How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor?

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How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/20/2004 5:25:53 PM

Nutopintraining

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I am a new top in the scene and i have a friend that i just found out is in the scene heavily and is a very well respected part of the community. I am apprehensive about asking him because he is so well respected that i don't want to do anything that would make him look bad or hurt his reputation. Are these normal feelings to have before asking someone to mentor you? What is the proper way to ask him to be my mentor? Do you negotiate? Will i be his "slave" while i am being mentored? I would really like him to be my mentor because i trust him and enjoy the "old gaurd" protocols of the scene that we have talked about so far. Thanks for any help you can give me.

Ian

< Message edited by Nutopintraining -- 9/20/2004 5:28:34 PM >

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/20/2004 6:36:21 PM

proudsub

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Here are a few threads you might find helpful:

mentoring

new masters

a master's mentor

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/20/2004 8:09:44 PM

Nutopintraining

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Thanks for the fast reply. The threads were really helpful and answered alot of my questions. However, there is an answer I did not find. What is the proper way to ask a Master to Mentor you?

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/20/2004 11:34:57 PM

RONINArchAngel

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Hello, I have one simple question to ask you.. How would you ask your Friend to teach you in some other skill, that wasn't Lifestyle related? It is basically the same way you would talk to him and ask him to Mentor you as a Master.. What he would require of you to Mentor you, noone but your friend can say... but there is no Super Secret Hand Signal that needs to be done to ask. Only tell him that you have found you have a deep interest in the lifestyle, and respect him and his Opinions... It should work its self out from there..
RONIN

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/21/2004 12:17:40 AM

merrymasochist

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i'd just respectfully ask Him...

if you need some words to start, here are some to consider....

hello Sir... I'm seriously interested in learning about the top-scene... I've listened and observed Your style and ethics (mention here the things you like and respect about him)... would you consider mentoring me please?

it's normal to feel a bit aprehensive on approach but you'll never know if you don't ask... my guess would be that he would be flattered that you think highly enough of him to ask him to mentor you whether he responds yes or no....

as to the negotiations, each Top has their own teaching style... some require learning from the bottom (so-to-speak) up... others simply teach by discussion and example...

in the meantime, one step at a time... ask him... and then you can go from there...

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/21/2004 10:26:23 AM

Mercnbeth

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Ian,
On-line, read through posts and/or observe people in chat rooms. When you find some who opinions make you think or generate an emotional response check out their profiles. Don't necessary gravitate to people who have the same opinion, or are the same gender, as you. For instance a Lesbian Domme can educate you as well if not better regarding a female submissive as a Male Dom. I also have an opinion that beliefs and feelings need to be challenged for them to have any meaning.

If you are fortunate enough to have the resource of a local group, and attend a Munch, event, or play party, observe other Doms and Dommes. If you find one who carries them self in a manner that you admire go talk with them. Most will be flattered.

I know some Mentors who bring in apprentices as 'slaves' to them. Others require you bring your submissive to the training sessions to facilitate your training. But that should be your choice. In any case, you should have goals for what you want to accomplish. Is your goal to have a 24/7 M/s relationship, or more casual? Let the potential Mentor know shat you want to accomplish. A Mentor should be able to guide you through all the psychological and physical aspects of a M/s relationship. A Mentor can provide insight on how to train a slave, or practical skills like using a flogger, single tail, etc.
He/She may not have all the skills but should be able to direct you to other resources to facilitate your training.

Good Luck.

Merc

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/21/2004 3:59:02 PM

sub4hire

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I have to agree, ask the man. The most that can happen is he say's no. Then you still have an answer.

I would'nt respect anyone who wanted to take me on as their slave or sub. To me that just isn't what a mentor is. If that is what he wants. Then he just wants to take advantage of you.

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/21/2004 6:25:00 PM

happypervert

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Another approach would be to tell your friend you are looking for a mentor and ask whom he would recommend. This takes the pressure off him if he isn't interested in being the mentor himself, yet allows him to recommend himself if he wants.

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/22/2004 9:57:56 AM

Thanatosian

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playing devil's advocate here

or he might read into it that you dont think him experienced/qualified enough to be his mentor and are asking for one of his 'betters'

people will take offence at the most innocious thing at times

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/22/2004 11:30:50 PM

Devra

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i have no Master as a mentor... (yet) but i have found a mentor who is wise and patient. (a sub in person she offered as she seen i needed help by the way i am shy and too talkative) i worry i may be too much for her but so far she is guiding me and showing me things to study. So far it is ok but not the things i need for now perhaps in time.. or soon (giggles).

i recentlycontacted someone on here to mentor me.. just came out and e-mailed Him today in fact. Not sure what He will say but i have watched Him post for long and He seems to be very wise. Hey, if all else i did dare to ask. Maybe that is my downfall time will tell.

*smiles

< Message edited by Devra -- 9/23/2004 5:46:42 PM >

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/23/2004 8:03:47 AM

happypervert

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the devil's advocate makes sense.

So I'd amend my suggestion to asking him mentor you or to recommend someone else so he has an out if he so choses.

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/24/2004 9:32:11 PM

Zensee

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Before you ask "how" – ask "why a mentor and why this one".

You identify yourself as a Top, rather than a Dominant or a Master. There are many threads debating the differences between these labels (if any). I say there is a big difference and learning the true nature of your true nature is one of the things you need to sort out early on. I'd suggest a lot of theory and talking first. Find out what you want to learn before you pick a teacher.

You can get training in many aspects of play and relationships from many people. A mentor should be a person from whom you wish to absorb a bigger picture – a model – a gestalt – a context for the other training.

So, if by topping you mean to portray a sadist in a scene, then being on both ends of the crop might be good experience but if you are not a switch by nature, why would you bottom for your teacher? Some insist that it is absolutely necessary to experience how the other half lives - I disagree.

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/25/2004 5:42:05 PM

TakingYouNOW

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I ALSO Disagree to being switch to learn being a Top. In fact, I can't quite grasp the whole "Switch" ideal at all. You're one or the other, and if you switch, you're neither. I've had Submissive women that top other women, but never in a thousand years would I ever Switch. READ about topping, attend play functions with your friend, READ MORE about topping. If you're Dominant, chances are pretty good that you're naturally inclined to be that way. Learn the true aspects of capturing her mind before anything else, then go gradually until you find your comfort zone, once you do, you'll find hers in a nanosecond. Simply put, be a man, strong and in control of her.

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RE: How do you properly ask a Master to be your mentor? - 9/26/2004 4:05:00 AM

MattyP

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I'd like to add onto what Mercnbeth said earlier, in regards to his advice to seeking mentoring from largely unexpected sources, like his example of the Lesbian Domme. Seeking a Dom to guide you through is a wonderful idea (and I plan on doing exactly that myself someday soon), but I would also like to recommend that you seek the advice of a submissive, if you can find one. I am not suggesting a mentorship to said submissive, but, being a Dom who started out as a submissive, you can learn very much by listening to what the other end of the scale has to say, about what they expect/hope for in their Dom/mes, what attracts them, and how you can best keep them happy (something I would hope is a priority for you!)

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