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RE: An Important Question - 7/17/2010 7:24:14 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Wow. Asking questions of each other and answering them is one of the cornerstones of our relationship. I can't imagine it any other way. In fact, we thrive on it.

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RE: An Important Question - 7/19/2010 7:29:29 AM

inhabitionless

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Joined: 6/9/2010
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Thinking DesFIP is rather wise :) i sooo agree with what you have said here! i love that He tells me, "you can ask/tell me anything." He expects to know what is on my mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you aren't free to ask questions and have him demonstrate that he does know what he's doing and that he is making the correct decisions that will earn your trust instead of lose it, then I would doubt this relationship has a leg to stand on.

You're new to each other. That means he must earn respect and trust. And how do we earn respect and trust? By making good decisions and demonstrating thoughtfulness.

Is someone who will not answer questions able to easily earn trust? No. Because until the trust is earned you should not move on to giving him more control and allowing edgier play, as he hasn't merited earning that.

He can demand a partner who asks no questions but the result is a partner who won't trust him. Ask him if this is what he wants and if not, why is he doing something that is causing this. And if the answer is that you aren't a true sub, then he's demonstrated not being able to earn trust and wanting more than he deserves.

And beyond the d/s and all that, are you happy being with someone who blows up at you whenever you ask him something? Because you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you happy and this doesn't sound like it is. Moreover if your mother/sister/daughter/best friend came to you with this question; was it okay that her partner becomes angry whenever she asks an innocent question - what would you answer? And if you wouldn't want them in such a relationship then you shouldn't want it for yourself.

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RE: An Important Question - 7/19/2010 1:49:25 PM

mimi400400

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/10/2010
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Someone posted that its very much like finding a boyfriend or a husband...which it can be very much like that!! However, in my own experience looking for a Dom was kinda scary! I had all these "Doms" contacting me and "ORDERING" me to send them pictures, call them "immediately" and so on...so one has to discern which Doms are real and sincere and which ones are fakes and just want to have rough sex and order you around. My Dom is always open to any and all communitcation with me and i give him the utmost respect and always discuss things with him in a reverent manner!! Only you can answer the question of "Did I pick the right Master?" Good Luck to you!!

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RE: An Important Question - 7/19/2010 2:58:13 PM

antinomy

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mydomsslave

Like I have stated, I am very new to this. How do you kow you have picked the right Master for you? I get into trouble when I "question" in "free times" and it makes me wonder. Being a very headstrong woman in my "Vanilla" life, I sometimes need to know certain things. My relationship with my Master is still new, so I am not sure how to handle this. I do not try to be disobedient, however, within a new realtionship, certain things need to be communicated and honesty needs to be present always. Especially in this type of relationship. Please correct me if I am wrong, I just need to know why a Master would be so mad at innocent questions that need to be answered with honest answers and not just "trust me."

This is an excellent question, a dozen years ago, I found myself asking the same thing. What I learned, though, is it is far better to ask this PRIOR to having a man be your master, then it is to ask after the fact. It takes as much knowledge about who you are, what you need, what you want, and what you can tolerate as it does knowing about the man in question. I'm not saying you rushed into anything, I don't know the circumstances, but...long before I call anyone my Master, I know if we are compatible. I know if he and I have similar goals, if his limits are limits I can accept and make my own. Before I have chosen him as my master (or he has chosen me as someone he wants to collar, depending on how you look at it)- we have discussed how things work, the framework for the relationship, and what trust means to me. "Trust me" only works when that trust has been earned by him; when I know I CAN trust him, when I believe in who he is. Until I get to that place, simply put, he's not yet my Master. The title is nice, but it means very little if it's not real in my mind and my heart. And the only way to make it real is through communication, spending time getting to know one another, and building the trust necessary so that when he says "just trust me", I really DO.

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RE: An Important Question - 7/19/2010 3:21:06 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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Joined: 3/3/2010
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I also wish to know if your relationship is so new and you are also new, why your partners having you seek a third before your relationship is even formed?

He seems like someone who wants his cake wants it right now and doesnt care the consequences.

Anyone who told me i wasnt allowed to speak unless its x y or z a time, is a man who would have me telling him to go fuck himself as i laughed my ass off and left.

How am I to communicate, your cutting off my circulation if im not able to express as such because of restrictions

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RE: An Important Question - 7/20/2010 2:09:40 PM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
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i just knew, so did he still blissfully happy nearly 2 years later

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Post #: 26