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CreativeDominant -> RE: Where's the love? (7/15/2010 1:30:42 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking
Yes, I agree with you totally. When I was seeking, I was very frustrated at the "kink" emphasis, and also the seemingly poor to non-existant relationship skills here. I got asked up front totally inappropriate questions; many "doms" did the "Call me Sir" thing; that usually lasted about 5 minutes, max, because I would say "I dont do that". I think most people are here for the kink. I know others here have said that your perceptions are wrong - but I agree with you. And, many here are really "bottoms" or "tops", in other words, are interested only in bedroom D/s and kink.
Aren't you making the same mistaken assumption that plasticene was, though? Why does the fact that someone wants to build the kink relationship first...make sure that the D/s and/or BDSM dynamic can exist without the love and then, if a romantic attachment develops, fine...equate to poor relationship skills?
I am the first to admit that I wish to have a romantic relationship as well as a D/s/BDSM dynamic. However, my last submissive would tell you that the kink dynamic was being explored between us as the romantic relationship was developing alongside and, while they both came to require equal time, at first it was the kink---the ins and outs of BDSM and D/s dynamics from my perspective and hers---that was explored first. In that area, I will agree with Lady Pact...for me, I might fall in love with you but if the kink is not there, if some strong semblance of the D/s BDSM dynamic I seek is not there, then the romantic relationship will fizzle. For me, the love and the sex and the D/s and the BDSM are all intertwined. And while I can do a casual D/s BDSM dynamic without love or I can enjoy an even more time-limited casual vanilla sexual dynamic, I cannot do a serious long-term love relationship without the D/s and BDSM nor, to be fair and upon reflection, try to engage in a long-term serious D/s and BDSM relationship without love.
I find that there are an awful lot of submissives that want to talk about everything BUT where D/s and BDSM and the sexuality that goes with them fit into their life...they want to find out if we are compatible outside that arena. you know what? I understand that but I am pretty curious about most things...I have a wide range of interests from reading to hot rods to motorcycles to sports to television to movies to knitting to airbrush painting to art to history to architecture to politics...and I can carry on a conversation about any of those topics, and more, and enjoy doing them to one level or another. But D/s and BDSM and sexuality are at least as crucial, if not more so, to any dynamic I form as those things are and I want to know where a person stands on D/s and BDSM and sexuality as much as I care to hear about her work day. If a submissive and I can converse for 3 hours at a time each time we speak or 30 minutes every night and never get bored in our conversations BUT we never go near kink or D/s or sexuality...and that includes people from my past as well as my present and my future...then that person may be a great friend but it is unfair in a sense since I am trying to address their primary interests AND maintain an interest in those areas because I am interested in the person in one way or another and they are not addressing mine except as fits their schedule, their convenience and their mood.
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