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Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 5:49:10 PM   
Fiftytimes


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		Am a female sub back on the scene after a 12 year relationship. My lovely dom. died suddenly, it was a while back and I and coping well. But feel the need for a new collar now.
I'm unsure of how to proceed and wonder if doms, will be too attracted to my vulnerability. How careful should I be? How should I proceed?
Glad of any advice.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 5:52:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The situation really hasn't changed in terms of how people relate to people and the good and bad types that are around.  I'd only make sure that you ARE ready before you say you're ready.  And go out and make sure your life is full- not that you're trying to fill a hole.

Otherwise, just be yourself.  And always use condoms.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Fiftytimes)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 6:04:07 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		L.A. is right. People are people. We don't, as a species, change much in terms of our drives or vulnerabilities.

My suggestion is to try to find an offline group of people who are into BDSM, and make some strong, lasting, friendships. Friends who will stand by you and answer questions, and keep you from rushing into something out of loneliness...the collar will follow in its own good time.

Welcome to the forums!

Cin

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 6:55:54 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		If I was waiting approval, I'd tell  you how Hot you are...but, I can't....go figure?
This too will pass, Pet, trust me!
xo, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 6:59:37 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		As to you being careful regarding your vulnerabi;ity...YES, be very careful. there are many who will target you specifically for that. It ain't pretty, but it is the truth, so be on guard, but after a successful long term d/s relationship I suspect you know well what it is you need from the lifestyle, so you should be able to sort out the wankers.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Fiftytimes)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 8:04:10 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

The situation really hasn't changed in terms of how people relate to people and the good and bad types that are around.


I think with the internet being such an active place for people to meet that it has changed since 12 yrs ago.  If you search online you will probably run across more dishonesty, more predators, and more no shows for meeting, than 12 yrs ago when most people first met in real life situations. JMHO

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/17/2006 8:23:54 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fiftytimes

Am a female sub back on the scene after a 12 year relationship. My lovely dom. died suddenly, it was a while back and I and coping well. But feel the need for a new collar now.
I'm unsure of how to proceed and wonder if doms, will be too attracted to my vulnerability. How careful should I be? How should I proceed?
Glad of any advice.


Your biggest ally will be your own common sense. Keep the brain engaged, be a bit skeptical, trust your gut and don't forget to have fun. Welcome back and welcome to the forums.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Fiftytimes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/18/2006 3:23:44 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Your biggest ally will be your own common sense. Keep the brain engaged, be a bit skeptical, trust your gut


Short to the point and the
Best advice

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/18/2006 4:09:25 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I suggest that you don't put on the first collar you see. Instead, think with your brain and follow your gut instinct. Put standards to abide by and stick with them. No one will be able to replace your past dom and compairing anyone to him would not be fair to your past beloved nor the one you start this new relationship with. Remember that you are starting fresh leaving the past as cherised memories and future in creating new ones. I think you'll be able to move and find happiness the way your former love would have wanted you to.  

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Fiftytimes)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/18/2006 5:40:35 AM   
Fiftytimes


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		Lovely words all.  
I know it's going to be a long walk, I'm not expecting any quick fixes.
I'd be quite happy with some good ole no strings fun to get me back into the swing so to speak.
It's just hard to loose your collar after such a long time. To loose your partner is hard enough, but the loss when they are your Master is compounded tenfold. I know you're all aware of that.
Miss him but can as least smile and contemplate the rest of my life again now.

(in reply to Fiftytimes)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/18/2006 6:05:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fiftytimes
To loose your partner is hard enough, but the loss when they are your Master is compounded tenfold. I know you're all aware of that.
Miss him but can as least smile and contemplate the rest of my life again now.

Not to be derivative, but I completely disagree.  Of course the loss is unimaginable and no one but you can really understand the experience you are going through- but I don't think M/s makes the loss compounded.  I couldn't go to my sister when her husband dies and tell her that her loss is less than yours is now because they weren't M/s. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Fiftytimes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Back on scene, feeling lost. - 4/18/2006 8:07:55 AM   
Fiftytimes


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		I do agree honey, I'm just talking from my pov. and the circumstances surrounding me which haven't been kind.
Am still trying to fit the jigsaw back together.
Death is something we all have to deal with eventually and I'm so aware that every loss hurts like hell no matter the relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
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