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Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 2:07:52 AM

bob40az

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/6/2010
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I'm a happily married man who has fantasies about various things. I would love to explore then with a domme but it is hard to find one who understands my situation. Can anyone help me?

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 2:43:27 AM

crazyml

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Hmm... here's a list of things that I kind of hope you've considered, and if not then you ought to...

I'm assuming that you've considered the possible implications of taking this path?

Have you considered broaching this topic with your wife - I know a couple of people who've harboured fantasies that their partners were only too happy to fulfill once they knew about them?

Would you be prepared to tell your wife about your intentions?

Are you looking for a relationship with a domme, or simply the fulfillment of a couple of fantasies/needs (if it's the latter, and you've properly considered the preceding points then you should have no problem whatsoever finding a pro-domme).

Be prepared for some robust comments - I'm going to studiously ignore this thread from now on.

(in reply to bob40az)

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 4:34:19 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
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From: Montana
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Sorry, bob. The vast majority of Dommes will have nothing to do with you unless your wife approves. Even the Pro Dommes get gun shy around a married guy due to the fact that the wife always seems to find out. It is not that the Dommes do not understand your situation. They understand your situation all too well. We get married men on the forums weekly who want to play behind their wife's back because it's a sexually hot thing to do.

Good example for you is one couple I know. For the first 17 years of their marriage they hid their desires for BDSM. Finally, one couldn't stand it and confessed to the other only to find out the other had the same wants but was too shy to tell the other. They both gladly changed the parameters of their relationship.

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 4:56:07 AM

thishereboi

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Have you asked your wife?

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 4:56:40 AM

DarkSteven

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Bob -

Look into a Marriage Encounter. That will tell you and your wife how to communicate better with each other. The ability to discuss your sex life will be only one benefit.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 5:06:36 AM

LadyPact

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You're not going to find many folks on these boards who are going to be willing to assist you in cheating on your wife. If your wife doesn't know and consent to your participation, it's going to be very difficult for you to find someone willing to engage in these activities with you. For many of us, speaking to the spouse is a prerequisite to any play with someone who is married.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 6:35:30 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bob40az

I'm a happily married man who has fantasies about various things. I would love to explore then with a domme but it is hard to find one who understands my situation. Can anyone help me?

I am assuming your wife knows nothing about this?

Happily married men do not cheat, Bob. They talk to their wives about their fantasies and, if they do find a Domme, it is with the knowledge of their wife. Not what you want to hear, is it?

Why would a Domme take you on? Because of YOUR fantasies? Because of what YOU want? Because YOU want the best of both worlds irregardless of who you will hurt? Because of the whole lot of nothing you have to offer her? Because it's all about YOU? Well alrighty...let me know how thats working for ya...ok?

Do you really think because this is a "kink" site there will be people jumping out of the woodwork to offer you assistance? Get real. Many here are husbands, wives, parents, etc. Many have marriages, kids, committed relationships and values. The Dommes you seek are not robots or blow-up dolls. They are real women. They have real lives that involve real feelings, real relationships and real ideals. Why would they waste their time on someone who is "happily married" but lacks the courage to talk to his wife? Why would a Domme be willing to take on the ramifications and the guilt? You are just not that special, Bob. Sorry.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 7/6/2010 7:13:06 AM >

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 6:42:33 AM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bob40az

I'm a happily married man who has fantasies about various things. I would love to explore then with a domme but it is hard to find one who understands my situation. Can anyone help me?

bob,

I'm not going to discuss morality, rather, I think you should look at this from the other side. What do you have to offer a partner given your limitations due to your marital status? How likely is it that you will be consistently present and supportive to another person? What is the liklihood that if you are lying to your wife you wouldn't just lie to another partner? If you are not dedicated to your marriage what is the liklihood you would be dedicated to another?

I don't know all these things to be true, but those are just a few of the things that jump to mind when even looking at the question you posed.
Can you see why the reaction of others occurs to your situation?

Talk to your wife. Get her consent or get her interested if you can.

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 7:03:48 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
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From: KC Area Missouri
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Does your wife know about this?

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 7:04:22 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Why would a Domme take you on?

Because he's going to be paying her $200 an hour. If he's lucky enough to find a pro that doesn't mind a married man.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 1:45:44 PM

Nineveh

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Why is this in the ask a master section?

And my advice would be, find a Pro. It doesn't sound like you have a genuine desire to submit so a pro is probably your best option.

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 1:47:27 PM

Nineveh

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You're not going to find many folks on these boards who are going to be willing to assist you in cheating on your wife. If your wife doesn't know and consent to your participation, it's going to be very difficult for you to find someone willing to engage in these activities with you. For many of us, speaking to the spouse is a prerequisite to any play with someone who is married.

Actually, as far as I can tell even when the wife does know and consent it's pretty tricky.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 2:06:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh
Actually, as far as I can tell even when the wife does know and consent it's pretty tricky.

It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

From what I read of you on the boards, Nineveh, our situations aren't terribly different. For those married to a vanilla, same orientation spouse, or where the D/s just doesn't work, one of the smart options out there is to find another married person of the opposite orientation. That way, there isn't as much of an issue with it being a secondary relationship for both of the people who want to be involved in D/s with each other.

At the same time, I think it actually reinforces the premise of only wanting to participate with those who are honest about kink with their spouse. Those of us who have such arrangements know that we're being honest with our husband or wife, so we expect that same standard in those that we play with.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Nineveh)

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 6:09:03 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Hmmm...........helping someone break their most important vow. Let me get back to you on that.

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 6:34:06 PM

Tantriqu

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Needing airquotes around the 'happily' part.

At least, you won't be for long!

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 7:47:25 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Assuming the OP is genuine, and just wanted to pander to his fantasy, the Pro Dommes I know on and off line would take him for a price. That's just business and no sex.

However looking at what could by some stretch of the imagination, be laughingly called his profile, I am left wondering if the "wife" isn't his mother and he is under age. Still what he plans to do (if he is genuine), is simply dishonest and most dishonourable. I'll have naught to do with such a dishonourable cur.

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 8:32:55 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

be laughingly called his profile

Yeah, I just checked it. It basically screams "I'll do anybody".

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Finding a Domme while married - 7/6/2010 8:38:54 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh
Actually, as far as I can tell even when the wife does know and consent it's pretty tricky.

It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

From what I read of you on the boards, Nineveh, our situations aren't terribly different. For those married to a vanilla, same orientation spouse, or where the D/s just doesn't work, one of the smart options out there is to find another married person of the opposite orientation. That way, there isn't as much of an issue with it being a secondary relationship for both of the people who want to be involved in D/s with each other.

At the same time, I think it actually reinforces the premise of only wanting to participate with those who are honest about kink with their spouse. Those of us who have such arrangements know that we're being honest with our husband or wife, so we expect that same standard in those that we play with.

Absolutely. I really can't see getting enough from a relationship that included the other person sneaking around for it to be worth having as more than a rare playmate sort of occasion. (that's assuming I put aside my moral qualms about helping someone cheat)

(in reply to LadyPact)

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