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RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 11:41:13 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		The idea of a man and the reality of who he is can be enticing and plant the seeds for a very big letdown. Take care that your thoughts don't get away from you. Projections can be accurate or intentionally misleading. You never know until you're staring eye to eye. One thing I've learned about this medium is that the fantasy can only be as large as I permit it to become. If he's sincere and desires to become better acquainted you'll have tangible evidence of that. All of which will extend beyond the screen and the telephone. In the end people invest in worthy projects. Take care you're not putting your money on a horse you know nothing about beforehand. Best of luck.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 11:43:18 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Thank you so much for not making me feel like an idiot! Honestly:)



That is because you aren't an idiot. Honestly! :)

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 11:46:52 AM   
yellowroses


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		I am not writing from my own experience but that of my husbands. Many years ago he started chatting with a girl online. The chats turned into phone calls and this went on for a while. Everything seemed perfect. They seemed so compatible. He invested a lot into the relationship. Both time and emotion. Things were going well so they mutually decided to meet in person. They arranged a weekend together. He told me that within the first 5 minutes of meeting her he realized that they were not compatible and so did she. It ended up being a very long weekend. I would suggest that the first time you do meet in person that you either make it a day visit only. That way if things aren't as great a you thought they would be you don't end up having to spend the night together. If things are great then you will just be all the more excited when you are to see each other again.


(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 11:50:12 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

This is all very new to me. I have just petitioned Master and he has accepted me. While I am completely excited about this, the only thing I have to be excited about is the "idea" of who he is. It has been less than a week, granted, but I am finding myself very invested in this already. He is giving me everything I need/want but I am already aware that when the time comes to meet, I will know nothing more about him that I do right now...no name, not even sure of exact city he lives in, no pic. If this was strictly an online thing, I would be better with this but there is every intention to meet in the not so distant future.

What are your thoughts?

Thank you for listening!



You joined ten days ago and already have yourself listed as an owned slave?
I think you need to realize that you are allowing yourself to be manipulated. It is no one's fault but your own.
Open your eyes, stop reading fantasy novels and take responsibility for the ridiculous position you find yourself in.
If you seriously want to pursue this man, then write to him and tell him it will progress no further until you have a picture and a time and place to meet for a drink.
My guess is that you will never hear from him again and that he's married.
Good luck Take control of your sub frenzy and stop thinking with everything but your brain.


_____________________________



(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 12:02:36 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

Ugh! Yes. Me=stupid, stupid submissive girl. I get it! :) Thank you guys for your input! Seriously! I understand now how ridiculous I am being.....


Please don't beat yourself up. All this stuff can be so romantic, the "being claimed and taken" aspect of Dominance, it is thrilling, like a roller coaster ride, yes?

But when you get on a roller coaster, you make sure you can trust the restraints to keep you safe - and you evaluate the track, the operators, even the condition of the park, before you decide that you trust that roller coaster enough to get on it - and ride.

Trust is slowly built through an mutual exercise of complete openness and honesty - which is the exact opposite of what this man is giving you.

i have been around long enough to know that when a man starts speaking of "claiming" or "taking" me - sometimes even against my will - it's a red flag. It is typically a sign of someone who has been unable to engage in a positive relationship or attract a woman into a relationship with him in any other way (hmmm, i wonder why) - or else he's just flat out lying, or - and this happens a lot too - he has been reading internet fantasy himself and has no clue how to really internally enslave a woman to him.

You're being smart. Set the fantasy and romance aside, and use your head to evaluate reality. Remember that a Dominant man is a human being engaging in a relationship just like any other man, and that he will have flaws and quirks just like any other human being. If he's really one of the "good ones," he'll tell you about them up front - being open and honest.

Good luck to you - be gentle with yourself, and have fun!

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 1:22:13 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		Is he Married? Is he abusive? Would you recommend your friend get involved with somebody when she doesn't know anything about him? Never seen him in person?

(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 1:25:29 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		You are not an idiot. You are doing what some do when they first start on here. Take it slow. Find out whom this person is..meet him if you can after you get to know him more. Take somebody with you when you meet. Have them sit somewhere else and if there is a problem have some signal just in case. It doesn't hurt to know what you are truly getting into and what that person is like.

Isn't there a past question on here in the boards where she can read it to get some ideas on "meeting online" and the precautions etc.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 1:38:08 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		There are many players out there that will say all sorts of things that they don't mean. When their actions correspond with their words, they MIGHT mean it. Slow down. After a week with a guy whose name you don't know, you aren't his slave, you aren't even his friend. This is no different from vanilla dating. Use your head and wait for the one that really means what they say and follows through with actually caring about you and your needs and safety.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 1:53:32 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I believe that many people will have protective measures in place that prevent them from doing things that could be harmful to themselves. Yet there are those who want and need so badly, intimacy and love, that they will take any semblance of intimacy and love and see it as something real. Intimacy and love have been elusive and they have very real wants and needs and will try to fulfill them too quickly and with just about anyone.

Somewhere deep inside themselves, they know they cannot trust these feelings and yet they try, talking themselves into it even deeper because of their need. They are defeating themselves and anything that could happen because this isn't a foundation that merits trust, but a shaky and emotionally dangerous place to be.

There are no short cuts. You have to do the time to build trust and a foundation. Without either, that intimacy and love will continue to be elusive and you add more harm to yourself by trying to get a quick fix. Then comes the personal lies, jadedness, the fear we often use as a protective measure and all sorts of emotional games WE play with our hearts and lives.

Just don't put romantic thoughts in place of emotionally solid places.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 2:38:58 PM   
surethinginwi


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline 		I totally understand what you are saying about taking it slow....

It's just, I have never felt anything so intense in my entire life. And I have been around a while. I definitely didn't get on CM to try and get taken advantage of. As a matter of fact, I am the person that warns about stuff like this. If you would have asked me even a year ago if I would even consider meeting someone online and eventually calling someone Master I would have told you that you were crazy! Then, I find CM. I get overloaded with replies. 99% of them are creepy. But in that 1 % I find someone that, just with words, makes me feel something stronger than I can effectively describe here. In hindsight...how freakin ridiculous to even fall into the "now or never" sort of thing. I just didn't want to lose that feeling.

So, yes, I realize I was silly. First to even get that caught up but more importantly that I second guessed myself enough to post the question here to begin with.

But again, you guys are amazing!  Thank you!

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 2:42:03 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: surethinginwi

It's just, I have never felt anything so intense in my entire life.



Yes. It's addictive, for sure!

i can count on two hands though how many men i've met that online or on the phone our interaction has been amazing, and then when i meet him in person, it's like *poof* - no attraction.

Our minds and hearts are wonderful things, that sometimes can construct feelings that have no business existing yet.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 4:05:29 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I have a very unusual name, and live in a relatively small city, so I don't feel safe giving out my name, address, and face close-ups to people I haven't met yet.  I only date people who are local, and usually within 2-4 weeks from the initial contact.  I also don't make commitments to people who I haven't even kissed yet.  So, I won't judge him for being a bit cautious about sharing his identifying details, but I do think you're moving too fast and getting your heart tangled up with someone when there clearly isn't that level of trust yet.

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 4:23:30 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		we met online first and took a long time for me to call him master even though i had submitted to him. but i knew his name had talked often on teh phone knew his address etc would not have submitted otherwise. i wanted to pretty much as soon as we met as he wantede me to but we waited till we knew a bit more aobut each ohter. i would if i was you get to know him first then take his collar

(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 4:26:02 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline 		loverly...thank you for sharing. 
 
Wow, on that waiting in a hotel room for 3 days for someone who never showed up.
 
Best wishes with your meetup next week.  This new man...he sounds like a real winner.  

(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question about trust. - 7/24/2010 4:52:03 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline 		Just dropping a note here because it looks like I came into your thread and ignored you.
 
I sent a private message, explaining how to use Search and suggesting a few things to look up. 
 
I also hope she stays in the message boards...pssst...after enough posts, you will lose your vanilla cone and get some handcuffies and paddles...
 
From the Domme point of view, these words could have come out of my mouth instead of your keyboard, "I have never felt anything so intense in my entire life. And I have been around a while."  If what you feel online knocks your sox off, just wait until you are real time with someone you adore...
 
<wonders if that is smoke coming out of her ears, lol>
The euphoric buzz can last for two full days. 
 

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question about trust. - 7/25/2010 6:17:48 PM   
DearJessicaD


Posts: 55
Joined: 10/26/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		Um this sounds NUTS to me. I don't mean that you're crazy, but that you're going off in a horribly dangerous direction. I do not start to trust a man until I see how he interacts with other people, multiple other people, and when he doesn't realize I'm watching. Also, I like to see how a man acts when he's angry. I don't push his buttons until he explodes, but little things - how does he deal with the frustration of getting lost while traveling, stuff like that.

(in reply to surethinginwi)
Profile   Post #: 36
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