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What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 1:30:26 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		As often happens, one thought leads to another and I feel compelled to start new threads.

So, I think to myself, what have I truly lost or given up in order to be of service to Himself. 

Control? Well, I don't want it to begin with so it's no loss to give up something I don't want anyway. In fact, I'm quite grateful he wants it and knows what to do with it. Then I think about the word control. He decides who, what, where, when, why and how. Basic journalism type stuff. ;) No. I haven't given it up. It's more like donating an old couch to the Salvation Army. You just don't want it anymore, so give it to someone who can put it to good use. It's no loss though, that's for sure.

Power? I've written about power before and how the source of that power is continual for me. It's not given in any event, it's taken but as it's constantly renewed within my being, I am never depleted of its energy. So I can't say that I've given up power either. It would be easier to say I've given away the sun. It's not something anyone can do. It will Super Nova and die a natural death in it's own time.

I haven't given up time either because there are still 24 hours in a day. He does direct my time which is an aspect of the control, but he can't make there be 25 hours in a day no matter what desires or wishes he may have.

I haven't given up strength, intellect, wit, love, experience, family, humor, personal responsibility, wisdom, honor, integrity, hope, dreams, ambition, passion, history, enthusiasm, compassion or life. I am not less but more because of our relationship. I have not even had to give up the darkness which I love so well.  I was going to start this by saying that what I have lost is so overwhelmed by what I have gained as his slave and yet the more I think on it, the more I realize, I have truly lost only those things that I do not wish to have nor embrace. Fear, insecurity, jealousy. Things which make me better for being without them.

I haven't even lost my freedom, because until I was bound by him, I had no clue as to what freedom truly meant. I lived so long in a cage of my own making that there never seemed another existence other than that which I had always known. One of the definitions of freedom is "the absence of slave status." By being his slave, I am no longer a slave. Labels, the inferior definitions of terms no longer apply. Well, perhaps one does. I'm one hell of a fortunate woman and I'm comfortable with that being all the definition required. I am his and I am owned and because of that, I am everything.

So, on to a question. What, if anything, have you lost because of your submission or slavery? For Dominants, what do you believe your slave has given up or lost in order to serve you?

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/17/2006 1:35:49 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 1:55:54 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		i lost my pain, my fear, my weaknesses (many of them, anyway), my insecurities, and the unfulfillment i constantly felt for having no place to express who and what i am.  i have gained more than i could possibly mention.

Great post :) 

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 2:40:36 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		lol.. i cant actually think of anything.  As i seem to keep gaining.  Even though, i'm sure something can and will go wrong i've lost nothing really.. i've become alot more as well.  i would be better at  coming up with something i've gained.

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 2:44:24 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		oh crap, i'm suppose to count losing those things owned?

i've lost alot of jealousy, tons of fear, alot of insecurity, instability, alot of wierd odd things that i couldnt stand due to fear.... ah can i just say "what they said" as every time i try and think up what i've lost it comes out as a gain.  Lets play that game instead?

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 5:13:03 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		we have given up nothing that we didn't want to loose already.... Instead we have gained much that only serve to enhance who we are and empowered us to be a better We!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 5:19:59 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Let me see. In my relationship with Chris, the only thing I gave up was having an address with just my name on it
What I have gained though, words could not do justice to.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 5:45:21 AM   
Bound4Oz


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		BitaTruble,

your words touched my heart and a tear, or two, appeared.  What a sincere and beautiful way you delivered things.  i'm in a place of deep thought these days and i sooooooo needed to read this. 

"I have truly lost only those things that I do not wish to have nor embrace. Fear, insecurity, jealousy. Things which make me better for being without them"  i can't wait for that to come to fruition (for me).  i usually think i'm alone in having those undesirable insecurities and fears, so to be reminded that i'm not is most comforting.   Thank you! 

"I lived so long in a cage of my own making that there never seemed another existence other than that which I had always known"  The cage, a term i understand all too well.  i'm so excited to eventually exit mine, too, which i hope will be in the very near future.  Turns out i had left my Daddy, but he had never left me.  Darn cage!  i was determined to remain in it, all by myself, i think, but *He* has other plans. 

(in reply to Tikkiee)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 6:46:37 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
So, on to a question. What, if anything, have you lost because of your submission or slavery? For Dominants, what do you believe your slave has given up or lost in order to serve you?

For me, Ms has little to do with control or power- instead it's all about authority for me.  And it's not losing- it's transferred, very clearly.

Giving something up isn't the same as losing something, though they are often used as the same.  I lost the idea that I couldn't be exactly who I am and have exactly what I want.  I hope every consensual slave in the world gives themself the opportunity to have exactly what they want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 6:57:45 AM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		I believe my submissive has gained the freedom to honestly express her fears, needs and desires, to realize I treasure and respect her and that she is safe.

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 8:51:27 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		When i married Hubby 37 yrs ago i knew nothing of D/s but as a "good wife" i gave up a career. I had been offered a head coaching job at a major university and He didn't want me so committed to a job so i turned it down. I still wonder where it would of taken me. I don't feel that i have given up anything else, my life and marriage have been very fulfilling.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 11:01:20 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline 		Celeste, you continue to inspire me in ways that stretch my limits and expand my boundaries.  I don't know exactly where I am in regard to my own personal evolution, but as always, your words and thoughts give me much to ponder as I continue to evolve.

At times, I feel I've gained the freedom to honestly express my fears, needs and desires, to realize I'm treasured and respected and safe. (Thanks artglfr)  And while I do feel this way more often than not, still at times, I feel a struggle to figure out exactly who I am and have exactly what I want.  (Thanks LA)

The path of my evolution is not always clear of brambles.  Knowing that I'm safe and able to express myself and remain treasured and safe, doesn't always negate the struggle to figure out how to have exactly what I want.  When my "want" and my "need" do not coincide with Master's need or want, and yet my ultimate desire is to please Him, intense inner conflict arises.  For a long time I thought it to be a matter of trust.  Recently I realized it is much more to do with powerlessness.  I've accepted my powerlessness over the choices my teenage child makes, and the   general behavior and choices of others.  Even if I don't like it, I've accepted it.  What has been much more difficult to accept is my powerlessness over how Master feels, and how that affects me.  Why do I struggle with the fear that He may someday choose to remove His collar from my neck?  Why do I struggle with the fear that He will no longer love me?  And more important than "why" is how do I continue to evolve, in a way to grow through this, and get past it?

Maybe it's that I don't yet know exactly who I am? (Thanks again LA)  Why would I somehow feel that I would be lost without Master?  Life was good before Him, and while it's certainly better now, it will still go on should He decide to leave me.  So how does loving Him, serving Him, and being His slave change me from a secure, strong, confident woman into this fearful, clingy basket-case?

I'm not sure exactly what I've gained and lost, I'm too close to it all right now.  But one thing is clear, I continue to work on "becoming" and "evolving".  I continue to desire to grow, and in time I aspire to feel more like you do dear Celeste.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 11:14:36 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		I've lost bed space. 

Oh, and my maiden name. 



_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 11:18:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tapestry
I'm not sure exactly what I've gained and lost, I'm too close to it all right now.  But one thing is clear, I continue to work on "becoming" and "evolving".  I continue to desire to grow, and in time I aspire to feel more like you do dear Celeste.

That was a fabulous post!!!  We're complex creatures, we can be confident AND insecure, we can be in love AND hate, we can want to have no choice and hate having no choice- all at the same time.

The sincerity and conviction of your post towards acceptance and understanding blows me away.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tapestry)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 11:49:14 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, thanks LA.  Your response was unexpected, and yet reading your words it seems as if I don't have to know the answers or have it all together.  That sometimes it's enough to dig up the questions and look for answers and growth.  What a concept for me, it's ok to not know, just keep searching and evolving.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 12:11:39 PM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		I assume you're asking here about giving up good things, things that one would like to keep.

From that perspective, I hope that miss has given up nothing she values in serving me.  I want to add to her life, to be a source of joy and fulfillment and security for her. She's given up control and freedom, but as you say she didn't want them; we wouldn't have bonded so if she did.  I'm proud to say that she is happier and better with me.

As far as giving up 'negative things' goes, I would say that perhaps the most important for miss is that she's lost her feeling of awkwardness, of being out of place in the world.  She's desperately wanted to belong to something that seemed authentic to her, that spoke to her heart, and now she belongs to me.  As she told me the other day-- paraphrased, of course-- 'I used to want to be normal, and couldn't be; now you and I together are 'normal' and everyone else is off.'

Which is part of the power of what we've built, and what these kinds of relationships can do.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 1:02:58 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Giving something up would imply that it is no longer a part of you, but I think a lot of the fears (like jealousy and what not like that) are still there, just not an issue because the trust int he other person is strong enough that you don't have those doubts lingering in the back of the yer mind.

At least it's possible.  Dunno... never been in a relationship where my lack of self esteem didn't come into play at least once in a great while, so I could just be talkin out my ass here... wouldn't be the first time and prolly not the last... LOL


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 1:20:12 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline 		I can only speak in terms of what I've lost as a result of accepting who I am, and that would be years of therapy!!! lol

Respectfully,
enthralled

Edited to add: By the way...... beautiful post Bita <smiles>

< Message edited by enthralled -- 4/17/2006 1:22:06 PM >

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

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RE: What's been lost? - 4/17/2006 3:26:44 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, gotta agree... damned kewl post... 

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to enthralled)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/18/2006 12:01:04 AM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		Not wanting to come across as a complainer, and this is not a complaint, its just the way things appear to be. The male sub/slave gives up more than a female, especially when submitting to a Domina. Women are frequently used sexually or at least erotically, which they usually desire, while most men are required to be, for the most part, service oriented only.

(in reply to Dustyn)
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RE: What's been lost? - 4/18/2006 12:07:48 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf

Not wanting to come across as a complainer, and this is not a complaint, its just the way things appear to be. The male sub/slave gives up more than a female, especially when submitting to a Domina. Women are frequently used sexually or at least erotically, which they usually desire, while most men are required to be, for the most part, service oriented only.


Men have the right to turn down Domina's if they want more than is offered same as women. I don't know a single man who is 'required' to be service oriented. Many claim to be but are not, but if you want to be a sex slave ::or whatever sort of anything you desire:: you have every right to establish that up front, then find the right Domina for you. It took me almost 15 years to find the right Master and we've been together for 10 years now.. it was more than worth the time, effort and patience.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to liks2plzlf)
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