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Aftercare - 7/11/2010 6:10:35 PM

vaiyanen

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
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This is a topic I've been mulling over in my head for awhile after reading some long messages describing scenarios various people have proposed to me. In these messages there are usually very extreme acts of physical and mental torture involved, the methods are always different, but the messages all shared a common theme. There was absolutely no mention of aftercare.

When responding to these messages to inquire about aftercare I was either ignored, blocked, cussed out, or more disturbingly, asked what aftercare was.

I may be in the minority in my thinking, but I feel that aftercare can be every bit as sexy as the play that led to it's necessity. Is aftercare something that has fallen by the wayside?

As a dominant, top, or sadist, what are your thoughts on aftercare? What level of importance do you ascribe to it? Do you derive any pleasure from it?

-vaiyanen

Post #: 1

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 6:19:14 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
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Here's a recent thread on the subject to start you off:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3288500/tm.htm

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(in reply to vaiyanen)

Post #: 2

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 6:23:33 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

People who write strangers and detail fantasies they want to fulfill on a living body, when they neither know the person inside that body or care to, aren't interested in aftercare. They don't want to know you as a person.

Don't waste your time talking to them.

Re: aftercare. Some will do it, others want you to provide it to them. Tops can have trouble walking straight after too.
But you're on the right track knowing what you need and talking to the top about it before hand instead of assuming they will magically know what you need and want to provide it.

I find it's more likely to be provided inside a relationship. If you play casually at a club the usual you can expect is them helping you walk to a place you can sit out of the way. They'll still need to clean up their stuff.

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Post #: 3

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 6:44:01 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I don't require any specific kind of aftercare so it's a non issue for me.
I'm quite happy jumping up afterwards and getting him a nightcap or whatever he needs.
Just as I'm also content to lay down next to him and nap or watch a movie.
I do whatever he tells me to do. Maybe that's my aftercare.

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Post #: 4

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 6:59:36 PM

vaiyanen

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
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The ones who send those types of messages automatically disqualify themselves from any potential meeting. In the beginning I simply deleted the messages. But, after awhile I got to wondering why aftercare was never once mentioned and started tossing the question out to see what the responses would be. It didn't take long to go back to just deleting the messages again, heh.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 7:06:05 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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The only aftercare i usually need is LOTS of cuddling.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Post #: 6

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 7:26:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I need water, a blanket and a nap. Cuddling is nice to help warm me up while I drift off.

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Post #: 7

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 7:31:00 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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That sounds good too.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: Aftercare - 7/11/2010 7:53:56 PM

Abstracts

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/10/2010
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What I, the male, like to do just between the two of us is get a warm and damp wash cloth for each of us so we can wipe the sweat and other bodily fluids off of each other. It's a very intimate experience and we'd do similar with a submissive. Though, depending on the roughness, other things might be needed before. People have different views as to what submissives are. But whether they are pets or property, you would still take care of them.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 9

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 4:56:28 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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I think the idea of getting a sub to the point where she needs aftercare and then withholding it from her is just plain wrong. That said, I'm a Daddy Dom type and love the closeness of aftercare.

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Post #: 10

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 5:11:28 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: vaiyanen

The ones who send those types of messages automatically disqualify themselves from any potential meeting. In the beginning I simply deleted the messages. But, after awhile I got to wondering why aftercare was never once mentioned and started tossing the question out to see what the responses would be. It didn't take long to go back to just deleting the messages again, heh.

I'm not sure failing to mention aftercare in a profile really means much. I certainly wouldn't assume that it means that it wouldn't be provided.

Honestly, I think it's fairly easy to tell when you have found someone that cares about your well-being and wants to know that you are safe and healthy. Rather than playing semantics games, I would focus on that.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

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(in reply to vaiyanen)

Post #: 11

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 8:22:29 PM

ShoreBound149

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline

What the fuck is aftercare?

It's just a stupid made up term by folks who like to make up stupid terms.

If ya "care" before and during there's no need to single out after as a time to care.

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Post #: 12

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 8:36:28 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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I have to agree. If someone has spent a significant amount of time getting to know you and knows how to push your buttons, they should also understand how to care for you in various situations and how to demonstrate this care effectively. Whether it's after play or just anytime.

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Post #: 13

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 9:12:32 PM

SexySea

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

I sometimes experience what is know as "Sub-Drop" which means that at some point after a very intense session or being in sub-space I actually feel upset, alone and would often head into the bathroom to cry. My ex Dom's aftercare was good but not long enough and that's my fault for not telling him how sad I felt. After care is CRTICAL both in quality and length. As a slave I always get wonderful aftercare from my Master. It makes all of the difference in the world. It makes me far more attached to my Master and I'm much happier as a slave than I ever was as a sub.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 14

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 9:12:38 PM

vaiyanen

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline

It appears I wasn't specific enough in my original post, for that I apologize. The intent of the question wasn't to seek advice for the purpose of any future meetings. I don't take the majority of the messages I receive in my mail seriously. The thought simply occurred to me that a lot of the messages detailed activities like using bladed whips, needles, knives and so forth, but none of them mentioned what would happen after the scene.

I was looking to get opinions on the topic from the perspective of a dominant, top, or sadist, if they had any on the subject.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 15

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 9:24:14 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: vaiyanen

It appears I wasn't specific enough in my original post, for that I apologize. The intent of the question wasn't to seek advice for the purpose of any future meetings. I don't take the majority of the messages I receive in my mail seriously. The thought simply occurred to me that a lot of the messages detailed activities like using bladed whips, needles, knives and so forth, but none of them mentioned what would happen after the scene.

I was looking to get opinions on the topic from the perspective of a dominant, top, or sadist, if they had any on the subject.

1. Anyone of any prediliction can post on any thread. You cannot dictate who or what contributes to a thread.
2. If you don't take any of the messages seriously then why wonder why they don't mention afercare?
3. Do you HONESTLY think that anyone sending a stranger some fantasy concoction even thinks about aftercare? It's called wanking off to sending their fantasies to strangers.
4. There was a huge and interesting aftercare thread as Wyld pointed out earlier.

(in reply to vaiyanen)

Post #: 16

RE: Aftercare - 7/12/2010 9:43:41 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I don't think I'd mention bladed whips and whatnot in the first message to someone unless they had a profile that explicitly invited that sort of thing. I know that aftercare is important for me. It can be sexy, or it can simply be reassuring but it is fairly vital for me.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 17

RE: Aftercare - 7/13/2010 6:04:16 AM

vaiyanen

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline

I wasn't saying that that certain people could not contribute. Simply that I was interested in reading about the topic from the dominant perspective. Sorry if I gave the impression that other opinions weren't welcome, that was not my intent.

I agree that there is already an interesting thread on the topic, and I'll be sure to do topic searches before posting a new thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: vaiyanen

It appears I wasn't specific enough in my original post, for that I apologize. The intent of the question wasn't to seek advice for the purpose of any future meetings. I don't take the majority of the messages I receive in my mail seriously. The thought simply occurred to me that a lot of the messages detailed activities like using bladed whips, needles, knives and so forth, but none of them mentioned what would happen after the scene.

I was looking to get opinions on the topic from the perspective of a dominant, top, or sadist, if they had any on the subject.

1. Anyone of any prediliction can post on any thread. You cannot dictate who or what contributes to a thread.
2. If you don't take any of the messages seriously then why wonder why they don't mention afercare?
3. Do you HONESTLY think that anyone sending a stranger some fantasy concoction even thinks about aftercare? It's called wanking off to sending their fantasies to strangers.
4. There was a huge and interesting aftercare thread as Wyld pointed out earlier.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 18

RE: Aftercare - 7/13/2010 8:51:33 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vaiyanen

It appears I wasn't specific enough in my original post, for that I apologize. The intent of the question wasn't to seek advice for the purpose of any future meetings. I don't take the majority of the messages I receive in my mail seriously. The thought simply occurred to me that a lot of the messages detailed activities like using bladed whips, needles, knives and so forth, but none of them mentioned what would happen after the scene.

I was looking to get opinions on the topic from the perspective of a dominant, top, or sadist, if they had any on the subject.

Bottoms/slaves/subs can be sadists as well. You assume many things from very little information it seems.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to vaiyanen)

Post #: 19

RE: Aftercare - 7/13/2010 11:51:39 AM

Frankseas

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

Well?? She is new and may need a firm hand or twenty to see things better okay! After all we were all new and asked some questions that some may assume to be on purpose.

< Message edited by Frankseas -- 7/13/2010 11:52:34 AM >

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 20

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