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doubts and confidence... - 4/14/2006 10:08:21 PM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

My life with a submissive woman:

Between the sheets I have always been a confident lover. I like to be in charge. It has always been my understanding that my lover’s pleasure is always my responsibility. I have found my orgasm a limited thing, yet women seem to possess the infinite in passion, and watching them and being the catalyst to their pleasure has always been, having no better term, “my kink.” I like to create pleasure.

Last summer for the first time in my 46 years, I met that wonder known as the “submissive woman,” and for the past few months my life has been a whirlwind of passion and frustration unbound. I am deeply in love, of that there is no doubt. It is not her kink that draws me but her spirit and beauty; though when in the middle of most mundane activities she’s in the habit of saying things like, “I just love kneeling at your feet while sucking your cock,” doesn’t hurt either.

At this moment, she is now FINALLY on the Internet finding out that she is not as strange as perhaps she has always surmised. Long have I told her “there are many out there like you,” (Yet none so special.). For months I myself have had to learn for us both; for I never dared to dream of such a woman, nor has she dreamed that actually living her fantasies could become reality. It has been a long and difficult journey for both of us. We have had many fights. Our relationship is a volatile one. It has sapped us both to the point where we must wonder if we are right for each other. It has always been my guess that she might be more 24/7 than she suggests. I often felt that here is a woman that does not need the space she so requests, but needs the discipline of a full-time Master.

Last week while she was away and while we were having yet another of our “we’d better break up” fights, I asked her if she would like me to dominate her “life” more, managing her daily tasks, giving her specific daily goals, then later punishing her or rewarding her depending on how “good of a girl,” she had been for me. It was as though she’d just heard the Sermon on the Mount. O boy did she think that would be terrific! She comes back, we have a lovely night, I give her the next two day’s to-do list (Her job sometimes keeps her overnight). She returned exhausted from work, merely wishing a peaceful night with a glass of wine. Though she had completed most of her tasks there were a couple of missteps. I did not punish her. She was tired and I myself had had an easy day. It seemed “wrong” for me to punish her.

That was a mistake, I see now. For my resolve never returned and within two day we are now back to our old ways. Yes, in bed I am Lord and Master, but our passion has never divided us. It is my lack of knowledge and confidence in this new D/s relationship, and her unwillingness to speak or become knowledgeable of what she truly wants and needs which I believe has always been our problem.

It is difficult to act upon her wishes. After 40 odd years of learning a very different set of morals to guide my path, it is only natural that when arguing with a woman to believe listening and understanding is the best path, yet I know my girl just wants me to “rape” her. When she doesn’t go to the gym, I have in the past been supportive by encouraging my lover to try again tomorrow, rather than to put her over my knee and give her the ol’ what for. When a woman speaks of her wishes to leave a relationship, one must listen, object, make promises, give in, or leave; one usually doesn’t remove one’s belt and give the girl a thrashing. Unlearning the past is not an easy thing. I have embraced many aspects of D/s, especially in passion. Though spanking was a leap I now do such things easily for our pleasure; spanking for punishment is a difficult concept yet one I know she desires. Role-play has come very naturally and she responds well for her imagination is remarkable. Now I must learn to dominate her life.

My girl has had submissive thoughts all her life. I have not had sadistic desires or an overwhelming need to truly be Master to a woman’s slave. Then again, who could ever dream such things? I couldn’t, now I have. I have had an overly abundant desire to give pleasure and have the abilities to inflict a great deal of it. I have finally found a woman who can take all that pleasure, but I shall need a great deal more tools in my workshop to make this work out. I believe in time punishment can come as easily to me as finding her ever elusive orgasm. The other night I began to torment her sexually, bringing her to the brink time and time again without satisfaction. The woman who when we met had never found her Big O, now cums not seconds, but for minutes at a time. I have Mastered her body.

Perhaps sex is the key and withholding that pleasure is the solution. I don’t really know. All I know is that these past several months have been guessing game of her psyche. I think I am right in her needing “more” from me. What we thought and agreed was only a game when the lights are low, my “guess” is that the game must continue in the daylight. Maybe that’s why I’ve led her to the Internet; because I need her to know more about herself and women like her. I need to stop guessing and know what she needs, then have the confidence to give it to her.

I have found my studies and experiences in D/s to be a wonder. I believe I can become what she needs; I wish to become what she needs, but I need time. I just wonder if she’ll give me that time, or will she yet again implode a relationship in which she has found love, her deepest and darkest fantasy of all. Any thoughts?

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/14/2006 10:32:39 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to RaceBannon)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/14/2006 11:04:00 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Yes I think you are well on the way to becoming what she and you need. I have so many thoughts but I will try to keep them short and concise.

Yes it was a mistake to let her disobedience slide, but that is something all Dominants learn the hard way, that it may feel like 'love' to let her off the hook, but to a submissive it Does Not feel like love, it feels like the opposite it feels like abandon, hence a reaction (in the bdsm world known as reactance) from her to regain the power she gave to you, but in her mind now could be a dreadful mistake because you are not holding up your end of the bargain.

Something else too, I have several boys, not all of them get corporal when they have dis obeyed or displeased me, some simply respond better to self inquiry and self evaluation, and some work better with withdrawing dominance for a specific time.

Talk to her, really learn her mind as you have her body. What does she respond to as far as accountability atonement and attrition goes? How does she learn best? Try things and then watch for results!

I hear what you say when you say "I should stop guessing and just have the confidence to give it to her", I think many "natural doms" think that because they are natural at this thing they are also now mind readers and demi gods, ( not saying you are just showing you a common pitfall) this is a huge error because ego is not what this thing is about, it is about the Dom offering a service to the submissive, a service she needs desperately, to know her place, to be accountable, to have her limits tested, to feel safe, to have a focus of worship and to learn to serve intimately.

I also think that your strength and dominance could be enhanced by learning the lifestyle more intimately. For example did you know that a lot of what we do is similar to brain washing techniques and there are many tools and techniques to effect the dynamic beyond just BDSM?

So many things for you both to learn it may seem overwhelming but did you also know there is even a valued practice in the leather lifestyle called mentoring, where you can find some one who has been where you are, and is not looking to run your life or judge your relationship but has valuable wisdom to share as your learn and grow?

D/s is a wonder I so agree....I love that about it, you will never learn it all, it always challenges you, you have found a rare and special girl. Might I suggest you do what you need to do to create the cage she craves to be kept in....

Join your local community
Read lots of books
Read this forum and others like it
Find a mentor
Co create your cage with your girl but once she agrees to something make sure you keep her to her word
Put special focus on the mental aspects of this sort of dynamic because learning fancy rope tricks is only the icing on the cake ...

You do this thing right and for the rest of your life you will have your cake, icing and be able to eat it too .

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to RaceBannon)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/14/2006 11:16:40 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Race,

I was going to give you a rashion of shit for using Race Bannon's name but after reading your post I will cut you some slack, a lot of it actually.

I could have written your entire post and probably did when I first entered the scene. I collared my pet on the first night we spent together and spent three fantastic and horrible years with her, poor girl.

Anyway, there is hope and I think you may have a better head on your shoulders than I did then too. For those of us who have been taught to respect women as equals, not to hit or intimitdate with our strength, learning to yank a women to her knees by the hair, to slap her face, is jarringly difficult to learn as it goes against our core training.

First off, don't get hung up on punishment, get hung up on consistency. I know this is going to piss many off here but submissives are, in a wonderful way, like grown children. They need structure, consistency and love, lots and lots of love.

Take the day where she had to work extra hours (am I right?) so the tasks were not done because she chose not to do them but because work interfered. I might have told her she had to do one of the tasks or prepare something for the next day, etc, or I might have explained that she put her all into a day and deserved to sit at your feet for being such a good girl.

That keeps her in subspace, you in charge, and she is rewarded for being a good girl. In many ways, it is exactly what you did but you didn't frame it correctly. Keep thinking like an adult, and the sort of structure and love you would give a child. Don't treat her like a child, again, a subtle difference but her needs are in many ways similar.

There are three books I would highly recomend. Dossie Easton's The Bottoming Book, also The Topping Book too. The last one is Consensual Sadomasochism by Dr. Charles Moser as well.

Making a relationship work in the real world is very very hard work. Adding in dealing with power dynamics makes it harder, not easier as you are taking out and playing with things most people suppress.

For a time things are going to get harder before they hopefull get easier. She is going to start opening up and pushing you as she learns that she can and that you will be her rock of Gibralter and won't run away from this dark scary side of her. Its natural, nobody is doing anything wrong (although you can bet she will hurl that at you). Just stay calm and loving, just like when a child is throwing a tantrum. Make it clear you love her but you don't love the behavior.

Anyway, those books will help and if I can help, please feel free to email me privately.

(in reply to RaceBannon)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/14/2006 11:25:55 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Yes Celeste is a thousand times correct when she says do not fight with her.

You could say to her, "My darling love, you are no longer allowed to fight with me. You are allowed to voice you opinion, you are allowed to not agree with my POV, and you are allowed to dislike my decisions, but you are not permitted any longer to raise your voice, to call names, to act in a childish manor, or to whine, hit, pout, or bitch to get your way. If you attempt these things their will be consequences to your actions and I promise they will not be pleasant.

Please know that I love you and that is is the only way that I can see us proceeding into a glorious future together, If you agree to this you will agree in writing, and from then on you will be held accountable to your own written promises."

At this point you would discus what she thinks the consequences for her violating her own promises should be and write them out, if she gets scared and wont do it ask her for a time period (a week to a month) that she would be willing to contract for.

Also as Celeste said, You can no longer loose your temper, or act in a childish manor to get your way, You must step into the power that you know is there, waiting to be activated.

I know a couple that was where you are, fighting all the time, not sure if they even wanted to stay together, they moved into a D/s model and has been blissfully happy for years.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/14/2006 11:32:13 PM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/14/2006 11:43:46 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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(in reply to RaceBannon)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/15/2006 1:44:34 AM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Yes it was a mistake to let her disobedience slide, but that is something all Dominants learn the hard way, that it may feel like 'love' to let her off the hook, but to a submissive it Does Not feel like love, it feels like the opposite it feels like abandon, hence a reaction (in the bdsm world known as reactance) from her to regain the power she gave to you, but in her mind now could be a dreadful mistake because you are not holding up your end of the bargain.

This is very true. I knew this the moment it happened.

Talk to her, really learn her mind as you have her body. What does she respond to as far as accountability atonement and attrition goes? How does she learn best? Try things and then watch for results!

Learning her mind has been a long and trying process. I soon realized that the "true romantic love" she so desperately wished and desired what the very thing that scares her the most. She finds fault with a relationship and her habit is to wipe her hands clean of it. This is why she has never had a long term relationship. When our relationship isn't "perfect," she tries to do the same thing. She has put me through trials no man in his right mind could seemingly withstand, yet by thinking "outside" the box, and realizing her fears and the ways she runs from them by imploding relationships, I have for now weathered the storm. Much of my time with her has dealt withthis aspect of her psyche. My mistake has not been dealing with her relationship to punishment, guilt, and atonement.

I hear what you say when you say "I should stop guessing and just have the confidence to give it to her", I think many "natural doms" think that because they are natural at this thing they are also now mind readers and demi gods, ( not saying you are just showing you a common pitfall) this is a huge error because ego is not what this thing is about, it is about the Dom offering a service to the submissive, a service she needs desperately, to know her place, to be accountable, to have her limits tested, to feel safe, to have a focus of worship and to learn to serve intimately.

I do realize that she is in desperate need of something other than what is considered normal (at sights other than this one). I came to her to rid her of another who I felt abused her special needs. She now realizes what he offered was abuse. In order to "take" her from him, I have had to study long and hard; not only about sexual things in the BDSM world, but about how she ticks and why she ticks that way. In the end, her past and why she wishes what she wishes is of little importance. You can enjoy a sky even tho you don't know what makes it blue, so should you be able to enjoy a submissive woman if you don't know how she became so gifted. It helps knowing why but it is not an end or solution to the problems at hand. I have had to become a "mind reader," which is why I have her now exploring these sites and helping me find out what she wants, and what she needs.

I also think that your strength and dominance could be enhanced by learning the lifestyle more intimately. For example did you know that a lot of what we do is similar to brain washing techniques and there are many tools and techniques to effect the dynamic beyond just BDSM?

I did not know that, but it now makes sense. I am learning the lifestyle as quickly as I can, I often wonder if it is quick enough to make this relationship work.

So many things for you both to learn it may seem overwhelming but did you also know there is even a valued practice in the leather lifestyle called mentoring, where you can find some one who has been where you are, and is not looking to run your life or judge your relationship but has valuable wisdom to share as your learn and grow?

When I began to talk of this relationship to a friend she admitted that she was her husband's bitch/slut/whore. Say WHAT? Yes, she was his slave and for many months began to teach me about my girl. Was she not part of the equation I would have given up long ago. A Dom alone is a terrible plight. I have tried to find those like me; I have found few but a couple have offered interesting advice.

D/s is a wonder I so agree....I love that about it, you will never learn it all, it always challenges you, you have found a rare and special girl. Might I suggest you do what you need to do to create the cage she craves to be kept in....

It is my understanding that in that cage she will certainly fly free. Creating the type of cage is always the problem, isn't it?

But my O my, you should see this one fly! A Unicorn has nothing on this one!

Thank you....

Join your local community
Read lots of books
Read this forum and others like it
Find a mentor
Co create your cage with your girl but once she agrees to something make sure you keep her to her word
Put special focus on the mental aspects of this sort of dynamic because learning fancy rope tricks is only the icing on the cake ...

You do this thing right and for the rest of your life you will have your cake, icing and be able to eat it too .

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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Post #: 7

RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/15/2006 1:53:03 AM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

I can only wonder... do you see her and you for what it is or do you see it for what you want and wish it to be?

I personally don't believe one needs to fight the submissive to have their instrinsically motivated need to submit to ones authority. One only needs to be who one is and demonstrated it.... if it unlocks that door of submission you have her soul,heart,mind and body. If you must push and fight to get in... you will use her but never own her. Like wild animal... the moment you let go of the reins she will be gone.

It is my belief that I and I alone have seen her for what she is: a submissive woman who has special needs, most primarily: love, acceptance, tolerance, and subservient. Yes, I understand the "letting go of the reins," but a man's natural power doesn't always fit the bill with all women, especially those who have little or no experience in submission. There are many, many social ethics to unlearn, and it seems every submissive is different. I do not seek to "bend" her to my will for my will may not be as she needs. She has unique needs as all submissives do. It seems my job is to find those needs and see if I can fill them. She wished to fulfill certain sexual needs when we started; it took me awhile but those have been delivered to her. Yet I am not so advanced in her need to be dominated in life itself; it has never been my way. I am trying to make it my way. That is why I am here, not only to seek advice, but to have the comfort in knowing that there are others out there who are equally troubled by this most unique relationship.

I got a live one here. She ain't no doormat. She is the ultimate challenge.

I just have to figure the thing out.

Thank you for your advice

< Message edited by RaceBannon -- 4/15/2006 2:20:34 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/15/2006 2:01:31 AM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

What an extrodinary post. I offer only a few observations based on what you've written and please understand this is based only on my own experiences and what has worked in my own relationship with Himself. Most of this comes from how he treats me.. and we just celebrated 10 years together, so something is working. ;)

Congratulations!

Don't argue with her. Fighting takes two... let her try it solo and see how quickly such fizzles. Be in control of the situation. Be her Master and don't allow the behavior and certainly don't engage in it yourself. Send her off to reflect... when she's calm and can speak to you as an adult without fighting, then allow her to do so. Control of your own emotions is not always easy, but it is imperative that you do so. Often times instituting a ritual, at least in the beginning, can help guide the relationship in the direction you want it to go. The reins are yours to take.. you have only to pick them up and use them wisely.

We do not fight in the traditional sense of yelling or flying objects. No she fights by washing her hands of the relationship in order to "start fresh," and just be alone (Perhaps then she can get all that she needs to do done!). It is her way of retreating from what is scary: love and intimacy and avoiding the "not perfect" nature of all relationships.

If you have a strong foundation, the passion won't burn it out, so take time for each other. Recognize the needs each have, but, Sir, you must remain in control and follow through is so important. Say what you mean, mean what you say and act when you must act. Starting slow and building brick by brick is no bad thing... the mortar is your consistancy.

Yes, this is true.

I would hesitate to try to 'become' what she needs. Be who you are, then there is no 'try'.. accept yourself first, offer that and work towards growth, but don't try to change your basic nature. It seldom works and is frustrating as hell when it fails.. not just for her, but for you as well.

I basically am who I am. The Dom has come fairly easy to me I feel; there is something very natural and very right about living this way with a woman. But punishment has been the difficult part; difficult to understand the reasons why, and equally as difficult to make it feel natural. In order to be with this woman I don't have to become a sadist, but I must treat her like a little girl who needs to be punished. Punishing a woman in this way does not come naturally to me, it is something I not only have to become, but must also find enjoyment.

There is no blame. If it's meant to be, you'll make it work but do so from a place of truth of self.. and she needs to do that as well.

I wish you both happiness and hope.

Thank you...

Celeste

< Message edited by RaceBannon -- 4/15/2006 2:22:43 AM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/15/2006 2:17:12 AM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Race,

I was going to give you a rashion of shit for using Race Bannon's name but after reading your post I will cut you some slack, a lot of it actually.

Yes, I understand he is some sort of BDSM icon. To me he's just the cool character on an old and favorite cartoon.

I could have written your entire post and probably did when I first entered the scene. I collared my pet on the first night we spent together and spent three fantastic and horrible years with her, poor girl.

Or poor you, depending...

Anyway, there is hope and I think you may have a better head on your shoulders than I did then too. For those of us who have been taught to respect women as equals, not to hit or intimitdate with our strength, learning to yank a women to her knees by the hair, to slap her face, is jarringly difficult to learn as it goes against our core training.

It most certainly does. I don't think I'll ever reach the "face slapping" heights. It just ain't my style and I don't think my sub would find such a thing attractive in the slightest (Yet, I now never say "never.")

First off, don't get hung up on punishment, get hung up on consistency. I know this is going to piss many off here but submissives are, in a wonderful way, like grown children. They need structure, consistency and love, lots and lots of love.

There is little doubt my sub is a child. She revels in age play. Consistency like with children is primary and I forgot how to be a Daddy because she don't look like any little girl I've ever seen. Gotcha! Understood!

Take the day where she had to work extra hours (am I right?) so the tasks were not done because she chose not to do them but because work interfered. I might have told her she had to do one of the tasks or prepare something for the next day, etc, or I might have explained that she put her all into a day and deserved to sit at your feet for being such a good girl.

That keeps her in subspace, you in charge, and she is rewarded for being a good girl. In many ways, it is exactly what you did but you didn't frame it correctly. Keep thinking like an adult, and the sort of structure and love you would give a child. Don't treat her like a child, again, a subtle difference but her needs are in many ways similar.

In hindsight I should have spanked her for all the bad, then bathed her, and petted her for all the good.

There are three books I would highly recomend. Dossie Easton's The Bottoming Book, also The Topping Book too. The last one is Consensual Sadomasochism by Dr. Charles Moser as well.

I can just see what the dude on the plane will make of my leisure reading...

Making a relationship work in the real world is very very hard work. Adding in dealing with power dynamics makes it harder, not easier as you are taking out and playing with things most people suppress.

Which is why I wonder why on earth men are delving into this world for "an easy lay." You can get laid anywhere (Well maybe not if you looked and acted like some to the "Doms" out there), but living with a sub is no one's idea of "easy." It is a challege, ain't it? Yet the payoffs are grand to say the least.

For a time things are going to get harder before they hopefull get easier. She is going to start opening up and pushing you as she learns that she can and that you will be her rock of Gibralter and won't run away from this dark scary side of her. Its natural, nobody is doing anything wrong (although you can bet she will hurl that at you). Just stay calm and loving, just like when a child is throwing a tantrum. Make it clear you love her but you don't love the behavior.

Brotha, if you knew how this one "pushed" you'd call me Job himself! Yes, she hurls the "it must be wrong to want this" or "ask for this" and "maybe I'll just say 'no' to all this and find a nice vanilla boy and a picket fence (My heart goes out to the vanilla boy cuz this beast ain't going no place. Her needs are here to stay!).

Anyway, those books will help and if I can help, please feel free to email me privately.

Thank you...

< Message edited by RaceBannon -- 4/15/2006 2:23:11 AM >

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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Post #: 10

RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/15/2006 2:35:29 AM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Yes Celeste is a thousand times correct when she says do not fight with her.

I've never been one to fight often and our "fights" are more like break ups. She is desperately afraid of love and dependency, yet I believe what she wishes most of all is love and dependency. This is the essence of our "fights."

You could say to her, "My darling love, you are no longer allowed to fight with me. You are allowed to voice you opinion, you are allowed to not agree with my POV, and you are allowed to dislike my decisions, but you are not permitted any longer to raise your voice, to call names, to act in a childish manor, or to whine, hit, pout, or bitch to get your way.

Her way is the highway. Her way is to break the relationship. She does not raise your voice, to call names, to act in a childish manor, or to whine, hit, pout, or bitch, she gets cold, determined, and resolute. She seemingly becomes very powerful and purposeful. It is my guess she is just running. Guessing is my downfall. I do wish I KNEW what she really wants at times and what is just bullshit. Very difficult to tell with this one.

If you attempt these things their will be consequences to your actions and I promise they will not be pleasant.

Not cumming might be such an unpleasant experience for her.

Please know that I love you and that is is the only way that I can see us proceeding into a glorious future together, If you agree to this you will agree in writing, and from then on you will be held accountable to your own written promises."

At this point you would discus what she thinks the consequences for her violating her own promises should be and write them out, if she gets scared and wont do it ask her for a time period (a week to a month) that she would be willing to contract for.

I've never thought about an actual contract because in the past we have just wished to "play" at D/s. Now it is my belief she wishes and needs much more control than just "play." It is a guess yet she seems almost relieved by the thought of giving up more control in her daily life. I will think about a contract.

Also as Celeste said, You can no longer loose your temper, or act in a childish manor to get your way, You must step into the power that you know is there, waiting to be activated.

I don't exactly lose my temper as much as my resolve. There are times I just wonder "perhaps she really just wishes to be alone" or "what if I'm wrong about her and her needs?" These are the questions that sap my spirit and confidence. I don't like to be wrong especially when something as important as she is concerned. I make many mistakes, but being "wrong" is what frightens ME.

I know a couple that was where you are, fighting all the time, not sure if they even wanted to stay together, they moved into a D/s model and has been blissfully happy for years.

Well thank god for something! Thank you for your words...

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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Post #: 11

RE: doubts and confidence... - 4/15/2006 8:05:58 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

One thing that hits me as I read your post, is that years ago when I was a new slave to a new owner, I had the same cruel tendency's to with-draw and become cold when I did not get my way. I often opted for the "I will just leave option", and my Owner came up with something we both found to be very effective, The Release Protocol.

The idea was that I really loved him, and I did not really want to go, but I would be caught up in the moment, (we both had anger issues) and I would beg to be released. He never did release me in this state because he felt that when I was hysterical and angry was not a good time to abandon me yet at the same time he often wished he could cause I would withdraw so coldly.

So The Release Protocol was based on the assumption that we wanted to be together and did not want to risk what we had on anger, and flights of fancy.

I agreed that I would wake everyday for 30 days get on my knees and beg to be released, if i could do it for 30 days he would know I was sincere and had thought about it deeply. His thoughts were, "what is 30 days when we have committed the rest of our lives together?" and I agreed.

I never made it past 8, we would always talk, and heal as calmer heads prevailed.

She withdraws because she knows it hurts you, and because she most likely does not know another way of communicating her anger. There are tools that we found very helpful, the book non-violent communication, crating a safe space for discussion everyday, time outs, and my being allowed to journal thoughts and feelings with out retribution.

I am glad that you do not have the temper my former Owner did, because it was ultimately what fell apart for us.

As far as not moving fast enough to save the relationship, that would be a shame, perhaps she is willing to learn with you, could you go to local community advents together and keep her interested? My other thought is take a month hiatus, immerse yourself in the learning, and then allow her back in your life on your terms. I find planned focused with drawl of Dominance to be very effective, because it allows both people to miss it, and to realize how very special it is and so they work extra hard to get it back.

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to RaceBannon)

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Post #: 12