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RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/18/2006 2:29:23 AM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		This is an interesting quandry you bring up, Gentleman.

First, how does one define online protocol?  Is it self defined, as in what you, personally, will and will not accept as being polite?  Is it defined as what is acceptable to the masses?

Me, personally... if some jackwad felt the urge to email me, for whatever reason, if I didn't like what I read, I'd just round file it and move on.  The delete feature never wears out, and to me, it's kind of amusing to see how persistant some people are.  Reminds me of pitbulls.  Once they lock their jaws into something, unless they choose to let go, you almost have to break their jaws to pry them open.

Second, is it possible that this other person, who shall remain nameless mainly because I don't know the name (LOL), doesn't understand why you would want to restrict who your submissive talks to?

Me, personally... Never seen a reason for it.  Not saying that to the people that impose that kind of restriction don't have a valid reason to in their mind, but I don't have their mind, just mine.  Goes back to that whole "Well, if I don't like what you write, I can delete it," concept, I suppose.  Don't get me wrong, though.  Not bashing you for it or anything like that.  What you do with your people is up to you, as long as they consent to it.  That's another reason that I don't go too well for trying to do something like that with anyone that calls themself my submissive.  Unless you are with them 24/7 and see/hear/read everything they do, you are simply trusting that they will do as you wish.

People only really obey the laws they want to.  I expect this of people, so I don't really bother with them most of the time.  Either they break the rules because A.) they could give a rat's ass less about what I say, damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead or B.)  they want the punishment because they enjoy it for some odd reason.  Either way, the whole concept of domination and submission goes right out the door, down the street and hops on the first bus out of town.

In essense, don't sweat the small stuff, and in the course of life, most everything is small compared to something else.

*putting on some asbestos pants, just in case*


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/18/2006 5:52:04 AM   
ladysixty9


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		You are dead on and if they can't respect that request then that tells you all you need to know about them.

My 2 cents
Mistress Lynn

(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/18/2006 10:38:19 AM   
GentlemannDom


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Yes you are right about a few things on your post, and I agree that I got a bit pissed offf at the dude....but I've seen it so many times before hand, and heard from a few subs who complained of this behavior....that well it got to me.

I'm not restricting who she talks to realy, I just think it is proper protocol for a dom to ask permission to talk to her. It is how I see things.   I'm now rethinking my approach to this entirely, and will have her handle any inquirys to her, though if the person persits, they are to be blocked....though not before I get that said persons nick. 

The net is rife with morons and abusers.  Its a way of life on the net.  Just another learning lesson I will take this as.

Your comments are much appreciated....

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/18/2006 11:26:44 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
Gentlemann,
 
When I used a profile just for me often times "doms" would email wanting to meet, ect and to me I thought this was very disrespectful to the relationship I am / was in. So I simply blocked those that in my did not respect my relationship with Phoenix and eventually we made a joint account.
 
1. Less doms email me wanting to inquire about the possiblility of me becoming theirs (although it is funny to read notes from "doms" who think I will walk away from my relationship with Phoenix for them)
 
2. It is an easy way for him to read all incoming and outgoing mail.
 
But getting upset over the idiocy of  others, will ONLY give you high blood pressure among things. It will NOT change their behavior.
 
Blessed Be,
 
Nika{Phoenix}


_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/18/2006 12:22:12 PM   
broadline


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: New Westminster, BC
Status: offline 		Like Dustyn said, protocol is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone has to follow the same protocol, or any at all.
 
What the guy who e-mailed your submissive did, regardless of whether he believes in protocol or not, and whether he follows the same kind of protocol you do, is just plain disrespectful. He's imposing his values (not to follow her dom's instructions) on her, and on you, by putting you in the position of deciding whether you'll be upset or annoyed about it.
 
I think "Protocol," as it has been fetishised and enshrined in much of the BDSM community, is a load of hooey. Would I directly e-mail a submissive with a "contact my dominant/master/mistress/commanding officer/protector" clause in their profile? Absolutely not. I respect that that clause is part of the way that submissive expresses their kink. I'd be pretty annoyed if somebody asked for permission to talk to me, though, because that's not how my dom and I practise our kink.
 
Basically, I don't respect or practise Protocol as an abstract or as a standard of behaviour. I respect the wishes of those who practise various incarnations of it. That doesn't make me a wannabe a poser, a fake, or an HNG (strictly real time play, thanks), it makes me somebody with a different way of expressing my kink.
 
And maybe don't get so worked up, regardless of how often it happens to you, your sub, and others. The online world, as has been said in this thread, is as full of assholes as the real one. Getting annoyed won't make them go away or change their naughty behaviour.

_____________________________

"i have dreamt so much of you that it must
be past the time for me to wake"
-robert desnos
"poem for the mysterious woman"
one foot in front of the other: http://thepurpleswitch.livejournal.com
and chimeras: http://bj.gatefiction.com

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/19/2006 11:57:34 AM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Gentleman, don't get me wrong.  In my mind, you were trying to restrict who she talked to in an effort to make her time better spent and more enjoyable.  If that's a wrong conclusion, I apologize.  Nothing wrong with wanting to be the White Knight, so to speak.  But a lot of people are not going to admire your armor, or even the horse.  All they'll see is the steamy, stinky piles behind the horse, so to speak. LOL

Since I didn't see the profile that started this whole thing, namely your submissive's, I can only approximate the text.

I would have written it up something along these lines and let her change it as she saw fit:

"Now before you go and start sending me all those notes and comments you got pinging around in your head, out of respect for My dominant, I am asking you to please check with him first.  It's how he would like things to be handled, and since I'm sure he doesn't say things like this without a reason in mind, taking a few extra minutes to ask him if it's cool that we talk would be REALLY appreciated.  He's very important to me, and by respecting his wishes, it will show me you can respect mine as well."

Just my take on the whole sorted mess.  Would offer to talk about things more in private, but I only joined here to chat on the message boards and not surf profiles, so mine is deleted.  Track me down on here, and I'll answer as best I can if you pose more questions.  Sound good? =)

- Dustyn


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/20/2006 1:10:43 AM   
GentlemannDom


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Yes Dustyn, I tried looking up your profile and found none, and was curious about it.  As for your profile you could just make it and state that you do not wish to be botthered....oh yeah forgot that folks don't realy pay attention to what folks say on profiles do they? :P

As for the white knight...yes I am her protector, guardian and daddy.  I'm now letting her deal with these arse wipes, though anyone who insits on emailng her again for whatever reasons will be dealt with by me. 

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/20/2006 1:37:18 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Gentleman, that is a cool attitude to say that you may take some of the advice given here. Refreshing.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/20/2006 2:08:15 AM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Now you know why I deleted the profile, Gentleman.  Granted, it wasn't to avoid being contacted, but more to the point of caring less whether someone wants to or not.  I'm around the forums often enough that anyone who wants to catch my attention can do so easily.

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/20/2006 10:32:29 AM   
GentlemannDom


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		ExistentialSteel ,  a dom is never through learning.....a dom who is, is either god or an idiot.....In life one always is in a learning process. I try to learn new things when I can, and appreciate it greatly to have folks teach me new things. 

Adapt or die is my motto...:)

Duystn, I look forward to conversing more with you....:)

< Message edited by GentlemannDom -- 4/20/2006 10:33:11 AM >

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 12:01:34 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemannDom

I'm curious about something,  when a submissive states on her profilie "Any males or doms that wish to talk to me, must first contact my dom "GentlemannDom" and ask permission to talk to me".

If a dom or male still emails her afterwards this is improper protocol or what?  I'm confused by this, would realy like to know what  should be done about the doms/masters who still insist on emailing my sub even though she has this on her profile?

In general I'm pretty pissed at this, it shows poor repsect to me, poor respect to her as well.   Besides pissing on what I see on how one should conduct themselves in the scene as a whole.


It's a little rude to not follow someone's explicitly stated wishes when you contact them, but other than that, it's not against any protocol - except the one you have in your relationship.  And no one outside of your relationship is obligated, honor-bound, or any such nonsense, to follow the protocol within your relationship.

(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 12:07:25 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Don't get me wrong...i did say that in the beginning, there may well be reasons to not allow the submissive to receive/send emails to/from other Dominants.  For some (but not all), in the early days of creating a bond, it may be a good idea to put such a rule in place.  It is only after such bond is formed when the rule would be evaluated.  In some cases, the rule is always in place. We as outsiders shouldn't assume it's because the Dominant is on a head trip.


I don't see why we shouldn't assume that.

I think that if someone needs to isolate their potential whatever from competitors in order to be a fair shot at a bond with them, well...that's someone with a head trip.

quote:

Unless we know and understand the inner makings of a relationship, being different than "how I would do it" does not necessarily mean bad.


Despite how my last statement may have sounded, I do agree with this.

quote:

However, if there is a rule in place and the submissive disobeys it, she shines a spotlight on a crack in the relationship.


Agreed.


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 12:09:56 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemannDom

Give me a break LuckyAlbatross, I'm not that much into controling anyone. I felt as if someone had spit in my direction with the ingoring of protocol. Plan and simple. But hey you have your opinion and I have mine.  What you see as mildy I found more like middle of the line rude.    And yes you are right, it had Zero impact on my life or hers.  I have no high opinion of myself either. Ask my sub, I'm about as easy going as one could get.  Just the ignoring of proper protocol got my feathers ruffled a bit, because where I am from, it would have been deemed a very bad thing.  But hey, this as you say is "Collarme" and there will always be those that don't spend the time to read, spend the time to care, or just don't know proper protocol.


There IS NO SUCH THING as "proper protocol".  Period.

(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 12:33:33 PM   
quietWonder


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		Hope i am not out of line with my views here, but probably reiterate the lack of common courtesy that abounds on the internet.  Regardless of what and/or how we state our boundries via our profiles, it still comes down to how we deal with them cause we just lack control of others out there in cyber land.  i believe once it is stated in a profile the limits, then potentially just follow through with the actions that are stated for example in mine "i will not respond to messages" and then just move on ........ if the person does not get the drift with no response and continues to pursue then block the person from further communication.  Pretty plain and simple to me.  LOL regardless of my profile, i still get messages........ what can i do.... the first thing i suppose is i have to care enough to give response.  in this i don't so problem resolved without haste.

Or do like another mentioned, bring on the taser and go from there.  Anyhow best of peace to You :)

< Message edited by quietWonder -- 4/22/2006 12:40:35 PM >

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 12:49:30 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm, Ignore, ignore , ignore?.......I think it's setting oneself up for disappointment to expect other people on a site as vast as this, to bow to any real or imagined *protocol*.
 Expecting other people to abide by the principles or *rules* we'd like or expect is just not going to happen, nor is it realistic.
 Disinterest tends to cut off the oxygen to any *would be* pursuer, persistant or otherwise.

Regards, agirl




(in reply to GentlemannDom)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 1:08:30 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemannDom

Give me a break LuckyAlbatross, I'm not that much into controling anyone. I felt as if someone had spit in my direction with the ingoring of protocol. Plan and simple. But hey you have your opinion and I have mine.  What you see as mildy I found more like middle of the line rude.    And yes you are right, it had Zero impact on my life or hers.  I have no high opinion of myself either. Ask my sub, I'm about as easy going as one could get.  Just the ignoring of proper protocol got my feathers ruffled a bit, because where I am from, it would have been deemed a very bad thing.  But hey, this as you say is "Collarme" and there will always be those that don't spend the time to read, spend the time to care, or just don't know proper protocol.


There IS NO SUCH THING as "proper protocol".  Period.


I'll second that!  (With the priviso that anyone or any couple can come up with a "protocol" and that's fine... as long as they don't expect anyone else to follow it.)

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 1:41:21 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not that much into controling anyone. I felt as if someone had spit in my direction with the ingoring of protocol. Plan and simple. But hey you have your opinion and I have mine.  What you see as mildy I found more like middle of the line rude.

If there are *doms* out there with close-matched idea's of principles, etc.....then they won't be messaging your submissive, will they?
I wouldn't consider anyone ignoring the fact that I am owned, contentedly, as someone I'd want to have a great deal of interaction with. BUT having said that..... I don't expect perfect strangers, even on a bdsm site, to have anything like the same outlook that I do.
As far as I can see, there is no *protocol*...hell, we'd all like to see a few basic manners in all arenas of life but EXPECTING  them is unrealistic.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 5:49:35 PM   
LordOctavian362


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline 		The internet is a stronghold of cowards and it is doubtful that many of them are actually Doms at all. submissives are very attractive for people who seek a quick and mindless solution to their personal problems. Don't expect too much from online encounters and monitor your submissive's activity online. If blocking the messages doesn't work then it may be necessary to remove your sub's picture from her profile, if not the profile itself.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 7:49:40 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I'll second that!  (With the priviso that anyone or any couple can come up with a "protocol" and that's fine... as long as they don't expect anyone else to follow it.)


Provisio *completely* agreed with.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Proper protocol if any? - 4/22/2006 7:55:45 PM   
refplace


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/2/2004
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline 		yes its bad protocol on thier part but they dont care because thier losers.
So like everyone else says block or ignore and move on.
Now sometimes when I was running various groups and activities I would contact a sub for advertising or to answer a stated question,maybe even offer a geniune compliment. Sometimes the profile will state the couple are looking for local people or community so I feel its approrpriate to answer that question.
But never to hit on them.
Though I did get a reply from one gal after that because it turned out she just had that in her profile to try to stop the kooks.

Rory

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 60
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