked. I would go to the shore (how us NJ folks call it) and see people that I knew from all over.

Now, not so much, although often I will see people that I know from somewhere, but not be able to recall where. Of course, I am one of those people who will stand in line behind you in the grocery store and your face will be imprinted in my memory forever.

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

Post #: 6

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:38:27 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I know he has no forum posts and what I do remember about him is that he isn't likely the type to even lurk through them. Not his thing. On the up side I did say he wasn't butt ugly, lol.

The thing is that at first I was kind of peeved that he didn't realize I was the same person. Then I realized there is no picture on my profile and the screen name is no where near the same, so how would he know.

You make a very good point that he could be over his ex by now and we might have something in common. Who knows? I try not to slam doors shut.

I just found it really amusing that he is still using the same picture, although it appears he has moved from my area.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 7

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:39:28 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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Yea, I completely forgot to ask about that? Talk about freaky, lol.

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Post #: 8

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:53:31 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Not people I had actually met, no...

There was a man I started communicating from the same site as Sinergy and met and in the same time frame. He is tall, dark haired, handsome professional. He can string a sentence together. Well, back in early '06 he and I chatted for a few weeks, as Sinergy and I were. We were not politically similar, and his views were really far right of mine.. So I quit communicating because Sinergy and I had online chemistry and phone conversations that literally lasted hours each night.

Well this man emailed my profile here in the last few weeks, and I thought "yanno, maybe I haven't been extremely tolerant"... and the same thing is happening.. it is like he thinks my research isn't important, etc... because it isn't concentrating on physical sciences, and the social sciences are just bullshit, etc etc etc....we just aren't compatible no matter what year it is

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/3/2010 1:54:24 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 9

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:56:40 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What did the mugger say?

I can't remember it precisely but he approached me in a negative way, a la "you slut here as well" something like that...I met him as a punter but the police wasn't bothered to do something about him at that time...despite the fact that he had more than just his money taken from me at that time.

< Message edited by PeanutTigerinBox -- 7/3/2010 1:57:01 PM >

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

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Post #: 10

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 1:58:23 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Years ago, I seemed to run into people I knew everywhere I went. I took my son to DisneyWorld and ran into a friend in the park. At the airport, another person I knew from somewhere I worked. I would go to the shore (how us NJ folks call it) and see people that I knew from all over.

That's how it is for me over here but my memory has no energy left to recall all of them every time...

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 11

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 2:02:45 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Not people I had actually met, no...

There was a man I started communicating from the same site as Sinergy and met and in the same time frame. He is tall, dark haired, handsome professional. He can string a sentence together. Well, back in early '06 he and I chatted for a few weeks, as Sinergy and I were. We were not politically similar, and his views were really far right of mine.. So I quit communicating because Sinergy and I had online chemistry and phone conversations that literally lasted hours each night.

Well this man emailed my profile here in the last few weeks, and I thought "yanno, maybe I haven't been extremely tolerant"... and the same thing is happening.. it is like he thinks my research isn't important, etc... because it isn't concentrating on physical sciences, and the social sciences are just bullshit, etc etc etc....we just aren't compatible no matter what year it is

lol, that reminds me on some folks who seriously thought I would be bothered to meet anyone for stupid nsa whilst I was working on my dissertation

claiming that this would relaxe me

*snort* yeah, right...

about two years ago I also had one who I was considering to give him a chance but he also blew it as he did not get it that I won't "relaxe" with meeting a bloke when I am under uni stress...I do know when I am not in a good state to meet someone to get to know someone but some folks just don't get that at all

So I never met him, because what's the point to meet when he ignores the fact that I say it is not good to meet

After all I do know myself...

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 2:21:20 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ol, that reminds me on some folks who seriously thought I would be bothered to meet anyone for stupid nsa whilst I was working on my dissertation

I think this is part of my issue with getting involved in a lifestyle relationship, because I do not always have the energy to devote to anyone or anything... mental energy. I get into these strange reclusive moods when I am busy with my work, and when if I get down time I read the internet, or whatever... but it is kinda hard to have a new person take a backseat to a thesis project

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

Post #: 13

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 2:26:54 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ol, that reminds me on some folks who seriously thought I would be bothered to meet anyone for stupid nsa whilst I was working on my dissertation

I think this is part of my issue with getting involved in a lifestyle relationship, because I do not always have the energy to devote to anyone or anything... mental energy. I get into these strange reclusive moods when I am busy with my work, and when if I get down time I read the internet, or whatever... but it is kinda hard to have a new person take a backseat to a thesis project

Indeed...and the guys I experienced at that time simply appeared to me to be much more concerned about to get a quick fuck then to just leave me to get on with my work...so after a while I then write to them "now go ahead and bore someone else"...(at least when it is one who refuses big time to try to see my side at that moment).

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 2:33:05 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Yes, it's happend a few times and I politely remind them we've already met, and most the time they're like oh ok, so how are you.

One guy wanted to be email friends, and he wasn't very friendly the last time I'd talked to him since I had a Daddy and didn't want to talk sexy , so w hen he emailed me asking to be email friends I said we already know each other, and you never showed any interest when I attempted to talk to you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

But the question is have any of you ever had this happen before? Someone you actually met, it didn't go bad, but it didn't go great, writes to you years later, not knowing its you? What did you do?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 15

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 2:39:23 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Indeed...and the guys I experienced at that time simply appeared to me to be much more concerned about to get a quick fuck then to just leave me to get on with my work...so after a while I then write to them "now go ahead and bore someone else"...(at least when it is one who refuses big time to try to see my side at that moment).

I'm experiencing a different phenomena,... the men that seem to be contacting me want to exchange countless emails, etc, and I just don't have time to be really "into" it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

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RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 2:58:33 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Not people I had actually met, no...

Oh well, I get that all the time. Every couple of months this guy will email me. The same exact email, by the way, lol. I politely responded the first time with a no. The second time I politely reminded him I had already answered him. The third time I suggested he start keeping a list of who he has cut and paste the same damn message to that turned him down!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 3:10:39 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Not people I had actually met, no...

Oh well, I get that all the time. Every couple of months this guy will email me. The same exact email, by the way, lol. I politely responded the first time with a no. The second time I politely reminded him I had already answered him. The third time I suggested he start keeping a list of who he has cut and paste the same damn message to that turned him down

I get that too, this was different because a few years ago I told him that there was someone I was wanting to explore with, and he ran across my profile here and saw I was seeking again, so he shot me a "hello" email. He isn't one of those clueless guys that got a brush off response or no response and keeps emailing incessantly....lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 18

RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 7:37:19 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeanutTigerinBox

about two years ago I also had one who I was considering to give him a chance but he also blew it as he did not get it that I won't "relaxe" with meeting a bloke when I am under uni stress...I do know when I am not in a good state to meet someone to get to know someone but some folks just don't get that at all

So I never met him, because what's the point to meet when he ignores the fact that I say it is not good to meet After all I do know myself...

Back when I was looking, I had a hard limit listed - no duct tape gags. You have no idea how many men wrote me out of the blue to say this would be the first thing they would do to me. And how I should trust them.

How the hell can you trust anyone who cannot accept a hard limit? They never asked why I had it, just announced they didn't approve of it. The Man's the only one who ever asked why, and that was just clearly curiosity as he said he had no problem with it, he prefers ball gags anyway. (They give me panic attacks and being gagged when you can't breathe due to panic is not a good idea folks).

OP he could well be over his ex by now. Years ago my sister met a business friend of my father while he was just out of his divorce and ranting against women. She wouldn't spit on him to put out a fire. I met him six months later and he was a really nice guy then. So you can't tell by that.

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RE: When the Past comes back to haunt you... - 7/3/2010 7:48:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

My past comes back to haunt me all the time, one is an ex who is now blocked the other was a friend who, at the time, I didn't consider more than a friend for various reasons on both of our parts (including other relationships), he is now much more. Odd how much discrepency there is between the two huh?

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 20

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