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Again - 7/6/2010 11:59:08 PM

Onetoabuseu

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Joined: 6/30/2010
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hey, thanks for reading Please post ANY comments after reading and let me know what you think.

She knelt on the cold floor, naked with her hands behind her bowed head. Shivering, not from the cold, but in anticipation for Master to arrive and punish her for displeasing Him early. A tear almost escaped her eye thinking of the immense pain she would soon feel, but she felt even worse at having shamed Master with His two friends.

Earlier, while Master and friends talked in the livingroom, slave cleared the table dressed as Master usually liked. Chained around the ankles, restraining cuffs that limited arm and hand range, a skirt that covered next to nothing and bare tits except the biting nipple clamps with that weight;so heavy a weight. Tonight she wore a beautiful new mouth ring that stretched her mouth a little and made swallowing difficult.

Suddenly, Master called. "Here, come here my lovely beautiful slave. Near to my side so I can admire your gift to Me.Tonight, I will allow my friends to use you between the sets of the whipping you've earned. Be brave and your punishment will soon end"

Master removed all her clothing and chains then ordered His slave to lie face down on the coffee table and started to fiercely whip her ass, legs, and backside. Little welts began to appear across her skin before Master stopped and had slave turn over and spread her legs apart . He repeated the whipping on her upper legs, stomach, tits and pussy. Then Master beckoned the first guy over to use her as He wished. slave became scared, "Master has never allowed another to use me before and I don't know if I can undergo this" and panicked. Looking at Master, in His eyes, slave broke two rules. One in raising her eyes to Masters and the other by refusing to obey His wish. slave knew she was in trouble.

As she slowly made her way to the dungeon, slave could only think of 'Oh, no. Not again'

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RE: Again - 7/9/2010 12:32:50 PM

January

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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Hi abuseyou,

I read your story, and do have a few comments.

It's not clear to me whether the guests of master actually did "use" her. Did they? Show the reader what happened. What are her feelings as the first man tries to jump her bones? What does that first touch do to her? Show the sensations, her emotions. How can she actually escape her fate, given her limited mobility? Explore the way her fear wars with her desire to please. Show us her internal struggle.

Why did she get the initial whipping? How did she feel during and after?

What is she getting out of this relationship? The story seems the stuff of (a man's) fantasy, as she's not treated as having any value. Maybe you can rewrite the story through the masters POV.

January

_____________________________

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(in reply to Onetoabuseu)

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RE: Again - 7/10/2010 9:18:54 AM

Onetoabuseu

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/30/2010
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Thanks for the input. I don't have a lot of experience in fantasy writing and wanted to start 'somewhere'. Good point about the POV- I plan to expand the story and I'll try and write it from one perspective only. Hopefully, I don't get too lost in the middle.

(in reply to January)

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