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why do people play games - 7/13/2010 2:16:50 PM   
dominicandsarah


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I have a question?
why are people being "fake".
we have been here for a while and have tried to open our relationship with a BDSM submissive and a poly relationship. we have met a few women and all seem to be interested for a while and then when we say that we dont play till we meet someone a few times and we get to know them. this works out great until about a month later when we want to play they fall off the face of the earth. are they just looking for a free meal ( we pay for all "dates"). is this normal behavior?
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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 2:20:40 PM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe they don't like you...

You do seem a little annoying (IMO)

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 2:53:38 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Why do you label them as fake after they've rejected you. It doesn't sound as if there was a commitment yet, so they were free to change their mind.

Perhaps after a few "dates" they found the three of you weren't compatible, it happens.




(edited for silly spelling)



< Message edited by whiteslavebitch -- 7/13/2010 3:16:31 PM >

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 3:04:13 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah... dating and not wanting to be with you... sounds normal to me.  Did you get involved with every person you dated for a few weeks??

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 3:09:44 PM   
gedienstig


Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline 		I can understand why the would be annoyed if they just didn't hear from them after that. Every time I didn't feel compatible with someone I at least had the nerve to tell them "Ya know, this isn't gonna work out." And the thing is with dominance and submission, that many have the fantasy, but they can chicken out, and I understand that. I wouldn't call them "fake" for that. A fake person would not meet you in real life, or at least that is a bit of what my definition of fake is. People only living out their fantasies online, and then not showing up at dates.

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If they say why, why?
Tell 'em that it's human nature

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 3:10:46 PM   
alatheia


Posts: 50
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Maybe you should both look into this with different eyes. Is there anything they dont like about you that you can change or maybe you're picking the wrong women?

Or it could be as simple as them not liking you.

(Im a smart cookie today, i swear =/ )

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 3:17:41 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominicandsarah

I have a question?
why are people being "fake".
we have been here for a while and have tried to open our relationship with a BDSM submissive and a poly relationship. we have met a few women and all seem to be interested for a while and then when we say that we dont play till we meet someone a few times and we get to know them. this works out great until about a month later when we want to play they fall off the face of the earth. are they just looking for a free meal ( we pay for all "dates"). is this normal behavior?


dominicandsarah,

I'm certain those in the dynamics you're looking at will weigh in. But I encourage you to see the situation differently even though your interests are invested in the outcome. I'm assuming you're conversing with individuals within your age range which presents its own interesting dynamics and I'll be candid about them since I share a lot of their attributes. While the idea of what you're suggesting may sound enticing, the reality is that there are a select group of women that will truthfully wish to live in the manner you're presenting. Don't delude yourself about the responses or the time it will take to find a suitable fit.

If you're conversing with single women without responsibilities think long and hard what that means. You're inviting them into an established union when they can have the same with someone else that desires poly that doesn't have a partner at present. Now lets look at the other end. She's young, selfish, and if she's remotely smart she knows her choices abound. If it isn't a dynamic she wishes to engage in other options exist. We all know the idea of something and its daily reality don't always coincide.

It has been echoed on countless occasions how difficult it is to find a third and I believe that. You must present a compelling package that the individual accepts all on accounts. Having an attraction to one won't suffice if they're interacting with you both. I suggest that you make use of the poly forums and educate yourself regarding the particulars of the dynamic you seek. Exercise a good dose of patience and put on some thick skin as well. It will be a bumpy ride but one worth traveling if its where you wish to be. Best of luck to you both.

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 3:47:59 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline 		Why is a person a fake because they refuse to play with you?

I'm assuming that the whole reason you don't play on the first few dates is to find out if you're even compatible, right?

So apparently these girls find out in those first few dates that you're not compatible enough to consider playing with.

To me, a person is a fake when they deliberately tell lies about their gender, age, pictures or relationship status and imply that they want a relationship with you offline when they are not really interested in anything beyond online play.
Seeing that you've these girls offline, they obviously told the truth about their age, appearance, sex and the fact that they were willing to meet offline.
A failure to be interested in you doesn't make somebody a "fake".
 


www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSPTKA_ou8s

When we say nothing
They call us hard to get
When We Say NO!
They call us names instead
They haven't got a clue
Let us spell it out for you:

I don't care
I never liked you anyway
I don't care
Don't you hear me when I say
I don't care
Cause you're a total waste of time
And you'll never ever ever be mine

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 7/13/2010 3:49:55 PM >

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Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 4:28:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I like flirting.  I like meeting people.  Usually it doesn't work out.  But at least I've enjoyed myself.  

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 4:45:46 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		When I was looking and meeting new men I had the same feelings about it all as DarkSteven said....The right person will come along when you least expect it....Well, for me it happens that way.

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 4:46:53 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

why do people play games


Because they are fun! 

Betrayal at the House on the Hill, is my favorite.  Munchkin comes in a close second.  There are several others. 

It is possible that you have just not found a game that you liked.  You might check and see if your local game store has special nights for people to try out new games.  Don't worry, I am sure that you will find something that you like. 

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 4:54:34 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominicandsarah

I have a question?
why are people being "fake".


Because bdsm is going soft!

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 4:55:13 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I like flirting.  I like meeting people.  Usually it doesn't work out.  But at least I've enjoyed myself.  


I'm waiting for my turn in the rotation.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 5:41:24 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		Kinky dude and I have had similiar expereinces while unicorn hunting. It's hard to attribute actions solely to incompatability when someone is quite happy tp spend "dates" with you on your dime, chat away regarding preferences etc, and initiate emails- but never follow through.

Then there was the couple that approached us with the offer of a "sub swap"- each girl would play with each couple, and everybody got their threes compnay. The only hitch was, they wanted my kinky man to be limited to "watch the girls play" only, while they wanted to have full play rights with me; hmmmmm, seems more like selfishness to me than incompatability.

Then there was the charming young lady who would be delighted to play with a couple- and if we were "$weet enough", she'd be "$weet right back". Yes, she actually wrote that- and extortion is on our list of hard limits, so I suppose that was a case of imcompatability.

To be fair, there's just as many "players" or "fakes" or whathaveyou on the opposite end- if I had a dime for every chat request and a dollar for every pic request I get, I'd could retire- even though I specifically mention I'm not interested in a male or a dominant of any sort at this time.

Bottom line is, people are funny creatures, some are all talk and no action; there aren't any more in this world than in the general public, they just seem more obvious here.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 5:57:21 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		I disagree with your assumption that they are 'fakes'. Not because they didn't stay with you, but because it simply doesn't make sense.

Most fakes stay on the Internet. They do not meet up. Whether they like to fantasize about the lifestyle, or are simply leading us on, we call them fakes because they never show up in the 'real world'.

However, someone who does show up for a date is obviously committed in some way. You suggest that they are looking for a free meal. I would like to propose that that simply does not make sense, because a BDSM site is definitely one of the last places I would look for a 'free meal'.

What about vanilla dating sites? They are much more heavily populated than a kink site, and you don't have to worry so much about 'styles of play', as it were. If I wanted to lead guys on for a free night out, I would hit up on a dating site.

Besides that, many women find it very hard to tell a guy off. We often feel that we are going to ruin your life if we leave, so we disappear quietly into the night. Or just drive away. The point is, I doubt someone who actually meets you for more than one date is a faker. You just aren't compatible.

Also, consider getting yourself a single sub before you expand to poly. I mean, I wouldn't feel very special if my Master took me out to a movie with another girl*. Just 1 on 1, you only need to like each other. With three people involved, the dynamic is much more complicated.

*(That is, another girl when we just met. I would feel as if I were on the sidelines to his grand plan of a poly house and not as if he wanted me as his slave)


< Message edited by Glasgow -- 7/13/2010 5:58:33 PM >

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 7:08:53 PM   
LadySunn


Posts: 102
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline 		I enjoyed reading the realistic and honest answers on this thread. 

The people that you describe do not seem like fakes, maybe there was no spark or depth to your attraction..... you know, something to keep them interested in the both of you as a couple for the long haul.

I float through subs lives and enjoy the time I spend with them. Over time we either click as vanilla friends, or a D/s friendship or disappear into nothing at all.   My ONE main sub has yet to step up to the oak paddle but  I'm still happy with flirting.

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 7:12:55 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySunn

I enjoyed reading the realistic and honest answers on this thread. 



Sarcasm alert?


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I wash my hands of this weirdness.

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 7:24:48 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I put people who won't show up to the local munch or for a private meeting in the fake category much faster than someone who has actually taken the time to meet you.  All of the people that you met face to face, rather than just play on the internet, lived up to being a real person.

That doesn't mean that every person that you meet is going to be compatible with you or even interested in you.  Any couple looking for a third person to play with, much less start a poly relationship, really does need to come to terms with the fact that they are competing with every other couple out there looking.  They are the ones with the corner on the market.  There is no group that is more sought after than the single, submissive, bi-sexual female.  That means you are going to pay for a lot of dinners and the other couples out there are doing the exact same thing.  A meeting doesn't mean they have chosen you out of the many.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 7:56:51 PM   
TSsubmissive


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/11/2009
Status: offline 		A "fake" wouldn't have actually met you. Or if they had, they would have misrepresented themselves. It doesn't sound like that was the case with you two.

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RE: why do people play games - 7/13/2010 8:26:55 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: divi

Maybe they don't like you...

You do seem a little annoying (IMO)


LOL

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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