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dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 9:37:29 AM   
kajirared


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Greeting Masters/Mistress, and others.
I have one favor to ask only because i have recently gone though it myself. No matter how teribble, horrible, dispectable you might feel you slave is, Dont un-collar her via third party. If you fine her unpleaseing, or undesirable, tell her/him yourself. My heart has recently been badly hurt because the last one i called Master did that. It has left in me confusion, mis-trust for another that might come along.
Take care and be safe
kajirared
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 9:39:02 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I've never really understood the picking-the-right-way-to-break-up attitude.  If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.  There is no good way to break up.

(in reply to kajirared)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 9:45:14 AM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I've never really understood the picking-the-right-way-to-break-up attitude.  If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.  There is no good way to break up.


No, Breaking up is never easy.
But if one is going to break off a relationship, they should do it themselves, and be honest and up front about it. Integrity is always called for.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 9:50:12 AM   
Corvax


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: SE Houston area
Status: offline 		But to have a 3rd party do it .... shows how much of a man is is..... or isnt as the case my be. My ex did the same to me, but had somoene give her collar to me. If she would have gave it to me it would have been ok i wouldnt have mind so much, but she gave it to a friend and took off to cali to be with some one that she met on the net. Some might say that I didn't have enought controll over her but she had unrestricted internet at work. At home she didn't get to use it unless I was there.... ok off topic. Anyway the point it is sucks just getting left with that what the fuck feeling ... I would just like to know what the hell i did wrong, i dont know if that is how Kajira feels but that is how i felt in that revirced situation..... 

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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 10:07:29 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I always thought a singing pirate telegram was the best way to end a relationship. But that's just me.

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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 10:10:28 AM   
masterdeltafire


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		Really, I do agree on this one, on the third party uncollaring.  It really shows a lot on the level of comittment on someone and cowardace on their part.

In the past,  I have acted as a neutral on the uncollarings at times.  Usually, the only time I have gotten involved is when the slave was abandoned, the owner died, or the girl was severely abused, had fled from the abuse, and was in the process of recovering.  I tend to not get involved unless I have to on things like this.

But I will not do the third party uncollaring when the dom is too umm... chicken to do it himself.   If a girl comes to me in kennel begging to talk and asking me to get involved on a possible uncollaring, usually i send her to talk with the Dom/me first.  Usually it is a communication issue. Usually they work through it, or the girl's wishs on wanting to be uncollared are carried out.   

Third party uncollaring should be only done as a last resort, again I stress on:

1. Abandonment
2. death of the Dom/me
3. Abuse of the slave/submissive



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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 10:15:27 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

2. death of the Dom/me


Ummmm, I may be wrong, but wouldn't the death of the dom pretty much uncollar the slave, by definition?

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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 10:18:08 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

2. death of the Dom/me


Ummmm, I may be wrong, but wouldn't the death of the dom pretty much uncollar the slave, by definition?


As long as they don't invoke the "Pharoah's slave" clause.


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 10:20:34 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Kind of like Sex in the City, where whats her face got broken up by whats his face via a post it note.  Kari or Carry, i think her name is.  That was kind of funny actually.

LAM - i agree that breaking up is breaking up, yet some ways easier the others.  Personally, breaking up via 3rd person is out of that realm.  It shows cowardice.  Pardon my french (plsplsplsplspls as its sooooooo called for), he's a pussy.  Its like hiding behind some one else and having THEM do your dirty work. 

Lets make it personal, similiar - but yet different.  Maybe you could see it from a different way.  Say, i went to some one and asked them to insult you and call you some unpleasant names.  Granted you'd think it was absolutely ridiculous and wouldnt bother yourself much about it - BUT what would it tell you about me?  You would, i'm sure, start to disregard me in a manner - as the behavior is retarded, amongst other things. 

Different scenario, same 3rd party dirty work being done, and abit personal so you could put it into perspective.  (hopefully of course)

Of course it could just be me.  But if some one via some one else called me names and insulted me - it'd first be majorly laughable.  But - i'd frankly consider the sender a (plsplsplsplsplspls) a pussy, with no back bone, little abililty to deal with reality - among other things.  Heh.  They of course wouldnt even be worth my time.  Of course <wicked grin> i might take advantage of their lack of decency and strength, and uhh.. and have abit of fun with them for my amusement. 

To the OP - i'm sorry he did this to you.  i'm sorry he hurt you and i'm sorry your trust was broken.  i'm also sorry that he wasnt the man you thought he was.  i've never actually had the pleasure of running into some one who couldnt stand behind their words and had some one else do the "standing"  i am sorry you're hurt.  Try if you can and maybe in time, look at in a more amused light.  As it is laughable behavior.  Granted the effect it had on you was detrimental, but the behavior itself is laughable.  Its quite funny actually = )  I mean really.... picture the one who delivered the news to you, and the Man hiding behind her peeking out from behind her while she gave the news.  Most assurdly He did as i'm sure he had them tell him whatever went on between the two of you in the convo.  i mean realllllllly, i know a certian 4 year old who acts like that.  <grins>  and its pretty funny then too!  i always crack up as i think its kind of cute, childish behavior. 

He probably did it in the way he did as he was fearful of your reaction.  If he truely just did not care, he'd have no problem telling you hiimself, via phone even and hanging up when you got upset.  Or just in person sitting there coldly whie you got upset.  If he cared not, he'd of been able to do it himself.  He'd of just done it and said "sucks for you" and moved on.  But he DIDNT.  He hid and peeked out.  Imagine a grown man acting like a little boy, i'd give him 50's outfit i think.. or maybe its 20's hiding being a skirt.  Probably sandy hair.. def brown eyes.  <lolololol> 

So you have a new image of him.  Thankfully you found out now.  As though it seems rough, 2 or 5 or even 10 years down the road, with so much time invested would be alot worse.  A marriage invested would be much worse.  Might be hard to believe, but you are better off and so i say count your blessings. 

Once you get past the pain, anger, confusion - try viewing him as a 1920's little boy peeking out behind a woman's skirt and count yourself lucky.

(in reply to Corvax)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 11:55:40 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I've never really understood the picking-the-right-way-to-break-up attitude.  If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.  There is no good way to break up.


I agree... there is no good way... but there is an honorable way!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 12:17:28 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		It amazes me that so many self-labeled 'dominants' want the respect and obedience they believe they are due, but do not accept their responsibilities.
A dominant worthy of the title would have stood up to the unpleasant task.  He was not 'master' of anyone, including himself. 

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(in reply to kajirared)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 3:22:47 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I've never really understood the picking-the-right-way-to-break-up attitude.  If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.  There is no good way to break up.


I agree... there is no good way... but there is an honorable way!


Not many really know what that is KoM... thanks for bringing it back up. Might be a slap up side the head to some who have forgotten about honor. Short post... excellent post.


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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 3:36:49 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I've never really understood the picking-the-right-way-to-break-up attitude.  If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.  There is no good way to break up.


I agree... there is no good way... but there is an honorable way!


Not many really know what that is KoM... thanks for bringing it back up. Might be a slap up side the head to some who have forgotten about honor. Short post... excellent post.


Agreed.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 4/15/2006 3:37:15 PM >

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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 3:45:54 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

If you're breaking up, you're breaking up. There is no good way to break up.


That is true.  But there are some really, really bad ways to do it.  And many of the threads here are a testament to that.  Part of the curriculum for "Relationship 101" should include a chapter on breaking up the right way.


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(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 3:52:01 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I've never really understood the picking-the-right-way-to-break-up attitude.  If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.  There is no good way to break up.


I agree... there is no good way... but there is an honorable way!


I absolutely agree with both of you.. There is no "Good" way to end a relationship unless you just drift apart and there is no emotion left and no kids or property to dispute. However is KoM said there is an honourable way...My take is that unless death, jail or comatosed hospitalisation is present, a "master' who uses a third part yo un-collar a sub/slave is both gutless and unworthy of being called "Master".


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Master of Bruin Cottage

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 4:01:46 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Evening,
 
I am curious though how is this different than a slave taking her own collar off. In truth both people do what they feel is right for them. It may not be seen as honorable or the "popular" way but perhaps there were / are reasons behind it. What if they assumed it would turn into a scene (not a play scene either) or that afraid of some kind of abuse or retaliation or simply did not trust the other party?
 
It is easy to sit as judge and jury when only have the story is being told. I think there is always at least 3 sides to a story. His, hers, and the truth.
 
Nika{Phoenix}

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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 4:19:22 PM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		I've never heard of this being done, and didn't even think it was an option.  :(  I'm sorry this happened to you.  Thanks for posting about it, making us aware.  I certainly agree that it would be wrong to put a submissive through this.  In fact, maybe that's WHY it was done - to scorn and humiliate.  Not very kind.  :(

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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 4:51:39 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		My sentiments are the same as many expressed... if a person can't break up or un-collar someone as you have experienced... it really shows a lot about their character.

But then again, look at how many people accept collars without ever meeting a person face to face.


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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 5:47:07 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Shoot!...IMO..honorable great!..however, this concept is practicially defunct in society..The LEAST that would be acceptable is for this person to of stepped up to the plate and simply be a MAN about it..plain and simple..a MAN..To the OP..colors were shown, your respect level for him history, no regaining that ever, you just got to feel sorry for his next slave, for she will be getting a cowardly boy as her Master...And before some one says we are only hearing one side of story..granted...but no matter the circumstance..think about it...third party break up..how can that be found acceptable in any way shape or form?...be well..tempting

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: dont un-collar your slave third party - 4/15/2006 7:24:34 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		It might be just me, but having someone else end a relationship for you pretty much "screams" junior high immaturity.

It's not only immature but just plain gutless. Kinda like coming home and finding an empty house. or my favortie (happened to my brother) come home and discouver your partner moved someone else in while you were away at work

If your mature enough to be in a relationship you should be mature enough to end it properly too.

The worst is not knowing why the relationship ended but realizing that by the way it ended it was definately for the better, is a good way to start getting over the hurt. You'll never get a satisfactory answer as to why, trust me, but realizing that it was no fault of your own and moving on is the best thing to do.



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