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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 3:19:36 PM

MsNightShade

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I moved a lot, 7 times in 12 years to be exact. All of them were for different job options. When the jobs didnt work out, I moved back "home", to Wisconsin. This is the same scenario I'm in now. I moved to NC for a job. Its been over a year now and I hate it. I miss my family, my small group of friends and frankly I really dislike the whole "culture" down here. I've never met so many sickly sweet fake people in my entire life. In my case, I'm doing everything in my power to get the hell out of here ASAP with the goal to be out of here and back to WI by June/July 2011.

So yeah..I'd move. LOL

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 21

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 7:38:56 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I recently upped and moved to a completely different state because that's where a job was. I was miserable in California, and the job prospects were horrible. Quite happy now in Michigan. Have zero social contact with pretty much anyone, but at least I've been gainfully employed for about a year now and things have definitely turned around for the better in all other ways.

So I guess I already answered the question by my previous actions.

You found EMPLOYMENT in MICHIGAN? Hats off to ya!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 22

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/15/2010 6:23:36 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Ok .. I move alot..b ecause of my husbands career we move around the state of Texas like its a mini golf course.. in 13 yrs of marriage we have moved seven or eight times Ive lost count. I am from the north so going home to visit isnt like oh let me hope in the car and go for a weekend. I miss my friends and family ALOT.. however I keep contact with them.. This is what I do.. I find a church.. I find a munch group .. I find a volunteer orgainization that interests me. and I set about making friends.. establishing myself. In order to get out you have to put yourself out there. I am more than just a DOMINANT.. I am more than just a BELIEVER.. I am more than just anything.. I am the sum of all my parts... and if I go to a munch I have something to talk about .. if I go to church I have something to talk about .. if I go to volunteer my time I have something to talk about.. it fills up my time.. it grows me as a person.. and I am enriched because its about me not about them.. and eventually I find a person or two to hang out with..

Sincerely MsB.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 23

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/15/2010 7:40:23 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsNightShade

I moved to NC for a job. Its been over a year now and I hate it. I miss my family, my small group of friends and frankly I really dislike the whole "culture" down here. I've never met so many sickly sweet fake people in my entire life

Wow, where are you in NC? We had the -best- community in RDU.

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/15/2010 7:41:06 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to MsNightShade)

Post #: 24

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/15/2010 3:32:01 PM

MsNightShade

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

CallaFirestormBW - I'm near Wilmington. I tried to get a Female Dominant group going again down in this area. (Thankyou Lady N Trainer) but the interest level was nil or zero.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 25

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/15/2010 7:58:42 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

As a person who has transplanted into the South at one time, trust Me. It takes at least a year to get past the culture shock. Telling people you don't eat grits will get you looked at like a space alien.

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(in reply to MsNightShade)

Post #: 26

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/15/2010 8:26:23 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I recently upped and moved to a completely different state because that's where a job was. I was miserable in California, and the job prospects were horrible. Quite happy now in Michigan. Have zero social contact with pretty much anyone, but at least I've been gainfully employed for about a year now and things have definitely turned around for the better in all other ways.

So I guess I already answered the question by my previous actions.

You found EMPLOYMENT in MICHIGAN? Hats off to ya!

I had that same exact thought.

Good for you, Littlesarbonn, and glad to hear you are doing great. I love to hear success stories!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 27

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/15/2010 8:59:53 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As a person who has transplanted into the South at one time, trust Me. It takes at least a year to get past the culture shock. Telling people you don't eat grits will get you looked at like a space alien.

This made me smile.

Growing up in the South, and being transplanted in Michigan, I experienced my own form of culture shock. For me, it was the difference in tone. I was more accustomed to a softer tone. At first, when I moved to Michigan, I genuinely thought everyone was yelling at me.

I also didn't understand why no one would wave back at me, when I sat on my porch and waved at everyone who passed by.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 28

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 3:39:51 AM

KurtAllen

Posts: 40
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline

My early childhood was spent in Michigan, Gross Point, during my 15th year both of my parents were killed in a drunken car accident. My parents and the other driver were both drunk. I wound up in an uncle’s home in Montana, a very large cattle ranch. I was scared, lonely and grief stricken. I had never meet my uncle but he was a quiet man, rarely spoke, neither kind nor cruel but he seemed to know what was going on in my heart and mind. He was not a loving or caring man in the traditional sense but I felt acceptance, protected and secure, quickly I came to respect that quiet man and recognized his inner strength so I wouldn’t call what I went through a cultural shock but more a learning experience that broadened my understanding of the need to be self-sufficient and I doubt my natural father could have ever taught me manhood as effectively as my uncle did. But eating grits was not something I learned to like.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 29

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 8:54:51 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Fast reply (haven't read the thread yet):

I'd move in a heartbeat, but not back to where I came from. It will be there when I get back from my world travels. I move frequently, and make friends everywhere I go.

OP, if you go home, realize that your friends may have moved on. They may have families, new friends, demanding jobs, different priorities than when you were there- and they may move away as soon as you get back, too. Don't move for your hopes of re-creating that time in your lives that you remember so fondly. Ya can't go home again. Let go of your past- focus by re-focusing on your future. Go where you want to go, but make new friends wherever you are! Those friends back home didn't just materialize out of nothing, right? So you do know how to make good friends.

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(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 30

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 1:38:11 PM

MercilessMarcy

Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

You're unhappy, that's the bottom line. MOVE. What's the worst that could happen if you move? What's the worst that could happen if you stay? I think you're allready living the worst. You've shut yourself off from the world outside and live in a fantasyland all weekend long. How sad is that? Contact anyone you know in Florida and ask about jobs. Go on Craigslist, go to online newspapers in the area you're interested in and check out job opportunities. I told prospective employers I WAS DEFINATELY moving to their area and I was interested in working for them because: their company was awesome and I believed in it, I love my work and they were a great fit for me.

My best friend re-located to Nebraska after I moved here from California. She and her husband had the choice of settling anywhere in the U.S.A. Does she regret it? I asked her. No, she loves her choice. Nothing beats being around friends who know you and WANT you. There's a comfort there that's better than family, because you chose them and they chose you.

Go For It... Don't live a life of regrets " I wish I had taken a chance and went for it."

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 31

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 6:33:37 PM

MsNightShade

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I've spent a lot of time in the south as well as living in TX for 3 years. Its not the "Southern" that bothers me. Its the sickly sweet fakeness I've encountered. I have found more people down here that are nice to your face..too nice then stab you in the back. The humidity is about to kill me. I would rather deal with a WI winter then the weather down here. It never farkin ends and no a mild winter DOES NOT make up for 95 degrees with 100% humidity for MONTHS on end.

I simply think I'm just mid western to the core and like it that way. There is more to it of course but it doesnt really pertain to this conversation.

(in reply to MercilessMarcy)

Post #: 32

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 6:53:18 PM

LdyyR

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline

LadyHibiscus,
I recently visited Hollywood Fl and was planning to move out that way, but I may be moving to Sarasota instead. Loved the Broadwalk area, so much fun. This will be my third time moving out to Fl. I have to be near the beach,ocean, sunny skies and warmer climate.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BP,

I have moved to be closer to friends in the past, not I only move to be near the beach and hopefully to make new friends. I'm not very outgoing, but I try to get involved in activities that will connect me with people that I hope may lead to friendships. Can't say that always works in producing lasting bonds, but it does broaden my opportunity to connect, face to face, with some terrific people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

In the Fantasy World, I would love to live in Ft Lauderdale!! Well, Hollywood, really, but that area's getting kind of run down. Anyway.

I look at my friends like Sunny, and just BOW DOWN to their personal courage. I would be deeply unhappy if I had to endlessly pick up stakes and go new places. But then, I have lived in this area my entire life, and moved ONCE, as an adult, to the house we live in now. I am not practised at changing my location. I've pondered moving for jobs in the past, and decided it was a no go. To me, moving to family and friend connections that go back a long way is an act of plain common sense. I say this in spite of the fact that I have dear friends scattered across the globe.

Sunny has some wonderful points about the things that we *need* to have to find contentment. Maybe you could just VISIT the old stomping grounds, and see what it feels like. Pick a hotel, don't stay with friends, and see how it all feels "as if" you were in a new place with no one that you know. South Florida has changed a lot in the last ten years. It might not feel right to you anymore.

_____________________________

Rosa

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 33

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 7:02:44 PM

LdyyR

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsNightShade

I moved a lot, 7 times in 12 years to be exact. All of them were for different job options. When the jobs didnt work out, I moved back "home", to Wisconsin. This is the same scenario I'm in now. I moved to NC for a job. Its been over a year now and I hate it. I miss my family, my small group of friends and frankly I really dislike the whole "culture" down here. I've never met so many sickly sweet fake people in my entire life. In my case, I'm doing everything in my power to get the hell out of here
ASAP with the goal to be out of here and back to WI by June/July 2011.

So yeah..I'd move. LOL

Those are the words my daughter says most often about the area. And to think she's the one that talked me into moving to NC. Yikes. I guess I'm just to busy cracking myself up to pay the folks much attention. Especially since the locals tend not to get my jokes, that's not much different in Fl though.

_____________________________

Rosa

(in reply to MsNightShade)

Post #: 34

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 9:46:37 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

Moving isn't an issue for me. It's one the reasons I made sure my daughter was setup and independently oriented to make relocation a possibility. However, I don't move for friends and oddly enough I'd be hard pressed for a relationship as well. I must have a significant draw to the place that isn't dependent on other people. The culture and conveniences must line up with the things I've become accustomed to. I like my perks and I prefer to reside in places where that exists without too much compromise.

I can hop on a plane to see friends and definitely make new ones. I think there's an air of nostalgia involved when people talk about going home or being closer to friends and loved ones. But when they're often in the same vicinity you'd be surprised how little they interact. Some are obviously more persistent in that fashion, but for the most part people lead separate lives and get together when they can. You're also single and that plays a big part in this. When you're attached you may not have the freedom to do such.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to LdyyR)

Post #: 35

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 9:56:36 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Guess, I have to chime in on this one … because I know what you are saying … LOL

Have met some wonderful Dominant Ladies on Collar Me, as well as on the boards; particularly on the boards!

One whom I thought was my mental twin!

But I must tell you, the response here is enormously consistent; when you ask about relocation.

The answer is NO… Ladies do not want a Long Distance Relationship, OR the responsibility of a man moving to them!!

Typically they want someone local; they can get to know, without pressure or commitment. And let it flow … naturally!

The best advice I got about this was from a switch … she said …

you are in a mobile career … take six month contracts in other cities … go to the local munches … and get to know people.

If the Domme of your life is there … you will meet Her in person … and then relocation will not be an issue.

Like I said .. I had to add this …

But the Ladies are also right, when they talk of support and friendship they have built over years. Can you really leave it?

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 36

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 10:38:07 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

But I must tell you, the response here is enormously consistent; when you ask about relocation.

The answer is NO… Ladies do not want a Long Distance Relationship, OR the responsibility of a man moving to them!!

Typically they want someone local; they can get to know, without pressure or commitment. And let it flow … naturally!

I wish they'd whisper that tidbit in their dominant brethren's ear. They come up with the oddest ideas on occasion. However, I will chime in from a different perspective, particularly as it pertains to single women my age. We're selfish. Don't delude yourself. If she's self aware she knows what she wants and what she brings to the table. The relationship will be an ideal fit for her. She considers her wants and needs and doesn't ignore them.

No amount of coercion would take me from my comfort to a place that's anything but. And I've heard some funny offers. Farms, remote places, tiny towns, and all the rest. I visit those places but I don't live there year round. However, in terms of relocation that isn't completely out of reach. But there's a huge caveat involved. I don't entertain men that reside in places I wouldn't be comfortable moving to. If distance is a factor that's an inevitable reality you have to confront early on. I cut to the chase and make certain that we can cross that bridge if necessary.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 37

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/16/2010 11:35:55 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Particularly as it pertains to single women my age.

We're selfish. Don't delude yourself.

If she's self aware she knows what she wants and what she brings to the table.

The relationship will be an ideal fit for her.

She considers her wants and needs and doesn't ignore them.

Indeed porcelain … you are correct!

Perved your profile … and I know … in my experience ... You are correct!

Women your age … have choices! And that is that!

Yet so do all women … perhaps, not as dynamically as those your age.

But, in many aspects of life!

My take is simple … that switch I mentioned … really knew what she was talking about!

Best way for a man, to put himself in front of Dommes, submissives (or Women, period) ...

who have choices ... is be standing next to Her ... in real life!

Then cater to Her wants and needs ...

Just make sure Her ... wants and needs ... and yours ... are in sync ... then ... it will be a lasting relationship.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 38

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/17/2010 12:32:31 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

I ask because I've been thinkin about moving.

Specifically, so I can be closer with people I knew before I moved -

I'd have friends that I can hang out with, whatever.

I feel like I accomplished what I set out to do up here, even though my initial reasons for moving were wrong. (It was a woman) If life hands you lemons, make lemonade, right? After we sort of crashed & burned, I focused on myself: went to school, got a degree & some computer certifications, then spent the next several years building my career up.

Soooo,

like your reason for NOT MOVING is exactly what?

And why post a question like this, on "Ask the Mistress" thread?

Seems pretty self explanatory to me.

Good luck ... but i am thinking you should read all of the above ...

although it might not be what you want to see ...

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 39

RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/17/2010 1:12:17 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Indeed porcelain … you are correct! Perved your profile … and I know … in my experience ... You are correct! Women your age … have choices! And that is that! Yet so do all women … perhaps, not as dynamically as those your age. But, in many aspects of life!

My choices are the result of intentional planning on my part. I'm a single well adjusted empty nester. There's not enough hookah in the world to make me buy some of the offers I get. There's this perception of desperation which suggests that compromise is better than being alone. I don't get it. But then again I don't author any threads complaining either. I'm patient.

quote:

Best way for a man, to put himself in front of Dommes, submissives (or Women, period) ... who have choices ... is be standing next to Her ... in real life! Then cater to Her wants and needs ...

That's submitting to the reality rather than the perception the other person presents. I'll take the former every time. I believe women will make adjustments, including persons like myself. But you'd better believe he's top drawer. And I mean that with all seriousness. Good leaders are found in every rung of society. They aren't clustered on lifestyle websites. If women recognized their options they'd quit settling for less than and demand what they're worthy of instead. That's probably why I enjoy the company of dominant women that know themselves and aren't afraid to express that with tact and chutzpah when required.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 40

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