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Abstracts -> New and Contemplative (7/10/2010 1:20:49 PM)
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My lady and I have begun discussing the merits of having long term pet. Now, I don't know the definitions of the terms used in the lifestyle community because I've always just gone my own way. I've only recently begun exploring what is universally accepted in this community. That said, a slave and a pet are two different things to me. A slave is a sub for more of a fetishist, someone with lots of kink and masochistic tendencies. Someone who may or may not be emotionally dependent on their master, but receive little emotional support. They are simply used. On the other hand, a master/pet relationship may or may not involve sadism and masochism but there is definitely emotional support from both sides, though in different ways. The pet is subordinate but also has their needs met, those needs being the responsibility of the master or mistress. Now from what I have gathered in my reading, this is not exactly the case for these terms in this lifestyle community. However, that's not the main point of this post. But I wanted to define what my partner and I are looking for, a pet, by that basic and bare bones definition.
Now I've always been a thinker and the D/s relationship has always fascinated me. I've spent a great deal of time contemplating it without doing much reading. Any research was more observing the relationship in action and drawing conclusions from that. That said, my lady and I are new to this. She is dominant when it comes to women, switch when it comes to me. I've always been dominant in pretty much every aspect of my life. We are both assertive, dynamic, and ambitious.
But from time to time, she likes to pin me down on the bed, and I let her, despite having to fight my urge to take over. (She enjoys it whether I do or don't.) This has been the dynamic in a good many of my relationships and it's made me realize something. Subs have something over dominants that undeniably puts them in the superior position. And that is that if they do not want to submit, they do not have to. Forced slavery is a thing of the past. From what I can tell, all legal subs in this lifestyle are consenting. From this I surmised that the key to being a dominant is not forcing submission, but getting the sub to want to submit. Am I right?
My question is this. What are some techniques to begin instilling that dynamic in the beginning of a D/s relationship? I often like to answer my own questions, so here's the way I see it. The key to it is the specific people. One sub does not fit all doms and one dom does not fit all subs. Is it simply an issue of finding the right person or is there more to it? And being new to this lifestyle, what are some of the other key issues to consider? What's the best way to learn and gain experience? Diving in with a sub and making educated choices or watching another dom with their sub and observing the relationship dynamics?
I've got more questions floating around in my head, but this is all I'll post for now. I thank you all for your time.
With honor,
-Tobias
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