New and unsure (Full Version)

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lalleee -> New and unsure (7/9/2010 12:31:15 AM)

I am new to this. I accidently found out one night that I liked being handled rough. Met this guy, was high and drunk and don't exactly remember how it went, but he took me to bed and asked me "Tell me, how do you like it?" I had no idea what to tell him and just said thoughtlessly "Why don't you tell me what to do?" At the time, I had no idea what was going on. wasn't even aware of D/S thing existing but lack of experience and mind, did what was told. The details are hazy but I remember being tossed, turned and called a bitch. He grabbed me roughly, put his hand on my throat and pulled my hair hard.

Recently, tried asking for the things I wanted. I've been asking to slap me. It's not easy asking this to one nighters and I always shock them. They do double take and ask me "You want what?" "Really?" So I ask them if they are into things like that. And they always say no. They respect women, and violence is not a turn on, etc. But they always end up getting into it, even more so than me. I'm tired of asking for it though. and they don't really do things well. I don't know what I like is just rough sex or D/S. Power play? But for sure, not into hardcore shit. Not into real pain or humiliation or letting man control my life or anything. But very curious and love to learn more.





sunshinemiss -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 12:44:08 AM)

Welcome and have fun! 

Stick around and read the boards... lots of information.



sirsholly -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 4:20:59 AM)

quote:

Met this guy, was high and drunk and don't exactly remember how it went................I had no idea what was going on...........The details are hazy but I remember being tossed, turned and called a bitch. He grabbed me roughly, put his hand on my throat and pulled my hair hard.


Oh my dear...read what you wrote again and thank the heavens you survived.
There is a HUGE danger in playing while under the influence with someone you are familiar with. Playing under the influence with a stranger is nothing short of stupid. Please don't do it again!

That said...welcome to CM and play safe!!!



DarkSteven -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 4:22:41 AM)

Welcome. You are a bedroom submissive, curious whether your submission extends past the bedroom.

Please be careful. There are some men that may not be safe


Again, welcome!



DarkSteven -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 6:07:01 AM)

I just thought I'd add that there is something very important - control.  When you submit to a man, you are handling control over to him.  That takes a tremendous amount of trust.

A good Dom is in control of himself, especially as he is topping.  I'm a pretty light Dom, so I stick to spanking/paddling, nipple clamps, etc.  Some are into cutting, needle play, whips, breath play, etc.  They spend a lot of time learning how to do these things right, so they can create a lot of pain but no harm.

Your situation is that you are giving control to men with no experience, who may not have control at all.  Even slapping can cause facial bruises that are hard to explain.

If you want kink, look in the kink community.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 6:57:18 AM)

The first thing that popped out at me was that you were drunk and high. And went home with a stranger. Now that's your business, but that behaviour is sooooooooooo dangerous. Keep yourself clearheaded, find local munches in your area, and try to figure out exactly what it is you want. As sunshine stated, read the forums you'll get a lot of information, some good, some not so good, but you'll have to figure that out for yourself.

Play hard and PLAY SAFE. Good luck and welcome.



SirsJewel -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 8:44:36 AM)

Welcome, let me just add that one nighters suck as a rule. You don't know the other well enough to be asking to be hit, roughed about or any of the"shit" you might very well crave on down the road. Read, think about why it turns you on and join a chat possibly here to speak to others. There is no box to put yourself in for now - you like a bit of kink with the guy as a "Top" or in charge, and it's fun and exhilerating being naughty at this point. Just don't be dumb asking guys to smack you around drunk, that will land you in the ER or with a nasty STD possibly. No one is judging you by the way,W/we are glad you found U/us,now it's time to learn about what makes you wet and what makes you tick.enjoy~ jewels



lalleee -> RE: New and unsure (7/9/2010 10:32:22 PM)

Thanks for the advices. But no, the situation wasn't dangerous. It was an afterhour thing. Two of my friends and his friend were hanging out in the house. Never had scary moment with one nighters. I rather wish I'd get the taste of it. The men I've met are really tame. The places I go are too refined, I guess. Where do I find these beaters? At truck stops?
Isn't meeting someone through web even more dangerous than picking one up in a bar or club?



SirsJewel -> RE: New and unsure (7/10/2010 9:58:53 AM)

Not at all. i will give you some basic internet dating safety advice i had lived by. Chat a week min. before exchanging phone numbers,private callers do not get answered,he calls me first and his i.d. better be the name he has given me. Flip on the cams and see who you really are to avoid the one pic,oh gawd that wasn't him thing. Doesn't mean you have to get freaky on it either,and oh if he says sorry don't have one, well go get one they're cheap and if he makes excuses,guess what, Married! and walk away is my thoughts most likely.
At any point if you feel "funny" asking for things,slow downnnnnn. If you can fuk him,you can ask for I.D. and of course condoms to be used. i have a six week rule. if he's hung in there with the calls and chatting,then let's meet. That's alot of freeeeeee dating and money should be saved to get to you to meet up. If he cries broke now,where will that go? Meet at a public place and have two safetys in place. One that can physically get to you should a problem arise(car breakdown even) and one you call when you arrive and possibly have call you during the date to check your okay. Mine is State Police officer,so i was good. Now this is for a relationship possibility. You want a fling or to meet at a munch(meetings in the area that discuss lifestyle) or a screw it's your call. Make your needs/wants/curiosities known as you chat. Never list long hard limits,you would be surprised how your taste changes when trust develops with the right person. Read,join a chat like Passions_for_submission in the chat listings and most of all have fun finding out more. There are no right and wrong ways to go about this so long as it's consentual,sane and safe. Best of luck, let me know how your doing sometime ~ jewels



lalleee -> RE: New and unsure (7/13/2010 7:11:28 AM)

Excellent excellent advice. Just what I needed.
Thank you Jewels.




Apocalypso -> RE: New and unsure (7/13/2010 8:52:01 AM)

Welcome to the board.

I know you're probably sick of talking about the drugs/drink issue, so I hope these short points don't feel like a lecture.  They're not supposed to.

One major problem with you playing blitzed is that, as well as lowering inhibitions, it's likely to increase your pain tolerance.  That's a bad thing in this case.  Because you're new, you're currently unaware of your own limits.  And anybody you play with certainly doesn't have a clue.  So it could lead to you pushing your body further than you actually should be.  You're also mixing and that makes the effects of drugs far less predictable.  Finally, there's something some people get called "sub drop", where they get down after play.  If that happens to you, you don't want to be dealing with a comedown or a hangover at the same time.

I'd strongly advise that you shoudn't be playing when high/drunk.  If you're going to ignore that, you need to at least think a lot more carefully about how you're going about it.  (And, for the record, I'm Hunter S Thompson compared to most people on this forum as far as this issue goes).



LadyPact -> RE: New and unsure (7/13/2010 9:05:47 AM)

Sorry, but I'm going to disagree with part of the advice listed on this thread.  People have been hitting the clubs and doing meet and beats (an possibly going home to screw each other afterward) for a hell of a lot longer than the silly, fantasy, bullshit driven chat rooms have been around.  I've got a heck of a lot more faith in somebody that I see week after week at a BDSM club than I do somebody on the internet that I have never seen in the flesh who says they know what they are doing. 

If you want to meet people who are into this, OP, I'd suggest that you go out and meet them.  Not piss around in some chat room, hoping that somebody is who they say they are.  Go to your local munch and play parties where you can see for yourself if somebody is interested in the same things as you are.

Welcome to the boards.



SirsJewel -> RE: New and unsure (7/13/2010 12:18:02 PM)

Youre welcome,let me know how you are doing sometime please ~ jewels



MichiganHeadmast -> RE: New and unsure (7/13/2010 2:02:34 PM)

Welcome!

My first name is Larry, and when I visited Korea I got called "lallee" a lot.  [:D]



lalleee -> RE: New and unsure (7/20/2010 4:18:32 AM)

haha, there is a thing called 'meet and beat'? Fantastic.
Thank you both for your advices Hunter S Thompson and Lady Pact. Will keep in mind.



lalleee -> RE: New and unsure (7/20/2010 4:20:31 AM)

Love Fear and Loathing Las vegas



OohAahMrs -> RE: New and unsure (7/20/2010 5:02:35 AM)

I don't think this is the right place for you.



thishereboi -> RE: New and unsure (7/20/2010 5:34:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OohAahMrs

I don't think this is the right place for you.


Where you going to give us a reason for this?



OohAahMrs -> RE: New and unsure (7/20/2010 7:17:47 AM)

Nope.



poise -> RE: New and unsure (7/20/2010 7:28:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OohAahMrs
I don't think this is the right place for you.

This could very well have been the response to your Introduction as well.
This is the worst thing that can be said to someone who is curious about herself
and her feelings. I only hope she see's your comment as ignorant as I do.



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