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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:00:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

John,

Grab the bitch's hair, yank her to her knees, and tell her play time is over. Not to be crude but that is what the other guy is doing and she loves it, which is probably why she is seeing him. Don't look at it as violating your Southern credo, look at is just accommodating a lady's needs, pure and simple.

Okay, as politically incorrect as it seems, CD does have something here. I have walked away from many nice guys in the past because they LET ME.

It's a risk, but chances are she may want you to prove that you will reach out and take what you want. Not knowing the woman I can't say for sure, but I wouldn't toss this idea out without further examination of the possibilities.

CD, my first impression of you, is changing rapidly...LOL

Cin

Cin..... just be careful how you approach him... *grins*

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:01:46 PM

Ariel

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In My honest opinion..(and only Mine).. LOL.... it would seem to Me that if he is not into that forceful aspect of play, and she is... why should he concede to her wants and needs, (sounds alot like submitting to Me) would that also not be letting her get what she wants from him in the end... Letting her dictate to him, to be "friends" or, to take her forcefully, if that is not in his nature, both says to Me he is giving up his control...I think it sounds more like topping from the bottom, either way...

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:02:19 PM

MsPoetress

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Here! Here!

I second that!

~poe

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:21:23 PM

CrappyDom

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John,

Here is another thought that may get me flamed but in my opinion, the being nice part, not passive, but nice in the mannerly way is something that is in short supply. So you have one of the harder parts down.

Rather than looking at shoving her face into the drywall (that was a HOT comment!) look at it not as violence but as making love with pain. Making love is a skill nobody is born with, same goes for making love with pain. Just like one is attentive so you notice that little arch of the back or flushing of the chest that signifies you are touching the right spot or doing the right thing, women who enjoy pain do the same thing, just the form of sensation is different. If you can learn to do the one, you can learn to do the other.

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:44:38 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Cin..... just be careful how you approach him... *grins*

Level

Are you suggesting I might get dragged to my knees by my hair, if I'm not careful??

Hmmm...I fail to see the downside, Level.

Cin

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 4:47:09 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariel

In My honest opinion..(and only Mine).. LOL.... it would seem to Me that if he is not into that forceful aspect of play, and she is... why should he concede to her wants and needs, (sounds alot like submitting to Me)

I agree. If this is what she wants and it doesn't suit him, then my first thought is they aren't very compatible, and he's better off letting her go. Of course, I don't know either way, which is why I suggested he give it further thought.

Cin

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 5:01:00 PM

feastie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariel

In My honest opinion..(and only Mine).. LOL.... it would seem to Me that if he is not into that forceful aspect of play, and she is... why should he concede to her wants and needs, (sounds alot like submitting to Me) would that also not be letting her get what she wants from him in the end... Letting her dictate to him, to be "friends" or, to take her forcefully, if that is not in his nature, both says to Me he is giving up his control...I think it sounds more like topping from the bottom, either way...

Part of being a couple means that both parties are fulfilled. This is a most basic need, capricious whim. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that says that the submissive gets no return on her investment. It's a miscommunication, or dysfunction if you will, such as this that will definitely end a relationship...her asking to keep him as her special friend tells me that she doesn't feel owned by him and seeks to have her basic needs fulfilled elsewhere. I feel for the guy, he's respectful, he's nice, he cares for her very much, but obviously, it's not enough.

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 9:05:06 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

John,

Grab the bitch's hair, yank her to her knees, and tell her play time is over. Not to be crude but that is what the other guy is doing and she loves it, which is probably why she is seeing him. Don't look at it as violating your Southern credo, look at is just accommodating a lady's needs, pure and simple.

Have you ever read any NON fiction S&M books?

...*fanning self*...ok..CrappyDom got my attention....Tempting

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 9:11:25 PM

MLskajira

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

There's nothing hotter than having sweet nothings whispered in your ear
as your hair is being pulled and you're forced to your knees.

aho and thank You

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 10:04:40 PM

PenelopePitstop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

           I was raised as a Southern Gentleman; In essence, being a Southern Gentleman exemplifies being the best we can be, treating others with respect and taking responsibility, if that’s the right word, for your self and occasionally others.

          In my personal life I find myself to be a nurturing Dominate, what I mean is that I don’t take a woman grab her by the back of the head shove her into a wall and call it foreplay. I believe that if you are my woman that you are to be cared for, prized, honored and dare I say it even respected, even though you are submissive.

          I find myself in a situation with a beautiful, brilliant, talented young lady. One, that has her act together and is not out to rob me of money, as others have in the past. However I find myself in an issue.
         I do not know if my qualities have been mistaken for weakness on her end. She has recently told me that she wants another to be her Dom and for me to be her “special friend”. For me at least, I am at a point where I would rather take this situation than lose her all together. Gold is Gold even if it is covered in mud.
           My quandary, is how do I get her to see me as one stop shopping, instead of getting her “Dom Fix” from another and her caring loving from me. I want to be all she needs.

Total subby POV here that was formulated when I was in the vanilla life:

"Dear God,
Why s it all I seem to get is bastards masquerading as nice guys, when what I really need is a nice guy who masquerades as a bastard?"

:)

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/17/2006 10:29:19 PM

Arpig

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gee penelope, where does that leave those of us who are just plain ordinary bastards?

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/18/2006 1:05:54 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

she wants another to be her Dom

Read what you wrote here, John. I would strongly suggest that if you do decide to follow up on some of the advice and just 'take' her that you have a really good cup on because you might need it if you want children in your future.

Talk to her. Ask 'her' where you want wrong with 'her' ... then let her go or be prepared to watch her from afar, but you're too late and interference at this point just ain't kosher.

Celeste

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/18/2006 3:43:27 AM

feastie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariel

In My honest opinion..(and only Mine).. LOL.... it would seem to Me that if he is not into that forceful aspect of play, and she is... why should he concede to her wants and needs, (sounds alot like submitting to Me) would that also not be letting her get what she wants from him in the end... Letting her dictate to him, to be "friends" or, to take her forcefully, if that is not in his nature, both says to Me he is giving up his control...I think it sounds more like topping from the bottom, either way...

Part of being a couple means that both parties are fulfilled. This is a most basic need, capricious whim. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that says that the submissive gets no return on her investment. It's a miscommunication, or dysfunction if you will, such as this that will definitely end a relationship...her asking to keep him as her special friend tells me that she doesn't feel owned by him and seeks to have her basic needs fulfilled elsewhere. I feel for the guy, he's respectful, he's nice, he cares for her very much, but obviously, it's not enough.

that should be "not" a capricious whim. I really shouldn't answer these things when I'm half asleep ;)

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/18/2006 4:25:22 PM

RavenMuse

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Been there, not quite done that because there is only so much I will accomodate or 'put up with' before I draw the line in the sand and its my way or the highway.

But I do have a somewhat gentler approach than some in parts and keep hitting that same barrier..... funny though, when I take off the velvet glove and show that flash of steel that lies under it, often thats 'too much'..... in other words they didn't know what the hell they wanted in the first place.

You are a Dom, work out where your limits are, the line you will go to in order to accomodate her but will not cross and if that isn't enough, then walk the hell away.

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/18/2006 7:01:22 PM

JohnSteed1967

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quote:

when I take off the velvet glove and show that flash of steel that lies under it, often thats 'too much'..... in other words they didn't know what the hell they wanted in the first place.

When I was in College I was living in the Dorms and my personal devil was a kid by the name of Costa. Costa was a prankster and a General Asshole. One night he pushed we way too far and I quite literally grabbed him by the throat and picked him up in the air, held him suspended and threw him against the wall.

If you have ever seen that scene from Star Wars with Darth Vader and the Rebel Pilot? I did that in real life. I am 6'2" built like a line backer and and have hidden and supressed my temper for years. I would be afraid that I would hurt someone severly if I left it go.

However I am happy to report, that when she told me that, I went off on her and let the wolf out of his cage over the phone. She has now started to see me as a Dom, and things seem to be more positive

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/19/2006 12:39:56 AM

RavenMuse

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Yep, amazing just how much of someones undivided attention you get when you lift them off the floor by their throat. Same height, similar build, same tactic it looks like

Glad to hear things are looking more positive.

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RE: Where did I go wrong? - 4/19/2006 5:55:08 AM

Lashra

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If what you say is true you sound like a wonderful Dom. She however seems to be in need of something else that you cannot provide. Now what that *need* is could be anything. The only way to find out is to sit down and talk to her openly. Find out what is going on with her in a non threatening manner ( Ive heard some Dom's threaten to uncollar a sub to get them to talk and it sends the sub into a frenzy of sorts). It could be she wants somes rough stuff, it could be she just wants variety, you will never know until you ask.
Good luck

~Lashra

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