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Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get On My... - 7/18/2010 1:42:55 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		i've had the pleasure of meeting some local Dominant men from this site as well as in my local area recently. As I get more familar with them i notice that the air of dominance that they put out is an extreme turn-on. Do i want to have sex with them? not really, but they appeal to me in a friendly manner. I love their aggressive nature, even if its subtle. Also with my boyfriend whom I am sexually turned on by, carries himself in a very dominant fashion. he ends up doing my bidding, but he isn't very weak about it(sorry if that may offend anybody). If i could put words to his actions its like, "I am a man. I wear the pants in this relationship, but her needs come first and I will do what I need to make her happy." He has an implied authority in our relationship that I have given him, and how he displays it works for me. But through all that, I have absolutely no desire to submit. Is this odd or is this something normal that can happnen? (i've searched for a thread like this-no luck. sorry if there is one)

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I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 1:54:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Perhaps you want to co-dom with a man? There are many dom/dom couples out there.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 1:54:52 PM   
ErrynRed


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/16/2010
Status: offline 		I kinda have something like that. I like dominant men, but they have tp prove they can be dominant, I don't just give it to them. The fight to get my submission is almost more important than what happens after it, I think.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 2:09:26 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		that's a concept that i would be very interested in, but he likes to remain vanilla, so i respect his wishes.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 2:16:10 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

If i could put words to his actions its like, "I am a man. I wear the pants in this relationship, but her needs come first and I will do what I need to make her happy." He has an implied authority in our relationship that I have given him, and how he displays it works for me. But through all that, I have absolutely no desire to submit. Is this odd or is this something normal that can happnen? (i've searched for a thread like this-no luck. sorry if there is one)


No, I think it's indicative of the men you find attractive. You respond positively to a certain demeanor, one where leadership is implied but the democracy still exists in the relationship. You're not engaging in an exchange of power in the manner we attribute to submission. What I've noticed with myself is that the same holds true. My tastes in men haven't altered at all. The same things I found appealing before the kneel still exist, including the personality traits you've described.

Whereas on my end I want to yield, but find it challenging to do so unless a few things are in place. Some of them you've articulated. He acts without a moments concern about how I would prefer for things to unfold. However, he is taking my needs into consideration when he does. He simply doesn't seek my permission or approval when displaying his masculinity or authority.

The most glaring difference is in how he treats me. Although he finds me striking and intelligent, he doesn't lavish me with compliments or treat me like a precious gem. My specialness may be demonstrated in another manner, but he's never enamored or overtly impressed to the point where I'm worshiped. It is usually the reverse and he has no difficult putting me in my place when I forget or show traces of ego. He can be bold, brash, with a level of audacity I find astounding but horribly attractive all the same. The man I've described I've encounter within the lifestyle and outside of it. In both instances my desire for him was intense. I'm certain if slavery was no longer a part of my life I would still gravitate to men of that caliber and mindset. It is merely something that I respond to intrinsically without much thought in all truth.

~porcelaine




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His will; my fate.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 2:57:56 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am pretty much attracted to other dominants. This makes it rough, since many to most dominant men want some little sweetie who will bow down. I couldn't even *begin* to submit, I am not even wired to pay attention to that kind of behaviour directed at me. I just like being with "my own kind", as it were.

This isn't to say that there aren't vanilla or sub men who have those attractive qualities, just that there are fewer of them, generally.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 3:57:05 PM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am pretty much attracted to other dominants. This makes it rough, since many to most dominant men want some little sweetie who will bow down. I couldn't even *begin* to submit, I am not even wired to pay attention to that kind of behaviour directed at me. I just like being with "my own kind", as it were.

This isn't to say that there aren't vanilla or sub men who have those attractive qualities, just that there are fewer of them, generally.
I know whatcha mean Hibi. There are some pretty hot mamas that happen to be domly. It sounds like you react the similarly to me when someone directs that sort of attention your way. I'm all, 'huh, did you say something?' Somehow though, I really couldn't imagine you on your knees. It'd probably shatter my world view to see that.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone who happens to be dominant in the relationship in one fashion or another. Personally I doubt I'd be able to go long term without the on her knees part, it's not necessarily going to be some little sweetie.

Just another flavor of life methinks.


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Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

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RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 3:58:58 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am pretty much attracted to other dominants. This makes it rough, since many to most dominant men want some little sweetie who will bow down. I couldn't even *begin* to submit, I am not even wired to pay attention to that kind of behaviour directed at me. I just like being with "my own kind", as it were.

This isn't to say that there aren't vanilla or sub men who have those attractive qualities, just that there are fewer of them, generally.
I know whatcha mean Hibi. There are some pretty hot mamas that happen to be domly. It sounds like you react the similarly to me when someone directs that sort of attention your way. I'm all, 'huh, did you say something?' Somehow though, I really couldn't imagine you on your knees. It'd probably shatter my world view to see that.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone who happens to be dominant in the relationship in one fashion or another. Personally I doubt I'd be able to go long term without the on her knees part, it's not necessarily going to be some little sweetie.

Just another flavor of life methinks.




Yay for poly, I guess. I have this fantasy where I have some nice domly type and we share a girl, or a boy, or some combination, or we each have our own stuff... because I just don't do the subly thing. And it would take a winch to get me off the floor with my arthritis! LOL

You want me, you know you do.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Shadow-tiger)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 4:56:26 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		LadyH- A long time ago i tried being submissive(you know, "you never know until you try it, you might like it") and i didnt even last more than 5 minutes- i wanted to puke. it just made it clear that "ok- this aint workin'". there is just something about the dominant man....

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 4:58:08 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

i've had the pleasure of meeting some local Dominant men from this site as well as in my local area recently. As I get more familar with them i notice that the air of dominance that they put out is an extreme turn-on. Do i want to have sex with them? not really, but they appeal to me in a friendly manner. I love their aggressive nature, even if its subtle. Also with my boyfriend whom I am sexually turned on by, carries himself in a very dominant fashion. he ends up doing my bidding, but he isn't very weak about it(sorry if that may offend anybody). If i could put words to his actions its like, "I am a man. I wear the pants in this relationship, but her needs come first and I will do what I need to make her happy." He has an implied authority in our relationship that I have given him, and how he displays it works for me. But through all that, I have absolutely no desire to submit. Is this odd or is this something normal that can happnen? (i've searched for a thread like this-no luck. sorry if there is one)


Greetings MissAsylum:

It sounds like you have described what works for you is your “normal.” It appears for yourself that you have a defined need for the man that you relate with to serve your needs in a primary manner which in turn brings forth a form of satisfaction to yourself. Thus when this is accomplished the outcome is deemed gratifying for you.

This can only be deemed as “abnormal” for those who do not relate in this manner. Which in essence, what does it truly matter for you if another does not believe as you do or have similar needs as you do? Your desires are not going to be the same as the next woman in all ways. Granted there may be similarities however there will not be anyone exactly as yourself.

Therefore instead of questioning this particular manner of inter-relating with your dominant man perhaps you might accept that how you choose to operate on an internal level is unique to yourself and quite “normal” for you and he. Fairly simple in theory yet humanly speaking there will always be the inquiring mind and questions prior to the internal acceptance.

Nonetheless, celebrate what you share with this man and how you and he have mutually agreed to relate in a manner that is satisfying for the both of you. Leave the rest of the differences for how the next person relates to their own ways.

Obviously you clearly sound as though you are certain as to what brings you pleasure and satisfaction. I encourage you to go forth with an inner confidence regardless if commonalties with others are discovered or not. Everyone deserves to connect with someone significant that can touch us in a way that brings forth a satisfaction worthy to be respected.

In closing I say, when we connect with that someone who is the closest fit to our needs and character, then don’t let go. Hold on to that which works for you and is deemed valuable in your eyes and fulfills the desires of your heart, mind, body and soul. Never settle for less, else you will get that which is settled for. Internal contentment is never worth compromising. Nor is it negotiable!

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 5:00:29 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		 We work well as a dominant pair, it cuts down on jealousy on her part, we are really comfortable with it.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 5:30:27 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Asylum,
I think you've hit upon something that the "submissive" women run up against at times.  It's somewhere on the continuum of dominance and submission like the discussions of "doormat" and not submitting to anyone but X, and being (personal plug) a feisty wench!  There are certainly a number of women who identify as s-types who have similar experiences as you.  We may be attracted to the strengthe of the man, but that doesn't mean we will do his bidding - especially right away.

Thank you for bringing up this topic.  I'm appreciating the responses.  Making a certain sun pause as she drinks her coffee this morning.

Best,
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to reynardfox)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Your Dominance is Hot, But Don't Expect Me To Get O... - 7/18/2010 8:12:58 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		Sunshine- i've come across the doormat types. i must say- not a fan. just in my personaol expirence, men who are the doormate s-type are too much for me to deal with. i like brains- not a drooling sub monkey. if the unfortunate situation presents itsself, i would have serious trouble feeling protected. regardless of whatever side of the kneel they are on, i need to feel raw masculinity. if i don't sense it, i'm put off.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 13
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