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Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 9:15:11 AM

LoganStrange

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

I want to post a small rant here, about honesty in seeking.
It has been my expirence that honesty is lacking, not out right lies, but self deception.
Why do people who want kink in thier lives think they are Masters/slaves/Doms/subs, I see alot of people seeking but what they are seeking isn't really the lifestyle, its just kinky sex. When a new sub comes online they get houndres of emails and most are only trying to find out what kink they are into, and many subs are only looking for the kink they can get, not really serving.
Is it just me? or should profiles state "Just looking for bedroom domination" or "Just want to be a slave on weekends", or do these people really belive that the sex will be 24/7 and that the excitement will never wear off. I see few subs who have been with one Dom for over 5 years (and granted they are truely wonderfull to see) but I do see alot of self deception, or is it just me?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 9:29:46 AM

MistressTalia

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

It is not just you ! I consider myself a true lifestyle Domme..and all the subs I have come in contact with through this site haven't got a clue what real submission and service is all about. You are correct..they are just looking for kinky sex..! Mostly they just want me to talk about kinky sex online. I also attend events and use word of mouth (tell my D friends I am looking) that seems to be the best way to find other real lifestylers. I keep my profile here because I do enjoy reading the discussions..and who knows.? maybe a fluke will happen and I will meet one or two real subs this way. lol

(in reply to LoganStrange)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 9:59:33 AM

masterdeltafire

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline

It isn't just you. I have seen it also.

A lot of people it seems get off on the idea of being tied and helpless, Ie, the idea of play rape in the bedroom. I see it a lot in the younger ones I work with, but it is not limited to just that age bracket. I know it is frustrating. If you are like me, you want the submission to be outside the bedroom also.

I am not a fan of just bedroom submission, but I really cannot judge this fad either. Each to their own. I remember on one site, which will remain anonymous seeing on every page over half of the girls wanting bedroom submission and play rape and always have wondered why it is such a big turn on.

It is one of my hopes this fad does lose momentum and eventually dies out.

(in reply to MistressTalia)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 10:09:05 AM

LoganStrange

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

I'll just add here that just wanting kinky sex is bad, it isn't. I just wish they would say it plain and simple. communication is the cornerstone of bdsm, but seems to be lacking

(in reply to masterdeltafire)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 10:09:47 AM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate N.Y. (Broome Co.)
Status: offline

It's definately not just you, I've found this to be true more often than not lately... Not only that but I've noticed several Vanilla type Profiles on here thinks many ae just trying to use the BDSM sites as dating services or they're just looking for spouses!!!

(in reply to masterdeltafire)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 10:22:20 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

looking for spouses????? GASP!!!! How dare they sully the purity of this site for such tawdry and deviant a thing as seeking a life partner???

I do agree with the OP that if somebody is looking for just occaisional play or bedroom kink, they should say so in their profile....however can you imagine how much abusive email the poor girl would get...."You aren't real, you have no right to be here!!!"
And of course we would then get the posts on this side complaining about....subs who don't want 24/7....I mean they complained about owned subs clogging up the other side with their "annoying and useless" profiles, so i can't really say as I blame them for not stating right up front that they are just interested in expolring a bit of bedroom kink

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to MasterRenegade77)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 10:33:05 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

You won't believe how many emails I get from complete novices claiming they want 24/7, and they don't have a clue what it really is about! First off, they haven't usually experienced anything in this lifestyle, or at least not very much, so how the heck can they know what they want and don't want? It's all very well and fine to say "i'm Yours to mold," but generally speaking it doesn't work that way, they really do have some hidden fantasy. Then, speaking of fantasies, they are totally hot and probably wanking over being naked and chained and forced to do (whatever) 24 hours a day... but as soon as they finally come to understand the reality of it, they're just gone. And usually without the courtesy of a "Sorry, I made a mistake, that's not what I'm looking for."

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to LoganStrange)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 10:37:10 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I don't have an issue with what people are seeking, this is a bdsm site after all, it's not strictly a D/s or TPE site.
But, I do have a problem with people who incorrectly label themselves and those who do not not understand the difference between bedroom play and power exchange that goes beyond kinky sex.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 11:11:29 AM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings,

Usually I get lucky and those that want just a bit of occasional bedroom kink don't delve too far into my area -- because I strictly do the full-time and long-term arrangements. And I make it a point to ask this fairly early when looking through new e-mails of individuals who find my profile interesting or are seeking. The sheer time involved in the proper training of an individual -- both online and face to face -- make this endeavor much to daunting for those who seek only a temporary arrangement.

As for Novices, no problem if they tell me up front. If they act like they know what they are doing, and I don't catch it right away, they WILL get eaten alive the first day they show up Face to Face. Well, not really eaten alive pe say, but rather suffering a fair amount of punishment. The Hanian way of Domination I use, and the household protocols I use for my house, are things which one has to get accustomed to over a period of time. Due to this, I tend to take it fairly slow on just about everyone during their first few days, but will do so especially for Novices and those who are not sure if this is indeed what they are seeking.

Haya Sierra ---

_____________________________

Haya Sierra
Haya Of Ka Azdor Estate --
http://groups.msn.com/Domsub/
Basic Information about the Hanian System of D/s

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 3:05:30 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

This thread fits nicely into my ongoing, lifelong diatribe about how unhealthy it is for *all of us* to try to lump fetishism and power exchange into the same lifestyle.

Do I understand the frustration? ABSOLUTELY.
But I also understand it happens for a few reasons (that apparently the owners of ollarme don't give a piddling flick of poo about).

i.e. (and maybe someday someone in charge will actually listen to suggestion....)

1.) When one comes to collarme, they have a limited number of options available to label themselves. Precisely ... 4
They can choose Dominant, Switch, Submissive, or Slave.
They DO NOT HAVE the options of Top, Bottom, Fetishist, Kinky Interests, Curious and looking, etc....
(In addition, they can only search for people looking for those same categories)

2.) The message forums are divided into nearly the same categories, except they have the added bonus of Gor and Poly. People DO NOT HAVE a forum for fetishism, kinky sex practices, Power Exchange Only, TPE, etc....

3.) Most (and note I said most, not all) the interests listed in the BDSM categories are sexually fetish related. Fisting, strap-ons, face-sitting, queening, golden showers, ass play, enemas, cbt, body worship, orgasm control, chastity, vibrators, etc....
These are all *generally* (not always) fetishes and activities that relate to sexuality and the genitals.

4.) There is a serious lack in the interest lists that relate to power exchange. Granted, they did manage to add a few, but not nearly as is proportionate to their long-time users. "Victorian household", "1950's household", "Old Guard", and "Lifestyle BDSM" are mentioned casually in passing under "Lifestyle interests". They are grouped with weight loss, vegetarians, and low-carb diets for crying out loud!

5.) It's really a very massive community and no good starting point for newbies. I personally LOVE taking a newbie LIFESTYLIST under my wing and training him/her up to be a damn good slave. But when newbies wander onto the site, they have no clue what direction to go. If they could say "Oh, I've been fantasizing about having a woman call me naughty names while I jerk off and here's a forum called "Female Tops/male bottoms". They might be less likely to wander into the "Ask a Mistress" forum where a large portion of the women are looking for male slaves.

There's limited avenues for people to identify themselves (and others) as casual players and fetishists, but at the same time, their initial interest list is filled with sexual propaganda.
It's no wonder they come on here looking to get laid in a kinky manner, call themselves slaves, and then get shot down for annoying the hell out of power exchange lifestylists.
Collarme has set it up so that's exactly how it can happen, and with extreme ease!

(in reply to LoganStrange)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 5:09:20 PM

Contesaluv

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Let's all sound in on this one. It definitely isn't just you! I have to concur with a few of the posts especially Proprietrix's posting. This may or may not uncomplicate things for those of us Dommes who are looking for true subs/slaves. However, keep in mind that you can't control the actions of others and there will still be those who would slip through the cracks. Some because their unsure of themselves and yet others because they're misinformed. Nevertheless, I say it would definitely help to ease the burden of reeiving so many unqualified email submissions. After all, isn't there a playground for everyone on this big old earth?...lol I think we just need to label the playgrounds appropriately so that each one of us can find the right one to play in and not waste time playing in the wrong one.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 5:23:51 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

No Sir, its most certainly not just You!
About half of the emails I get are from men wanting to hook up next weekend/tonight/next Tuesday because they'll 'be in town' (note, I purposely did not call them 'Dominants'). It gets extremely frustrating . . . as frustrating as someone emailing me and saying, "So, you're into pain huh?" because I'm a masochist.
The flip side of this coin is that I've also been told I'm 'not a real sub' because I won't pack up my belongings, toss aside my entire existence as I know it, and jump in my car to move 1500 miles away to be collared to someone I don't know!!!!!

*refers to her submissive's handbook* . . . I don't see that anywhere in the 'Ten ways to know you're a REAL submissive' section! <lol>

< Message edited by enthralled -- 4/15/2006 5:50:55 PM >

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to Contesaluv)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 5:33:09 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

looking for spouses????? GASP!!!! How dare they sully the purity of this site for such tawdry and deviant a thing as seeking a life partner???

I do agree with the OP that if somebody is looking for just occaisional play or bedroom kink, they should say so in their profile....however can you imagine how much abusive email the poor girl would get...."You aren't real, you have no right to be here!!!"
And of course we would then get the posts on this side complaining about....subs who don't want 24/7....I mean they complained about owned subs clogging up the other side with their "annoying and useless" profiles, so i can't really say as I blame them for not stating right up front that they are just interested in expolring a bit of bedroom kink

I am blowing you a million kisses for this wonderful post. Thank you!

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it just me? - 4/15/2006 5:47:35 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

OK . . . I HAD to come back to this! I started to post a whole new thread but since this subject relates I'll post here.
What about all the offers of 'training' in order to get laid??? I've seen so many profiles where they state they are 'new to the lifestyle' and so many offering 'training' . . . I especially liked the one where they were offering 'short-term training'. Most of these people want to get laid and do it all in the name of 'training'. I'm not saying its all the ones claiming to be dominant, it's sometimes the ones claiming to be submissive as well; but, for the ones out there that ARE genuine and not knowing any better, they ask for training only to get laid?? How is that training???
I agree that if people want to get laid, then more power to them; however, be HONEST about it. This kind of lure worries and upsets me - used on either end!
I can understand a newbie (for lack of knowing any better) wanting to be trained. I did the same thing. I educated myself though, sought out references, and understood what I was wanted to be trained in: i.e- bootblacking, valet service, formal protocol, tea service, etc. . I was taught a skill, and was also taught that once I became owned, my Master would teach me HIS preference as to how I would apply that skill.

Thank you for letting me rant . . . I feel much better now <lol>

Respectfully,
enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 14

just me.. ranting. - 4/15/2006 5:50:55 PM

AlbanyDom

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Hi,
i am 40, short, and overweight. I am divorced, so i am really just hanging out here.. while i get my act together enough to be with someone..
I send alot of frivilous emails, and I do get some responses..
do people take this site a bit to seriously? or do they take themselves a bit too seriously?

Tim

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 15

RE: just me.. ranting. - 4/15/2006 6:00:13 PM

MontaukDaisies

Posts: 130
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Here here!! Arpig!!!

<gasp> is right! Imagine wanting to share your life completely and marry your Dominant/submissive partner!???? How INSANE, huh?

I do want to share my life with a Man who is my partner in crime, in lovemaking, in BDSM and in life in general. Real Life is where it's AT for me. So sue me!

Most here (with whom I've had real life contact) are looking to get laid, borrow money or find a Mommy. Ewwwww I need to go wash my hands!!

_____________________________

~The true measure of a Man is to notice what He does when no one else is looking, when He is guided by His own sense of right and wrong.~

(in reply to AlbanyDom)

Post #: 16

RE: just me.. ranting. - 4/15/2006 6:00:28 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlbanyDom

Hi,
i am 40, short, and overweight. I am divorced, so i am really just hanging out here.. while i get my act together enough to be with someone..
I send alot of frivilous emails, and I do get some responses..
do people take this site a bit to seriously? or do they take themselves a bit too seriously?

Tim

But hey, at least you stated as much! I do take myself seriously. I guess my 'fire' on the subject first stemed after reading the case of John Robinson-

quote:

Robinson the Slavemaster was thoroughly at home on the Internet. The anonymity of the medium reduced his need to playact and he easily slipped from his public persona of the kind, loving grandfather who mowed his lawn several times each week and shared gardening chores with his neighbors to a domineering master who demanded total obedience from the slaves who served him over the Web. With just the written word and carefully staged photographs of himself, he was able to charm almost any willing submissive to do his will. At his expense, women interested in the submissive lifestyle would come to Kansas City, some for brief visits and others to spend the rest of their lives. The women who came to stay, lured by his promises of financial support and jobs frequently ended up dead after he no longer needed or wanted them.

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/john_robinson/8.html

To those that are honest, kudos to you . . . you have my respect!

enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to AlbanyDom)

Post #: 17

RE: just me.. ranting. - 4/15/2006 6:03:19 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I send alot of frivilous emails, and I do get some responses..
do people take this site a bit to seriously? or do they take themselves a bit too seriously?

Tim

Oh, so you're the one who's sending out all those emails. Stop it this instant! You've got 100,000 people in an uproar over it.

Dom. Ha! Just admit you're a subversive element so we can flog you and be done with it.

::whistles and looks the ceiling wondering if that answered his question::

Oh, and LoganStrange.. 10 years here with the same Master and counting, not to mention, I'm a hop, skip and a jump from St. Paul. ::waves::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to AlbanyDom)

Post #: 18

RE: just me.. ranting. - 4/15/2006 6:18:26 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

In my now world famous humble opinion it is the internet has been both a massive boon and a great bane on WIIWD. People call relationships 24/7 that don't even live together, people start their sacred count of experience from the first time they tied some girl up with a bedsheet even if they were celibate for the next decade. Long distant relationships are vastly different and easier than actually learning to live with someone.

Plus add in all the BS people wrap themselves in for the long scramble to claim some sort of Alpha male status. How many claim to be "old guard" when by definition you needed to be gay and entered S&M in the 50's and early 60s. Same BS goes for submissives, there is a discussion somewhere else here about "high end submissives" and other nonsense. So many try and climb to the top of whatever label dungheap they claim ownership of and do it by trying to talk everyone else down.

Is it any wonder that someone new having waded through the morass of conflicting messages, cultures, illusions, and outright fraud arrives here a bit confused? I try and cut new people some slack, direct them to what I believe are solid, healthy resources like www.soj.org, www.tes.org, www.greenerypress.com, all real world groups run by very very grounded people.

As always, YMMV...

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 19

RE: just me.. ranting. - 4/15/2006 6:25:18 PM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

Nope, not just you. I have found what you are talking about not only here but on most of the forums I am a member of. I am NOT here looking to 'get laid' I like you, and others here, am R/L. I may do a once or twice a month thing but, am looking for a LTR w/ a sub who is R/L. If I wanted sex... that's easy enough to find and this isn't the place I would look.

Just my nickle(inflation).

(in reply to AlbanyDom)

Post #: 20

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