RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening process?

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 2:46:45 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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first you have to determine your minimum requirements and take in all contingencies.

The most important of course are all deal breakers.
Then the stuff thats not so obvious in the logistics of physically being together.
relocation
solvency
experience
fetishes
health issues/status
availiability
what he expects from you
what you expect of him
brief excerpts of specific training you would put everyone through regarless of desires etc

then thro it all in a form letter and put it on a blog somewhere with your email stating that ALL must be filled out and can even say how many words they have to use to be considered.

Send them a polite note saying everyone who wishes to contact you must read about you further and answer your questions.

can always put in number or quote in the reading and state they must put that in the xyz box and this will show if the really read it and are obedient straight up.

there are a lot more but i have to run for now.

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 3:30:30 PM

luckyslaveboync

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/18/2005
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lucky's owner, Domina Divine, has a definite publicly-accessible screening process which has been an effective example for Her, based on long email prior to actual meeting. See http://www.geocities.com/wicked_heaven/intro.html.

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 4:22:51 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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I don't know if this would help you out ( this is coming from a sub), but i discovered that i would be asked to act as the screener for a Mistress that I knew. Since I was not able to serve her the way she needed , I was able to act as the screener for her emails.She would direct them to me and from that , some would disapear simply, ...I believe for being a male and having to present them selves to me. Others I found were able to talk to me in a more open enviroment due to my postion of screener and friend. Then I would review what information or communications I had with them. Often they were a waste...The term "wanker" came up alot lol.. But some had promise and you could sense their desire to give to a Mistress.

Trully , it will give any Mistress additional time to have a go between. But you really have to havesomeone you trust and can not allow their own protective needs to get in the way of excusing potential subs and slaves... I hope it may help some of you out here??

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 4:23:58 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
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I have a huge long document with series of questions (in paragraph form) to ask a potential slave already written up, as well as a series of answers to questions that are likely to be brought up by a sub. You can't jsut take things in order, because people may tell you more, or less, than you asked about, and something else may cause the conversation to take a different tack; but generally, I first ask about their interests/experience in BDSM and also in 24/7. Next, I generally ask about themselves and personal life, family, children, pets, career. (I also reciprocate on all these questions, btw). I have a list of 4-5 "deal-breakers" that I send within the first few emails; like that I have cats and therefore the slave must not be allergic, that I will have no bigotry or intolerance of race/religion/color/sex/orientation/nationality etc. in My household, etc.

While I suppose these could be considered "form" letters (that are often "tweaked" to suit the particular correspondence), at the same time, I get dozens of emails from new contacts, and I'd have burnt out long ago if I had to retype the same old questions and responses over and over and over. As it is, I pick my paragraph, copy and paste it, tweak it if needed, and off it goes.

You wanted examples, here are a couple that I use in the very earliest stages of correspondence:

Thanks for your email. If you haven’t yet done so, please read My profile in its entirety, and be sure you understand just what I am looking for in a D/s relationship, and having done so, why you feel you would like to serve Me.
Tell Me about your experience and interest in the BDSM/S/d lifestyle, and what about 24/7 particularly attracts you. What do you think such a life would be like? What benefit would you, the slave, get from living as My slave?
I understand that in looking to Me to be your Mistress, you would be putting a great deal of trust in Me. I’m ready to answer any questions you may have about Me, My life and My lifestyle. Indeed, I *expect* you to have questions! I will answer you honestly. I expect that any questions I ask of you about your own life (and I will ask), you will answer equally honestly.

As far as meeting... I won't even go to IM/chat until we've emailed enough for me to feel that he is who he says he is and is for real. This weeds out the wankers pretty quick, because they want to get it on on chat or phone right away. Once we move past the initial stages, I expect to move to "real" email off this site. Once we move to phone, I expect to have his full name and home (not cell) phone number as well as he having mine. And to move to real life meetings, unless he is planning to come meet me at a social at the local dungeon (where he'd have to be a member), then an exchange of photocopies of drivers licenses is required. I mean, I'm looking for a 24/7 slave, right? If he can't show me his drivers license there is NO WAY he is going to be moving into my house!!! Duh!

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 4/17/2006 4:25:55 PM >

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 4:27:05 PM

kiska

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: North Carolina
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OK uhm ... Just a quick question ... What if he's like me, doesnt have a home phone? I have a cell phone and thats all I use ... I have unlimited minutes whenever I want them so there's no point in paying for a second line.

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 4:31:51 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

...

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 4/17/2006 4:33:41 PM >

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 4:58:02 PM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiska

OK uhm ... Just a quick question ... What if he's like me, doesnt have a home phone? I have a cell phone and thats all I use ... I have unlimited minutes whenever I want them so there's no point in paying for a second line.

You need to do what you feel safe with. I would have some way to check him out. I think thats fair. Have him meet you at a social and ask to see ID.

Still I would give it time. Email, talk and pay attention. If reg flag appear then look closer or exit.

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 7:08:44 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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For me, all the hoops and challenges really don't interest me anymore. I used to go through quite a bit just trying to gain someone's interest, but I've come to a point where I find myself often cast off because I'm part of a huge demographic of submissives and not as proactive in trying to "score" a success. Yeah, that means less opportunities for me, but it often feels like a dance I've prepared for with months of training in flamenco dancing only to show up and discover everyone's doing line dancing instead.

To be honest, I've often wondered why the dominas don't just ignore EVERY email and open up communication with the submissives they find interesting themselves instead. I would think it would immediately push past the horny guy who contacts every dominant woman out there because he just wants attention and pretends to be everything but the kitchen sink (only because he doesn't have a photo of a kitchen sink on his profile). There seems to be this really bizarre dance set up that puts courting a mistress back into the period of the 1950s, almost as if feminism, femdomism and a couple of other isms never even happened.

For the original poster, I would agree with a couple of the other posts. I think Akasha's essay idea is an excellent one. I'm not sure I'd agree with her personal meeting immediately, but that's just me.

This may sound really bizarre but something I've discovered over the years that has actually caused me to discontinue further contact is something that I think gets glossed over and completely forgotten because of the whole "there's a hundred subs for every domina" thing. Quite often, the focus is on the submissive to be "real". But in a number of cases, I've been communicating with a woman only to find myself questioning whether or not SHE's real or just someone fantasizing about what she'd like but really just exploring rather than being what she claims she intends to be. This has happened to me especially on the female supremacy route where a woman I've contacted claims to be a female supremacist but when we meet in person (if it ever gets that far), it only takes a few dates for me to realize she wants me to be a lot less submissive than one in such a circumstance would imagine. One of my favorites was the "sadist" I dated who finally revealed she couldn't think of hurting me because I was such a nice guy. But that's another story.

Collarme is interesting in that one can become so used to seeing the advertisements for one's local area that you start to believe that no one's actually serious about finding anyone. Maybe it's just my area, but the ads are so negative and full of complaints that I wonder how exactly people think this is attracting anyone.

Anyway, back to my book....

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RE: Any suggestions from Dommes for online screening pr... - 4/17/2006 7:29:20 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
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I want to thank everyone who has offered so many things on this thread. Everyone is giving so many good ideas, and points of view to think about. Good thing I'm not in a hurry to find subs/slaves, or I'd actually feel overwhelmed at all the great suggestions everyone has offered.

Very very appreciated!

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Post #: 29