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barbiegirl64 -> looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:05:56 PM)
how can you tell a real dom to a wannabe onf please everyone says be cafrefull as there is alot of fake doms but as im new to all this i just want to make sure i do it right thank you

juliaoceania -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:09:59 PM)
I am sure you will find someone who will post some sort of checklist for you... I would hope you remember everything you learned about men in general in your life, and apply it to this. Date the man, not the orientation, and then get to know HIM, not a title. Anyone that would expect anything else from you is probably a red flag situation. Real people want real partners, so if someone tries to impress you with "experience", etc, and leaves out getting to know you, well, not saying they are "fake", but it would give me pause.

realwhiteknight -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:17:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barbiegirl64 how can you tell a real dom to a wannabe onf please everyone says be cafrefull as there is alot of fake doms but as im new to all this i just want to make sure i do it right thank you I have a link to the 'Acid Test' in my journals- this is an article that's been circulating on the internet for god knows how long, about how to tell the difference between a faker/abuser and a dominant. It's written by a dominant man and has alot of really good info on other aspects of bdsm too. Someone here sent it to me, after I asked the same question you are :) I found it very informative.

mstrjx -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:17:55 PM)
If you're looking at profiles here on CM, look at the ones that take the time to have everything spelled correctly, where the grammer is decent and where the entirety is in sentences. A run-on jumbled mess doesn't seem impressive, and it could be a sign of the character of the person who wrote the profile. Aside from that, you might want to compare someone's interests with your own. If someone 'lives for' something you find a limit or something you really don't want to do, then the quality of the dominant won't mean anything if you are incompatible. I would venture that most people who have been in the lifestyle for a while understand that in a place like this it is better to come across as sincere, rather than pushy and impetuous. Remember, whomever it is might be 'a' dominant, but they are not 'your' dominant until that is what you want. Good luck. Jeff

EbonyWood -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:27:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barbiegirl64 how can you tell a real dom to a wannabe onf please everyone says be cafrefull as there is alot of fake doms but as im new to all this i just want to make sure i do it right thank you I'm real. If anyone called DarkSteven, Jeffff, domi_____(insert any name here), contact you, report them to the authorities. One of them is actually an anteater. Check with me periodically with accompanying nude photos for updates.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:33:13 PM)
I'm not a sub, but I was new once and used to be one. They guys who want to online roleplay with you, or web cam...are not fakes...seriously, they DO want to online roleplay with you and view you on webcam. [:D] Mutters about wankers... Some people are here for that, and it's just not my thing. Don't be in a hurry, and take your time looking. If you want some experience, you can bottom for someone without actually submitting to them outside of the scene. If you want to wait for just the right person and let him be the only one you do this with...this is your choice. Know yourself, what you need, and what would hurt your soul. Read SM;101 or The Loving Dominant, something about BDSM that isn't porn, to cut down on the mistakes you will make. Be prepared to be hopeful/excited, and then have times of burnout. In the message boards, at the top right corner you will see a row of flags. Over the first one is Search. Click it to look up things like "sub frenzy" "dom frenzy" "subspace" "sub drop" "top drop" "safe words" "safe caller" and anything else that holds your interest. Some of these threads will have been made years ago but are still good sources of info...only don't make a posting in a thread that has been dead for six months or someone might scold you a little for that. You know how to Google for munch groups in your area? A group of people meet up and just...eat at a restaurant. Enjoy your adventure, and...best wishes to you.

juliaoceania -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:33:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EbonyWood quote: ORIGINAL: barbiegirl64 how can you tell a real dom to a wannabe onf please everyone says be cafrefull as there is alot of fake doms but as im new to all this i just want to make sure i do it right thank you I'm real. If anyone called DarkSteven, Jeffff, domi_____(insert any name here), contact you, report them to the authorities. One of them is actually an anteater. Check with me periodically with accompanying nude photos for updates. We need a thread to make sure we warn everyone about these people... you know... a "blacklist"[:D]

sexyred1 -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:40:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barbiegirl64 how can you tell a real dom to a wannabe onf please everyone says be cafrefull as there is alot of fake doms but as im new to all this i just want to make sure i do it right thank you It is actually easy to spot the fakes. Those are the ones who continually ask why no subs are real or why are there so many wannabe subs. Oh wait...the same could be said for subs who complain that no Doms are real. When in the world of reality, any time someone says someone else is not "real" or they are a "fake" or "wannabe" that simply is code for that person is not into the other. Or they have different tastes, preferences, kinks or opinions. Get the picture? Enjoy.

EbonyWood -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 2:44:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: EbonyWood quote: ORIGINAL: barbiegirl64 how can you tell a real dom to a wannabe onf please everyone says be cafrefull as there is alot of fake doms but as im new to all this i just want to make sure i do it right thank you I'm real. If anyone called DarkSteven, Jeffff, domi_____(insert any name here), contact you, report them to the authorities. One of them is actually an anteater. Check with me periodically with accompanying nude photos for updates. We need a thread to make sure we warn everyone about these people... you know... a "blacklist"[:D] I like the way you think, woman. Maybe we can call it a Red thread, like stop at the Red, look twice, before you talk to these people, they are harmful to your health. . DarkSteven Jeffff domi(___) etc. EW Harmony is overrated.

DarkSteven -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 5:44:47 PM)
OP, I can be trusted. Honest. First, your profile states that you want a Dom in meatlife, not online, and you want a monogamous relationship. So you already have a good idea what you want. Set a few rules: 1. No nude pics or camming. 2. Chat online, then move to phone, then meeting in RL. Give that two weeks or less to weed out the guys who won't actually meet for one reason or another. 3. Give preference to meeting people - not Doms, people - at munches and groups. A single sub woman like you shouldn't have much trouble getting set up with a Dom that your newfound acquaintances could recommend. 4. Follow standard safety tips when meeting for the first time. Meet in a public place, have a safecall set up, and try not to play on a first meet. (I've broken that one several times...) 5. Enjoy it! 7. Ignore EbonyWood.

juliaoceania -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 5:48:02 PM)
quote: 7. Ignore EbonyWood Awww, come on, you're no fun

NymphetamineGirl -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 5:48:34 PM)
It is a delicate balance, because Dominants must demonstrate you are safe with them, yet having your stated boundaries pressed can bring you closer. There is a good kind of fear and a bad kind, and even amateurs can tell the difference. If your trust in your partner overcomes your inhibitions, it's a good sign. If you ever doubt that the Dominant has your best interests in mind, or see lapses in self-control, it's a bad sign. I'd run away screaming from anyone who expected instant obedience or treated me as anything other than an equal. If I were looking for a Dominant, I would first make sure I was OK on my own. Not necessarily stellar, but OK. Then I would spend lots of time getting to know what I think I like, and putting as much of that on my profile as I felt comfortable with. In any relationship, not just a D/s one, it will matter more in the end if you both love Chaucer than paddles, so don't get hung up on the sex tabs. It's OK to not know or be curious, cause everything you think you want or don't want can change once you're trying it anyhow. If I found someone who piqued my interest, I'd go on some totally vanilla dates and see if I felt naturally compelled to submit. I would let it grow rather than pushing anything. If I felt violated or disrespected, or doubted his confidence or sincerity, I'd probably move on. On the other hand... I'd let myself get excited and nervous and obsess over my hair and clothes and shoes. I'd go to work and smell his cologne where it rubbed off on my neck. And if I found myself on pins and needles waiting for his call, or couldn't focus on anything but him...I'd enjoy the tumble into deep love even though it might break my heart. (It's been broken a lot but it just keeps getting bigger!) Good luck--I think it's ok to trust instinct, with a healthy dose of education and common sense. Actually it's not that common, for some reason.

DarkSteven -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 5:57:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: 7. Ignore EbonyWood Awww, come on, you're no fun Okay. 8. Ignore juliaoceania too.

sexyred1 -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 6:55:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NymphetamineGirl It is a delicate balance, because Dominants must demonstrate you are safe with them, yet having your stated boundaries pressed can bring you closer. There is a good kind of fear and a bad kind, and even amateurs can tell the difference. If your trust in your partner overcomes your inhibitions, it's a good sign. If you ever doubt that the Dominant has your best interests in mind, or see lapses in self-control, it's a bad sign. I'd run away screaming from anyone who expected instant obedience or treated me as anything other than an equal. If I were looking for a Dominant, I would first make sure I was OK on my own. Not necessarily stellar, but OK. Then I would spend lots of time getting to know what I think I like, and putting as much of that on my profile as I felt comfortable with. In any relationship, not just a D/s one, it will matter more in the end if you both love Chaucer than paddles, so don't get hung up on the sex tabs. It's OK to not know or be curious, cause everything you think you want or don't want can change once you're trying it anyhow. If I found someone who piqued my interest, I'd go on some totally vanilla dates and see if I felt naturally compelled to submit. I would let it grow rather than pushing anything. If I felt violated or disrespected, or doubted his confidence or sincerity, I'd probably move on. On the other hand... I'd let myself get excited and nervous and obsess over my hair and clothes and shoes. I'd go to work and smell his cologne where it rubbed off on my neck. And if I found myself on pins and needles waiting for his call, or couldn't focus on anything but him...I'd enjoy the tumble into deep love even though it might break my heart. (It's been broken a lot but it just keeps getting bigger!) Good luck--I think it's ok to trust instinct, with a healthy dose of education and common sense. Actually it's not that common, for some reason. [sm=goodpost.gif]

interlocutor -> RE: looking for dom (7/22/2010 7:21:51 PM)
First I think you have to figure out what part of "all of this" you want. Do you want to be submissive in a long term relationship with a dominant or do you want play sessions at the local dungeon and nothing else? Maybe you want a normal relationship with some kinky sex in the bedroom. Maybe you want some mix of all of those. But if you want one thing and the "Dom" DeLuise wants something different you might be tempted to think he's a wannabe when the truth might be you're just not compatible. Your profile says you want a D/s relationship with someone that will "train" you in all aspects of the "scene." What does that mean? Does that mean you want him to take to to a BDSM club and spank you? Do you know what the "scene" is? (I'm not sure I know). Do you want to live your life according to someone else's rules? Do you want someone to take care of you, or maybe you want some one to take care of? Imagine a time 1 year after you have started a relationship with the "dom" of your dreams, what is it like? I'm not talking fantasy time, I'm talking about actually understanding your desires and understanding what kind of person it will take and the kind of relationship it will take to meet those desires. If you don't make the effort to figure out those things then you are just taking pot shots in the dark. Answer all of these questions for yourself, figure out what you really want, and then you shouldn't have too much trouble telling if a dom is fake or not.

crazyml -> RE: looking for dom (7/23/2010 5:10:33 PM)
Ello! Really good advice so far.. I'd suggest you talk a little more about the non-kinky things you're looking for in a partner, and the things you enjoy. Can I also gently suggest that you might want to check the spelling/grammar.

Ropeart3 -> RE: looking for dom (7/24/2010 2:50:24 AM)
Hi pet, A true Dom dresses in black. They never use metal handcuffs, unless the sub desires and this being the easiest way to recognise a true Dom ask them if they use them to restrain there subs. They should either ue ropesor quick release lockable ones LM

wandersalone -> RE: looking for dom (7/24/2010 5:15:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ropeart3 Hi pet, A true Dom dresses in black. They never use metal handcuffs, unless the sub desires and this being the easiest way to recognise a true Dom ask them if they use them to restrain there subs. They should either ue ropesor quick release lockable ones LM ah shit.... the dom I am seeing was wearing a eggshell blue Ralph Lauren shirt the other night ..... he seemed so weal and twue at the time. guess I am available once more [:(]

Aileen1968 -> RE: looking for dom (7/24/2010 5:52:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx If you're looking at profiles here on CM, look at the ones that take the time to have everything spelled correctly, where the grammer is decent and where the entirety is in sentences. A Jeff Heh...couldn't resist. Grammar.

Aileen1968 -> RE: looking for dom (7/24/2010 5:58:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ropeart3 Hi pet, A true Dom dresses in black. They never use metal handcuffs, unless the sub desires and this being the easiest way to recognise a true Dom ask them if they use them to restrain there subs. They should either ue ropesor quick release lockable ones LM Aw fuck...Shore is fake???? I never knew. I figured he was true because he tends to do whatever he wants to me whenever he wants to. Must go throw out those metal handcuffs and forget about the night he hog tied me with them in the Borgata in Atlantic City and then gave me a piss enema when he woke up.

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