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Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 1:33:13 PM   
BustyB


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/17/2010
Status: offline 		I am a fairly new sub and I am curious to know if any other subs out there experience the following.  Apart from the first time I actually played with a Dom, which was more like a demonstation, a few minutes into play, i am overwhelmed with saddest and tears but it only lasts a few minutes if even that.  Some thoughts of why am I doing this running through my head, and then it stops as suddenly as it started and I get right into the play and have a good time.  So why does this happen, it has happened every time I have played and with different Doms.  Can anyone shed any light on why this happens to me?
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 1:45:48 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BustyB

I am a fairly new sub and I am curious to know if any other subs out there experience the following.  Apart from the first time I actually played with a Dom, which was more like a demonstation, a few minutes into play, i am overwhelmed with saddest and tears but it only lasts a few minutes if even that.  Some thoughts of why am I doing this running through my head, and then it stops as suddenly as it started and I get right into the play and have a good time.  So why does this happen, it has happened every time I have played and with different Doms.  Can anyone shed any light on why this happens to me?


What are those thoughts?
What kinds of activities are you doing when you begin to cry?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sometimes for me, have a deep need being met, will bring on tears: a mixture of the sadness of having that need missed and the fulfillment of having that need met.
Also, some tears are just cathartic and not necessarily connected to one specific thing...tears released in orgasm for example.

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(in reply to BustyB)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 1:53:50 PM   
BustyB


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/17/2010
Status: offline 		The thoughts are exactly what i said in post, why am I doing this, why do I feel the need to let a guy tie me up and do whatever he is going to do to me, but they only last seconds.  I don't understand why I feel like this as I am there of my own free will and I have enjoyed all the times I have played. 
It occurs at the very begining of  play, I have always been blindfolded at the time so Dom doesnt know its happening and its while he is roping me in bondage or restraining me in some other way before the spanking etc starts.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 2:20:40 PM   
mushroomchicken


Posts: 26
Joined: 6/12/2010
Status: offline 		Cant tell you why it happens, but I can sympathize. I have the "Why the fuck am I letting her beat me with that thing, I must be crazy" feeling occasionally. I chalked it up to the survival part of my brain questioning my sanity.

(in reply to BustyB)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 4:48:10 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
I can't really say why you're feeling that way but, you said you are still pretty new, maybe you're still not feeling okay deep down about your newfound kinkiness. When I first realized I was kinky, I had to work it out in my own head before I was okay with it. I mean, it's not something that's considered normal by society in general. After awhile, I settled into feeling okay being me. Just an idea.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 4:49:03 PM   
NymphetamineGirl


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline 		Being a sub, and I speak only for myself, isn't a choice, but just the way I was built.  The "wtf am I doing" stuff just means you are sane and careful, which will serve you and your relationships well :)  But I could no sooner question why dogs love to play tug than why I love to give myself over so completely. 

I often cried during/after sex, even before embracing submission.  It would happen as a result of a deep emotional connection or realization, though in those moments I couldn't put words on it.  I think it is extremely important for D-types to recognize what is cathartic and what is a big red flag.  Tears from orgasm, for me, are sometimes followed by a fit of the shakes, they are nothing to worry about.  Tears from physical pain don't mean stop, for me, and they look different from the I'm-not-ok-right-now tears.  Ideally, for me, bad tears would mean play stops and I am held until the grief passes, we can talk about it, and then play can even continue.  It's a worthwhile investment for the Dominant, because it unlocks more of the sub and makes new things possible.  Plus it's immensely healing and can bring you close in very special ways.

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 7:26:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		When you're tied up and being played with, you should feel a jolt.  This jolt can awaken all kinds of feelings.  It's a catharsis, let it out.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/24/2010 7:33:46 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		This isn't the only reason, but sometimes this happens because of something you don't remember anymore. The circumstances (being helpless and unable to control anything) remind you of something that happened maybe years ago or when you were a child (there are lots of times when a child feels helpless) and had a bad experience. Your conscious mind doesn't remember the bad event, but a part of you does, and so you feel sad enough to cry.

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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/25/2010 2:37:12 PM   
xxHistenshixx


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		There is another post in this same forum list that is called "crying". You will see that many of us can relate.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/25/2010 2:50:36 PM   
loverly


Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		For me.. Most of the time when i cry during play OR Greatr sex is due to the opportunity to release all the pent up emotions i keep inside. It is a safe place for me to do so and unlike when i am alone i will also be comforted and held and safe. Tho.. the few times i played casually.. i cried feeling the same thing.. WHY am i allowing this and how sad i have needs SO HUGE i would go against what i know to be right for me to gain that. i do not Do that any longer.. b ut the letting go .. when scening with someone who knows me.. cares.. happens right before i go to sub space and is NOT a time to stop.. lol more to push forward and let me go !
i LOVE the tears.

(in reply to xxHistenshixx)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/25/2010 11:02:56 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i had something like what you say when i first started playing. at first i was only a bottom playing whenever i could. when i became collared and started playing regularly it did not occur anymore. for me i feel it was the increased level of trust i developed with my Mistress. now this is only my thoughts on this topic. in the end you will have to find your own path.

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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/26/2010 6:10:31 AM   
BustyB


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/17/2010
Status: offline 		I would like to thank everyone for their replies, I really appreciate your imput.

cheers

(in reply to BustyB)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/26/2010 9:53:12 PM   
PrettyJewel


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/18/2010
Status: offline 		I am like that. I think it is that we still hold onto the logical portion of why we do what we do... and the arguments against doing it. As if what we do isn't normal. Or that we do not accept who were are yet in a full capacity. I am still in awe that this, being submissive, intrigues the hell out of me. After so many, many years as a good girl who would never consider doing the things that I now do, it is hard to initially let go and let play happen.

- jewel

(in reply to BustyB)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/26/2010 10:17:34 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		I've only sobbed one time during play. I HATE having my feet touched and one time I was tied down and He grabbed my foot and licked his finger and stuck it between my toes....
I know it probably sounds weird as fuck but I bawled like a baby. It's never happened since but for me it was a sense of just too many emotions at once that was overwhelming

(in reply to PrettyJewel)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/27/2010 2:34:46 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

It's a worthwhile investment for the Dominant, because it unlocks more of the sub and makes new things possible.


It is not a worthwhile investment except for maybe learning experiences/purposes (in my own experience) when you scene with a different dom each time.

I definitely feel the investment is worthwhile while in a relationship.  But that is not what you wrote OP.

I went through my first several years experimenting with different doms and always had feelings of "what the crap am I doing"..... I do NOT REALLY know this man.  Each time I learned something more about myself and kink, but not about the man.  I rarely saw nor spoke with him again.  Maybe it is your fear factor asking if you will be ok?  I think for me that is what it was.

Just my thoughts.

(in reply to NymphetamineGirl)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/29/2010 2:25:38 AM   
MindRiots


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

This isn't the only reason, but sometimes this happens because of something you don't remember anymore. The circumstances (being helpless and unable to control anything) remind you of something that happened maybe years ago or when you were a child (there are lots of times when a child feels helpless) and had a bad experience. Your conscious mind doesn't remember the bad event, but a part of you does, and so you feel sad enough to cry.


This is the most accurate thing I've seen so far.

You've got to understand that you (/we, he, her, they) do this thing where you let some other person take complete and utter control of you in a way that requires that you be tied up, shut up, and prone to someone else's perversions. I know that sounds like the obvious, but what we're simulating here, essentially, is a negative experience. Being thought of as an object or a sex toy is a negative thing. Some people derive pleasure out of it, but I would be willing to bet that a good number of the people on here are actually very ashamed of themselves sometimes.

Then again, just my input.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/29/2010 6:27:11 AM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		It's called NERVES. i have had this on the few occasions i have a new partner i hadn't known well enough to feel completely safe with and vulnerable. i recall a few times i was prettying up in the bath,the dominate in the bedroom,thinking the same WTF am i doing thing. i also had a strange thing come over me with an experienced dominant or,like "okay you're in the big leagues" just do your best you'll be fine pep talk thing before playing.

i warn anyone i am with that i can at time cry during orgasm if reached really deep and hard and strong. i will also shake and get very cold afterward needing held. My ex husband saw many a time sobbing while i still was getting off and he realised i was truly "in" the moment of something special. It's rare now that i cry but with someone i love and feel safe with it can definately happen. i can even predict my moods a bit better and forewarn,like um just a heads up but i might cry easier today,and sure enough swat me funny or say a trigger word or phrase( i have a few for sure) and ill cry a bit.

i agree with most everyone it's emotions getting out of your system,it's wanting something tabooish,it's fear of where the dominant will take you,and it's the rush plain and simple,but it's all normal feelings. Keep in mind though to understand a pattern if a certain thing truly bothers you enough to get you into pannic mode(mine is not breathing well),and alert anyone you play with of those types of things if you have no history. Having a freak out is a bit unsettling in the middle of a really good time. Enjoy and be safe,that's all that matters ~ jewels

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to BustyB)
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RE: Emotional Reaction of Sub during Play - 7/29/2010 7:29:03 AM   
blackbelt


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		the reason it happens is because your spirit man is speaking to you, your spirit has a sub-conscious, which the world calls the sub-conscious mind, unlike our soul which operates on feelings , our spirit or some call it spirit man, is of a higher order and operates on principles , we as humans can either listen to our souls feeling sand follow that leading, or we can listen to our higher sub-conscious minds (spirit) and follow that leading.

Thus, why the fu_k am i doing this, is your spirit speaking to you

But it feels so Good, is your souls desire wanting it.

a double mind? yes indeed, the choice of who we are, a person of principles or a person of emotions, is our choice.

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 18
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