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Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 4:56:01 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Reading the thread on demands within the profile, it got me to thinking based on a rather fresh experience. Which is worse someone that's demanding in their profile I want x,y & z and my limits are a,b,c OR the I'm sweet, experienced and want to please profile that gives you hope only to realize after chatting a bit that they only want to submit their way, in their time, by their rules, in a way that you can't put up with.

Anyway I personally prefer that they give me the red flag up front. Anyone?

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 4/16/2006 5:21:27 PM >
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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 4:58:04 PM   
sherry85


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline 		being clear and specific is the only way to go.

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 5:15:16 PM   
understud


Posts: 102
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		Please forgive the intrusion, but if I may ..I believe a clear understanding is always best to begin with. I'm so new its pitiful. I believe I want to serve my special owner, but unless I can narrow the field in some way I'm doomed. I commit easily and I'm a sucker for just about any kind of up close and personal domination...I admit it, right now I can't walk blindly into another's power without some very specific and limited restrictions. Am I a wanna be sub-slave or a survivalist....maybe one day I will be able to just let go and give total control to another, without question. ..Right now I believe up front disclosure is a must...respectfully of course...

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 5:19:08 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
I personally would rather know what someone needs / wants upfront rather than down the road or not at all.
 
 I would be hesitant of someone who was not willing or able to communicate those basic things in an effective way.
 
I may not like what I read or even agree but each of us has to do what is best for "us"- potect our owr selfs in all aspects even our intersts.
 
If as adults we can not do that then how are we expect to be anything BUT a doormat?
 
 
Happy Ostara
 
Nika{Phoenix}


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"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 5:19:40 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		newbie is a label that will make some shy away, others will go humm... really? blank slate  Learning is a good thing and in my eyes admitting what you don't know can be the most honest thing you do...welcome to the boards.

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 5:23:18 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I prefer to get to know someone abit more then just their profile. Words on the screen don't always tell you about the person who wrote them. Someone that may not seem to match at all on "paper" maybe the perfect match in person and vice-versa. You tend to lose out more on the quick decision then when you take the time to get all the information.

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:00:24 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
understud
 
Welcome to the boards.
Remember this everyone started out as newbie.
 
Nika{Phoenix}


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"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:02:43 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I would rather know the good and the bad right up front!

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:11:23 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Reading the thread on demands within the profile, it got me to thinking based on a rather fresh experience. Which is worse someone that's demanding in their profile I want x,y & z and my limits are a,b,c OR the I'm sweet, experienced and want to please profile that gives you hope only to realize after chatting a bit that they only want to submit their way, in their time, by their rules, in a way that you can't put up with.
Anyway I personally prefer that they give me the red flag up front. Anyone?


Ironically, I have seen people (and sometimes the very same person!) complain about someone listing their fetishes in their profile, and then turn around and complain that someone didn't disclose that they were a fetishist.

Go figure.

I personally would rather see someone put as much about themselves as possible in their profile. If you're just here to jerk to someone in a leather catsuit, by all means, put that in your profile! If you have a hard limit against meeting real time, let us know! If you insist on a particular daily schedule, throw that in too!

I see someone's profile as their little space to clarify to the community who and what they are, what they expect, what they believe, what they are offering, and why they are here. The more info, the better.

< Message edited by Proprietrix -- 4/16/2006 6:17:05 PM >

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:14:01 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Doesn't really matter all that much, I tend to agree with MrD here. To me a profile that states specific wants and or limits is equally useful as one that doesn't (depending of course on what those wants & limits are..."painslut" always gets my attention)
Since I am not really actively searching for anybody, it is less important what is said as how it is said, and wants/limits stated rudely tend to turn me away, regardless of what they are.

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:15:52 PM   
MadamShy


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		its kinda simple ..

read there profile ... you don't like it .. move on LOL ...

I rather have more info ... but keep in Mind what they say may not always be set in stone...



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Head Domina
Bitch of Club Hell
Providence RI

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:20:18 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Ironically, I have people (and sometimes the very same person!) complain about someone listing their fetishes in their profile, and then turn around and complain that someone didn't disclose that they were a fetishist


Personally it's not so much aggrivation at them listing fetishes in their profiles it's believing that I'm on this planet as a life support system for those fetishes.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 4/16/2006 6:23:27 PM >

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:21:45 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		The problem with any profile is that they are as likely to put off potential partners as attract them. Certainly with the person I regularly play with, if I had read her profile or at least she had a profile of what she thought she wanted, I would never have approached her. The fact is we met each other in r/l, we ended up wanting what we weren't looking for.

However you decide to write your profile, it is always a gamble, that what bites is what you are trying to hook and the chance is, you hook what you don't want.

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:34:22 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

Personally it's not so much aggrivation at them listing fetishes in their profiles it's believing that I'm on this planet as a life support system for those fetishes.


HUH???? You mean Dominants arent life support systems??????   . . . .hehe

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A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 6:49:53 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		If I was looking, then I would perfer they be upfront right off the bat. I never could understand the philosophy behind 'saying one thing and meaning another'. That's just my opinion though.

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~~@ cass @~~

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 7:32:19 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

quote:

Personally it's not so much aggrivation at them listing fetishes in their profiles it's believing that I'm on this planet as a life support system for those fetishes.


HUH???? You mean Dominants arent life support systems??????   . . . .hehe



LOL

That was what I was thinking when I read that.

I personally do not automatically look at profiles, I prefer to see what people have to say on the boards, and then eventually I will look at their profile, just to see if I want to send a message to get to know them better.  But, then again, I am not seeking anyone.  Ah well.

Best,

LaMalinche


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RE: Which is worse? - 4/16/2006 7:50:33 PM   
Whiterabbit0117


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Frankly it takes quite a bit of experience to be able to say I like A,B, and C and  F, G and H are hard limits.   In discussion about A, B, C, F, G and H it can be quite informative to learn what their experience is with those activities and why they are on the list.   Most experienced subs will tell you many of their favorite activites used to be on the soft or hard limit list in their "newbie" days.

Obviously being intentionally misleading wastes everyones time.    I'm not sure compatibility can be determined solely by the scant information included in a profile.  At some point you have to talk (and listen)  to them.


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RE: Which is worse? - 4/17/2006 12:01:37 PM   
LoganStrange


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		How about both being an option here?
You would think with some intelligence, one could say I like a, b, and c in a way that was pleasent to read and not cold hard facts.
Yes, the hard facts should be expressed, like poly or not, bi or not and so on, but you can do so in the same way you would speak to a person live, after all, how many times have you just walked up on a first meeting and said "Ok, Im a bi-poly leather fetish slave seeking a strong bi-poly leather wearing Dom oh and do you like watersports?"
Few people talk like that, they do both.
just my thoughts

(in reply to Whiterabbit0117)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Which is worse? - 4/17/2006 12:17:09 PM   
luckyslaveboync


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline 		lucky agrees with the specifics is best with two caveats:

(1) the list-of-specifics approach gets a bad rap because many who use it limit the list to erotica and do not include service, companionship, and relationship components; and

(2) most subs are willing to learn and many do not really know what they want in reality (compared to fantasy), and lists may hide what the slave is willing to do without in order to get other priorities,  so it is best if the list of specifics centers on reality-based things that the sub is sure about and which are truly central to him or her

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RE: Which is worse? - 4/17/2006 12:21:12 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Arpig on this.  It is more in the way it is delivered, than in the words themselves.
I tend to look for something (between the lines) that indicates an assuredness of a place and a goal in this lifestyle, as opposed to fetishes and limits.  Yes they count, a lot, but I look more for the tone.  I have seen a few profiles with the tone I like, but others things make it unworkable. Too bad for Me! But I find many, many, many, who really don't know.  They are still fantasizing, and they really have no idea how they will hold up in the relationship I seek.  They are willing to try Me on for size, but no guarantees! 
Admittedly, if the tone is arrogant and demanding, then even if everything else seems to match. I am not interested.  Those profiles (and posts) don't seem very submissive to Me.  Everyone has a right to their opinion and we each have our own expectations.  How those are presented, make all the difference to Me. 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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