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How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 4:14:05 PM

lilmisssubmiss

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i can't decide. i really can't. i can't decide if i hate pain or LOVE it. i think i can't bear it at one point...and then i get wet thinking about it and wanting more.

i mean obviously i don't despise it or else i wouldn't be confused...

how did you figure out you were a masochist ? How do i know if i am??

Does this make sense? That maybe i am not a 'pure masochist' ? i can't just have anyone giving me pain... it won't do anything for me it won't make me horny at all. But, if i have someone giving me pain... who i have an extreme connection with then i get this love/hate relationship thing going on.
Any advice would be appreciated!

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 4:25:47 PM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

Any advice would be appreciated!

My advice: don't fuss so much about labels.

So you can't be defined in a single word; your situation is more complicated. Nothing wrong with that.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 4:32:13 PM

lilmisssubmiss

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Oh ok, that makes sense, thanks.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 4:36:32 PM

VaguelyCurious

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Not that I want to pimp my own threads or anything (even though I'm just about to, lol) but I started one a while ago that really drove home to me how people have all sorts of reasons for seeking out/enduring/enjoying pain, and that the question 'are you a masochist?' is actually a very complicated one.

You might find it an interesting read.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3276959/tm.htm

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 7/15/2010 4:37:44 PM >

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 4:36:40 PM

CaringandReal

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Are you wet right after the pain? Very wet I mean? If yes, you are probably a masochist. Feel between your legs some time, or if you don't have access to your arms, ask your dominant to check. I used to protest to my former master that what he inflicted on me was horrible (because it did feel horrible) but then he'd check between my legs and wipe the evidence off on my cheek, saying "Traitor Pussy doesn't think so!" That little traitor between my legs became a running joke between us. :) When it comes to masochism, especially for people who like a little more than just masochism, as you clearly do, there's often a disconnect between what your head feels and your body feels. That is normal. Head is slow. It takes it a while to get with the picture.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 5:09:59 PM

kiwisub12

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The enjoying of pain is one of the hardest things for me to accept about the bdsm dynamic. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that i would go to my Sirs dungeon with a huge smile on my face, because i knew i was going to be hurt. But , but , pain hurts, but i like it, but it hurts - and so on and so on.

For me pain doesn't hurt any less , i think , than anyone else, but there is something in my brain that processes it differently. It still hurts like hell, but stop too soon and i'm asking for more. And if i don't get it for a while, i miss it.

A wise man told me to stop thinking about it, and if i enjoy it , just go with it. Occasionally, i still get discombobulated, but i try not to think about it too much. lol.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 6:21:36 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

i can't decide. i really can't. i can't decide if i hate pain or LOVE it. i think i can't bear it at one point...and then i get wet thinking about it and wanting more.

i mean obviously i don't despise it or else i wouldn't be confused...

how did you figure out you were a masochist ? How do i know if i am??

Does this make sense? That maybe i am not a 'pure masochist' ? i can't just have anyone giving me pain... it won't do anything for me it won't make me horny at all. But, if i have someone giving me pain... who i have an extreme connection with then i get this love/hate relationship thing going on.
Any advice would be appreciated!

Most of the words we use mean different things to different people.

YOU will always be the best Lable you have.

When people ask if you are a Masochist, explain that you enjoy the thought of pain and it excites you but when it comes to doing it you do not really enjoy it as much as you do in your mind.

You may also want to think about suggesting Mind Play with your Top. The Fantasy of a a horrible beating that may or may not ever come.

I think you would enjoy this with an educated partner.

Words are Words and the Definitions to those Words don't alway fit not even for me. So Learn how to explain yourself when it matters.... which usually means when negotiation is happeneing.

QSM

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 7:16:57 PM

lilmisssubmiss

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Thanks.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/15/2010 7:24:25 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

i can't decide. i really can't. i can't decide if i hate pain or LOVE it. i think i can't bear it at one point...and then i get wet thinking about it and wanting more.

i mean obviously i don't despise it or else i wouldn't be confused...

how did you figure out you were a masochist ? How do i know if i am??

Does this make sense? That maybe i am not a 'pure masochist' ? i can't just have anyone giving me pain... it won't do anything for me it won't make me horny at all. But, if i have someone giving me pain... who i have an extreme connection with then i get this love/hate relationship thing going on.
Any advice would be appreciated!

I'm a masochist. I still both love and hate pain. I often get to the point that I feel like I can't bear it, I still want it. The misnomer that all masochists love pain and experience pain as pleasure is overused and just untrue. I can however, dislike it and still enjoy it and I don't think I process it like other people may (we can never really know that though can we?).

In the end I think VC gave the best advice, it really doesn't matter what label you identify with. They are just starting points and often don't really fit large groups of varying indviduals. Have fun, do what you are comfortable with, don't worry about what you are, just be.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/16/2010 4:22:32 AM

lally2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

i can't decide. i really can't. i can't decide if i hate pain or LOVE it. i think i can't bear it at one point...and then i get wet thinking about it and wanting more.

i mean obviously i don't despise it or else i wouldn't be confused...

how did you figure out you were a masochist ? How do i know if i am??

Does this make sense? That maybe i am not a 'pure masochist' ? i can't just have anyone giving me pain... it won't do anything for me it won't make me horny at all. But, if i have someone giving me pain... who i have an extreme connection with then i get this love/hate relationship thing going on.
Any advice would be appreciated!

im just like you and i identified as a masso after i started a thread on pretty much the same grounds of WTF am i??!!

a sub on here pretty much described how i felt though she does, occasionally get hot and wet and aroused by pain. other times she doesnt and its a struggle to the end, but a struggle she needs and wants.

there are massos who enjoy pain to the point where it takes them off to la la subbie space land. im not one of them

- pain is pain and i get hot imagining it, cos obviously theres no pain, but during pain play its just pain, it hurts like buggery and i struggle to get there, but i need the struggle and afterwards i get the warm, happy fuzzies.

you and i and others arent the full on masso who actually derives pleasure from pain, if youre like me you need it on a level that settles, soothes, cuts through to that internal place that needs to be reached into and because its also all tied up in submitting to youre man and surrendering youreself to him in a way that makes you squirm, struggle to reach that calm place afterwards.

so yes, you are a masso, just not one who can process pain as pleasure until after the event.

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/16/2010 4:33:05 AM

lally2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I'm a masochist. I still both love and hate pain. I often get to the point that I feel like I can't bear it, I still want it. The misnomer that all masochists love pain and experience pain as pleasure is overused and just untrue. I can however, dislike it and still enjoy it and I don't think I process it like other people may (we can never really know that though can we?).

.... and is where so much confusion comes from - personally i cant even imagine loving pain and yet i need it.

i think the main problem with that misnomer is the fact that many subs feel like their weird for not enjoying pain and that somehow theyre failing theyre dominant by not being hotly turned on and orgasiming copiously each time the flogger lands.... and yet they need it and it starts to develop into an identity situation - am i being pleasing, am i responding correctly, shouldnt i be hot and horny by now.

to the OP, to be honest its really about youre surrender to Him - the fact that you have surrendered youre body to Him in this way - how you process it or get through is highly individual, but if you need pain on some level or another you dont have to get hot and horny to be a masso.

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So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: How do i know if i am a masochist? - 7/16/2010 4:51:02 AM

OohAahMrs

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You ride your bike up a steep hill, it's a struggle, you pedal hard, you sweat, your legs ache and you're tired, do you enjoy it? Or do you look forward to free-wheeling down the other side?

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