Did you have to "earn" your collar?

Did you have to "earn" your collar? (Full Version)

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southernmomma -> Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 1:37:09 PM)
My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this? Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?

AmericanHoney -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 1:48:54 PM)
No, I didn't have to earn it with my last dominant, and I won't with this one either. I don't think one way is right or wrong, it's just varies from dynamic to dynamic. :)

sunshinemiss -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 1:56:30 PM)
Nope. The only thing we did was figure out whether we were compatible in many ways. He had to earn my trust and vice versa. Good luck, sunshine

peppermint -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 2:20:40 PM)
No I didn't have to earn it. After 6 months of living together he decided it was time. I wasn't sure, but he's the Dom so he got his way.

lizi -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 2:33:16 PM)
No, I did not have to earn my collar. He wanted to collar me and take ownership of me so he did.

leadership527 -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 2:40:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: southernmomma My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this? Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it? Granted, being married for 12 years prior to the collaring changes things, but Carol "earns" her collar every day. We had a discussion about what the collar means (absolute obedience). She agreed to it. I collared her. That part was really straight-forward. It's the KEEPING the collar part that's tougher.

littlewonder -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 3:52:46 PM)
I think I "earned" it by just being the type of girl and slave he wanted in his life.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 4:14:00 PM)
~FR~ Awhile before Sir died, He just took it out of His bag and surprised me by asking "Would you like to wear it?" i almost fainted and said "Yeeeeeesssssssss!!! Pleeeeeeeease!!" i wasn't told to earn it, i think He just wanted it as much as i did. Now, with Daddy, we do talk about it off & on, but haven't hit on any particulars yet. ~sweetsub~

sunshinemiss -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 4:33:03 PM)
I don't mean any disrespect here, but I think(read that as I'm mulling it over NOT I've decided that) the people who make a submissive "earn" a collar are the same type of people who don't know how to actually be in a relationship. They don't know how to run the relationship so to speak. It smacks of playing to me. It seems like someone who doesn't know how to enjoy a partnner and is just ... putting the pressure on the submissive rather than shouldering their own responsibility. I've seen it a few times, and without a doubt that has always been the case (not saying it always is, just that it is my experience). It's always been some "dom" who isn't comfortable in their own skin and / or who didn't know how to inspire the submissive person. Beyond that, I'm thinking that if the submissive has to "earn" it, then what the hell is the dominant "earning"... sounds an awful lot like those velcro collars of consideration we hear about. Either you are in the relationship or you aren't. If you're dating, you're dating. Earning is like ... a job. I don't put my heart and soul in a job. I put that in my love. Nobody has to earn my affection who is my friend or someone who is in my true family. They merely need to be the persons they are and have a certain compatibility with me. There's something in there about standards, but I haven't quite figured that out yet. I mean they (anyone who I call friend, lover, partner, family member) has to meet a certain standard, and then based on time and investment, I may let some things slide.... I mean come on... we all have that uncle or whatever that we'd never be close to because he's so X but we stay in the same circle because he is important to someone we love.... Anyway, this seems whacky to me. Of course, I'm repeating my caveat that I'm mulling this over. But this is what the mull has produced thus far. *I'd be happy to have a discussion about this. Please feel free to point out other things. best, sunshine

LafayetteLady -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 4:36:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: southernmomma My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this? Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it? You say you have "no problem" with the concept, but let me ask you this.... You list on your profile that he already "owns" you. So then what do you have to do to "earn" the collar? To me, a lot depends on the dynamic the two of you have. If you are in a relationship, by that I mean a loving relationship where you love and care for each other as well as having power dynamic, then really this whole "earning it" concept is a bunch of bullshit. Do you have to "earn" his love? If you do, then shouldn't he also have to "earn" your love and trust? On the other hand if you have one of those dynamics where he doesn't love you, nor you him, then while I find that type of dynamic pretty worthless overall, it is a whole different concept. When two people are in a relationship, neither is "earning" things from their partners. Look at the responses so far, how many said they had to "earn" it?

UniqueRaven -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 4:47:25 PM)
i'm told sometimes i will be expected to "earn" a collar. Honestly this gives me the heebie jeebies. If i'm not good enough to be his slave exactly as i am, then something's wrong. If i have to jump hoops to "earn" a collar, and then even more hoops to "keep" his collar, sooner or later i'm going to collapse. It's human nature to do so. Often this is what these Doms want - they want to see you give your all for him until you fall apart. But is it healthy? i say no, or at least, not for me. And in relationship-based slavery, i get to choose the Owner i'm compatible with, and if one's going to dangle a collar in front of me as a prize i simply just have to decline. Take me as i am, and i will give you my mind, heart, body, and soul. Tell me i'm not good enough and am constantly going to have to work for my place at your feet and i will slowly crumble from the inside. ETA: My previous long-term Master didn't have me earn my collar either - he just said "I'd like you to wear this" - and i did, from that point on. [:)]

BitaTruble -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 5:11:37 PM)
fr I lived with Himself for two years before he collared me and knew and played with him for 18 months before we moved in together. I knew his flaws as he knew mine. I saw him at his best and worst as he saw me. Two years might seem like a long time when you are already living together but for us it was exactly the right amount of time and because we took so long to get to that point, it meant and remains a very important symbol of our M/s dynamic. Not quite on par with the wedding rings, but solid second place to anything and everything else that symbolises our relationship. He earned my trust by being a consistantly good man and a consistantly good dominant. I earned his collar by being a consistantly good and obedient submissive to him. Here we are, 15 years later, and he still rocks my world. I'm sorta mushy like that though. :)

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 5:20:49 PM)
My last playmate/sub was totally wrecked because his dom made a big deal of him "earning" a collar, then dumped him six weeks later because she was thinking with her pussy. Hmph. I am not one to insta-collar, to me a collar is an ownership thing, and I am not willing to take on the ownership of everyone who submits to me. It's a serious responsibility. It seems to me that the person who inspires me to collar him or her has done the job of "earning" by just BEING and behaving as who they are. There are no extra hoops to jump through. It happens, or it doesn't. NOT having a collar doesn't mean that the relationship is less important, or that the person is less important either. And, what Sunshine said. [:)]

WestBaySlave -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 5:22:02 PM)
For me, this would not work. Either a man wants me around, or he doesn't. If I'm in a relationship with a power exchange, he can collar me or not, it's up to him... I'm happy with his decision as to what's best.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 5:25:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus My last playmate/sub was totally wrecked because his dom made a big deal of him "earning" a collar, then dumped him six weeks later because she was thinking with her pussy. Hmph. I am not one to insta-collar, to me a collar is an ownership thing, and I am not willing to take on the ownership of everyone who submits to me. It's a serious responsibility. It seems to me that the person who inspires me to collar him or her has done the job of "earning" by just BEING and behaving as who they are. There are no extra hoops to jump through. It happens, or it doesn't. NOT having a collar doesn't mean that the relationship is less important, or that the person is less important either. And, what Sunshine said. [:)] i do totally agree with the bolded part. If it's about me just being myself and showing my long-term commitment and devotion, absolutely, that can be called "earning" his collar. But i have had Doms/Masters tell me things like "i expect you to figure out a new way to surprise me sexually every day" or "when we go out for dinner i expect you to keep me sexually aroused throughout the entire meal or you will be punished" - things that can only last for so long before i'm physically and mentally exhausted. Honestly i see this as just being a sign of a Dom who really doesn't know what to do with a slave, and is hoping she'll figure it out for him. [;)] So yes, i don't see a need to be collared immediately, but "earning" it - if i can't earn it by being myself, as LadyHib says, then i know long-term i won't be able to do it at all.

DarkSteven -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 5:55:52 PM)
All depends on the meaning of the word "earn"...

DesFIP -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 6:16:21 PM)
You have to earn it in exactly the same way he has to earn the right for you to accept it. Anyone who thought this was a one way street is not someone I am compatible with. How does he earn your acceptance of it? Ask him.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 6:17:11 PM)
No, I didn't have to earn it, but I did have to accept what he gave me. I asked for one, and he offered me a collar that was too small for his dog. I declined it. I mentioned it again and was given the same offer. I declined. The third time, I asked for it knowing what I'd get, and I was then actually given a choice between the old GA Tech collar that didn't fit his dog anymore or the new Miller Lite one he bought. I chose the old one because I don't like beer. lol I've been hinting at getting one of those personalized tags, and so far, I've been offered to be taken for a rabies vaccine. rme Anywho, my 1st dom gave me a beautiful sterling silver collar for my birthday with the caveat that it would remain strictly jewelry until we had a contract. Well, a year passed with numerous attempts to discuss the contract, all of which resulted in nada. I broke up with him because it became painfully obvious that he had no intention of ever moving forward. While my current situation isn't exactly ideal, it's "what you see is what you get." I'd rather have that than be an ass following a dangling carrot.

barelynangel -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 6:51:18 PM)
Earn a collar, no, he determined he was going to own me and the collar went on -- however, my VALUE to him had to remain greater than his cost in keeping me. His ownership of me (which the collar symbolized) was a cost/value concept - if he had determined my value wasn't great enough for him to maintain the cost of keeping me, i would have been gone. It was that simple. angel

NuevaVida -> RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? (7/20/2010 7:22:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss I don't mean any disrespect here, but I think(read that as I'm mulling it over NOT I've decided that) the people who make a submissive "earn" a collar are the same type of people who don't know how to actually be in a relationship. They don't know how to run the relationship so to speak. It smacks of playing to me. It seems like someone who doesn't know how to enjoy a partnner and is just ... putting the pressure on the submissive rather than shouldering their own responsibility. Hi sunshinemiss: Some owners do not want a relationship; they want a servant and piece of property. This was the case with my former owner. Mind you, I didn't have to go through particular steps to "earn" it, but I did have to beg for it and demonstrate why I believed I was ready. I'm in a different place in my life now, and it's not something I would do again. But to some, M/s is not a relationship in the sense you and I might see one. To answer the OP, no, this time around I did not have to "earn" my collar by taking any particular steps, nor did I have to beg for it. In fact, I told him I was allergic to collars. The few times he mentioned one, I panicked. And then one night, well after we both realized we really love each other and want a future together, he walked up to me and fastened his collar to my neck. And I wept like a baby...but then I'm sappy like that.

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