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So here's the deal... - 7/10/2010 10:47:48 PM

ice0488

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...I am a little shy and i'm not looking for real time play right away. i would love to start online, cam or whatever, and let it evolve into a real time thing. Can someone give me advice on how to meet someone to do something like this. The only things i'm finding right now are "Pros" who would just love it if i joined niteflirt or whatever other site. So is there anyone on here (Mistresses) that is looking for online play? Or can someone help me find one. Thank you.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/10/2010 10:58:14 PM

OttersSwim

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I am a big believer in "real time"...but real time does not have to be play. It can be munches where kinky folk get together over a meal to discuss kink, socialize, and have a good time. These sorts of munches and get togethers are held in most places and New Jersey where you are should be no exception. Go find the kinky folk and make some friends first - use the experience to educate yourself, get comfortable with the folk and the community.

Then you will have a baseline of reality to compare any online experiences you run into, and will be more experienced, less vulnerable, etc.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/10/2010 11:44:38 PM

WyldHrt

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Otter nailed it, as per usual.

I would only add that interacting here on the forums is a great way to 'dip your toes in the pool' if you are feeling shy. Once you realize that the Doms, Dommes, switches, subs, slaves, and assorted kinksters aren't really much different from other folks, meeting up in real at a munch or event is a LOT less scary.

I highly recommend the Polls and Random Stupidity section for getting to know some of the kinky folks here with pretty much zero pressure.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 11:49:33 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Thing is, MOST of us who are into real life stuff are not interested in online games. They are (for me) entirely meaningless exercises in typing. Ditto cams. Cams are great when I KNOW the person and have some relationship with them, not before.

No one says you have to play at your first party, or befriend everyone at your first munch. Get to know people of all genders and orientations, look around and see what folks are doing, who is having the best time, what interests you and what doesn't. You're only holding yourself back by hiding behind your computer.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 12:10:04 PM

PeonForHer

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Ice, my experience of BDSM venues is that there are lots and lots of shy people who will just stand and watch. That's fine. But I've invariably found the seasoned venue-goers to be friendly and easy-going, too. People have been keen to talk: about their toys, their interests . . . they've been very approachable.

Heh. You want to know what shyness is? I know someone who went to his first BDSM gig but lost all nerve when he got within fifty yards of the door. So he went to a pub and had a pint, to try to restore his courage. Then he went back to the venue . . . and flaked a second time. Off to another pub for another pint . . . and twice more before he eventually found the guts to pay his entrance fee and go into the club. After he'd been there for an hour, he was fine. It was only at the end of the night that one of the door staff told him that he'd seen him walk by the door four times. She said it was pretty standard behaviour for newbies. All the staff would smile at it.

Aww. Well, I'm given to understand that this person is a lot more confident, these days. I don't usually need a drink at all before going to such venues, now.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 12:14:44 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Thing is, MOST of us who are into real life stuff are not interested in online games. They are (for me) entirely meaningless exercises in typing. Ditto cams. Cams are great when I KNOW the person and have some relationship with them, not before.

No one says you have to play at your first party, or befriend everyone at your first munch. Get to know people of all genders and orientations, look around and see what folks are doing, who is having the best time, what interests you and what doesn't. You're only holding yourself back by hiding behind your computer.

Speaking of not wasting keystrokes, thank you for saving Me some!

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 6:02:09 PM

marshalp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Heh. You want to know what shyness is? I know someone who went to his first BDSM gig but lost all nerve when he got within fifty yards of the door. So he went to a pub and had a pint, to try to restore his courage. Then he went back to the venue . . . and flaked a second time. Off to another pub for another pint . . . and twice more before he eventually found the guts to pay his entrance fee and go into the club. After he'd been there for an hour, he was fine. It was only at the end of the night that one of the door staff told him that he'd seen him walk by the door four times. She said it was pretty standard behaviour for newbies. All the staff would smile at it.

Aww. Well, I'm given to understand that this person is a lot more confident, these days. I don't usually need a drink at all before going to such venues, now.

Guilty of the same here... but i just needed one drink

But after the first time if was real easy to enter...
Also almost everyone i met at venues are very friendly & helpful... i remember meeting LadyPact the second time i visited the venue (i'm sure she doesn't remember but it's ok

), but as i said, everyone (including her

) was super friendly and welcoming. Anyway, these days, i am the leader of a small group in my local area & have learned and experienced a lot... wouldn't have been possible if it was not the first step.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 8:39:10 PM

LadyPact

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You know I had to look, right? Cheater! You have no face pics.

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 8:42:26 PM

marshalp

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Well i have one now

To help your memory, i was the new guy who was topping during a subbie-go-round which you monitored at 1763 (right before you left us alone in ATL)

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/11/2010 8:52:19 PM

LadyPact

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Got it! I had never made the connection before this.

The subbie go round was great fun! I remember that like it was yesterday. Everybody had such a blast! Who knew that idea would work out as well as it did? Just goes to show that when you get the right fun loving folks together at a club, the possibilities are endless.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/12/2010 9:55:47 PM

marshalp

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Yep the subbie go round was crazy.... Especially for a greenhorn like me... tons of fun

And really thanks LadyPact... that evening made me feel comfortable & welcome in the group...

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/12/2010 10:21:06 PM

LadyPact

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You are more than welcome, hon. I'm glad I was able to have a part in making it memorable for you.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: So here's the deal... - 7/13/2010 3:47:28 PM

MaamJay

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I used to do the online thing and at the time, it was fun and exciting and quite consuming. Then I got out from behind My computer, plucked up some courage and went to a first coffee meet with a couple who were vetting Me so I could join a bdsm discussion group called Looking Glass. Best thing I ever did!! The relief of meeting people and finding out they were just ordinary folks with extra kinks was huge. From there I started going to munches, then once people realised I was genuine I was invited to play parties, and I've never looked back. I learned SO MUCH!! Ultimately I hosted play parties in the Dungeon I was inspired to create when we moved house. And along the way my sub side found my Master and He and i have been together 24/7 since June 2004. My Domme side has played with a number of subs, and for a while we lived as a triad, but I am still seeking the sub who will be our life partner. Since making it to REAL FLESH life ... My interest in online play has been zero. I will chat online, get to know people online, but I just don't want to play online. No spark there anymore.

So I agree with the others ... get out there! I can be incredibly shy in certain circumstances ... but if I want something badly enough, I'll put that aside, grit My teeth and go for it. In any group there will be people you'll like and others you won't, friendlier ones and not so friendly ones ... don't let that get to you, just click with some and get to know them. Don't worry much about gender or orientation, don't limit yourself to people who might be potential partners, just talk to all types and LEARN. Then you will be equipped not only to recognise a potential partner ... but to attract them to you as well! Go break that ice!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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