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Repression of Kink Urges - 7/11/2010 2:21:50 PM   
lostsub26


Posts: 71
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline 		Has anyone experienced a time when they deeply resisted and repressed their desires for BDSM?

If so, how did you finally overcome that?

I'm troubled by some of my desires and resist materializing them for some reason. Maybe it's my upbringing and being shamed about my sexuality in childhood that causes me to feel this way. Any advice?

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/11/2010 2:28:52 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		I tried to be Vanilla.... It didn't work I was still me and Me is a Dominant Man.

Anytime I tried to be Vanilla we always ended up fighting about .... You guessed it ..... Control.

My Advice.....

Be Yourself anf Fuck what anyone else thinks.

Make friends with those who accept you.

Avoid those who do not.

QSM

_____________________________

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/11/2010 2:32:15 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26

Has anyone experienced a time when they deeply resisted and repressed their desires for BDSM?

If so, how did you finally overcome that?

I'm troubled by some of my desires and resist materializing them for some reason. Maybe it's my upbringing and being shamed about my sexuality in childhood that causes me to feel this way. Any advice?




Preggers.  I did not partake in a lot of BDSM activities while I was pregnant.  After the birth and healing the energy came back.  It was not any type of internal struggle though. 

Are we gonna talk about zombies again now?

_____________________________

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/11/2010 2:41:47 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I didn't repress them. I simply chose not to act on them because my ex wasn't interested. I kept them to the level of fantasy and wank fodder rather than act on them.

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/11/2010 2:57:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've never had anything to repress. What I like, enjoy, do isn't that far out there, isn't shocking, isn't all that different imo. I like power, I like dominant men that are attractive.

I would say that if you feel that you are repressing yourself in some way, maybe you should speak to a therapist or a spiritual confidante? Maybe they can help you to deal with your reasons.

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/15/2010 10:25:42 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		I tried to shove my "tendencies" away for a bit and date a vanilla guy. For starters I have many tattoos (some of which were done in respect to my Master) and have multiple nipple and vaginal piercings, however I dress very professionally and carry myself in a manner that shocks anyone that find out what my real passions are.
so anyway, I date this guy and start to pin point little things. I can't believe he kept his mouth shut when I behaved this way or that type of things. Soon I began to press buttons to see the reaction. I was begging for dominance, and not getting it and losing respect for him as a man. It wasn't fair to either of us I seek dominance that only my Master can give me

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/15/2010 10:41:57 PM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		There are times that I wish I could repress them and forget about them. Unfortunately it is a part of who we are and cannot so easily be dealt with. There is a lot of advice out there that mentions being yourself, surrounding yourself with friends who support you, etc. And it is good advice to take, but this lifestyle sure does make for a lonely one sometimes.

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"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/15/2010 11:01:34 PM   
KevinSWM


Posts: 41
Joined: 6/1/2010
Status: offline 		Totally agree. I spent most of my 20's being alone simply because I couldn't find anyone like me. More confusing was that I didn't realize what I was. I just knew I wasn't into what all the other guys were into. I guess it's a smiler confusion that gays have to deal with while they figure themselves out.
Then you finally realize what you seek, only to find they're few and far between.

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/15/2010 11:40:53 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		it's not a quick process, but the only thing that will ever change how you view the world is to keep your eyes open.

i used to feel tremendous guilt and shame, but over time i was able to see for myself, come to my own opinions, and make my own judgments. 

my feelings of guilt and shame became dulled after i spent enough time questioning what was 'good', what was 'wrong', and 'why'. 

eventually my feelings became sharp again when i developed my own set of morals, ethics, and code to live by.

your shame about certain things may not disappear; you may simply become away of why you find shame in it, but you'll at last understand and cease to be bothered by it. 

my advice is to look deeper. 

take what bothers you and dissect it, find the root principles that are bothering you.  figure out what makes a punch different than a hug by getting to the core of human contact and intent.  what makes murder different from killing?  what makes defiling different from unearthing?   what makes truth different than honesty?

ask yourself how some people can be grateful to be beaten, yet a simple hug could devastatingly wrong someone else. 

question what pain and pleasure are, start at the root; they are nothing more than interpretations of signals sent to the brain, then build outwards until you distinguish them in more ways than simply "feels good/feels bad". 

when you get your answers, question those next; figure out what feeling is.

i'll give you a hint though, shame and guilt are subjective responses; so start with 'subjective' if you're going to take my advice.



< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 7/15/2010 11:46:51 PM >

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 12:53:29 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I considered setting them aside when I was involved with someone that had no inclination towards BDSM. But I changed my mind and turned him onto it instead.

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 2:10:59 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		since fully embracing this as 'me' about ten years ago, possibly more now - i havent gone back to vanilla, nearly, once or twice but i knew that once in a relationship it wouldnt work.  when im not in a relationship that side of me settles down a bit and i have no physical need for BDSM at all - nor to be in submission to someone, i find surrender within my paganism keeps me ticking along.

i think that once youve finally worked out that this life isnt a dress rehearsal, time spent hanging back is time wasted and youre only screwing youreself up, noone else, by denying youreself what you really want to explore, all those buggaboos will settle down.

acceptance of who you are and what you need to feel fulfilled makes living with youreself much easier.  just take a deep breath and go for it.  nothing bad will happen so long as youre careful in choosing the right partner for you.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 7:30:49 AM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		I suppressed this side of myself for many years.  I thought I was just wierd.  Then I found this site and a couple others and decided I wasn't so wierd after all.  Now, I would just like to find a dominant male that I click with.

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<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!


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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 7:34:00 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		No, never repressed a thing.

Repressing urges always leads to them expressing themselves in some way, despite your best efforts.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 7:55:18 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		I had a vanilla marriage for which I voluntarily shelved my D/s nature. It didn't feel like I was repressing it, really. It was a conscious decision I made, to do vanilla. When I didn't feel like doing it anymore I stopped.

Since then I have entered other vanilla phases, but because it felt right for me alone- not in order to fit in with another vanilla.

I'm a control freak, at the core. That doesn't always need a sexually expressed component, for me to be happy. Vanilla can be yummy, when its done right.


To thine own self be true, OP. Live your authentic life. Be your authentic self. Life is too short to waste time being something that doesn't feel like who you really are, and who you need to be.

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 7:55:38 AM   
alatheia


Posts: 50
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		A couple of years ago I decided Id go vanilla.. Id never tried it and I was honestly burned out due to poor decision making on my part. I did tell him what I liked/enjoyed from the get go and attempted to turn him. I couldnt and a few months ago it all started coming back and I ended up resenting him.

I called it quits a couple of weeks ago. It truly wasnt fair for either of us.

Never again.

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The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D

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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 8:06:01 AM   
Syrox


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/13/2010
Status: offline 		I repressed my Dominant side as best i could for about 5 years while in a vanilla relationship with the mother of my kids.
During that time I was completely miserable. it caused stress levels in me that were so great as to make me ill.  We did try her going Sub, but it simply didnt work.

After the relationship died, I decided to jump both feet first into the lifestyle and now I never intend to go back again.  mostly because I couldnt cope with those levels of stress again.


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RE: Repression of Kink Urges - 7/16/2010 8:20:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming
I had a vanilla marriage for which I voluntarily shelved my D/s nature. It didn't feel like I was repressing it, really. It was a conscious decision I made, to do vanilla. When I didn't feel like doing it anymore I stopped.


This.

I don't feel like I'm repressing anything when I am having a period of no BDSM involved.  It's something that I chose to do.  Very much like periods that I've opted to be celibate.  During those times, I'm not whining and moaning that I'm not having sex.  It may be a want, but it's certainly not a need.

I love BDSM.  I enjoy being a sadist.  At the same time, I could give it up tomorrow.  Kink doesn't control Me.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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