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submissive vs masochist - 7/10/2010 11:41:59 PM   
Inthewoods


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline 		I have always identified myself as submissive, although have only recently been able to act upon that, having been in a vanilla marriage for too many years.  I have played with a (not too huge) number of partners and discovered that what feels right is the giving up of control rather than any particular kink or activity.

Until now.  I am seeing a Dom who identfies as a Sadist, and find that receiving pain for him turns me on like nothing else ever has.  I know that labels really don't matter - if it works, go with it, right?  But I am an over-thinker by nature and it has got me wondering - is it the pain itself that does it for me?  Or is it that this is a deeper level of submission?

Nobody but me can answer this for me - but I am interested in other people's experiences and thoughts.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 12:15:59 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I identify as a masochist and a sub ... the masochism on its own is awesome and feeds my sexual needs. But I also need to offer my submission outside the bedroom too, which feeds my emotional needs and, to a lesser extent, my sexual needs.

I don't see masochism as a deeper form of my submission - it's just another facet of it. I'm not 'more submissive' because I want/need pain, it's just a part of me, like my sexuality or my hair colour.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 2:11:07 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		For me part of my enjoyment of pain is linked to his reaction to pain.  He loves hurting me, and I love that he gets pleasure from that. Once on the merry-go-round it fuels itself and off we go!

As for deeper submission, nah... you can go to any play party and have the shit beaten out of you without submission, and plenty of people do that regularly.

Submission is submission and masochism is masochism.  Some people desire both, some people don't

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 2:42:46 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		ah - a topic to discuss - how refreshing  , far too many boobies, cocks and underpants going on tsk tsk

im not a masso either - its a funny thing.  ages ago i came here identifying as a sub and couldnt have cared less about the BDSM aspects - (just far too bloody kinky ) - over time i realised that in order to find myself a man id have to woman up to the BDSM, so i did.  im still not a masso, but it is an expression of my trust and surrender to Him that He can do what he likes because I am his sub and thats what it means - surrender, physically, emotionlly and all of the rest.

now im realising that the little bit of kinkyness ive always had is just part of being human - pretty much all my vanilla boyfriends were kinky and im betting most people are, theyre just being anal about admitting to it (mostly)

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 8:49:53 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Inthewoods

Until now.  I am seeing a Dom who identfies as a Sadist, and find that receiving pain for him turns me on like nothing else ever has.  I know that labels really don't matter - if it works, go with it, right?  But I am an over-thinker by nature and it has got me wondering - is it the pain itself that does it for me?  Or is it that this is a deeper level of submission?


Inthewoods,

I enjoy varying forms of masochism, but I don't identify as a masochist. My countenance and internal wiring isn't aligned with the concept in my opinion. Pain in itself isn't the driving motivation behind my preference for sadists or my participation in certain acts. Much of that stems from slavery and it is the vehicle for realization for everything stated. However, I believe my compatibility is far greater with sadistic men than those who aren't. They provide challenges and stretching in a manner I find appealing. Although I find pain enjoyable, I don't relish it to the point where I'd label myself a pain slut. On the other hand, my appetite for mental and emotional cruelty is vast. I love when he messes with my head and lean on the outskirts of the scale in that regard.

In terms of submission, I think there's some truth in what you've proposed. I shy away from suggesting it's a deeper kneel, but I'm certainly more vulnerable and exposed. Two things I find necessary and highly appealing. I want complete transparency and sadism provides another avenue for delivery. It isn't the only method he utilizes, but it definitely yields results. I view sadism as the internal and external decoration that he applies to his possession.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 8:56:09 AM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I consider myself to be both, but I get more out of submitting than from receiving pain. Sometimes pain play gets past the point of being enjoyable for me and it continues because it pleases him, I accept the continued pain play because I don't want to cut short his pleasure.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 9:25:01 AM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Many times over the years I have found I suddenly enjoy an activity I did not before because of the person I did it with, so it could be that.

Or you could be just discovering something new. Maybe he is just better at it than those you have played with before?

Keep experimenting. Time will tell.

Ms. Betty

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 3:28:19 PM   
vaiyanen


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline 		I identify as both a submissive and a masochist. While the two can be blended together, I consider them very different and seperate things.

Two beasts occupying the same cage, if you will.

For me, personally, maschism is mainly a physical thing. My submission is more mentally and emotionally driven. I've never had any trouble getting a nice, vanilla guy to dabble in some S&M. They always hit the wall when I brought up the idea of D/s.

-vai


(in reply to ourmsbetty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 4:43:19 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
In terms of submission, I think there's some truth in what you've proposed. I shy away from suggesting it's a deeper kneel, but I'm certainly more vulnerable and exposed.
Are you? Really? I'd give you "differently" but not "more"... not by a long stretch actually.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/11/2010 4:51:31 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Are you? Really? I'd give you "differently" but not "more"... not by a long stretch actually.


When one considers my natural demeanor and coiling, yes, I am. Its different kind of transparency and vulnerability, made possible by the methods undertaken. I view it as complementary to what I feel from slavery in itself before sadism is applied. Interactions of that nature are what crack the alabaster. If you understand the references made when I say that it is liberating, not merely pain inducing. It's simply another way of removing the shell, layers, what have you.

This: "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain."

Begets this: "Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the unseen."

I needn't define the physician. And as I've always posited. There is very little of the mundane that you can't apply to the kneel. It's a matter of expanding your mind to see what others miss.

~porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 7/11/2010 4:56:42 PM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 7:13:56 AM   
NymphetamineGirl


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline 		I do not like pain.  And I don't have a lot of experience in it.  Part of what so excited him was the very fact that I didn't enjoy it, that I gave it to him.  And his quickened breath and visible desire and tender hand on my sore cheek made it all SO worth it.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 8:22:36 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Inthewoods

I have always identified myself as submissive, although have only recently been able to act upon that, having been in a vanilla marriage for too many years.  I have played with a (not too huge) number of partners and discovered that what feels right is the giving up of control rather than any particular kink or activity.

Until now.  I am seeing a Dom who identfies as a Sadist, and find that receiving pain for him turns me on like nothing else ever has.  I know that labels really don't matter - if it works, go with it, right?  But I am an over-thinker by nature and it has got me wondering - is it the pain itself that does it for me?  Or is it that this is a deeper level of submission?

Nobody but me can answer this for me - but I am interested in other people's experiences and thoughts.




While masochism and submission are two different things, if you have both it can be very difficult to distinguish between them. I love pain, I love being pushed but I also love being able to give that to him, his enjoyment of it and surrendering to him. There are definitely things I have done that are all about submission and not about masochism, but usually they are rather intertwined for me. I'm not sure in the end it really matters that much which is what.

I think the "deeper level" line of thought is just total self-serving garbage personally.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/14/2010 9:08:22 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 8:47:54 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am both a submissive and a masochist. I could be submissive even to a vanilla partner because it only requires that I be myself, who is a woman who must cater to her mate. But as a masochist I prefer a sadistic partner. I NEED to vent by expresssing pain and anxiety. But I can self serve these things if necessary because my mental cues are unlike most people, I even fear ladybugs.
For me it is not always about the pain, it is about the panic. I don't view it as a deeper level of submission.

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 9:50:07 AM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		Probably that it's a deeper level of submission. Not because it's pain, but because you're letting him redefine what you'll do for your Dom to submit to him, which can be a truly heady experience. It's also possible that you just have a deeper connection with this person, or that he is particularly talented at pain and now you're experiencing it in a whole new light. I'm not a masochist, so I could be totally off base, but it really sounds as if the thrill of pleasure is coming from some combination of the above. In any case, enjoy!

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 10:06:27 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am not a maso however i do like Masters spankings. It is not the pain of the spankings that gets me excited, pain just hurts. It is submitting to them because i earned them and deserve them or just because Master is in the mood to spank me. He is not a sadist so the submission is the exciting part.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 10:09:47 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NymphetamineGirl

I do not like pain.  And I don't have a lot of experience in it.  Part of what so excited him was the very fact that I didn't enjoy it, that I gave it to him.  And his quickened breath and visible desire and tender hand on my sore cheek made it all SO worth it.


NyphetamineGirl,

I like pain to a point and I mean that. I don't want a royal smackdown everyday, but I love sadists. It's quite the dichotomy. Now I'll confess on the mental and emotional level he can have at it. But physically I have a threshold that is pretty clear cut. I don't mind being taken beyond it. I'm an adventurous girl. But that doesn't mean I'm not aware that's what we're doing and I'm gung-ho about it. My pleasure is derived from the results of his behavior. Not the pain per se, though that is appealing on one level. However, its mental and emotional impact is usually far greater and that trips my switch big time.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to NymphetamineGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 10:29:12 AM   
Inthewoods


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your thoughtful contributions. I have decided to stop analysing and just be. Who cares about a label? I just know that I am me, and whatever I am, this is what I want/need/thrive upon.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 11:19:08 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Wise words! "I just know that I am me, and whatever I am, this is what I want/need/thrive upon."

I am a submissive, not a masochist. I will endure pain to please another but I don't *want* the pain. Santa was NOT a sadist and I served him quite happily. If I'm allowed to cook and/or serve, I'm at my happiest and most contented.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 12:41:25 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

Okay. . . we need VC here STAT with a Venn Diagram. 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: submissive vs masochist - 7/14/2010 9:41:48 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i am both a sub and a masso. i enjoy it more when my Mistress enjoys it as opposed to when another does it. i still enjoy it but when my Mistress is enjoying it i do as well. my Mistress is a sadist and it matches well with me being a maso sub a very deep connection that feeds on the reaction of the other

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 20
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