CynthiaWVirginia
Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
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I had to biggersize your words because the teeny letters hurt my tired, sore eyes. :) I'll answer your questions as best I can, sometimes from my own experiences and sometimes from close friends of mine who have reacted in the way you have commented upon. I will comment in this color, within the quotes as I don't want to have to make a dozen different quote bars.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Somethingrandom
I've always appreciated and enjoyed pornography, and continued to view it even while within very sexually-satisfying relationships.
On several occasions, I have tried to get various women to join me watching, as a prelude and enhancement to sex. This has always backfired rather spectacularly. I have known few vanilla women who have enjoyed porn, so this doesn't surprise me. I have to ask...if it doesn't get the restults you wanted...why do it with a woman present, why not save it for when there are no women present and you're feeling lonely and horney?
What I've found most striking is that the women did not comment on the rather obvious flaws in porn......horrible acting, absurd situations, sleazy sets, crappy lighting and camerawork. Then I must be a rare creature indeed. Porn doesn't arouse me in the slightest, so I have nothing better to do than to critique the "movie" and the actors' performance. Don't even get me started on the music, non-existing plots, and all the faked female orgasms. What's to enjoy, unless someone has dangly bits that are stiff and needing some fantasy relief?
No comments on those aspects. Some women are so uncomfortable with grabbing a man's ego by the balls and twisting them that they would never be mean enough to burst your bubble and tell you you were wasting their time and they would find more pleasure from doing the dishes. If she thought you had...troubles...and needed this *coughsextrastimulationcoughs* to get in the mood for later, she'd might bite her tongue and just try to enjoy your enjoyment. Also, if the porn focused on an explicit fetish, there was not even any comment on the outlandish fetish. I was taught that if I didn't have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all. Took me years to get past that programming and to speak my mind and stand up for myself. What do you want from her? To let you enjoy something that gives you pleasure? Sounds like you're getting that already, as nobody dumped hot coffee in your lap before leaving permanently. Does she know that part of her job is to critique all those movies? Outlandish fetishes might be scary to her or repugnant...leading someone into this in delightful nonthreatening baby steps might be more productive than hinting at what you want on your menu with a poor quality porn movie. Girl friends told me there were excellent porn moves targeted for women's enjoyment...find some of these; as long as you get your tits and beaver shots and bumping uglies, would you really care which movie it was or who made it for whom? If you want her to comment on the outlandish fetishes, it should be from her own enjoyment of the movies you chose to share with her. Again, find something women would enjoy watching with you...find out what she might enjoy watching, and endulge her if the fucking has to have some romance and decent music.
So, what DID the women say? A running commentary on the looks of the actresses, all negative.
"Those boobs are fake"
"Look, she has stretch marks on the back of her thighs!"
"She obviously bleaches her hair"
"Her nose is crooked"
Yes, because her man was drooling over her competition. Maybe you should get a bi girlfriend so that both of you can jones over the fake but pert boobies, perfect skin, etc. and fantasize over a woman that can have (just pretend she's not faking) multiple orgasms with no foreplay, no creativity, no love or affection, just some brisk in and out (prolonged by all those lovely off screen fluff girls). I've known several friends and family members (I am so not mentioning my own mother...) who left men who were so addicted to porn that months could go by before they'd have sex with the hot young thing they were living with. Some of us...and at this site, I might be a minority of one...believe that imagining fucking someone is being unfaithful with your thoughts. If I was married to the man, I would consider it adultery. (The random thoughts that go through most men's minds, no, but deliberately dwelling on it, yes I do feel it's being unfaithful.)
Making negative comments on the actress *coughprostitutecough* is reasonable in a vanilla way...the only way to get her own back with a woman who is doing her best to outperform most normal women in America is to find fault with her to prove she's not all that. Commenting on plastic surgery enhanced body parts is one way for a woman to comment on the fakeness of everything, when she is trying to restrain herself and not piss you off too much.
Etcetera......
I find this mytifying. It was not as if I were making a running commentary on how GREAT the women looked in the movie. This was not a counter to anything I had said. Your lust speaks for itself. When my first boyfriend brought that projector home and started plaing hard core rated X movies...which to me was the equivalent of someone slathering themselves in a shit bath and expecting me to oooh and aaaah and not mind the stench. If a woman likes it, fine, but if you see she does not, I don't see the purpose of wanting her to fake it for you. If she had erotic feelings from...um...slamming her used Kotex pads on the walls all over the house because the inkblot effect of the bloodstains made her appreciate her body and made her horney, would you spend an hour or two with your face close to each one making lovely comments on each?
I had to live at one time with my mom's ex boyfriend, and he watched Playboy and other porn on tv for 8-12 hours per day. I slept in the living room on a foldup bed, and yes, he had to watch porn on the tv in that same room every blessed night, seven days per week...until past 2 in the morning when he knew I had to be at college by 7 a.m. His inconsideration for my need to SLEEP turned porn into torture, and those sniveling bunnies who all had the same script writer ("Oh yes, I'm just a girl next door and granny is so delighted I'm doing porn and my children someday when I have them will be so grateful to see for themselves that I used to be a hottt young thing once.") He could have cleaned himself up and got his butt out there and started dating real women, but he chose to develop a porn addiction that disabled all social skills and courtesy. He painted a 3 foot tall...naked...picture of my mother (through face and clothed full body pix) from memory and kept that in full view over my bed in the living room. He was so into his own fantasies that he couldn't see what an asshat he was.
There wasn't any real reluctance or resistance to my invitation to watch porn......yet it seemed as if the women were working as hard as they could to poison it. It's called indulging your man and being polite. She tried, they tried, but it was too offensive and they probably wondered that you couldn't read their body language and between the verbal lines well enough to turn it off and pay attention to them instead. Watching a chick flick might be worth it if you're getting hugged and squeezed though the movie and getting a blow job and wild sex afterward because she felt so close to you cuz you watched that movie with her and made her feel so loved by holding her hand and fondling her hair. As if you weren't only thinking about pussy.
My question is...WHY? Does it really matter what gave me a raging hard on? Maybe it's 80% your hand down my pants, and 20% the porn. Maybe vice-versa. The result is the same, so why the negative talk? A man who wants a raging hardon without my having deliberately contributed to his state of arousal...can have one. Without me being present. It's called masturbation. This is something quite different from another thing called foreplay. Her pretending to get into it, and stroking you off...sounds like a service you expect a woman to provide. Either earn ownership of someone who is willing to serve, or buy... <can't recommend that here, or I'll be mod spanked>... The negative talk you can't understand is very simple...SHE DISLIKES IT. If you can't find something that the both of you can enjoy, then save this for when you are alone. Know what you want. Be observant. Don't do something that would interfere with you getting what you want. If you want to watch porn without hearing snide comments, then watch it with someone who will appreciate it, yourself or another buddy.
For another point of view...one of the hottest things a new boyfriend did for a friend of mine was...watch a lot of porn. Because he didn't know how to give women oral sex, and he chose as homework studying men going down on women. He learned well  and soon had her on her back and screaming her head off with the best oral she had ever had in her life. She had watched some of his training movies with him, and no, she didn't care about breast implants, acting or music.
One woman in particular who did this, I am not exaggerating, could easily have been a porn superstar herself, looks and skills. But she acted like all the rest. Puzzling. Wait a moment, I must have heard this wrong. You had a woman in your grasp who was drop dead gorgeous, every man's fantasy of a perfect porn star and you chose porn over seeing to it that she thought you were the cat's meow?
Now, here's the thing------ when I see MALE actors in porn, I don't feel in the slightest bit compelled to put them down. They have huge cocks, insane stamina, and are often athletic and very handsome. It would never occur to me in a million years to feel insecure about my girlfriend seeing a guy like that naked and performing in porn. There's no comparison going on, after all.
He's a pro, like a football player, or a soldier. A completely different type of guy from me. But this wasn't about you. If arguing a woman into enjoying watching porn worked, then this problem you're having would have been solved long ago. I'm sure you would have put extra effort into arguing with that super hottie you let get away. If you ever find a way to get women who hate porn to love it, vanilla men across America will demand a national holiday just to honor you.
Would I enjoy being like him? Eh, maybe once in a while. Maybe in fantasy. But does he make me hate him, or make me feel insecure? No, that would be insane. Enjoy your difference and the fact that you're male. I'm glad you can enjoy porn. I doubt those women cared enough about the actresses to hate them...their attitudes reflected strong feelings that maybe you should have listened to and not invalidated nor called insane or insecure. People don't go around arguing why a major part of the population detests having root canals, we just accept it and move on. With each woman...you are choosing to give your attention to the porn at the expense of the woman you are with, and feeling this is unfair doesn't change anything.
So......can anyone shed some light, here? Porn certainly can be boring, and very UNsexy, even to a fan like me at times. But getting the exact-same reaction over many years, from so many different women makes me wonder what the heck is going through their minds? So even after YEARS of women coming through your life, all reacting the same, you still can't get it...? Communication skills, the ability to listen and hear what someone is saying and learn from it...are important to some people. It's more important than than just the issue you've mentioned, and...you're not getting it. None of these women could get you to rethink your belief...that your needs are reasonable and correct and that these women are insecure, meanspirited bitches, and I'm not sure anything I've said can get you to think outside this box you're in. I'm only bothering because you asked for opinions, it's nothing personal and I felt like enjoying a little rant. Most people will ignore a very long post like mine anyway.
Maybe turning this around could make it easier for you to understand. <listens> Suppose my girlfriend wanted to watch a romantic drama, like that "Twilight" garbage......suppose every time the guy said something, I had a negative comment? Then your goal of proving your point would cause you to keep winning the battles, but lose the war. Would this behavior get you what you want? It's a shame your needs are so different from most of the women you have been dating or been lovers with.
If watching some movie made my man want to have sex with ME, and not be secretly pretending that he was humping her instead or comparing us, I could get into it. I have even enjoyed a few that were fun to watch. One was The Devil in Miss Jones, lol, but it never for a moment made me horney. Learn the art of compromise, and not try to win arguments by being petulant or by revengefully making your point.
"He doesn't really love her, he just wants to fuck her."
"Her boyfriend obviously likes her sister better."
"This guy talks like a little girl"
"Clearly, the hero likes boys better than girls"
Wouldn't that sound pretty strange and fucked-up? Yes, and I'll pass on making a comment to that.
I hope that nobody reports me for flaming, because this honestly is not my intention. I tried to only answer and give relevent examples I felt were necessary to express my opinions to questions that were asked.
Any who have a different opinion...ah...all of us have one and I will still stand by mine. 
< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 7/8/2010 4:48:23 AM >
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How does pornography make you feel about yourself? - 
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