RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life

RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (Full Version)

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lally2 -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/24/2010 1:40:12 PM)
slap me for being naive and all - but arent we (who are looking for a relationship) looking for a relationship - i mean you know, warts and all, responsibilities, mixing with the outside world and all its variants. just because we are Ds or Ms shouldnt need to complicate things overly. im with littlewonder - having a kid hasnt made anything more or less, just you modify and restrain youre urges when the UM's are around, like any couple would. people vary hugely on how much they consider OK for kids to see or be part of. im with the camp that doesnt expose my kid to any of it at all. so when Tom is around im not kneeling on the floor, im not calling him Master or Sir, but i am in all other aspects his sub. it doesnt have to be overt to be apparent.

loverly -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/24/2010 2:08:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13 we have two kids between us one in his early twenties and one 12 yearold.. like someone said they see us as old fashioned but also loving and calm no arguments or rows my daugher even commented on how peaceful it is. when they are around i never call him master if i leave the room or need to get something etc i jsut say a very casual comment he knows the meaning of the words and will make a loving sort of comment back . i never wear underwear indoors, always serve his meals first etc. unless someone was also in teh lifestyle they probably wouldnt pick it up either. but to us we live it just some aspects sometimes are disguised. both kids are grossed out by kissing etc and we tent to keep to no more than cuddles. i tend to sit on teh floor or kneel but have always done so to my daughter that is not unusual and to his son he thinks i am jsut weird and a hippy THIS is exactly how i know and feel it can be lived in Reality. how nicely you put it phoenixmoonn! thank you! i am moving toward making this a reality for myself once again.. i cannot wait! Glad for your HAPPINESS!!! loverly

porcelaine -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/24/2010 3:02:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Ya know i never have had these problems that everyone speaks about with having kids, a life, etc...having a child has never interfered in wiitwd. I just simply live my life like anyone else with one exception..he has the last say. To anyone on the outside it just looks and feels like a traditional marriage....man as head of household. My kid has never had some kind of problem with it except she thinks I'm "old fashioned" and she just rolls her eyes. Then again I don't walk around calling him "Master" or acting really strange. I didn't either. But then I didn't try and wrap her up in my relationships either. Sometimes I read questions that wonder who comes first and I don't know which person is more idiotic. Moments like that I'm glad that my child rearing years are behind me. I appreciate men that have figured this out before I encounter them. Balance is something he appreciates and a way of living he's accustomed to enjoying. He's less likely to spend time pinpointing the differences between his sexuality and those in the mainstream. He's too busy living to bother. ~porcelaine

DragonNphoenix -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/25/2010 3:38:47 AM)
This is something that Dragon and I talked about in great depth. For the first couple of years of our marriage, the kiddos didnt know anything.. but at they got older, they noticed little things that were different about us, they started asking questions and we gave answers. Mind you, we didnt tell everything all at once, we gave them short honest answers to their questions. Now, our youngest is 17 and the oldest is 20. They understand what mom and dad are and what we believe. They dont share the same views, but they respect them and us.. mostly because of our honesty and communication. Our daughters response now is .. la la la la.. tmfi.. We have not 'came out' to our parents, but that is mostly because we dont want to be responsible for deaths in the family. lol Just remember, communication is key. You need to be clear with what you feel like sharing and what you dont. And hold to that. phe

TwistedDaddy4u -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/25/2010 3:16:24 PM)
I am warmed by how many have found the balance, and encouraged at the good replies. Now I just have to find the right one who I can find that balance with myself. Someone I can turn off my brain, and trust with who I am.

yellowroses -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/25/2010 10:55:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13 we have two kids between us one in his early twenties and one 12 yearold.. like someone said they see us as old fashioned but also loving and calm no arguments or rows my daugher even commented on how peaceful it is. when they are around i never call him master if i leave the room or need to get something etc i jsut say a very casual comment he knows the meaning of the words and will make a loving sort of comment back . i never wear underwear indoors, always serve his meals first etc. unless someone was also in teh lifestyle they probably wouldnt pick it up either. but to us we live it just some aspects sometimes are disguised. both kids are grossed out by kissing etc and we tent to keep to no more than cuddles. i tend to sit on teh floor or kneel but have always done so to my daughter that is not unusual and to his son he thinks i am jsut weird and a hippy DITTO for the most part. The parts that are highlighted is what we do all the time. Most people see us as old fashion and the few that make semi negative remarks I chalk up to jealousy. We attended a potluck dinner last week that was non BDSM and I prepared both of our plates. Two of the single ladies (gee I wonder why they are single) said that there was no way that they would do that for any man. I just shrugged and said that I like doing it. AGAIN, I wonder why they are still single? As for sexual activity...this is something that is done behind closed doors and with as litle noise as possible when there are minors in the house. No ball gags around the children. We do have special nights when we are completely alone. Last night for example we were all alone for an extened period of time and after dinner he had me spread eagle on his work bench. I was shaved and then fisted and used in other ways. The special nights are just that...special. kim

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/26/2010 3:27:54 AM)
It’s probably not as hard as we think. Why is it any different than being in a heavy M/s relationship and compartmentalizing your lives around the responsibilities of life? Keeping the play from the rest of the family should be easy enough, but the dynamic is always there even if you hide your activities. The submissive woman is going to be a certain way around her dominant man as he will be around her no matter the outward appearances. They simply have their “natural” feelings and can’t change from hour to hour. Sitting in a church pew with the family, they are going to feel the same D/s drives as they would if he were flogging her in private even if they are not acting on the urges. She is going to seek his approval when she fixes dinner and worry when she displeases him. That’s in the air always. So you live together with those feelings and drives, but maintain a vanilla environment in the home. When you are alone you whip her and she is cunt, bitch, whore and you are Master…easy.

DesFIP -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/26/2010 5:42:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I am sure nilla's have similar problems, how do you find time to fit in romance, keep the energy up, working around having family interfere, etc. THIS there's nothing inherently special about maintaining a good relationship under life stress with d/s that doesn't exist without it. As far as online vs r/l goes, I would prefer a good online connection to just settling for someone because he's easily available. The most important sex organ is the brain, after all.

reynardfox -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/26/2010 10:53:20 AM)
what have children got to do with your submission?

TwistedDaddy4u -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/26/2010 4:49:46 PM)
I get the feeling that many misunderstood the intent of this post. It wasnt so much that children are impossible with a Ds relationshop, just that the relationship takes on a different form. Sex is always important in any relationship, d or otherwise, but the ds community is much more sexually based then the regular world for the most part because of the open and honest connects that are developed. A ds relationship is much more honest them most others I have had or seen. Children will always make an impact on a relationship, ds or other. this isnt an argument about not being able to have a successful relationship in the lifestyle with kids, its just about the differences. Instead of your girl being naked all day cleaning just for you, and waiting by the door when you get home, kneeling and ready, its about the little things that show the commitment to each other and our roles. Even simple things like making a lunch for him to take to work, to the little touches or a whisper in the ear. In my opinion those things mean more anyway. one reason I posted this was all the silly profiles, and odd ideas about what the life is supposed to be like to some people here, something that is not realistic for many people. I have never thought that it was impossible or unlikely to happen, as I know many good people here who are able to maintain a solid relationship, with kids, and family, and friends. It does take more work, and more dedication.

juliaoceania -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/26/2010 5:43:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reynardfox what have children got to do with your submission? A child grows up with a certain model of how relationships are conducted. Submission is modeled for kids, even if they do not know it is "submission", therefore it has everything to do with them. Even though parents do not vocalize what they do in front of the children, the energy of the dynamic is always present. When my son met my last dom, he couldn't stand him because he thought he was "controlling", which my son was right, he was. My son did not grow up with seeing me in a D/s relationship, though... I can imagine if he had, he would assume that this was "normal" and he wouldn't have questioned it. I think good parents are going to consider the example they set for their kids in a society that prizes egalitarian relationships. To not question how we interact with our partner in front of our wee ones is fairly selfish and irresponsible. The above is not to say that D/s is a negative model for kids, but these things need to be thought about, and good parents think about stuff like this

DragonNphoenix -> RE: Submission unreal life, living around kids and life (7/26/2010 11:09:01 PM)
We tried to maintain a vanillaish apperence in front of the kids while they were young. But, for us.. our whole home is a different lifestyle. We are Wiccan, so how we live has always be different than most of the childrens friends. We have always been honest to the world about our religion. Then you add that mom usually had a girl friend. So our home was always different. As they got older, we talked more about the D/s lifestyle. Most of our friends are not only in lifestyle relationships, they are also Wiccan. Living outside the norm is just something that IS normal for us.

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